


Something from Before

by bittersweetangstlord, Salt_Queen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Bottom Lotor (Voltron), Bottom Sendak, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emperor Sendak (Voltron), Engagement, Enthusiastic Consent, Episode: s05e04 Kral Zera, Flashbacks, Getting Back Together, Good Lotor (Voltron), Hate Sex, Healing, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kral Zera: Bad Ending, Light Bondage, Lotor/Throk (Voltron) - Freeform, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Mating Bites, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Minor Ezor/Zethrid (Voltron), Narti (Voltron) Lives, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Rape Recovery, Self-Harm, Slave Lotor (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Switch Sendak, Throne Sex, Top Lotor (Voltron), Top Sendak, Violent Sex, Wedding Night, Whipping, for the sake of fun i won't kill Lotor's cat, kova is alive, scientist lotor, switch lotor, the tags get updated as we add chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 95,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26309815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersweetangstlord/pseuds/bittersweetangstlord, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salt_Queen/pseuds/Salt_Queen
Summary: Lotor had known for a long time that Sendak didn't remember him anymore, not since falling into Haggar's clutches. It was painful to think about, painful to remember what was and what might have been. It was better to pretend it had never happened in the first place.He was all too aware that Sendak was not the same person anymore, but he didn't know how far his former lover had really fallen. Now, after losing to him in the Kral Zera, Lotor is finding out just how deep the corruption truly goes.
Relationships: Acxa & Lotor (Voltron), Lotor & Narti (Voltron), Lotor/Sendak (Voltron)
Comments: 65
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

Lotor shifted against the messily propped-up pillows behind him. For the past couple of vargas at least, he'd tried multiple times to get comfortable somehow, but with his arms cuffed behind his back, his head throbbing, and every muscle feeling like it was on fire, it was simply impossible to relax. 

The lone sentry in the room watched him dispassionately as he tried yet again to find a way to settle in. Under other circumstances, one sentry would never be enough to keep him captive. Now, however, he had his right leg bound up in a cast and brace that practically immobilized it from just below the hip to just above the ankle. He could only bend his knee a scant 10 degrees, not enough to even walk properly. He'd been forced to hobble from his medical bed to this one.

This one... he was in the emperor's chambers, no doubt about it. The memories from the Kral Zera were still bright and fresh and painful in his mind. Sendak didn't remember him, he knew that, but it was all the more painful to see the evidence of that firsthand. He didn't know what Sendak would do to him now, though he had... guesses. Unpleasant guesses. For now, all he could do was wait.

It was impossible to accurately tell time but it felt like at least a few vargas had passed by the time the door slid open and Sendak walked in. He’d already slipped out of his armor and replaced his prosthetic with something less ostentatious and more proportionate. He ran his gaze over Lotor’s body, the hunger and intensity behind it enough to make his skin crawl, and then addressed the sentry. “Dismissed,” he growled and the Sentry marched out of the room, leaving them alone.

His eyes fixed on Lotor again, the prosthetic glowing menacingly as he approached Lotor. There was nothing of the man he’d once known in the way Sendak stopped before him and yanked his head up by a bruising grip on his chin, forcing their eyes to meet as Sendak narrowed his eyes and a cruel smile spread across his face.

Despair and desperation warred within Lotor as he looked up into those mismatched eyes so full of malice. He looked for any trace of hesitation or remorse and found none. Sendak was the perfect weapon, the perfect killing machine, as he had been for a long time now. "Let me go," Lotor plead softly, barely above a whisper. "Lock me up or kill me or exile me, but don't..." He glanced around the bedroom, and he was no fool; he knew why he'd been brought there. "Please, don't keep me here with you like this. Don't violate my body in cold blood."

Sendak tilted his head and his smile became a sick imitation of one, more reminiscent of a snarl. His grip tightened on Lotor’s jaw and he leaned in. “I haven’t even started yet and you’ve already disappointed me,” he said in a low growl. “All the rumors about the unbreakable prince are apparently just that: rumors. Rumors a pathetic coward hides behind. A shame. I’d so hoped this would be challenging.” Sendak slowly dragged his other hand down Lotor’s side as he continued. “I will only say this once, slave: your body is no longer your own, just as your life is no longer your own. You have nothing and _this,”_ he dragged his hand further down Lotor’s side in emphasis, “this is _mine._ You _belong_ to me and I will use you as I see fit.”

Lotor's gaze hardened into one of defiance. If begging wasn't going to help, he wanted to keep what was left of his dignity for as long as possible. Even as Sendak's hand trailed down his side, so similar to before and yet so different, Lotor forced himself not to react. "If it's a _challenge_ you seek, give me a fair rematch," he demanded boldly, defiantly. "The ceremony was tampered with and should be considered invalid. As soon as I am well enough to fight, let's try it again without any cheating or interference."

Sendak scoffed and dug his claws into Lotor’s jaw, not hard enough to draw blood but hard enough to leave marks. “Presumptuous. That little _accident_ was caused by your allies, but your trickery failed to give you the upper hand so you want a rematch?” His eyes were full of rage. “No,” he snarled. “You are a traitor and a liar and you deserve far worse than this. Be grateful that I didn’t already hand you over to the high priestess or sent you to die in the Arena.”

 _"That_ was caused by people I was not working with at all," Lotor snarled back. "I never had a chance to talk to the Blade of Marmora. They set that up without my input or even knowledge of it." He leaned forward just a little, pressing into Sendak's hold to try to demonstrate a lack of fear even as his pulse thundered in his chest. "I would rather be in the Arena. Let me fight for my own honor. What you want from me is disgusting and dishonorable in every possible way."

There was a beat of silence and then Sendak was slamming Lotor into the mattress by a tight grip on his neck. He leaned over and bared his fangs in fury. _“No,”_ he growled, his face inches from Lotor’s. “You _have_ no honor. Even if you did it would belong to me now.” He squeezed threateningly. “This is your place. You’re _mine.”_ He held his grip tight enough to restrict Lotor’s breathing but not enough to cut it off entirely.

Lotor froze, viscerally afraid of Sendak at that moment. He felt at a loss for what to do next, torn between the desire to fight back and the instinct to freeze. Still, mentally scrambling for anything that could help, he wheezed past Sendak's grip, "Why? Why do you want me? Shouldn't I disgust you?"

Sendak frowned for half a heartbeat and then his fury returned instantly, his grip on Lotor’s neck unwavering. “You _do_ disgust me. You’re a filthy traitor. But there’s still use for someone like you.” Sendak splayed his hand over Lotor’s chest and began slowly moving it downward. “Now, show me you’re not completely useless.”

That brief moment of hesitation fed a spark of hope that had almost died. If Lotor could get Sendak to question what he was doing, maybe... "Who put you up to this, really?" Lotor was careful to not pull away from Sendak or show fear. "It was the witch, wasn't it? She wanted you to keep me captive. She's been controlling you for a very, very long time now."

Sendak tightened his grip on Lotor’s throat enough to show Lotor he could easily crush his windpipe and leaned in closer, his breath ghosting over Lotor’s skin. “You will hold your tongue, _slave._ You’re not here to talk.” His voice was dangerously low.

Lotor breathed shallowly past Sendak's grip. He glared up into his eyes defiantly, not ready yet to give in, even if defiance invited pain. "I thought," he ground out between clenched teeth, "that you _wanted_ a challenge."

Sendak’s smile returned, still vicious and cruel, and he let go of Lotor’s neck but kept him pinned by his chest. “This is not a challenge, this is a nuisance. All I want from you now is obedience and I will get it.” He brought his other hand lower, to the curve of Lotor’s ass. “You will give it to me. The only question is how much of you will be left.” Sendak ran his eyes over Lotor’s body as if he couldn’t wait to break him apart. “It’s your choice.”

Despair rolled over Lotor like a wave. He was too weak, too injured to fight back the way he wanted to. And even if he found some opportunity, could he really take it? How many strikes had he pulled short during their fight because he physically _could not_ kill Sendak? If Sendak had been anyone else, Lotor would have run them through with his blade long before that explosion had gone off, but instead he'd been stuck in his worst nightmare scenario, forced to fight against the one he used to... Well. It didn't matter now, did it? What mattered was how Lotor was now bound and injured, so even if he could get over his mental block and actually hurt Sendak, he had no means by such to do so. He was thoroughly stuck, at least for the time being, and the last thing he wanted was more pain.

He closed his eyes, unwilling to let Sendak see the despair and anguish surely filling them. In desperation, he turned his head away, baring his neck for Sendak as he forced himself to submit for the time being.

Sendak’s fangs grazed over Lotor’s exposed neck. “Very good. They always said you were smart.” He combed his claws through Lotor’s hair in what could almost have been mistaken for a sweet gesture if it weren’t for Lotor’s trembling. Sendak bit at Lotor’s neck again, making sure to leave a mark. “I’ll let you choose.” He punctuated his words with another bite to Lotor’s slender neck. There was a cruel lilt to his voice. “On your front or on your back.”

How could he choose? How could he decide which way he preferred to be violated? He thought of his battered body, of his knee stuck in a brace that wouldn't bend, of how sore he was all over. Lying on his back would be easier, but what if Sendak tried to make him look up and watch? That was a scarier prospect than a little extra pain. "Front," he answered quietly, not trusting his voice not to break if he spoke any louder.

Sendak left one last bite on Lotor’s neck and pulled back. “So good for me.” His voice was almost mocking. “Very well.” In one powerful movement he flipped Lotor onto his front, not very mindful of his injuries. He placed one hand between Lotor’s shoulders, keeping him pinned, and began shredding through his suit with his claws. “Spread your legs,” he barked and pressed his hand further into Lotor’s back.

A strangled whimper slipped past Lotor's lips, and he bit his lip to try to keep back any more noises. In a rush of pain and dizziness, he complied with Sendak's demand and let his legs spread apart. By the time his throbbing head settled, he could feel cold air on his back and ass where Sendak had ripped the suit wide open.

Sendak settled between Lotor’s legs and spread them further with his knees. Leaning forward he roughly shoved two fingers into Lotor’s mouth. “Get them nice and wet, you’ll need it.” He pressed up against Lotor, already fully hard. He likely wanted Lotor to feel him.

Lotor nearly gagged on Sendak's thick fingers, but he forced himself to comply, swirling his tongue around them. He tried not to recoil from the taste of sweat and metal and who knew what else. Worse yet was the subtle taste and smell of Sendak's natural scent, which threatened to drown Lotor in memories far more pleasant and far more painful than this unreal present.

Once he was satisfied, Sendak removed his fingers from Lotor’s mouth. “Relax,” he said in a low and dangerous voice but hardly gave Lotor a moment to brace himself before shoving his fingers inside him to spread him open, moving them relentlessly.

Lotor barely choked back a whimper at the rough force. He tried to force himself to relax, but every part of him was tense. He couldn't let go of his fear. In a desperate attempt to ease the pain, Lotor inhaled deeply and focused on Sendak's scent. As long as he only thought about that familiar scent, he could start to relax, almost tricking himself into believing that everything was back to the way it was supposed to be. He could almost believe that he had Sendak back — _really_ back — and that this was a normal session of lovemaking for them. Almost.

“That’s it. Look at you, opening up for me. Are you enjoying this?” Sendak continued for another few moments before removing his fingers from Lotor’s entrance and lining himself up. He pushed in in one smooth motion, starting to move almost instantly and giving Lotor no time to adjust. Sendak kept his hand planted firmly on Lotor’s back, not that he needed to, and set a brutal pace.

Lotor shook his head, denying any kind of pleasure even as the sheer physical sensation made him groan. It was too much, too rough, too fast, and yet it still felt incredible. Having Sendak on him and in him felt so familiar and so right that he couldn't help but ease up and allow Sendak to continue. In the back of his mind, however, Lotor couldn't forget the truth. The knowledge that this wasn't really the Sendak he'd once known made him feel sick even despite the pleasure running through his veins.

Sendak moved his hand back to hold Lotor’s chin and bent down, whispering in his ear. “Stop lying,” he growled, still thrusting into Lotor’s body, taking what he wanted. “Stop lying to me.” Grabbing Lotor’s hip, he lifted him enough to slide his hand to Lotor’s cock.

"I don't want this," Lotor breathed, not daring to speak up, knowing that his voice would break if he did. "Not like this. Not when... it's not really you." He knew it was dangerous, trying to convey the truth, but some wild hope compelled him to try.

Sendak’s rhythm faltered for a split second before continuing with redoubled force. “Keep telling yourself that,” he grunted into Lotor’s ear. _“This,”_ he gave Lotor’s half-hard cock and experimental stroke, “tells a different story.”

Lotor shuddered and tried to squirm away from the unwelcome pleasure. He hadn't even realized how hard he'd been getting, and even now that he was aware, there was nothing he could do to stop himself from hardening further in response to Sendak's touch. "I don't want this," he repeated desperately, more to himself than to Sendak. His voice was strained from trying to hold back moans and cries. "You don't know what you're doing. You don't remember the truth." Every word was more of an effort than the one before, but he couldn't give up just yet. "You don't remember _us."_

Sendak bared his teeth in fury and made a fist in Lotor’s hair. He yanked his head back forcefully and spoke directly into his ear. “I told you to stop lying. You should keep your mouth shut. You don’t hold anything anymore and nothing will get you out of this. I know what you did, to my empire and its emperor, and I’m going to make you pay. You are _nothing_ as you always have been. _This,”_ he rolled his hips in a particularly rough way, “is all you’re good for.” He stroked Lotor along with his thrusts and pulled his head further back by his hair. “You’re mine,” he growled, almost indistinguishable from a groan, and sank his teeth fully into the curve between Lotor’s shoulder and neck.

Lotor hissed and whimpered in pain, unable to argue as the intensity increased. He was reduced to trembling and shaking, and the only sounds he could manage were little cries and broken moans. It was torture, and yet it was pleasurable too.

The moment Sendak's fangs sunk possessively into Lotor's neck, he gasped and then started to sob. Sendak had once said he'd claim him, a long time ago, but they hadn't dared leave more than shallow marks on each other while their relationship was a secret. Now, Lotor could tell right away that this mark would be permanent. Tears welled up in his eyes. It wasn't fair. He wanted to be claimed by his lover, not this mere echo of him. And still, the unrelenting pain-pleasure overwhelmed him, making it impossible for him to adjust or to do anything. His sobs were interspersed with moans as Sendak's cock repeatedly hit his most sensitive spot, and his hips bucked helplessly into Sendak's hand. His only hope was that it would be over soon.

Sendak mouthed at the mark he’d made and inhaled Lotor’s scent. Letting go of Lotor’s hair and smoothed it gently in complete contrast to his brutal pace. Judging by his faltering rhythm he was getting close. “There’s one more thing I want from you,” he said, his voice full of fury and cruelty. “I want you to _cum for me.”_ His hand continued to move over Lotor’s cock in time with the movement of his hips.

 _"No,"_ Lotor whimpered. He couldn't give in to this monster, couldn't let himself surrender to the pleasure of this. He shook his head in denial and refusal. "I-I can't..." Even as he said the words, he knew he was close. Every thrust, every stroke forced waves of unwanted but undeniable pleasure through his body. He was using all his remaining willpower to hold himself back from the edge. It wouldn't take much more to force him to cum.

Sendak bared his teeth against Lotor’s skin and sped up the movements of his hand. _“Liar,”_ he whispered. “You can and you will. _Cum for me.”_ He growled the order so forcefully that Lotor didn’t hear it so much as feel it.

All at once, all the pleasure and fear and tension Lotor felt reached a breaking point. His climax was ripped from him with a strangled sob, and he writhed under Sendak from both pleasure and overstimulation, helplessly clenching around his cock. His own sticky cum covered his chest, making him feel even more disgusting and used while Sendak continued to pound into him.

It only took a few seconds for Lotor’s clenching muscles to send Sendak over the edge as well and he released a long breath as he spilled inside Lotor. After catching his breath, he absently stroked Lotor’s hair as one would a favored pet. “So good for me,” he said. There was still an edge to his words but it was dulled down, as if he couldn’t be bothered to torture Lotor more right now.

Lotor shook with quiet sobs, trying and failing to get himself under control. He twisted away from Sendak in an attempt to pull away from him. "You got what you wanted," he muttered bitterly, his voice breaking a little. "Aren't you done with me now?"

Sendak pulled out without any regards to Lotor’s comfort and flipped him roughly onto his back again. He grabbed Lotor’s chin and forced him to look at him. _“No.”_ He dragged his claw down the center of Lotor’s trembling chest. “I don’t think I’ll ever be done with you. I have so many other things I want to do to you.” His smile turned into a show of fangs. “I’ll keep you right here to warm my bed.” He roughly grabbed Lotor’s wrists and pulled the cuffs apart only to join them again at Lotor’s front, and then he fixed his joined hands to the headboard. _“This_ is your place.”

A look of pure misery fell over Lotor's face, and he simply turned his head away in weak denial of his new reality. He hurt so much all over between the injuries and the violation, and all he could bring himself to really want at this point was to rest. If he couldn't escape, he could at least sleep, and maybe if he was lucky, he wouldn't... No, he couldn't let himself think like that. He'd find a way out eventually. Sendak would slip sooner or later, so Lotor just had to hold on until then. With new resolve, he met Sendak's eyes, not quite looking defiant but not accepting either. "Yes, _emperor,"_ he answered, managing to make the title sound like a taunt.

Sendak smiled indulgently, mockingly, and grabbed Lotor’s chin in a bruising grip. “I thought I’d fucked this out of you. You still want to defy me right now?” He trailed his other hand to Lotor’s soft and sensitive cock and squeezed threateningly while still smirking at Lotor, as if his attempts at defying Sendak were amusing to him. His harsh grip made it clear that he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt Lotor more when he tired of this. “Do you believe it’s wise?”

Lotor's eyes widened in fear, and he bit his lip to keep from crying out. He didn't want more pain, not now, not while he was still so injured from the Kral Zera. He didn't want to give in either, but... maybe it would be better to bend instead of trying to stand firm and ending up breaking. "No," he answered meekly, averting his gaze. "I'll be good. I'm just... upset." He hoped that would be enough to placate Sendak for the time being.

Sendak released Lotor’s cock. “Good.” He let go of Lotor’s chin as well and stretched out beside him, propping his head up with one hand and running the other across Lotor’s body possessively. “Sleep. You’ll need it,” he said and his eyes stayed fixed to Lotor.

Lotor shuddered. He wanted to sleep more than anything at this point, but the idea of being unconscious with Sendak right next to him was unnerving. He tried closing his eyes, but he found he was hyperaware of Sendak's hand on him, and he also couldn't ignore the sticky feeling of cum on him and slowly dripping out of him. Yet... the sheer exhaustion he felt was the kind of force that could not be argued with. Despite his discomfort, he felt himself being slowly drawn into unconsciousness. He could only hope that Sendak would leave him alone while he slept and would wake him up before starting the next fresh horror.


	2. Chapter 2

A few weeks had now passed, not that Lotor had much sense of time these days. He spent all his time in Sendak's chambers, usually chained to the bed in some way or another. Even when he had enough freedom to get up, he could barely walk, hobbling around on the full-leg brace and wishing desperately that he could bend his knee enough to be able to run or climb. Because of that, the long hours in Sendak's bed day after day ran together in his mind, and it was only comments from the doctor that came to check his injuries that gave him any idea how long it had really been. 

Today, the doctor made an off-handed comment about how normally he wouldn't clear someone with Lotor's injuries to walk after only three weeks, but the former prince was apparently healing at a rather rapid rate. With that, he removed the brace, and Lotor gingerly tested his own capabilities by bending his knee. It was still a little uncomfortable, but the true pain was gone, and a few experimental steps proved that he could walk just fine. The doctor, apparently satisfied, packed up and departed, leaving Lotor alone with Sendak. He looked up at his "master" nervously, wondering what the emperor had in mind next.

Sendak ran his eyes over the entirety of Lotor’s body shamelessly. He was naked, as he had been since the beginning when the servants had ripped off the remains of his prisoner attire and washed the sweat and cum from his skin. Sendak’s eyes lingered on his knee and then darted back to his face, seemingly satisfied. He tilted his head, indicating a stack of cloth on the dresser. “Put that on,” he said.

Lotor frowned in alarm and confusion, though he moved to comply. If Sendak wanted him wearing something, that probably meant they were leaving the room, and he doubted that would mean anything good. Still, he wasn't going to fight back or protest, not until he had a better chance of actually getting away.

The cloth was light and sheer, and Lotor quickly realized that it wouldn't cover anything, not really. He slipped on the small garment, which hung off one shoulder, sheer fabric covering only half his chest, and it fell just barely past his hips. Technically, the fabric covered his ass and his dick, but it was completely see-through, and Lotor squirmed uncontrollably at the thought of being paraded around basically naked. With the fabric, there was also some golden jewelry, which Lotor quickly put on as well. A heavy collar covered his neck, and two large cuffs went over his wrists. A belt also went around his hips, still covering nothing important. He looked in puzzlement at the various thin chains laying where the golden pieces had been, but then a servant stepped forward and attached them between the collar and belt and hung some of the chains off the center ones over his chest and spine, creating an image of a cage around Lotor's chest. As the servant stepped away, Lotor looked in the mirror, horrified at the outfit. Being naked but for the jewelry would have been better than this mockery of clothing, what with this cloth that didn't hide anything at all. He looked nervously to Sendak, hoping beyond hope that this was just something for Sendak's own amusement and not for anyone else's eyes.

Sendak stepped forward and eyed Lotor’s body, clearly satisfied with how the outfit hugged Lotor’s curves and did little to obscure anything. He ran a hand down Lotor’s side, looking at it absently. “I should have you dress for me more often,” he said and smirked. Suddenly his mood shifted and his smile vanished, replaced with a scowl. Sendak’s hand was on Lotor’s chin in an instant, tilting his head up with an unreadable expression on his face. He glared at the servant. “Put him in something else. _Now_.” The servant seemed unsure but a growl from Sendak sent them scrambling to obey him.

Lotor froze, utterly baffled by this sudden shift in Sendak's demeanor. He let the servant pull the jewelry and fabric off of him, wondering what kind of outfit he'd be given next. The servant seemed hesitant as they pulled out some more fabric from a chest, but they brought their new acquisitions over to Lotor and began redressing him. This time, the fabric was in multiple pieces. First, the servant wrapped some little top made of silken fabric around Lotor's chest and over one shoulder. It was sheer, but there were a few layers, so it partially obscured Lotor's nipples. The sheer material was attached to a golden belt at the bottom that wrapped around Lotor's ribs. Then, another belt was wrapped around his hips, and this had fabric of its own hanging off of it. Two wide and long strips of sheer fabric hung in the front and back, but under them were two slightly shorter and narrower strips of opaque fabric. This left Lotor's hips exposed, but as long as he didn't move too suddenly, the opaque fabric would keep his modesty mostly intact. The collar and cuffs were then replaced, and golden chains now ran from the collar to the upper belt and from there to the lower belt. The whole outfit was still extremely sensual, but it was less outright degrading, and Lotor found himself half hoping that Sendak would be pleased with this one instead of having him change again to something that might be worse.

Sendak studied Lotor for a long moment and then the satisfied gleam returned to his eyes. He nodded and dismissed the servant, keeping his attention focused on Lotor. He stepped forward and pushed a strand of Lotor’s hair behind his ear in a way that didn’t match the sadistic glee in his eyes. “Come,” he said and turned around, stepping through the door, not waiting to see if Lotor would actually follow.

Lotor shuddered, not liking that look in Sendak's eyes. Still, he didn't dare to cause a fuss over something so minor. He fell into step a few paces behind Sendak, bowing his head slightly and looking submissive in case someone saw him along the way. The last thing he needed was for someone to complain to Sendak that his slave didn't look subservient enough.

Sendak led them through the royal wing, never once looking back to see if Lotor was still following. The footsteps of sentries followed behind them but they were mostly for show. Lotor wouldn’t be able to escape from the heart of Central Command. He was too recognizable and everyone knew his fate by now so they wouldn’t hesitate to hand him back over. They stopped in front of the familiar doors of the throne room for a tick before Sendak opened them and stepped inside, heading straight for the throne and paying the kneeling guards no mind. He sat and waited for Lotor to catch up with him before gesturing to the floor on his right side. “Kneel,” he said, leaving no room for argument.

A pained look crossed Lotor's face at the thought of having to kneel by Sendak's throne, both because he feared the kneeling would be physically painful after a little while and because he didn't want to be on display like a trophy during audiences. Still, he didn't have a choice, and being defiant right now would only invite unnecessary pain. He walked to the side of the throne and knelt, bowing his head and resigning himself to his fate for what would likely last several vargas.

Sendak’s hand immediately found its way to Lotor’s hair, absently petting him as audience after audience went by. Most of the commanders spared Lotor an initial glance and then focused their attention on the emperor but others... their eyes lingered too long to be mistaken for curiosity. Sendak’s touches grew more possessive until between audiences he looked over at Lotor. “Come closer,” he said after a moment, indicating a spot right next to his legs.

Lotor looked up warily, but his aching knees, especially the right one, welcomed the chance to move and change position. He shuffled forward until he was next to Sendak's right leg, then he shifted so that he was sitting on the ground while his legs were tucked up next to him. It relieved the pressure on his knees, and it allowed him especially to relax the poor, sensitive right knee a little. He wanted to look for Sendak's reaction, but he feared that looking up could irritate him, so instead he bowed his head again and tried his best to look perfectly subservient, hoping that would make up for him technically not kneeling anymore.

Sendak didn’t say anything, he just returned his hand to Lotor’s head. The audiences resumed as normal. Lotor was receiving significantly less skin crawling glances now that he was so visibly in the emperor’s possession. It wasn’t long before Sendak’s hand trailed further down, now able to comfortably reach Lotor’s shoulders. He ran his claws down Lotor’s neck and lingered on the scar that had formed where he’d claimed Lotor that first night. Eventually he seemed to grow tired of this as well and tugged on Lotor’s hair to get his attention. He hesitated for a long moment looking at Lotor and then at the throne room, empty between audiences, but then patted his lap and smirked at his slave.

A small frown crossed Lotor's face before he schooled his expression into one of meek acceptance. He felt vaguely sick at the thought of being seen in Sendak's lap like a little pet, and he feared the constant touches might stray to rather more explicit areas, but again, it just wasn't worth trying to fight. He had no doubt that Sendak could come up with some truly humiliating punishment for him if he didn't comply, so he gingerly climbed up into Sendak's lap and let the emperor position him how he liked. He felt almost like a little doll, some pretty but lifeless toy and decoration.

Sendak pulled Lotor into his lap, seating him on his right thigh with his head back against Sendak’s chest. He put his hand on Lotor’s side and moved his thumb in little circles on Lotor’s exposed skin. The audiences seemed endless. There was always someone waiting even after hours of people coming in and out. Now that Lotor was draped over Sendak’s lap people began staring at him again but quickly stopped when the emperor glared at them with the promise of a painful death in his eyes. Sendak soon moved to more heated touches, moving Lotor to the center of his lap and running his other hand over the his naked thighs. While some commander droned on about meaningless plans Lotor had long since tuned out, Sendak lowered his head to Lotor’s. “You’ve been good today,” he whispered into Lotor’s ear.

Lotor shuddered, not wanting this new attention from Sendak. Being told he was doing well always made him sick, as the praise stirred something in him that was starving for it, and yet he knew that Sendak was only praising his reluctant compliance. Additionally, he feared this shift in behavior could only mean that Sendak wanted sex, and he could only really hope that Sendak would at least have the sense to end the audiences for the day and go back to his chambers before violating Lotor again. Perhaps... perhaps it would be worthwhile to encourage that course of action. Being taken in the bedroom was inevitable regardless and would be less humiliating than if Sendak decided to fuck him here. "Thank you, sir," he answered softly, pouring as much subservience into his voice as he could. "Are we nearly done with this? Surely my lord must be getting tired of listening to these people's pointless demands."

The hand on Lotor’s thigh drifted higher and Sendak’s claws touched the sensitive skin on the inside, just as Sendak’s other hand pulled Lotor closer against himself. “I am, but we won’t be done for a while yet. Why? So eager to return to my bed?” His smile grew dangerous. Sendak’s hand continued to drift up Lotor’s thigh, far too near to his groin to be appropriate for a public space. “You don’t have to wait, pet, I can take care of you right here.”

_Fuck._ He'd miscalculated. Lotor shook his head lightly, careful not to seem panicked. "My lord, I would hate for you to think me impatient and demanding. I can wait until tonight or— or whenever we're done." He was tempted to say he could wait forever, but he stopped himself just in time. He didn't want to invite even more punishment on himself, and he had no doubt Sendak could drive him to madness with orgasm denial or some similar torment.

Hoping to win Sendak over a little, Lotor added, "I simply think you deserve the comfort of your own bed, my lord. Besides, I will admit I am rather weary, now unused to being awake all day without any kind of nap. If it were not too presumptuous, I would have asked a while ago to be allowed to return to your quarters just to lie down and sleep." That, at least, was no lie. He was indeed used to sleeping away half the day while Sendak was gone, and he felt quite tired already even though it was not long past midday.

Sendak’s smile turned cruel, as if Lotor had unwittingly walked into a trap. “Nonsense,” he said with mock-concern. “I would never have you walk back to my rooms alone.” His hands stroked Lotor’s smooth skin gently, lazily. “You’ve seen the way they look at you. They wouldn’t hesitate to rip you apart if you weren’t mine and if any of them found you in the halls they’d take what they wanted and leave you there. No, you’re staying right here where I can _protect_ you.” He said the word like it meant something entirely different. Sendak shifted in his seat enough so that Lotor could feel his growing hardness at the small of his back. “Besides,” Sendak continued, his voice deadly quiet. “I would welcome a distraction.” He raised his voice and addressed the guards as well as the commander who hadn’t finished making his case yet. “Out. All of you.”

Lotor bit back a groan, knowing it would be unwise to reveal just how displeased he was with this turn of events. He was vaguely grateful that Sendak had at least dismissed everyone else, but judging by the looks they were giving him as they left, it was clear that they knew exactly what was about to happen. He had no doubt that many of them wished they could stay and watch, and the thought made him shudder involuntarily. Then he froze, hoping Sendak wouldn't react badly to the shudder. Lotor had been trying harder in recent days to seem more willing so that he'd be punished less, and it was mostly working. He didn't want to make it too obvious how he actually felt, though he was sure Sendak knew regardless.

“Eager, are we?” Sendak said, but his tone betrayed that he knew Lotor was anything but. He grabbed Lotor’s thighs and spread them apart as he began mouthing at Lotor’s neck, nipping at the mark he’d left. He brought one of his hands to Lotor’s cock, stroking it slowly as he freed his own cock. “Show me how eager you are.”

"Yes, my lord," Lotor murmured obediently. He let out a moan and arched his back, rocking his hips into Sendak's hand. "More please," he begged, trying to sound sincere. "I need you."

Sendak dragged his fangs over the side of Lotor’s neck. “You can do better than that.” He lifted away Lotor’s pathetic excuse for clothing and palmed his ass. Sendak grabbed Lotor’s hips much more roughly than he needed to, likely leaving bruises in his wake as he lifted Lotor’s hips and seated him on his cock. “Let’s try this again, shall we?” He kept a hand on Lotor’s cock and used the other to hold his head in place with a firm grip at the base of his jaw. _“Show me how much you want it.”_

Lotor whimpered at the sudden insertion. He'd become quite used to the frequent penetration over the past few weeks, but it was still uncomfortable, especially dry like this. He had to force himself to relax and take it. Once he'd managed to get himself to accept Sendak's cock, he started to rock his hips, riding it. He tried to put eagerness he didn't feel into his motions. "Please, sir," he begged again, and the strain in his voice from the penetration made his begging sound a little more sincere. "I need more."

Sendak released Lotor’s jaw and stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers. “Very good.” Sendak’s voice still carried a sharp edge but he began moving in time with Lotor. He removed his hand from Lotor’s cock and used it to spread his legs further apart. “So impatient,” he growled into Lotor’s ear. “So good at taking my cock. You were made for this.” Sendak thrust upwards into Lotor’s body, so much deeper than usual because of the position.

The whimpers and moans that fell from Lotor's lips were now completely sincere. Each thrust brought a wave of torturous pleasure, and Lotor's own mirroring movements made that thick, long cock stroke even deeper within him. His own cock hardened quickly from the simulation, and soon all Lotor could think to want was release. He rolled his own hips with a little more enthusiasm, nearly bouncing on Sendak's cock. _"Ngh_ , sir, please..."

Sendak nipped at Lotor’s delicately pointed ear. “Please what?” he asked. He kept Lotor flush against his chest with one hand and he kept his thighs open with the other, taking away any leverage Lotor might have had. If he wanted something he had to beg Sendak to give it to him.

Lotor tried to keep moving his hips, but his motions were now shallow, hardly moving the cock inside of him. He whimpered in need, knowing that he'd be miserable if Sendak left him hard and wanting. "Please make me cum," he pleaded, even as a voice in his mind yelled that he shouldn't be asking for this. At this point, he just wanted release. "Please touch me and make me cum, sir."

“So sweet and pliant,” Sendak said in a low voice. “I was planning on leaving you aching for me so that you’d beg me to make use of you tonight, but you’ve already been so good.” That edge returned to Sendak’s voice. “You may cum on my cock or not at all.”

Lotor bit his lip and focused on trying to match Sendak's thrusts. He felt relived that he'd made the right choice, sparing himself the discomfort of being left hard and wanting, but now he needed to actually manage to cum.

"Thank you, sir," he said quickly, making sure to show his gratitude for Sendak's mercy, such as it was. "Please, sir, harder. Please make me cum. I need you." His cock ached and he wanted to touch it, but he didn't dare.

Sendak mouthed at Lotor’s neck. “So good,” he said. Moving both his hands to Lotor’s hips he began setting a brutal pace, seemingly desperate for his own release. He lifted Lotor up and let him drop back down, thrusting upward to meet him. He groaned against Lotor’s skin and his rhythm began faltering.

Lotor moaned more loudly, feeling the force of each thrust hit his sensitive spot. He felt like a ragdoll as Sendak lifted and dropped him with seemingly no effort. Although he would never admit it, the strength in those large hands appealed to him just as much now as it did long ago, and when he closed his eyes and inhaled Sendak's scent, he could almost pretend this was another of their forbidden trysts. Finally, the pleasure reached a breaking point, and Lotor groaned as he found the release he needed. _"S-Sendak..."_ The name slipped past his lips unbidden, and he could only hope the lack of a title with it wouldn't displease the emperor.

The moment his name fell from Lotor’s lips Sendak threw his head back and groaned loudly as he climaxed. He moved his hips gently through the aftershocks of his pleasure before coming to a stop. He buried his face in Lotor’s hair and breathed in his scent exactly the way he used to, back when everything he was hadn’t been taken away yet. Sendak seemed to catch himself and lifted Lotor off of his cock after he calmed his breathing. He put his cock away and put Lotor’s scraps of clothing back into place. “Keep it in,” he said into Lotor’s ear. “You wouldn’t want to make a mess.” The underlying message was clear. There would be pain if Lotor didn’t manage to follow his order.

"Yes, sir." Lotor clenched down as well as he could, though he was sore from the sex and found it difficult to try to keep Sendak's cum in. Still, he did as he was told, hoping that this wouldn't last too long.

Sendak returned a hand to Lotor’s side and the other to the throne’s arm rest before calling everyone back inside. The commander looked rather miffed that his audience had been interrupted but Sendak didn’t indulge him, simply motioning for him to proceed, and after a few more moments he did.

Lotor squirmed a little, trying to get comfortable again on Sendak's lap. The fabric from the front of his belt was unfortunately quite soaked, and he had no way to hide it without exposing himself. The fabric in the back was also a little damp with cum. He only hoped he could keep the rest of the cum in. After the adrenaline from the rough sex started to wear off, however, Lotor found himself even more tired than before. He soon laid against Sendak's chest as well as he could, which wasn't hard with Sendak leaning back and holding Lotor there. The voice of each new petitioner droned on and on, and Lotor just wanted to rest...

He made the mistake of relaxing completely, and he was shocked back into wakefulness at the feeling of cum flowing out of him. He tried to clench down again on what was left, but his sore muscles refused to cooperate, and he was left feeling utterly mortified as the white substance dripped off the edge of the seat of the throne for all to see. Shame caused his face to heat up, and sheer frustration at the circumstances and fear of punishment brought tears to his eyes. He didn't want to break down in front of Sendak and all the guards and the random stranger trying to make his request, but it was all too much, and tears began to slip down Lotor's cheeks.

Sendak said nothing, only returning his hand to Lotor’s hair and combing his claws through it. He did so for a long moment, not moving in any other way and letting the stain under Lotor spread. When it seemed like he’d have Lotor stay like this for the rest of the session, he suddenly motioned over to one of the servants. “It appears my slave has made a mess of himself,” he said with deadly calm. “Clean him up.” His hand still stroked Lotor’s hair softly in contrast to the violence that was surely to come after this.

Lotor forced back the tears after only a moment, but he still felt miserable and full of despair. He stayed perfectly still, not sure what was keeping Sendak from lashing out but not wanting to set him off with some wrong move. As the servant cleaned him with a damp cloth, Lotor started to shiver. The room had felt brisk from the start, since he was so underdressed, but now that his skin and clothes alike were so damp, he felt truly cold. He subconsciously pressed himself against Sendak, seeking any warmth he could get, but the emperor's armor did nothing to warm him. Finally, the servant finished, having wiped away most of the cum except for what had soaked into Lotor's clothing. Lotor then drew his legs up onto the throne between Sendak's legs, not caring anymore that he was exposing more of his skin, and wrapped his arms around them for warmth.

Sendak shifted, leaning back further and pulling Lotor with him. He disentangled Lotor’s limbs carefully but put his warm hands on Lotor’s exposed middle. He arranged him so that he was sitting sideways on his lap with his head resting on Sendak’s chest and his legs between the emperor’s “Settle,” he said quietly and wrapped an arm around Lotor’s exposed side. “Rest for now, pet.” His tone was unreadable.

Lotor was highly suspicious of this seeming mercy, but he couldn't deny that he felt warmer with Sendak's arm around him. He felt so wrung out and exhausted, and the warm embrace was more soothing and relaxing than he wanted to admit. Though he was still scared of what was surely to come, it seemed that Sendak was saving the punishment for when they returned to his quarters, so for now... He was simply too tired to keep himself awake any longer. Held firmly and comfortably, he quite quickly fell asleep.

When he awoke, Sendak was sitting on the bed next to him and reading something on his datapad as his thumb traced idle circles on Lotor’s skin. He’d been undressed, the dirtied scraps of cloth nowhere to be found. Sendak’s attention shifted towards him. “Awake? You seemed like you’d sleep for a few centuries.” His tone wasn’t kind by any means but it seemed some of the edge was gone from it at the moment. His expression was rather neutral as wel,l but that hardly meant anything.

Lotor blinked several times in surprise. Had he really slept so hard he hadn't even stirred when he was moved here? And when he was undressed? He shook his head to clear it, but his reality did not change. "I... suppose I was even more tired than I thought, sir," he answered honestly. "I'm sorry." He looked over to Sendak nervously, wondering what he was planning to do now.

Sendak patted the center of the bed between them. “Come here,” he said. “On your back for me.” He put his datapad aside. “We have unfinished business.” Sendak stretched out on his side, watching Lotor closely.

Lotor's stomach churned with dread. Now the punishment was coming; he was sure of it. He shuffled into place next to Sendak and closed his eyes, knowing that his fear would be far too evident if he kept them open. All he could do now was brace himself and wait.

He felt Sendak move over to him and settle between his legs, spreading them apart slightly. There was the distinct sound of the unscrewing of a cap and a few moments later Sendak pressed a slick finger to Lotor’s entrance. “Open your eyes,” he said. “I want you to look at me this time.”

Lotor complied, looking at Sendak with no small amount of confusion. He usually didn't bother to prepare Lotor, so this was rather perplexing. He wondered what game Sendak was playing, and he watched him closely.

Sendak slipped a second finger inside Lotor and then a third, opening him up slowly. “You were good today. You deserve a reward.” Sendak’s expression was unreadable but he removed his fingers and began pushing inside Lotor slowly, closing his eyes and releasing a breath as he slid in. “Behaved so well for me in front of everyone.” He began moving his hips slowly.

Lotor gasped from pleasure as Sendak filled him so gently. The gradual stretch felt delightful, and he couldn't help but moan. The praise filled a deep-seated craving inside him, but it also confused him. Hadn't he failed? He'd tried so hard, but he hadn't managed to obey Sendak's command. Of course, he wasn't going to say anything about that. Instead, he murmured, "Thank you, my lord."

Sendak bent down and nuzzled at Lotor's neck for a brief moment before pulling back slightly and returning to his usual biting, thrusting his hips forward more roughly than he had before. He plunged one hand into Lotor's hair and pulled slightly, exposing the column of his throat. "So sweet when you want to be," he said and moaned against Lotor's skin.

A low moan rose unbidden from Lotor's throat, and his hands found their way to Sendak's back, pulling him closer by instinct. Lotor rocked his hips up to meet Sendak's thrusts, the motion so painfully familiar. _"Sendak,"_ he groaned. _"Sendak, ngh..."_

Sendak’s cock twitched inside him at Lotor’s moans, the sound of his name falling from Lotor’s lips. He paused for a moment before returning to his previous rhythm. “You’re not allowed to call me that,” he said but he didn’t sound angry.

"I-I'm sorry, my lord," Lotor corrected quickly. The reminder that this wasn't what he was remembering sobered him up a little, and he bit back his next moan. Still, at least Sendak didn't seem angry with him, as unlikely as that sounded. Lotor had no idea why he was in such a sudden gracious mood, but he was grateful for it.

Sendak didn’t acknowledge his apology, simply continuing to move his hips. His breathing quickened and he pressed Lotor closer against himself. He moaned and then growled in frustration, speeding up and fucking deeper and harder into Lotor’s form.

The increased intensity made Lotor cry out, and he held tighter to Sendak to brace himself. Every pounding thrust brought him closer to the brink of pleasure, and he could feel himself starting to clench down around Sendak's cock. "S-sir, I'm going to cum, please!"

Sendak groaned at the way Lotor’s muscles were clenching around him and his rhythm faltered. He inhaled sharply and pushed up slightly to gain more leverage, making his thrusts slower and deeper. “Cum for me,” he forced out past his clenched teeth and spilled inside Lotor with a groan.

Lotor shuddered as he climaxed, clenching down harder around Sendak's cock and digging his short claws into Sendak's fur. He moaned wordlessly, managing to bite back the name that came to his lips. All thought except for pleasure left him for one moment, and he sighed in the afterglow of such an intense orgasm.

Sendak took a few moments to catch his breath and carefully removed his hand from Lotor’s hair, still breathing heavily. He sat back, taking in the sight before him. There was a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes as he looked at Lotor.

Sendak pulled out with a small hiss at the overstimulation and smoothed a hand over Lotor’s thigh as he reached to the side and produced a small plug that had apparently been lying there the entire time. “Since you have trouble keeping it in,” he said and smirked at Lotor as he slid the plug into his entrance.

Lotor flushed at the reminder of his earlier failure and humiliation, but he felt a tentative sense of relief at the teasing. If Sendak was willing to joke about it, he must not have been as angry as Lotor feared. He accepted the plug and smiled sheepishly. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

Sendak’s eyes lingered on Lotor for a moment and then he got up, disappearing into the bathroom. He returned clean and with a damp washcloth. He handed it to Lotor. “Clean yourself,” he ordered. “Wouldn’t want you to make a mess of the sheets.”

"Yes, sir." Lotor complied quickly, wiping himself off and ensuring that the sheets were free of any cum spots. He then looked to see what Sendak was going to do next. This was all so... mild, almost domestic. As much as Lotor still despised being a slave, he couldn't help but be grateful for the reprieve.

Sendak looked at him for a long moment, cocking his head. After a while he looked away and shook his head ever so slightly, as if to clear his mind. He took the damp cloth from Lotor and left it for the servants to clear away in the morning. Finally managing to tear his eyes away from Lotor, Sendak stretched out on the bed. “Sleep,” he said bluntly, still frowning slightly at whatever he was thinking about.

Lotor couldn't help but give a confused frown of his own as he curled up to sleep. Sendak's behavior was perplexing to say the least, and Lotor vaguely feared there might be some fresh, new horror later to make up for this relatively merciful night. He couldn't understand why Sendak was acting this way. Vague, half-formed ideas floated just out of conscious reach, and when he tried to wrangle them into something coherent he found he could not. Finally, he gave up on trying to figure it out. He let his mind wander, and sleep soon came for him.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since Lotor had gotten the brace off. Since then, Sendak's behavior had been... eclectic. Sometimes he was as harsh as Lotor had gotten used to in the first few weeks, but sometimes he was inexplicably gentle and doting. Lotor couldn't make any sense of it. The unpredictable behavior didn't comfort Lotor. If anything, he was more afraid of Sendak than before, not knowing what to expect from him moment-by-moment.

So it was that he found himself in an awful predicament. Sendak had been treating him gently, but when Lotor slipped up and called him by his name, the emperor had suddenly grown furious and started punishing him brutally. Lotor cowered as he was beaten worse than Sendak had ever beaten him, worse than he'd experienced in thousands of years, and then suddenly it was no longer Sendak standing over him, but his father now, and the all-too-familiar blows fell on his back again and again and—

He was shaken awake gently by a warm hand on his shoulder and found Sendak on the other end, his eye barely open. “It’s alright, love. It was a nightmare.” He murmured, as if he wasn’t really awake yet. “You’re safe.” Sendak shuffled over to Lotor and wiped away his tears before wrapping him in his arms and stroking his back soothingly. “I’m here, Lotor. It’s alright. I’ll protect you, my love. Go back to sleep.”

Lotor was so confused by this turn of events he assumed it had to be another dream. He nuzzled into Sendak's chest, grateful for the comfort as he slowly calmed down from the panic that the dream had driven him into. Sendak's embrace was so familiar from so long ago, even with one of his arms now made of metal instead of the flesh Lotor remembered. An undercurrent of doubt crept into Lotor's mind. If this was a dream about his past with Sendak, wouldn't Sendak still have both arms and eyes intact, as he did back then? So if this was real, why did Sendak call him "my love"? 

"Sendak?" he asked softly, not knowing whether he was even still awake.

Sendak pulled him closer and tucked Lotor’s head under his chin, after pressing a sleepy kiss to Lotor’s forehead. “Yes, love, it’s me.” His eye was closed again but he wasn’t completely asleep yet.

 _I never want to wake up again,_ Lotor thought fervently as he kissed Sendak's collarbone and settled happily into his embrace. He was sure, at this point, that this had to be a dream. Softly, he whispered, "I love you."

Sendak hummed in contentment. “Love you too,” he whispered back. “Sleep, baby, I’ll hold you.” His embrace remained steady but soon Sendak’s breathing evened out as he drifted off.

Lotor stayed awake for just a little longer, savoring this moment of inexplicable bliss. But Sendak's embrace was warm and secure around him, and he soon drifted off to sleep as well.

* * *

When morning came, Lotor stirred slowly, feeling comfortable and relaxed. Warm arms were around him, and it took him a moment to realize this was because Sendak was holding him. It took him longer still for his mind to register that this was unusual. Not that he hadn't woken up with Sendak's hands on him before, but this kind of protective embrace was not something he'd felt in the past month... or for the past thousands of years, for that matter. He blinked in confusion and carefully glanced around the room. This was indeed the emperor's chambers, so there was so way the past thousands of years were some strange nightmare. And yet Sendak's behavior made no sense. Lotor laid there quietly, careful not to wake Sendak. He wished he could fall back asleep, but thoughts raced in his mind, and he could only wait for Sendak to awaken.

Sendak stirred slowly, his eye cracking open just barely as his arms moved, and he stilled upon noticing Lotor in his arms. He frowned but there was no malice on his face, only mild confusion. “What are you doing?” he asked quietly. “Were you cold?”

Lotor's heart stopped, and he felt dread and grief as he realized that no matter what had happened in the night, Sendak was back to his usual self, if perhaps the gentler version. He drew himself back, trying to gingerly pull out of Sendak's arms without seeming panicked or desperate. "I'm sorry, sir," he muttered. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Sendak’s eyes widened and his grip on Lotor tightened slightly, as if he was trying to keep him from leaving. Then, just as quickly, he frowned and shook his head, letting go of Lotor and sitting up. He looked even more confused than when he’d woken up. “I need to go to a meeting,” he said, staring off into space. He stood and disappeared into the bathroom, his brow still furrowed.

Lotor watched him go with a confused frown of his own. He still didn't know what to make of this. Did Sendak even remember the previous night? Would it be wise to bring it up? He wasn't sure what to do next. When Sendak came back out, however, the words seemed to leave Lotor's mouth of their own accord. "Thank you," he said, "for waking me up from that nightmare last night."

Sendak looked at him for a moment and there was something like unease in his eyes. His frown deepened. “What are you talking about? I—I didn’t wake you.” He didn’t sound very sure of himself.

Lotor fell silent, at a loss for words. Should he insist? Pretend he was just kidding? He ended up staying silent for a long moment, looking into Sendak's eyes searchingly. "I... don't know then," he finally said. "I thought I remembered something. Perhaps you were still half-asleep and don't remember, or perhaps I dreamed up the whole encounter."

Sendak looked at Lotor warily. He stayed silent for a long moment and then nodded. “Perhaps.” He didn’t sound convinced. He looked as if he might’ve been about to say something else but the built in datapad in his gauntlet made a sound. He looked at it with mild relief. “I have to go. Be good for me.” And with that he was out.

Lotor watched him leave, then laid back down with a heavy sigh. What _was_ all that? Why didn't Sendak remember the previous night? Unless... A thought started to coalesce in Lotor's mind. If Sendak's memories had only been _suppressed_ rather than erased, and if whatever was blocking Sendak from remembering the past had weakened during the night and then reasserted itself in the morning, well... that could explain what happened. And if all that was true, then maybe, just maybe, there was a way to break through that memory block permanently. He just had to figure out how...

* * *

Sendak returned in the evening as he did most days and undressed silently. Sometimes he had asked Lotor to take his clothes off for him and other days he had simply left them on and fucked Lotor the way he had that day in the throne room, completely dressed. But today would not be one of those days, apparently. Sendak undressed efficiently, leaving his clothes in a neat stack, before he turned to the bed. He was much more sure than he had been this morning but something still seemed off about him. Sendak slipped into soft comfortable pants before sitting down on what had become his side of the bed and motioning for Lotor to come closer. “I’m tired tonight,” he said. “Come here.” He looked so exhausted, motioning Lotor to come closer and lay on his chest.

Lotor frowned a little, confused, but he moved to comply. He settled into Sendak's side and laid his head on his chest, and he found there was something rather relaxing about the easy intimacy. Though he didn't know yet whether Sendak was going to fuck him, he relaxed and settled in with the hope that this would be all for the night.

Sendak wrapped his arm around Lotor’s back and ran it over his arm for a long time, staring off into the distance, before closing his eyes and taking a breath. He studied Lotor carefully for a moment and stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers. “You’re very pretty, you know?”

The words brought another frown to Lotor's face, one of worry this time. He wondered if this was leading into something else. "So I've been told," he answered as neutrally as he could.

Sendak absently began stroking Lotor’s hair. “You feel so right against me, like my body thinks you belong with me. You’re a traitor and a liar and a murderer and I should hate you... but I don’t.” Sendak seemed at a loss. _“Why?_ Everything feels _wrong_ since you’ve been here. Everything other than you.” His hand stilled in Lotor’s hair, lost in thought.

Lotor hardly dared to breathe. He didn't know what to say, afraid that saying the wrong thing now would ruin this perfect chance. Sendak was finally questioning everything. He had to find a way to guide him to the truth. "A very long time ago, I had a lover," Lotor said softly. "He and I had to keep our relationship a secret, but we were happy together. We would disobey orders and sneak off to be together. 

"But then... we were caught." Lotor hesitated, not sure how to proceed. "We were punished greatly for it. I was beaten and nearly exiled, and it was only by begging that I managed to get myself one more chance, not that it mattered in the long run. And my lover, well..."

He sighed heavily. "The witch took him. She suppressed all his memories of us, and she made him into her little toy." He stopped there, waiting for Sendak's reaction.

Sendak was deadly still as he looked at Lotor for a long time. He shook his head minutely but didn’t interject. “What happened then?” He seemed to want to hear it rather than make assumptions. There was doubt at the edge of his expression but right now he was listening to Lotor.

"Then?" Lotor didn't know what to say next. "Then... I got a colony, one last chance to prove myself. During that time, I visited Central Command only once, and I saw my former lover. The witch had already taken his eye and his mind. He didn't recognize me as his lover, only as the prince." He sighed again. "I was exiled soon after that, and I didn't see him again in any of those thousands of years."

Sendak seemed to stop breathing for a moment, but whatever had compelled him to speak before had him opening his mouth again. “I have dreams sometimes,” he whispered, refusing to look at Lotor. “I’ve had them for a long time. I didn’t know what they meant for a long time. I still don’t.” There was something like fear in his eyes but he was hiding it. “It feels like I know you. But I _don’t._ But I like it when you say my name and it feels _right_ and I don’t know _why.”_ He looked utterly lost.

"I..." Lotor bit his lip. He was afraid to finish revealing the truth, afraid this might upset Sendak and that he might not believe him, but Lotor had to try. "I think I know why. You see, my lover's name was... Sendak." He looked up into Sendak's eyes, looking and hoping to see belief there.

Sendak closed his eyes. When he opened them there was anger and disbelief and something like hurt in them. “Stop,” he snarled and pushed Lotor off him, pinning him to the bed with a hand to his chest. “Stop lying to me.” He was breathing heavily but his anger masked the deep unease in his eyes poorly.

Lotor froze in fear, looking up at Sendak with pain and grief in his wide eyes. He didn't know what to say or do. He thought he was so close, only... Tears stung the backs of his eyes and threatened to well up, and Lotor had to blink them back. "That's what I remember," he said in a whisper, not trusting his voice not to break. "Maybe someone tampered with my memories, maybe it was a clone of you, I don't know. But I'm telling you exactly what I remember as true."

Sendak’s eyes were wide with denial and terror. He braced himself, as if he was about to lash out, but then thought better of it, pulling back. He let go of Lotor’s chest and looked away, pulling back. “I—I have to go. I have to do something.” He got up and hastily began dressing.

Dread crept down Lotor's spine. "Don't go to Haggar!" he blurted out in a near panic, sitting bolt upright. He couldn't know for sure that was what Sendak was planning, but if it was... "She was the one who took your memories in the first place. If she knows you're questioning her, she's just going to reassert her control over you."

Sendak’s eyes fixed on Lotor and his nostrils flared. _“You_ do not command me, slave.” He released sharp breath and opened his mouth as if he was about to say something else before snapping it closed again and storming towards the door.

Lotor watched him leave with a growing sense of dread. If Haggar found out that Sendak was starting to remember, she'd put a swift end to that for sure, but what could Lotor do about it?

Nothing. He couldn't stop Sendak from going to her, and he couldn't stop her from controlling him. He sat there for a long time, trying and failing to fight off despair. There was nothing he could do but wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the updated tags. Things are taking a turn for the intense, and we would like you to all be aware of any potentially upsetting content.

Sendak didn’t return that night or in the morning that followed. Lotor’s meals were brought to him by unfeeling sentries, which wasn’t unusual but still made him nervous given the circumstances.

Sendak returned in the evening, his clothing impeccable and his eye completely void of light as it fixed on Lotor and narrowed almost imperceptibly.

Vargas and vargas of anxiety and dread had crystallized into pure fear long before Sendak had returned, and now Lotor struggled to keep himself from panicking. If there had been any hope left in him that the witch hadn't gotten her hands on Sendak, it fled the moment Lotor looked into that cold gaze. He could feel himself recoiling, trying to back away, except that he was already on the bed and there was nowhere to go but to press himself back against the headboard.

Unless... Lotor tensed like a cornered animal, waiting for Sendak to come closer. Once there was enough distance between him and the door, maybe he could dash past him, maybe... but then what? Even if Lotor managed to get out of the suite, he had no escape plan. He had no weapon and no way to improvise one good enough to get him past swarms of sentries and into a ship. If he were caught, there'd be punishment, even worse than whatever Sendak had already planned.

Pure despair took hold of him then, and he froze with indecision. He couldn't run, couldn't fight, couldn't...

Sendak’s nostrils flared in anger, as if he knew what Lotor had been contemplating. He walked towards him much too calmly, never once taking his eyes off him. There was nothing but deep icy hatred in his eyes.

His hand was on Lotor’s neck in an instant and he squeezed, choking him for a few ticks and digging his claws into the soft skin there before tightening his grip further and roughly dragging Lotor off the edge of the bed. His face remained impassive save for the gleaming rage in his gaze as he dropped him in a heap on the floor.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” he asked, the edge in his voice turning into something volatile.

Lotor coughed weakly as his mind raced for some kind of response. What was Sendak looking for? He couldn't be sure, and he knew that saying the wrong thing now would surely have consequences.

"I-I'm sorry, my lord," he said, sounding contrite and keeping his head bowed. "I will never bring up the past again if you do not want me to. I should have stopped when you warned me."

Sendak scoffed.  _ “The past,” _ he said, as if the word was repulsive. His boot found its way between Lotor’s shoulder blades and he pushed him roughly to the floor. “You will  _ never _ lie to me again, I’ll make sure you won’t.”

His boot lifted off of Lotor’s back with one last push. “Get up,” Sendak growled.

Lotor's arms shook as he pushed himself up, and he slowly rose back into a kneeling position. He was so full of dread that he wasn't sure he  _ could _ stand, but he somehow managed, ducking his head and trying to look as subdued as possible. "I'm sorry," he murmured again with the vague hope of mitigating Sendak's anger a little.

Sendak yanked his chin up forcefully, looking into his eyes. “You’re not,” he said and his eyes narrowed into slits. “But you will be.”

With that he let go of Lotor’s chin and dug his claws into his arm, pulling him along with him into the dark corridor, practically dragging Lotor behind him. Sendak made long strides towards whatever horror he had planned, with Lotor stumbling to keep up. Mercifully, they passed nobody in the halls; the ship was already well into the night cycle. It was much later than Lotor had previously thought.

Finally, Sendak stopped in front of a door, placing his hand on the keypad to open it and practically throwing Lotor inside before closing the door behind himself and leaving them in complete silence. 

The room was dark and plain, save for a pair of manacles hanging from a chain in the ceiling. Sendak wasted no time, yanking Lotor’s wrists above his head and locking them into the metal cuffs, placed just high enough that Lotor had to stand on his toes to reach the ground.

Lotor started to hyperventilate as he looked around the room. It was an interrogation room, used for more old-fashioned types of information-gathering than what the druids did. Many horrible things had been done in this room, and Lotor had no doubt the choice was on purpose for exactly that reason. 

As he tried desperately to get a hold on his panic, Lotor spared a quick thought to hope that, at least, the witch wouldn't be coming. Whatever Sendak did to him could be terrible, but it could never be as bad as what  _ she _ could do. Still, that was cold comfort, and it did nothing to help Lotor as he tried to gasp for a full breath that wouldn't quite come. His heart pounded frantically against his ribcage like it wanted to escape. As his whole body trembled, he found it hard to stay up on his toes.

Sendak placed a hand over Lotor’s chest, feeling his heartbeat. “Scared?” he said in a low voice. “Good. You should be. Do you know where we are? This is one of the empire’s older interrogation rooms, back when we didn’t have druids to look into people’s minds. Horribly ineffective, comparatively, but I find I’m uninterested in efficiency. You hold no secrets, you have only to pay for lies.”

He dug his claws into Lotor’s inner thigh and pulled it back, opening his legs. “You’ll pay the only way you can,” he said directly into Lotor’s ear. “And then some.” Sendak lifted him and a moment later he was pushing in roughly.

Lotor gritted his teeth as his wrists were forced to take his weight for a moment, and it was a small reprieve when Sendak picked him up instead. Still, there was no relief for long, and he grunted from the rough penetration. It was nothing he wasn't used to at this point, but that hardly made it any easier as he fought against his own instincts and tried to force himself to relax and take it. He suspected there were going to be far more tortures than just this, and he wouldn't be doing himself any good by trying to resist. He'd only cause himself even more pain.

Sendak gave him no time to adjust, moving his hips roughly and thrusting into Lotor’s body mercilessly. His claws left deep imprints on Lotor’s thigh and side where he was holding him, barely short of drawing blood. 

It was different this time. Sendak didn’t coax him into enjoying his torment, just kept using him as if he were a toy, a  _ thing _ to be used and discarded.

“Beg,” he snarled, his breath ghosting over Lotor’s ear. “Beg me for mercy and I might consider not doing any  _ permanent _ damage.”

Those words heightened Lotor's fear to an entirely new level of alarm. He had expected the usual demands for him to beg to cum. This was something else altogether.

_ "Please," _ he breathed, voice too tight with fear to speak up. "Sir,  _ Emperor, _ please... spare me." His pleading was wholly sincere, and he hoped beyond hope that Sendak would believe him. "I'll be good. I'll be quiet. Just  _ please _ don't injure me."

Sendak bared his teeth and exhaled sharply. “I like it when you beg. It shows me that you know your place.” His breathing sped up, as well as his thrusts. “What is your place,  _ slave?” _

Lotor fought against the last shreds of his dignity. He knew what answer Sendak wanted, and he knew he had no choice but to give it. "Here. Wherever you put me." Tears stung his eyes, and he couldn't tell if they were from helplessness or anger or something else, but they started to fall when he tried to blink them back. "My only purpose is to serve you."

The words tasted bitter in his mouth, but at this point... wasn't it true anyways?

Sendak’s cock twitched inside Lotor. “Good,” he growled and after a few more thrusts he spilled inside Lotor with a sharp breath. He fucked him through his aftershocks before pulling out unceremoniously and letting Lotor drop.

Once he caught his breath, he walked around to face Lotor, leaning down and wiping away his tears. “It seems you have finally learned your place. You’ll be good for me now, won’t you?”

Lotor whimpered as his wrists suddenly took his weight again, and he quickly got up onto his toes to relieve the pressure. He had to fight down the urge to cringe as Sendak touched him. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes, my lord, I'll be good."

Sendak looked at him for a long moment and then began stroking his hair and combing through it with his claws, dividing the silken strands into two parts. “Good,” he said. He pulled Lotor’s hair over his shoulders, leaving his back exposed to the room’s cool air.

He grabbed Lotor’s chin again, his face betraying nothing of the bruising grip. “I’ll have to make sure you remember that.” He released Lotor’s face and walked back out of his line of sight. He felt a contemplative hand on his back, the claws ghosting over his skin. Sendak hummed, as if thinking. “How many lashes, pet? How many are appropriate for your disobedience?”

Lotor shivered, trying hard to calculate what the right answer would be. It had been so, so long since he had been whipped or flogged, long enough that old scars had faded into thin lines and then disappeared entirely. He could still remember the numbers, though, how many lashes the previous emperor had thought appropriate for the misdeeds of a rebellious prince. Would Sendak's standards be the same? Or would he demand more because Lotor was now nothing more than a slave?

"I-if you are using a flogger with multiple tails and with barbs..." He fought against his urge to give a low number, knowing that it was safest, at this point, to name almost the highest amount he could handle. "...twelve lashes." He knew anything more would begin to put him at increasing risk of permanent damage, so that number would likely align with Sendak's thinking. "If you use a single whip without barbs, forty." That was the standard number for whipping when it came to fairly serious crimes, so it would at least not offend Sendak by suggesting his misdeeds were minor.

Sendak hummed and stroked Lotor’s back gently, a mockery of what was to come. “Very good, pet, you’re learning.” He leaned in and Lotor could feel his warmth despite his armor. “You know you deserve this,” Sendak said in a dangerous voice before stepping back.

There was a sound from behind him as Sendak searched for what he was looking for. “I want to hear you,” he said and Lotor felt the first deep slash from the weighted whip, opening his skin immediately and making hot blood drip down his back.

Lotor gasped sharply as the blow fell, and he exhaled in a hiss. He knew that Sendak would want more and louder noises from him, but it was hard to fight against the ingrained lessons he'd learned so long ago. Back then, it was silence that would make the punishment end sooner, not crying out, and he found it difficult to try to switch away from that mindset, even though it was so very, very long ago.

“Louder. I  _ will _ hear you scream tonight. You will stop  _ lying _ to me.” The second blow fell and then the third in quick succession. Sendak wasn’t going easy on him, putting his strength into the blows.

This time, Lotor inhaled to brace himself before the second strike fell. He only panted on that one, but the third strike coming so soon after startled him into crying out. It was louder, but it wasn't yet the scream Sendak wanted, and Lotor knew it.

“You can do better than that.” Sendak’s voice was closer to a growl than words.  _ Four. _ Lotor’s back was wet with blood at this point and it was slowly dripping down his legs. The fifth blow landed atop a previous one cutting much deeper than before.

Lotor grunted on the fourth, and then the increased pain of the fifth made him cry out again, louder and high-pitched than before. He panted for breath, and he found it difficult to stay on his toes as his body shook with each hit.

“Better.” Sendak stopped taunting him after that, focusing on his strikes. Each of them came down with more force and by the time he’d reached the tenth lash, blood was staining the floor beneath Lotor’s feet.

As new strikes started to fall over old more and more often, Lotor couldn't help but cry out louder and louder. The lashes burned as his flesh was exposed to air, and his strength was rapidly leaving him with every ounce of blood he lost. He was panting and staring to sob. He felt too weak to stay up on his toes, so he was forced now to hang from his wrists, just one more pain to add to his overall agony. Through the haze of pain, he couldn't even think, couldn't even be grateful it was almost over.

Sendak didn’t stop to gloat, he simply kept going after a brief pause. What should have been the last two blows landed but Sendak kept going, grunting slightly as the three hardest blows flayed Lotor’s back.

There was a clattering as the flogger was tossed to the ground and Sendak walked around Lotor, admiring his handiwork.

Lotor's voice started to break while screaming on the last few strikes, completely overwhelmed by agony as all the strikes now fell into existing wounds. He hung limply from his wrists, aware of nothing but the burning pain.

As Sendak paced around him, Lotor continued to hang, too weak to even try to push himself up again. The pain only vaguely started to settle in his mind, but as it did, Lotor became aware of his cheeks being soaked with tears he couldn't remember shedding. He still couldn't bring himself to open his eyes yet, keeping them scrunched shut in a constant wince from the agony.

Sendak pulled Lotor’s head up roughly. “Look at me,” he growled.  _ “This _ is all you have now. And this will happen again unless you learn your lesson.  _ Look at me!” _ He was practically screaming.

Lotor immediately opened his eyes, looking up at Sendak with pure fear. He hardly dared to blink, though his eyes welled up with tears again that he had to let fall so that he could continue to meet the emperor's gaze.  _ Yes, sir, _ he mouthed, his voice too raw to speak.

Sendak bared his teeth. “Good.” He released Lotor’s chin, almost shoving him. “This is your place. Learn it.” And with that he stepped out of Lotor’s field of vision and the door hissed shut as he left Lotor alone in the darkness of the room.

A different kind of fear filled Lotor as he realized he was alone now. How long was Sendak going to leave him like this? How much blood would he lose? The puddle at his feet was already sizable, and it was growing larger and larger by the moment.

In the silence, however, an insidious type of exhaustion started to steal over him. Between the pain and the loss of blood, his grip on consciousness was slipping, and he soon surrendered to the small mercy of oblivion.

* * *

When Lotor finally woke up, he was in the medical bay with his wounds already bandaged. One of the doctors informed him that he'd lost a lot of blood in the short time his wounds had been left untreated and that he'd been unconscious for two entire quintants. He couldn't bring himself to care. What did missing two day-cycles mean to him when his days were filled with nothing but boredom and dread?

It took three more quintants before the doctors cleared him, and they informed him that a nurse would come in three times per day cycle to check on him, give him a special nutrient drink meant to help ensure he could replace his lost blood quickly, and change the bandages still covering the deepest wounds. He was confined to bed for the next week, which for him only meant that Sendak wouldn't be taking him to the throne room during that time. Small mercy.

As a nurse wheeled him into the emperor's chambers and helped him into Sendak's bed, Lotor felt his fear starting to return. He hadn't seen Sendak since the whipping, and he didn't know what to expect. Would he still be just as cold? Or was that only because he'd been so recently in Haggar's lab? There was no way to know, but... Lotor had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer, and his dread grew as the vargas went by and he waited for Sendak to return.

The door hissed open and Sendak walked in, not even sparing a glance in Lotor’s direction before beginning to undress. “On your hands and knees,” he said impassively as he took off his clothing.

There was nothing in his eyes, no feeling at all. Sendak simply watched him from the edge of the bed after undressing.

Lotor tensed up, seeing that Sendak was indeed still acting very cold toward him. It was unnerving, and Lotor felt off-balance and uncertain. He could guess easily enough what Sendak wanted next, but he couldn't read the emperor's mood.

In any case, it was safest to comply quietly. He pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, and he hoped Sendak wouldn't notice that his arms were shaking — from weakness or from fear, Lotor didn't know.

Sendak didn’t notice. In fact, Sendak didn’t seem to notice anything about Lotor. Where there once was taunting and making Lotor cum, there was only silence.

Sendak got onto the bed and placed a hand between Lotor’s shoulder blades, pressing him down into the sheets. He wasn’t cruel or gentle, just  _ indifferent, _ and somehow that was worse. He used Lotor like a toy, entering him without preparation and fucking into him roughly until finding his own completion and then pushing Lotor off himself, paying no attention to the wounds in his back he was disturbing as he did so.

Lotor laid where Sendak had pushed him, feeling... lost. This was so different from what he'd learned to cope with that he wasn't sure how to handle it. He was vaguely aware that he was hard, since his body had responded the way it had been trained to, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He just laid on his side, facing away from Sendak, and waited for... whatever happened next, he supposed. He was too tired to feel more than a vague dread about what Sendak might do next.

Sendak simply stretched out on the bed next to Lotor and ignored him save for the possessive hand he put on Lotor’s side, his claws moving with the promise of breaking skin if Lotor did something he disagreed with. Before long, Sendak’s breathing evened out and he was asleep.

Despite how tired Lotor felt, sleep evaded him. He thought about getting up and cleaning himself up, but Sendak's hand resting on his side made him hesitate. He didn't want to know how the emperor might react to being woken up like that. So, despite the sticky cum between his thighs, he decided not to risk it.

With nothing else to do, he thought about his situation. In a strange way, he found himself missing the way Sendak was before. At least then, he could hope the affection and praise was a sign that the real Sendak was somewhere inside the puppet he was dealing with. At least then, he could almost pretend the gentle touches were a sign of love.

Now, he had no hope of that left.

He had no hope at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! WARNING!
> 
> There are NEW TAGS for this chapter. Some of the content has the potential to be extremely upsetting.
> 
> Specifically, this chapter has content relating to suicide. If this is potentially triggering for you AT ALL, please skip the section between the double line breaks. The final section after that section sums up what happened well enough that you will not be missing anything crucial to the plot. Stay safe.

The week was over quickly. Sendak didn’t do much different from the first night after Lotor had been brought back to him. He returned to his rooms at night, fucked Lotor without much fuss, using him for his pleasure, and then left him feeling used but restless, worrying that Sendak might do something else to him. He didn’t, but that in itself was worrying. Sendak didn’t even taunt him, as if he had entirely stopped seeing Lotor as a person. 

When the week of mandatory bed rest was over, Sendak predictably had him dressed by the servants again, presumably to be taken to the throne room, only this time he seemed much less interested in the outcome and merely glanced at Lotor absently.

The servants had learned before not to dress Lotor _too_ provocatively, but now, the servant dressing him seemed to sense the change in Sendak's attitude. Casting fearful and, quite frankly, lost glances toward Sendak, the attendant finally settled on something rather more revealing than before. This time, there was nothing covering Lotor's chest but jewelry. Gold chains hooked around him like the straps of some skimpy top, but there was no fabric between, leaving his chest very bare. A loose skirt hung low on his hips, with a few overlapping layers of sheer fabric blurring but not fully obscuring his cock and ass from view. A simple braid allowed the servant to add little gold ornaments into his hair while also keeping it from obscuring the marks still plainly visible on his back. He looked at himself in the mirror and felt sick. Desperately, he glanced at Sendak, hoping that Sendak would disapprove this outfit for use in public like he had with all similarly revealing ones before.

Sendak looked him over, nothing changing in his expression. He met the servant’s eyes, nodding once. “Dismissed,” he said and turned to open a compartment of the dresser he’d been leaning against as the servant hastily left. Sendak pulled out what looked to be a collar and another chain, but it disappeared into his hand before Lotor could fully make it out.

He walked closer to Lotor, presumably to get a better look at him, but then there were strong hands on his wrists, twisting his arms together in front of him and activating the cuffs. Sendak tilted his head up and fastened the ornate collar around Lotor’s neck with a final click and attached the length of chain to it. It split into two parts at the collar, the longer end serving as a leash which Sendak took in hand as he fastened the shorter end to Lotor’s cuffed hands, leaving him unable to lower them any further than his chest.

Despair sunk heavily into Lotor's gut. Not only was Sendak fine with him being next to naked, but now this...

He tugged at the chain without any real hope, and he was completely unsurprised when it held firm. With nothing else to do with his hands and arms, he tried to cover his chest as well as he could, futile though the effort was. He knew that this could be interpreted as a kind of protest or disobedience, but he felt almost as bitter as afraid at this point, and this tiny act of defiance was all the outlet he had right now for the anger that had been simmering in the back of his mind for far too long.

Sendak tugged roughly at the leash, an order to follow, and walked out the door. He kept the same pace as last time, only that now Lotor had to keep up or risk falling.

They reached the throne room soon enough, and Sendak sat before tugging on the leash and looking at Lotor expectantly, gesturing to his lap.

Lotor felt simultaneous dread of being on Sendak's lap and relief that he wouldn't have to kneel on the cold, hard floor this time. He climbed up and settled on one of Sendak's legs, facing sideways relative to Sendak. He curled up against Sendak's chest, not because he wanted to be any closer, but because he felt so painfully exposed and didn't want to look out at the petitioners who would surely gawk and leer at him.

“No.” Sendak placed firm hands on Lotor’s hips, turning him to face him and moving him to the center of his lap. “You’ll be serving your purpose and showing everyone what happens if you don’t.” He stroked a hand down Lotor’s back, over his new scars, and freed his cock with the other one.

Lotor's eyes widened, and he looked up at Sendak with alarm and confusion. Serving his 'purpose'... in front of everyone? He'd gotten used to being fucked between audiences and left with visible cum stains and marks, but this was a new level of humiliation. He found himself starting to shake his head without consciously deciding to, and he immediately stopped, but he knew that Sendak had already seen the evidence of his reluctance. He tried his best to look contrite, bowing his head and looking up at Sendak through his eyelashes as he murmured a soft, "Yes, my lord, whatever you wish."

Sendak narrowed his eyes for a moment but said nothing. He lifted Lotor’s hips and seated him on his cock. “You’ll stay just like this,” he said and pulled Lotor closer against him, letting him rest his head on his armor. A small mercy. “Begin,” he said to the guards at the door and dragged his claws over Lotor’s scars.

Lotor struggled to hold still without squirming, knowing that any movement would jostle Sendak's cock and add stimulation that he didn't want right now. Even just the stretch of penetration was enough to weakly spark arousal, though the reminder of the whipping was enough to kill that spark very quickly. The first few audiences were the most difficult, as he was too tense from fear and humiliation and had to fight his natural urge to struggle. After those first ones, however, he found himself starting to not care anymore who was seeing him like this, and by the end of the fifth one, he was fully resigned to the situation and slumped forward against Sendak's chest. He was too exhausted from healing and from constant stress to stay on edge all the time, and he welcomed the vague, detached numbness that filled him and let him relax much like a marionette with cut strings.

The audiences went on and on. Sendak almost seemed to have forgotten about him save for the occasional stroke down his back. Sendak’s hand was warm despite the horrible memories it brought with it. Hours passed and commanders droned on about their conquests and made requests of their emperor. Once he might’ve listened but now there was no point. So he sat there, motionless.

“My emperor,” said the newest commander that had just entered the throne room, with a voice that Lotor thought he recognized but... it was impossible. _Throk?_ No. The bastard had to be dead by now. Perceived traitors never survived the witch for long. Yet that sounded exactly like his voice.

Lotor noticed that he had tensed up, and he cursed himself, knowing that there was no way Sendak wouldn't notice. At this point, perhaps he should just look, but if it _was_ Throk, he had no interest in seeing whatever gloating look he would surely be wearing, and he didn't want Throk to see the extent of his humiliation. So he stayed facing forward, though he listened carefully to confirm or deny his suspicion.

Sendak continued to absently stroke his back, but the promise of violence was there if he did something the emperor disapproved of. For now the fact that he’d stayed still seemed enough for him.

The commander went on. “I have returned from my post at the front, which I dutifully held even during the Kral Zera, to bring news of my conquests, my lord. There are five new planets under our control, all of which are rich in quintessence and slaves. I offer them to the empire as a gift, to account for my past mistakes.” There was a sharp edge to his voice.

Sendak didn’t seem to care. “Welcome back, Commander Throk. You have already been redeemed in the eyes of the empire, but this gesture is much appreciated.” Sendak’s pleased smirk was audible in his words. “Such a thing is to be rewarded, commander, and I’m feeling generous today. Is there anything you want? Name it.”

Lotor hid a sneer against Sendak's shoulder. So this _was_ Throk, somehow restored to power and favor after all this time. Clearly, Lotor needed to be more careful in the future about what he did with loose ends.

If... if he ever had enough power again to be taking care of loose ends like that. At the start of his captivity, he thought it would only be a matter of time and opportunity. But Sendak and Haggar were already doing a very efficient job of quelling the rebellion, and it had been long enough that Lotor knew no 'allies' of any variety were coming for him. He was well and truly trapped, and as Sendak's power grew, Lotor's chances dwindled.

That thought was not a new realization, but it still tasted bitter in his mouth. His only hope lied now in endurance, in putting up with Sendak's treatment until _something_ inevitably changed. It wasn't reassuring.

Throk’s voice cut through the thoughts in Lotor’s head. “You honor me, my lord, but there is nothing you could give me that would bring me more satisfaction than bringing glory to the empire. Unless...” He trailed off, as if unwilling to say it.

“Speak, commander.” Sendak’s tone betrayed his annoyance. “You will not be punished for your request.”

Lotor could practically feel Throk’s shit-eating grin. “Yes, my emperor.” He paused for a moment making them wait for his decision. “You see, my lord, I didn’t believe that you’d managed to tame the former prince until I saw it myself. I have unfinished business with your slave, my emperor. He has caused me a great deal of pain, and I wish to return the favor if my lord grants me leave to do so. I would like to have him for the night.”

Sendak threaded his fingers in Lotor’s hair and pulled him back, making him look at him. He looked into Lotor’s eyes as if contemplating his fate.

Lotor made no attempt to hide the fear in his eyes. "Please don't let him, my lord," he pleaded, speaking too quietly for Throk to hear. "Haven't I been good? I'm loyal to _you_ , emperor."

There was no change in Sendak's cold and empty gaze, and Lotor's fear increased. "Please sir,” he begged, “I can make the trouble of denying him worthwhile to you. Keep me with you. Allow me a chance to try to impress you tonight, sir." His mind raced, trying to come up with something, _anything_ he could offer to persuade Sendak not to allow Throk to do this.

Sendak’s eyes remained devoid of emotion but his claws stroked Lotor’s scalp where he was still holding him. “I will allow you to impress me tonight if you still can after you do as you’re told.” He lifted Lotor off his cock and put it away. He ran his hand down Lotor’s back again, a threat and a promise. “Be good for me,” he said with a last damning cold look before turning his attention back to Throk, beckoning him up the steps of the dais. “You will have him returned tonight. No permanent damage and nothing that will keep him from serving his purpose to me.”

Throk leered at Lotor’s body. “Certainly, my emperor,” he said and took the leash from Sendak’s outstretched hand. He wasted no time in pulling it harshly with the intent of making Lotor fall, no doubt.

“Dismissed,” came Sendak’s voice and then Throk was pulling him out of the throne room behind him.

"No, no..." Lotor shook his head and pulled back, fighting Throk's pull. A few phoebs ago, he likely would have had a better chance of resisting, but he'd been languishing in Sendak's chambers for long enough that his strength had waned. He stumbled and tripped, having to grab the leash to steady himself and to keep the force of the pull from all going straight to his neck.

He looked back at Sendak in one last desperate attempt. "Haven't I done everything you've asked?!" he pleaded desperately. "Haven't I been obedient and loyal? Is this the reward for good behavior?!" Anger made his voice raise in volume, and his expression turned from pleading to a vitriolic sneer when he saw that Sendak was unmoved. "The witch has poisoned your mind, just like she poisoned Zarkon's. You don't even know what you're doing."

Too angry and hurt to even want rescue from Sendak at this point, Lotor let Throk pull him along. With every step, he seethed with fury, and his mind raced as he tried to think of any possible way out of this.

Throk led him to his assigned quarters with a self-satisfied smile on his face the entire time. The door opened to reveal a space fit for a commander. The rooms weren’t as decadent as those of the emperor, but they were sizable nonetheless. Lotor barely had time to take in the space before he was pushed into the bedroom and pressed against the recently closed door by Throk, his hands on Lotor’s face, tilting it to look into his eyes.

“Hello, Lotor.” It had been a long time since someone had used his name. “Miss me? Did you think I was dead?” Throk’s mocking smile widened. “I’m going to make you pay for _everything_ you did to me.” He leaned down and brought their lips together, forcing his tongue into Lotor’s mouth.

Lotor was scared and overwhelmed, but his fury kept his thoughts sharp and focused. He didn't have much room to move his hands, but he braced them against Throk's chest and shoved hard enough to ensure Throk's attention would be on the attempt. A tick later, he bit down on Throk's tongue, digging his tiny fangs into the flesh as far as he could manage before releasing it again. He then shoved again, now putting all his strength behind the attempt in the hopes that Throk would be caught off guard and forced back.

Throk released a sound of surprise and stumbled back, holding a hand to his mouth. “Still a little shit, I see.” He wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand but his smile was still present. “Are you like this with your master? It didn’t seem so. You were being so good for him, warming his cock. Are you scared of him?” Throk cupped his jaw firmly and pressed a hand to his chest. “I’ll teach you to be scared of me.”

Lotor glared at him through narrowed eyes. "You understand nothing of true power, because _you_ are nothing but a disgusting _coward._ You want to prove you're a man? Take these cuffs and chains off me, and let's duel again. You might even win this time." He sneered doubtfully. "Maybe."

Throk snorted and his smile remained on his face but for a moment there was an edge in his eyes. “No,” he said simply. “The time for fighting has long passed and you lost. You won the battle but you lost the war. And now you’re the emperor’s little pet. I won’t be rolling around a fighting pit with a pleasure slave, that’s what beds are for, unless you wish to be claimed in public. Besides, it would hardly be a fair fight because I can’t damage the emperor’s property.”

Throk ran his eyes over Lotor again and stroked his side over the various gold chains. “And this suits you quite well. It would be a shame to take it off.”

Lotor spat in Throk's face, continuing to make this whole process as difficult and unpleasant as possible. "You are disgusting. You can't get laid, so you have to borrow someone else's pet? You get a power trip from dominating someone you can't beat in a fair fight? You're a disgrace to the entire Galra race."

He leaned forward against Throk's hand on his chest, trying to project an air of challenge. "You want to know why I submit to Sendak? Because I know how to accept defeat from someone who has proven stronger than me. But you. If _I_ hadn't spared your life, you would have bled out on the Arena sand. Your life is _mine,_ you worm. And _that_ is why I will not submit quietly to you. _You. Owe. Me. Your._ **_Life.”_ **

Throk laughed outright this time, wiping Lotor’s spit out of his face before pressing him harder against the metal. “Once, perhaps,” he said, his voice dangerously low. “But you made sure that wasn’t the case anymore when you had me take the fall for your little excursion. Your bitch sliced into my mind and I would have been executed for a crime I did not commit. But the empire has its own bitch that can do that. When she found out, however, you were already meant to be killed on sight, so it didn’t matter.” Throk’s face was inches from his. “You will find that I don’t owe you shit, Lotor.”

"Is that what you were led to believe?" Lotor bluffed, looking at Throk with the pity he would give a child who had been misled. "The witch lies. She controls minds. She only wants you to think that so that you will be loyal to her." He wasn't sure what was motivating these lies. Though he doubted Throk would buy them, he had to try _something,_ he supposed. He couldn't give up without exhausting all available options.

Throk narrowed his eyes. “Your attempts at manipulation are pathetic. Did you try these pitiful lies with Sendak?” He wrapped a hand around Lotor’s braid, keeping him still, and ran his finger over the raised scars. “Or did he hurt you because he wanted to?”

He took Lotor harshly by the back of the neck and threw him face-first onto the bed, climbing on after him and turning him roughly to face him. Pinning him to the mattress, he stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers in an almost caring gesture. “Sendak will grow bored of you eventually,” he said, a broad smile returning to his features. “But don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you once he does.”

"You're delusional." Lotor scoffed, acting unfazed even as his heart pounded in his chest. "Even if he does grow bored of me, I'll forever be a status symbol for him. I'm the one who killed Zarkon. He has to constantly show he's stronger than me to prove he's worthy of the throne." _And if he did grow bored of me, he'd just kill me or give me to the witch,_ Lotor thought, but he didn't want to voice that to Throk. It was better to appear strong, to seem untouchable and irreplaceably valuable.

Valuable, like how Sendak had treated him before the witch poisoned his mind again.

No, no, he couldn't dwell on that now. He had to focus on the threat at hand, Throk. His mind raced, trying to find any way out and coming up short. Force and manipulation had both failed, and now it seemed his options had narrowed to either cooperation or resistance. Neither would save him.

Throk leaned down and licked a long stripe up the side of Lotor’s neck. “I don’t believe that’s true,” he whispered into Lotor’s ear, the heat of his breath ghosting over his skin. “You’ve been cut off from the universe since the Kral Zera. The Galra are more united and stronger than ever and nobody remembers you beyond a rumor that the emperor is handing you out to people that please him. Who would have thought that the rumors about Sendak’s whore were true?” He pulled back to look at Lotor’s face and grinned menacingly. “I thought the bastard was much too possessive for that but apparently he doesn’t want you as much as you think he does.”

_That,_ for some indiscernible reason, stung worse than anything else Throk had said. Lotor pushed away the hurt, telling himself it was just his frustration that he hadn't been able to get through to Sendak before the witch reset his mind. Frustration and disappointment, that was all.

Unfortunately, Lotor didn't know what to say to Throk. He doubted that telling Throk he was the only one to whom Sendak had given Lotor would help anything. In fact, he thought it would most likely make Throk even more insufferable. Without anything helpful to say, Lotor settled on a glare. Even though he couldn't stop this, he could at least make damn sure Throk knew he wasn't happy about any of it.

Throk’s expression turned into something even more malicious than before. “All out of words, _highness?_ How does it feel? How does it feel to be powerless to stop something from happening to you?” He palmed Lotor’s cock through the sheer fabric, humming thoughtfully before freeing his own, already hard. “And now you’re here, at my whim.” He began pushing in slowly, savoring it.

Lotor gritted his teeth as Throk pushed in, and he tried hard not to think about it. Another day, another violation, right? He was still stretched open and loose enough from warming Sendak's cock that Throk's didn't stretch or hurt him in any way. And yet…

And yet it was different. With Sendak, at least the physical body was familiar to him, even when the mind was different. This violation was in a class of its own. There was no clever explanation for why it was happening, nothing to explain Throk's lust except that he was simply a terrible person. There was nothing familiar or redeemable about it.

It was just rape, pure and simple.

He refused to rise to Throk's taunts, keeping silent instead.

Throk grunted as he bottomed out. “Look at you, taking me so well. Are you enjoying yourself?” He palmed Lotor’s cock, stroking it through the fabric. “You’re much better at this than you ever were at playing politics. A perfect little bed warmer.” He began moving, roughly fucking into Lotor with an iron grip on his hips, digging his claws into the soft skin there, but his eyes remained on Lotor’s face. He wanted a reaction from him. That’s what he’d taken Lotor for; he wanted to flaunt his power in Lotor’s face after being humiliated by him so long ago.

Lotor's expression turned even more sour than before, and he met Throk's gaze with a look of cold fury. It wasn't too hard yet to stay silent. Throk's cock was, quite frankly, smaller and easier to take than Sendak's, and though the tip of it did brush past Lotor's prostate, the weak sparks of pleasure were easy for Lotor to ignore in his fury. He hadn't been able to stop this, but he wanted to at least deny Throk the satisfaction of seeing him fall apart.

Throk stilled at the way Lotor looked at him, his smile completely dropping from his face. His hand was on Lotor’s neck in an instant, restricting his windpipe. “Let me make one thing _perfectly_ clear to you. I will have your pleasure or I will have your pain. I don’t care which, so you should make that choice for yourself very soon.” He squeezed and his claws dug into Lotor’s neck. “Because otherwise I will make it for you, _halfbreed,_ and you will not like my choices.”

Lotor froze, instinctively afraid of Throk's claws, though he tried weakly to pull Throk's hands away. He looked up at him with wide eyes, unable to hide his fear in that moment.

It was clear now that Throk wouldn't be satisfied until he could see Lotor fall apart and lose his dignity. A large part of Lotor's mind wanted to just give in like he'd been doing with Sendak, but he knew that Throk would brag about this to others. If Lotor gave in too easily, everyone would know it, and if, stars forbid, Sendak decided to make giving him away a regular reward, everyone would expect him to be pliant and to give in. He couldn't afford that.

He hardened his gaze again, knowing that pain now might save him trouble later. Pushing down his fear, Lotor focused once again on his fury. He just had to put up a show of not giving in until the pain started. Once Throk started to hurt him, he could break down and let him 'win.’ It was a weak plan, but it was all Lotor had.

Throk released a disappointed sigh. “Fine. Have it your way.” His hand closed further, cutting off Lotor’s air supply. His other hand trailed down to Lotor’s thigh, spreading his legs and moving his hips simultaneously. “I expected more from you.”

Lotor squirmed and writhed, instinctively trying to get out from under Throk, even though he knew the effort was pointless. He tried harder to pull Throk's hand away from his throat, and he used his small claws to dig into the skin there.

Throk released Lotor’s throat and instantly backhanded him across the face. “Don’t fight me, you brat.” He returned his hands to Lotor’s hips and began thrusting into him roughly. “I could do so much worse to you.”

Though the blow to the face hurt, Lotor was glad to have his airway free again. He gasped for breath, and it wasn't easy to try to catch said breath while Throk was pounding into him. The rough thrusts made him wince, the only concession to his pain he allowed himself to show as he choked back whimpers and grunts in favor of panting and silence.

Throk deepened his thrusts, leaving angry scratches on Lotor’s thighs. “Always pretending to be so unbreakable, even now.” He leaned down to whisper in Lotor’s ear. “You don’t need to prove anything to me. I already know you’re weak, that you were made for this.”

Lotor braced his hands against Throk's chest and tried to push him away. "I'm not trying to prove anything," he hissed. "Does it bother you that you don't affect me as much as you want to be able to?"

Throk placed his hand on Lotor’s hardening cock, still moving inside him. “What’s this, then?” He moved the fabric out of the way and began pumping it. “I seem to be affecting you just fine.”

The sudden, pleasurable sensation caught Lotor off-guard, and he gasped sharply. In his anger, he hadn't even noticed that his body was reacting with arousal. _I should have expected this,_ he thought bitterly. _Sendak has conditioned me to respond this way._ The realization didn't make it any easier for Lotor to resist the pleasure, and he had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. He didn't want to give Throk the satisfaction of hearing him, even if it was already obvious that he was being forced to enjoy this on a purely physical level.

Throk’s cruel smile returned to his face and he increased his speed, groaning. “So sensitive. How long has it been since someone let you cum? How long since someone touched you?” He tightened his grip and moved in time with his thrusts.

A low groan slipped past Lotor's lips, and he started to shake. He squirmed under Throk's rough treatment, but even he couldn't tell whether he was trying to get less stimulation or more. Throk's taunting rang a little too true; he hadn’t cum since Sendak’s mind was wiped again. Sendak was no longer paying any attention to his pleasure, and Lotor's own bitter despair had prevented him from feeling motivated to find release on his own, despite having grown used to having multiple orgasms in a day. Now, his body seemed to welcome the chance to finally find release again, and he couldn't hold back another groan of conflicted pleasure.

Throk ran a hand down his side. “That’s it, pet. Finally you behave yourself.” He continued moving his hips in time with his hand on Lotor’s cock. “I’ll let you cum.” His smile was cruel and his eyes stayed fixed on Lotor even as his breathing sped up. His hand moved relentlessly over Lotor’s length and his eyes darkened.

Lotor cringed away from Throk's words, but he couldn't deny the mounting pleasure. He couldn't stay silent anymore, and he whimpered and groaned even past his bit lip. Where his hands were still braced against Throk's chest, his claws started to dig in as Lotor instinctively tried to hold onto something. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Throk's gloating as he fell apart.

Each thrust brought him closer to release, and Lotor found that he simply couldn't fight it anymore. The pure physical sensation was too much, building up within him, and Lotor cried out as one last stroke finally forced him over the edge into orgasm. For one moment, he was lost to the false bliss, clenching down around Throk's cock and thinking of nothing but pleasure.

Throk fucked him through the aftershocks and didn’t stop moving, chasing his own pleasure. His eyes were fixed on Lotor’s face, scanning it for signs of discomfort at the overstimulation. He didn’t last long before he gasped and climaxed, burying his face in the sheets next to Lotor’s head. He caught his breath and sat back, quickly wiping off his cock on Lotor’s flimsy garment and stroking Lotor’s thigh. “Good pet,” he said, his voice seeping with mocking venom.

Lotor looked up at him, but he couldn't muster up enough energy for a glare. Even if he could, did he really want to? He knew Throk wouldn't be satisfied unless he thought he'd broken him, so showing defiance would only encourage Throk to find some new torment to fill their remaining time together. It was better to just endure the mockery in silence.

Uncertainty now made Lotor uneasy. He didn't know how long Throk could keep him for, and he doubted the commander would just lay back and enjoy his 'victory'. Lotor watched him warily, wondering what would come next.

Throk looked over at his arm guard, where a small text hovered. He frowned and zipped up his suit, looking over at Lotor. “It appears our time has ended,” he said and took the leash in his hand, pulling Lotor off the bed and towards the door.

He stopped in front of it and took Lotor’s face in his hands. “One more thing,” his eyes were full of anger and a second later his fist connected with Lotor’s face, knocking him back against the door. His hand was instantly back on Lotor’s face holding him in place. “A parting gift,” he said and pressed a kiss to the rapidly forming bruise. “We will see each other again.”

With that, he opened the door and pushed Lotor out into the arms of the waiting sentries, who began leading him away.

Lotor growled in anger at the sudden assault, but he was too dazed to do anything until after the sentries already had a hold on his arms. He let them drag him away, back to the imperial quarters, and he wondered what Sendak would say to the new marks on him. None of it would leave permanent damage, so he supposed it was all within Sendak's rules. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if Sendak's thoughts would change after actually seeing the marks…

Soon enough, the door to the imperial chambers loomed, and the sentries opened the door for him and let him go. Lotor stepped through, looking for Sendak.

He was sitting on the bed, wearing nothing but an expensive looking robe. He looked up when Lotor came into the bedroom but his face remained devoid of emotion as he studied Lotor’s body. His eyes lingered on the stained fabric and he got up, taking off the collar and the handcuffs. “Clean yourself,” he ordered and left the restraints for the servants to clear away. He didn’t spare Lotor another glance.

Lotor gritted his teeth, but he turned away and went into the attached bathroom, wanting nothing more than to be away from Sendak in that moment. He pulled off the jewelry and the skirt, tossing it all into a heap in the corner before starting on scrubbing himself clean. His face was already swelling up, and it seemed everywhere he looked over his body, he found another claw mark from Throk's rough treatment.

Finally, when Lotor suspected he couldn't delay any longer without angering Sendak, he stepped out and approached the bed again. He waited, tense, to see what Sendak would do, but in the back of his mind, his anger at being tossed away to Throk simmered.

Sendak scanned him, seemingly satisfied with his clean skin even though the marks from Throk’s abuse still littered Lotor’s body. “I see you’re quite unharmed.” He paused for a moment. “I believe you made me a promise today and I expect you to keep it. You have my attention. I want you to _impress me.”_

Lotor's eyes flashed with anger. After everything he'd just been through.. "I didn't _promise_ anything," he growled, baring his teeth at Sendak. "I _offered_ to do something for you if you _didn't_ give me to Throk. But clearly you don't care, do you?" His voice started to raise in pitch and volume. "So why should I care about trying to make you happy?! I'm nothing but an object to you, a toy!"

Sendak looked at him in silence for a long moment before getting up and walking towards Lotor. He cupped his jaw once he was close enough and, without a hint of emotion in his eyes, slammed Lotor into the floor and pinned him with his knee on his chest. “You should _care,”_ he said and dug his knee further into Lotor’s chest, “because if you don’t make me happy, you’ll be in a lot of pain. You are a _slave._ You do not refuse me.”

Though the breath was being crushed out of him, Lotor continued to speak as well as he could. His voice, though strained, was still full of bitter venom as he snapped, "Why me? You're the emperor. You can have as many well-trained, pliant whores as you want, pretty things who are eager to serve. Why waste your time trying to personally train a traitorous ex-rebel to do what so many other slaves can do better?" He bared his fangs again. "You'd be better off just killing me."

Sendak remained infuriatingly composed, his voice steady. “So eager to die? I do not answer to you and you have no right to know my reasons.” He roughly grabbed Lotor’s chin and forced his head to turn, as if inspecting him. “You were quite the pliant whore for a long time and I had no reason to believe I hadn’t broken you.” He leaned in, his face still as unfeeling as his voice. “You still have to pay for your treachery, and what better way than serving me the only way you can? Warming my bed. You do not deserve death, it is far too merciful. Do I have to teach you that lesson again?”

Lotor's heavy breaths hissed through his gritted teeth as he tried to hold back his anger. "How could a sentence of eternal humiliation ever possibly be a fair price to pay back only a few crimes?" He couldn't keep the fury out of his voice. "You must know by now that I'll never age. Do you really expect to keep me until someone inevitably comes along and defeats you in a thousand or ten thousand or a hundred thousand years?"

Saying the words aloud made the truths that Lotor had been refusing to fully accept finally sink in. There was no rescue, no way out, and the empire was thriving even more under Sendak's care than it had under Zarkon's. It could last another ten thousand years or longer. The knowledge hit Lotor along with a wave of complete, total, existential exhaustion, and all the fight drained out of him.

"Does it surprise you that I want to die?" he asked quietly, looking up calmly into Sendak's eye. "I've fought and fought for ten thousand years, and now I'm trapped. I was being good and pretending to be broken while biding my time, but I see now that there's no way out. I'm _tired,_ Sendak. I..." He shook his head, at a loss for words, and he gazed deeply into that golden eye, looking for any trace of the man he once knew. "I could tolerate being yours, but I just can't take this. Not if you're going to let others use me." He almost stopped with that, but he found himself continuing against his better judgement. "Part of me has always been yours. I _loved_ you. _That_ is what made me give in and be loyal, but _only_ to _you.”_

Sendak looked at Lotor as he spoke, his face not once moving from the mild annoyance it was permanently stuck in. “ _Loved me?_ Is this some pathetic attempt at sympathy or manipulation? What are you trying to accomplish?” He ran a hand down Lotor’s side, catching the ends of some of the new scars. “You know the consequences for lying to me. You should learn not to.”

He sat up and took Lotor with him, holding him by the back of the neck and pushing him face-first into the bed. “You will do as you’re told, and if I choose to keep you for the rest of your life, you will accept your fate. You will do so quietly and be a good little slave or...” he trailed off, scratching down the expanse of Lotor’s back. “And if I choose to give you to people who have pleased me, then it is not your place to question it. Now be good and spread your legs.”

The swollen spots on Lotor's face throbbed in protest as Sendak pushed him down, and Lotor hissed in pain. Part of him wanted to fight back and resist, but what was the point? He hurt enough already, bruised and scratched and sensitive from what Throk had done, and he couldn't bring himself to incite _more_ pain on top of everything else. The memory of being flogged was still too fresh in his mind, as well as the long few days afterwards of having to endure the aches of his healing wounds without anything to relieve the pain.

His body went limp as he decided it just wasn't worthwhile. He spread his legs and faintly hoped that this was all Sendak would ask of him, that he'd just simply fuck him like usual and then leave him alone in his misery. He didn't know what he'd do if Sendak wanted more from him than just lying still and submitting.

Sendak’s grip relaxed slightly and he entered Lotor in one swift motion. “Good.” He fucked him the same way he had since the witch had dug her claws into his mind again. Like he was using a toy, impartial and cold. She’d ripped out the last parts of him that had still remained and now there was nothing left but an empty shell where so much warmth and love had once been.

It wasn’t long before Sendak spilled inside Lotor with a groan and moved over to the other side of the bed. He didn’t even bother to drape a possessive hand over Lotor’s side before his breathing evened out and he was asleep.

* * *

* * *

> As Sendak fell asleep, Lotor laid there, simply... waiting.
> 
> At first, he was so numb and cold he wasn't even sure what he was waiting for, only that he couldn't let go and fall into blissful unconsciousness just yet. Then he realized that Sendak was asleep, and the thought that had evaded him before crystallized and gained focus.
> 
> He slipped out of the bed, moving slowly and in absolute silence, and crossed the room to where Sendak kept his weapons and armor. He couldn't use a blaster, he knew that much. He'd tried before, and the wounds were too clean, too easy to treat if caught right away, and Sendak would surely wake up. What he needed was a knife. As he looked, his eyes fell on a small knife that looked like it would fit well in his hand and still be large enough to do the job, and Lotor ever-so-gently picked it up and carried it with him.
> 
> Without even trying, he knew he couldn't kill Sendak. Even ignoring how much smaller and weaker he was, he... he suspected he couldn't go through with it. He knew the man was nothing more than a shell now and that the Sendak he'd known was gone, but the thought of killing the one he'd once sworn his life to made him sick, and if he was going to do this, he couldn't hesitate. That would give Sendak the chance to wake up and disarm him, and that was a chance he couldn't take.
> 
> No, the knife wasn't for Sendak. He carried it into the bathroom, and he sat down on the cold floor, slumping into the corner like he'd been tossed there, just like any other broken and dirtied little toy, just like the chains and skirt he’d cast aside earlier. For a long moment, he simply admired the knife. It was small but elegant, somewhere between weapon and utility knife, and the craftsmanship was truly worthy of an emperor.
> 
> He knew what to do. He'd done it before, a handful of times. Each time, he'd either changed his mind at the last moment, or someone had saved him. The last time, it had been Acxa. He'd sworn to her he'd never try again. He doubted she'd care now.
> 
> There were scratches on his arms from Throk's claws, and he started with those, cutting them open to replace the feeling of those filthy claws with the feeling of this graceful knife instead. He then moved to the scratches on his thighs, cutting even deeper to ensure the metal dug further in than the claws had. His hands shook as he fought against the pain and the rapidly-increasing blood loss, but he knew he had to hold onto consciousness just a little longer. Just one more effort, and this would all be over, and he could finally _rest._
> 
> Once he was satisfied with the cuts, satisfied that he'd bleed out too much and too quickly to be saved, he aligned the knife over his heart. He knew he wouldn't be able to reach his actual heart with this knife, not at the angle he was stabbing at and not with a blade this short, but he would certainly cause enough damage to make reviving him all the more difficult. It was... dramatic, perhaps, to stab himself in the heart like this, but it seemed fitting to him. It would send a clearer message than any suicide note could.
> 
> He braced himself, thought of the blissful oblivion he was consigning himself to, and sunk the knife into his flesh. Through the haze of blood loss and shock, he could hardly feel the pain. All he felt was... peace.

* * *

* * *

Sendak woke to the metallic tang of blood in the air, instantly on edge. The scent was fresh without a doubt. He reached over to the other side of the bed, finding it cold and empty. Something about that made icy fear settle in his stomach, the kind he hadn’t felt in centuries. It pricked at the corners of his mind but he shook his head, trying to clear it. He shot up from his position on the bed and took the nearest blaster and sword he could find, slipping on a padded jumpsuit and quickly making his way towards the scent. If there was an attacker, he didn’t want to be unprepared.

Entering the bathroom made him stop dead in his tracks and that fear became panic. He was distantly aware that he shouldn’t be feeling this way, but the sight before him left him shaking uncontrollably. Lotor, slumped and broken and... _dead._ Something he thought he didn’t have anymore shattered. There was blood everywhere. Lotor’s skin was riddled with deep cuts that had bled so much that he was sitting on a pool of blood, and there was a knife in his chest. One of Sendak’s knives.

He was kneeling next to Lotor in an instant, holding his face and pressing his fingers to his neck. His vision blurred and he couldn’t keep his hands from shaking even as he held his breath, looking for a pulse. He couldn’t find one, his hands were shaking too hard. Tears fell from his eyes and he tucked Lotor’s hair behind his ear, the elegant white discolored with flecks of blood. He—he had to save him. He was wasting time. Precious time that he didn’t have. Sendak took a deep breath and, careful not to jostle the knife in Lotor’s chest, lifted him and stood. He pulled him close to his chest, still shaking, and practically ran in the direction of the medical bay. “Stay with me,” he whispered almost like a prayer. Lotor was far past hearing him, maybe long dead, but he couldn’t help instinctively cradling his head to his chest.

The way to the medical bay felt like it lasted eons, and as soon as he entered, the medical officers turned to face him. Sendak didn’t even look at them, his wide eyes fixed on Lotor. “Save him.”

The medic approached Sendak carefully, as if she knew that he was not in a stable mindset. “Sir. Sir you have to let go of him. Sir?”

Sendak startled. They’d pushed a bed in front of him. He gingerly lowered Lotor onto it. He was still dripping blood everywhere. There was so much _blood._

_“Sir!”_ He was pulled from his thoughts by the medic again. “You need to let go of his hand. We’ll have to act quickly.” She was directing her staff, telling them to prepare, and the room filled with shouts and frantic movements.

Sendak reluctantly released Lotor’s hand but turned to the medic. “I will not let him out of my sight.”

She looked like she was about to protest but then nodded. “He will need a healing pod and there’s a chance he won’t wake up but you may stay. Do not get in my way.”

Sendak opened his mouth to remind her of her place but then closed it again at her expression. He nodded.

The next few hours passed in a blur. The way Lotor was motionless on the bed as the doctors stabilized him and began connecting various monitors and tubes to his body made Sendak incomprehensibly sick to his stomach. His shaking had stopped, the panic replaced by a strong unease. Nothing made sense. Why did he care so much? Why did the mere thought of Lotor on the bathroom floor, covered in his own blood, make his hands start shaking again? He contemplated it as he stood in front of the healing pod, watching Lotor’s prone form riddled with tubes.

“I can take care of him now, my lord.” A voice from behind him, _her_ voice felt like nails scraping over metal. “You must rest and then return to your duties.” It was the witch. She was here. She wanted to look after Lotor.

Rage simmered in Sendak’s chest. She would hurt him. Lotor had been right. Somehow this was her fault. The anger felt good, like it shattered a barrier in his mind. His sword was in his hand and plunging into the witch’s chest before he knew what he was doing, his body moving quicker than his mind, and then Haggar gasped, blood dripping from her mouth and sheer disbelief on her face. She fell to the floor with a final thud, and it felt like Sendak’s mind shattered.

Memories came flooding back, drowning him. Lotor. _Lotor._ His prince. His love. His _betrothed._ Sendak turned to see him in the healing pod. He remembered everything. Lotor had tried to kill himself tonight and it was his fault. He’d done this. This was his fault for not being stronger, for letting _her_ take his mind from him. He’d... he couldn’t bring himself to think about it.

He placed his hand on the barrier between him and Lotor and slid down to his knees, not caring to wipe the tears from his face, frozen in place by the horrible things he’d never forgive himself for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped the part between the line breaks, the short version is that Lotor acquires a weapon, and he knows he wouldn't be able to kill Sendak because he couldn't make himself do it at the Kral Zera, so he thinks the safer route would be to end his own misery.
> 
> I (bittersweet) chose to write that section because I personally found it very cathartic, just as I often find reading fics outlining suicidal ideation to be cathartic. I know that this is not the case for everyone, though. If this upset you, please remember to take good care of yourself and seek help if you need it.
> 
> As for everyone else, well... let us know what you think?? A Lot Sure Happened In This Chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Lotor was vaguely aware of pain, in the distant way that one was aware of pain after being given strong painkillers. His head felt fuzzy as his awareness slowly spread to other sensations, like how he was otherwise warm and comfortable and lying on a bed. Then his ears registered some soft beeps and other noises that sounded distinctly like medical equipment, and he opened his eyes to see the familiar sight of the medical bay. Why-?

Realization shocked him awake. It hadn't worked. All that effort he'd put into trying to ensure his suicide would be successful, and despite all that,  _ it hadn't worked. _ Anger and despair warred with him and manifested as pain and dizziness in his head and nausea so strong he started to wretch. He tried to sit up, but his vision nearly blacked out, and when it cleared again, he found himself lying down once more. Mentally, he was panicking, but his body felt slow and sluggish to respond. He was drugged, clearly, but with what? And to what end?

Slowly, carefully, he pulled himself under control. Fear would not serve him well. First, he assessed his symptoms. The pain and dizziness were likely from the suicide attempt itself. He  _ knew _ he had lost a significant amount of blood even before he’d passed out. It made sense that he would feel weak upon waking. And the sluggishness… was that also from the blood loss? Perhaps the drugs weren’t that strong after all. Maybe he really was just that weak.

He forced himself to breathe deeply, but he couldn’t stop wondering what would happen next. Would Sendak be mad at him for trying to kill himself? It seemed likely enough. Could he manage to kill himself now, in the medical bay?

He started to look around and had another shock as he laid eyes on Sendak, apparently asleep in a chair next to Lotor's bedside. He looked worn and weary, like he was holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. Lotor couldn't help but wonder why Sendak was there. Was he really that determined to ensure that Lotor lived to endure his torment that he would stand guard himself? That was the only explanation that made any sense to Lotor, as he quickly dismissed the ideas that this was out of some kind of affection or concern.

Moving slowly to avoid another dizzy spell, Lotor started to remove the monitoring tabs from his body. Even as weak as he was, he knew he had to somehow finish the job  _ now _ before Sendak woke up, or else he might not get another chance for a very, very long time. But as he pulled one of them off, an alert sounded from a machine nearby, and Lotor cursed himself for not being careful enough.

Sendak startled awake immediately, looking confused and tired, as if he hadn’t slept well in a while. His eyes were bleary as he looked around for the source of the sound and then widened significantly when they settled on Lotor. His lips parted and there was something like deep relief in his eyes. “Lotor,” he whispered and reached out for him but stopped himself before his hand could get close to him, drawing his hand back.

Lotor looked at him warily, confused and suspicious about his reaction. It seemed like... genuine concern? He doubted that was the case, but he supposed there was a chance, perhaps, that the witch's reconditioning of Sendak's mind had worn off a little. Perhaps he'd regressed back to how he was right before he'd gone back to her, when he'd acted possessive and oddly affectionate.

"You saved me," he said bluntly, not bothering to hide the disappointment and bitterness in his voice. "Why." It was more of a demand than a question, and he knew that it could agitate Sendak, but he didn't care at this point.

Sendak closed his eyes for a long moment and when he opened them again there were unshed tears in them. “I remembered,” he said, his voice hoarse from disuse and tight with emotion. “I saw you there and I didn’t know what I was doing, I just...” he looked like he was at a complete loss. “I killed her,” he said quietly. “I remember everything.”

Lotor froze, absolutely stunned by Sendak's words. He blinked and swallowed heavily as he tried to process this and come up with some sort of response. He wanted to ask about Sendak's memories, to make sure he was telling the truth, but what came out instead was, "The witch? She's gone? Are you  _ absolutely _ sure?" It was hard to imagine, knowing what he did about her powers, that she could really have been killed.

Sendak couldn’t bring himself to meet Lotor’s intense gaze but he nodded. “I caught her off-guard. She’s gone.” He carefully glanced at Lotor. “She won’t hurt you anymore. In any way.” There was so much pain in his eyes.

A deep and powerful sense of relief filled Lotor and brought tears to his eyes. After millennia of fear, he finally,  _ finally _ didn't have to worry about her power or influence anymore. It seemed too good to be true, but he could tell that Sendak was being completely sincere.  _ Sendak. _ Lotor wiped the tears away from his eyes and looked over at him again. "You remember?" he asked softly. "After all this time, how...?"

Sendak looked at Lotor, relief warring with deep sadness and fear in his eyes. “When she died...” he trailed off, unable to describe what had happened. He shook his head and closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as a tear slipped out of the corner. “I’m so sorry, Starlight.” His voice broke on the last word.

Lotor's lips parted in quiet shock, and more tears of his own came to his eyes.  _ Starlight. _ He hadn't heard that name in millennia, and the sound of it brought a bittersweet smile to his face. "It's really you," he murmured. "I thought I'd never get you back again."

Sendak looked at him, keeping his hands in his lap. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to reach out, but instead he played nervously with his hands. “I thought I was dead for a long time. I... don’t really know what she did but I didn’t feel like a person. I haven’t felt like a person for millennia.” He looked absolutely exhausted. “I remember everything she had me do.” His eyes were centuries away and when they focused back on Lotor there was endless pain in them. “I’ll never touch you again, I promise.”

The pain in Sendak's voice and face broke Lotor's heart, and he found himself reaching out without even thinking about it. "That wasn't really you. I know that you never would have hurt me if you were in your right mind."

His own words reminded him of the suffering he’d had to endure at this man’s hands, and fear made him draw his hand back. Perhaps that was… too much. Too soon. It would be safer to keep a certain distance between them.

But… his eyes went to Sendak’s hands, how it looked like he wanted to reach out to him. Even despite the weight of the years on Sendak’s body and face, Lotor could see his old sweetheart in those familiar mannerisms and the uncertain look in his eye. He resolved that he wouldn’t let the witch’s corruption steal Sendak from him anymore, so he reached out again, sure this time. "I've missed you for thousands of years. I want to hold your hand again."

Sendak looked utterly shocked, glancing at Lotor’s hand. He waited for a long moment, remaining motionless until finally he moved his natural hand as if he’d forgotten how to do it and gingerly took Lotor’s outstretched hand in his, holding it as if it were the most precious thing in the universe. “I don’t deserve this,” he whispered. There was something like relief in his eyes but they lingered on the scars from Lotor’s cuts. “I did this.”

Lotor shook his head slightly, and he squeezed Sendak's hand reassuringly. "Sendak, I don't blame you for what she forced you to do. Think about it: if you remembered our past together, would you have made me into a slave?" As well as he could, Lotor started to stroke the back of Sendak's hand with his thumb. He didn't wait for Sendak's reply before continuing, "I know it will be hard for both of us to move forward. I don't know yet if our relationship will ever be the same as it was when we were young. I don't know if I could ever have— ever be  _ intimate _ with you again, but... after missing and mourning you for so long, I can't help but be so incredibly relieved to have you back."

Sendak released a shaky breath and squeezed back, finally meeting Lotor’s gaze. “She could never make me forget you entirely,” he said, almost too quiet to hear. “I always had dreams and flashes of you. I didn’t know what they were at the time. She tried to repress them but she couldn’t. Not without taking more of me than she realized.” He smiled sadly and squeezed Lotor’s hand again with utter gentleness. “You need to rest. You were—you were badly hurt.” His hand shook slightly as he said it.

Lotor nodded and squeezed Sendak's hand in return. "I'm sorry. I'm sure I must have been... quite a sight when you found me. If I'd thought you had any capacity for emotion left, if I knew that it would hit you this hard, I don't know if I could have gone through with it." He smiled wryly, almost more of a grimace, but with warmth in his eyes. "Thank you for saving me."

Sendak looked away and nodded but his eyes looked haunted. “Just...” His voice was tight and when he looked back at Lotor he looked terrified. “Please,” he begged. “Please don’t ever hurt yourself again. Please Lotor.” His grip was loose so that Lotor could pull away at any moment. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to save you. I thought I’d killed you. It broke something in me and I don’t think I could survive it again.”

Lotor tightened his grip on Sendak's hand. "I won't. I only..." He swallowed hard, trying to find the gentlest way to say what he needed to. "The only reason I did that was because I saw no other way out, and it pained me too much to see you being used as a soulless puppet and to be treated as nothing but a toy. That was all the witch's fault, either directly or indirectly. Now that she's gone and you're back to yourself, I finally have some hope again." He smiled weakly, aiming to be reassuring. "I don’t… I can’t promise that I’m  _ fine _ now, but I will be with time. I'll be alright. I promise."

Sendak nodded and placed his other hand on top of Lotor’s. “I love you,” he whispered. “More than anything.” Some of the tension seemed to leave him as he said the words and an echo of the smile he’d always saved for Lotor returned to his eyes. “You should be resting and I should be running the empire but I can’t bring myself to leave,” he said sheepishly.

Lotor's small smile brightened, and he looked at Sendak with warmth and affection in his eyes. "I've always loved you, I love you still, and I will love you forever."

Now that he knew everything would be alright, Lotor felt himself relax. He yawned, finally letting himself give into the exhaustion and weakness he’d been fighting off since waking up. "Stay with me until I fall asleep. Then you should take care of your duties."

Sendak looked at him affectionately. “Of course,” he said quietly and stroked the back of Lotor’s hand. “I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise. Rest now, Starlight.”

"Thank you, love." Lotor closed his eyes and relaxed, truly at ease for the first time in a long time. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Lotor woke slowly, gradually becoming aware of himself and his surroundings. He cracked his eyes open and immediately recognized the medical bay. His body ached, especially in his chest, and it took him a moment to remember why, why he hurt so much and why he was in the medical bay.

Suicide. He'd tried to commit suicide, and it hadn't worked. Why hadn't...?

His chest hurt so much. Maybe it was the pain that woke him up. Had he been on painkillers before? He had a sense that he had, and that he'd already woken up and done... something, but between coming off of the drugs and the pain currently plaguing him, the memories came back only slowly. He'd been talking to Sendak. He'd…

He suddenly remembered the conversation, how Sendak had apparently killed Haggar and broken through the brainwashing. Could that have been real? It seemed so unlikely, so much more like a dream than anything even remotely possible. He'd dreamt before about Sendak somehow returning to him. This was just another of those dreams. It had to be. For a moment, he tried to sit up to get a better view of the room he was in, but dizziness forced him to lie back down with a groan. He needed to figure out what was going on, but he knew he wasn't getting anywhere in this state.

Sendak was there in an instant, leaning over him. He hushed him gently and left barely-there touches on his arm with the backs of his fingers. “It’s alright. You’re safe. I’m here. I was just talking to the nurse about your dose of painkillers.”

Lotor's first reaction was to tense and freeze, looking up wide-eyed at Sendak. Then the words registered in his mind, and he tentatively began to relax as he tried to piece together what was going on. Sendak was being nice to him... had that earlier conversation been real? "Tell me something only you and I know," he demanded. "Something from... before." He had to be sure before he could let his guard down.

Sendak pulled back slightly, giving Lotor some space. He looked concerned but not surprised at Lotor’s reaction. “When we were young and still in training, there was a boy in your class that wanted to prove himself to the emperor. He cheated and he hurt you even after you surrendered. I broke his arm that night. You called me an idiot and a brute but I think that you were pleased, even if you didn’t want to admit it.”

Lotor remembered the whole incident, and he relaxed, knowing that the only way Sendak could know about it was if he really did have his memories back. He even cracked a smile at Sendak's last comment. "It's true. I was only acting upset because you were too obvious in your revenge, and I didn't want you to get in trouble for my sake." He tentatively reached out a hand toward Sendak, offering him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry for doubting you. For a moment, I thought that there was a chance that our earlier conversation hadn't been real, that I'd dreamed the whole thing up. I just... wanted to be sure."

Sendak smiled sadly. “I know. I’m sorry, I should have been more careful.” He took Lotor’s hand and brushed his lips over his knuckles. “How are you feeling? Do you need more painkillers?” He looked at Lotor with his brows furrowed.

"It's alright," Lotor quickly reassured him. "You were gentle enough. I'll just be a little tense for a while." He tried to sound casual about it. "As for the painkillers, yes, I think they've worn off. My chest especially hurts right now."

Sendak called the nurse over, and before long the pain in Lotor’s chest eased. Sendak sat back down in his chair at Lotor’s bedside and began absently running his fingers over Lotor’s hand. The motion was so familiar despite the centuries that had passed since the last time Sendak had done it. “Better?”

"Mmhmm." Lotor nodded and offered Sendak a tired smile. "That's definitely much better." Now that he could think clearly, Lotor found himself wondering... "What comes next? Once I've recovered, what are we going to say? If we don't say anything, everyone will notice that your slave vanished."

Sendak released a long breath and shook his head. “In all honesty I haven’t managed to think of a solution. I’m debating if we should just pretend we planned it, the way we usually did.” There was an echo of the mischievous smile he’d usually given Lotor after he’d pulled him into the nearest supply closet to hide from passing guards. “I can give you back your power. I’d have someone build you a fleet, but I think you’d probably rather do that yourself.”

Lotor considered that for a moment, mulling it over. "That would probably be the safest option. If we admit that I really was a slave, it might not matter in the eyes of the people that I've been pardoned and restored to power. If, however, we pretend that I willingly did  _ all that _ for a ruse, they will likely be... somewhere between disgusted and impressed." He couldn't think of a better way to describe their likely reaction, but he was sure Sendak would understand. It was the same sort of reaction the public had to particularly violent gladiators.

"As for a fleet, I really do not want to be a commander or personally manage a fleet like that." He shook his head. "I think I can do you more good here. You need a new head of the science and energy research department, don't you? I could take the witch's lab and turn it into a proper research center, studying how to harvest and use Quintessence  _ safely _ and sustainably."

Sendak’s lips parted and he stared at Lotor for a moment. “You... you want to stay?” He smiled for the first time in centuries. A small but relieved smile. “It’s yours. The position, the lab, anything you need.”

He took Lotor’s hand in both of his, holding it gently. “But first you must heal.”

"Of course," Lotor said softly. He mirrored Sendak's smile with one of his own. "Finally, everything I've wanted for the past 9,000 years is right at my fingertips. Remember all the plans I whispered to you? We can finally revolutionize our Quintessence production and help our colonies to thrive instead of being drained. We can work to correct and undo some of the damage inflicted under my father's reign, and we can certainly prevent any new tragedies. We can restore our people to the honorable society we once were before the conquest began." He squeezed Sendak's hand. "And we can do it all together."

Sendak brought Lotor’s hand to his chest and closed his eyes. When he opened them there were tears in them. He nodded. “Together.” He pressed a kiss to Lotor’s hand and put it back on the bed, smiling to himself. “Always planning. We can do all that when you’re healed. I’ll have some rooms prepared, if that’s alright with you. It’ll be safer than here.” He looked like he wasn’t terribly happy about the idea.

Lotor looked thoughtful for a moment as he considered that idea. The thought of going back to the emperor's chambers was... unsettling, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be alone either. He chewed his lower lip as an idea started to crystallize. "Whatever happened to my old suite? I had it cleared out and put back into good repair for my use during my brief stint as emperor pro tem. I doubt anything has happened to it in the few phoebs since then." He hesitated a little, but then he thought of all the memories they had together there of the nights when Sendak snuck in so long ago, and he made up his mind. "You can stay there with me. Like old times."

Sendak smiled wistfully, probably remembering the time they’d spent together in Lotor’s rooms, much nicer than Sendak’s rooms had been at the time. “That sounds perfect,” he said. “The medics said it would take you some time to be able to recover your strength since you lost a lot of blood so you’ll be on mandatory bed rest for a while, but I’m sure it’ll be more bearable in a real bed, and I can stay in the guest room. In case something happens.”

Lotor nodded, smiling again as he saw that Sendak liked the idea. "Yes. And you can visit with me more easily that way. We have a lot of planning to do, after all, and I can do that perfectly well from bed. We can have discussions over dinner."

With the idea of food in his mind, Lotor realized he was actually quite hungry. "Speaking of food, do you think you could persuade the nurses to bring me something decent? I will not eat any of that nutritional mush they like to pass off as food, no matter if they say it's only thing I can handle right now."

Sendak smiled at him knowingly. “Of course. I should have known you can’t bring yourself to force that stuff down, I’m sorry. I’ll send for something nicer right away.”

"I...  _ managed _ to get it down, but after having it constantly during my last two times on bed rest, I'd rather not." Lotor grimaced as he recalled the taste. 

Sendak tapped away at his datapad. “Would you prefer to move this to your rooms? These beds have wheels so it should be no problem to get you there.”

Lotor felt more relaxed at just the idea. “Yes, that sounds lovely."

Sendak squeezed Lotor’s hand. “Alright. I’ll be right back after I talk it out with the medic.” He stood and left, slipping past the curtain around Lotor’s bed.

He returned a few moments later with a serious looking woman, who was saying, “...have to check up on him for the first few days, and we’ll leave one monitor in place. He needs rest, sir.” She seemed to look at Lotor with concern in her eyes. “No physical activity.” Her gaze hardened as she looked back at Sendak.

Sendak nodded. “I will make sure of it.” He stepped back and let her disconnect the monitors, leaving a thin one on Lotor’s lower right arm.

“Will you be needing assistance in moving him?” she asked.

Sendak shook his head. “Thank you. I’ll take care of it.”

She nodded once and glanced back at Lotor. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” And with that she was gone as quickly as she’d come.

Sendak pushed the bed through the corridors to Lotor’s rooms. They arrived fairly quickly at the imperial wing and soon enough, they were in Lotor’s bedroom. Sendak pushed the medical bed up to the real one. “Do you... want some help?” He stood back slightly, unsure if he should come any closer.

Lotor pursed his lips as he considered the offer seriously. He was still weak and dizzy. He’d been in  _ worse _ states before and had managed more than just moving from one bed to another, so if he absolutely had to, he was sure he  _ could _ make it to the other bed on his own. But, well,  _ could _ and  _ should _ were very different beasts, and he highly doubted that the medic would approve of him pushing himself too strenuously right now.

Besides, that wasn't the only issue in question here. He could see the hesitation in Sendak’s mannerisms and uncertain hope in the way he was looking at him. Lotor tried to examine his own feelings to see whether he'd be alright with Sendak's hands on him. Finally, he decided to try, and he nodded to Sendak. "Yes please. Just... do it slowly. I might tense up when you first touch me, but I should be alright if you give me a chance to relax."

Sendak approached him cautiously and nodded. “I can call for someone to help if you change your mind.” He slowly slid his hands under Lotor’s shoulders and knees and kept them there, waiting for his reaction. “Still good?” he asked in a soft and gentle voice.

Though he was tense at first, Lotor took a deep breath. Sendak’s scent surrounded him, and despite the events of the past couple of months, the instinctive association of  _ mate _ and  _ trust _ still held true somehow. He quickly found himself able to calm down and even relax a little. It helped that Sendak was so very gentle with him, so delicate and careful and so unlike the witch’s version of him.

"Yes,” Lotor finally answered. “This is good. Go ahead and take me to the other bed. Maybe you could climb in as well and we could sit together." He knew even as he said it that he was probably asking for too much and too quickly, but he couldn’t help himself. He felt a strong impulse to seek safety with his mate (well,  _ intended _ mate, and separated long ago, but he had never found anyone who could take Sendak’s place), as ironic as that desire was under the circumstances.

Sendak lifted him with ease and pushed the medical bed out of the way with his leg. “Are you sure? I could just as well sit on a chair next to you.” He set Lotor down on the sheets with his back resting against the headboard and drew a blanket up to his hips. “I don’t want... I want you to feel safe.”

Lotor gently tugged him closer. "Just don't startle me. As long as I'm aware of where you are and what you're doing, I'm finding that it isn't too difficult for me to simply remind myself that everything is alright again."

Sendak nodded and slowly walked over to the other side of the bed. He carefully got in, still maintaining a distance to Lotor. He was about to speak again when he was distracted by a subtle sound from his datapad. He looked relieved as he tapped something, and a few ticks later, sentries were bringing in meats and delicacies. He told them to set them on the bed and began preparing a plate for Lotor, making sure to cut the tender parts of meat. He handed the plate over wordlessly and with a small smile.

Lotor accepted it and smiled gratefully in return. He started in on the food and hummed in pleasure at the taste of it. "Ah, thank you. This is so much better than nutritional goo."

Sendak prepared a plate for himself as well. It was clear he’d barely eaten in the time Lotor had been unconscious. Once he’d finished, he looked at Lotor again and began piling more on his plate. “You should eat some more,” he said. “I was thinking... since you want to stay but you don’t want to be a commander, I thought I’d make you my advisor as well as giving you everything the witch had. You’ve always been the one with the plan, Lotor, and I need you.”

"I hardly care which titles you give me," Lotor replied. "Whether I'm officially your advisor or only behind closed doors, I'll tell you exactly what I think you should do and why." He smiled then, leaning over just enough that his shoulder bumped into Sendak's upper arm for a moment before sitting up straight again. "We're a team, you and I. I'm not going anywhere."

Then, he sobered up a little, setting his plate aside and leaning forward to catch Sendak's eye. "Listen, after everything that's happened, I cannot say what our relationship will look like. I feel a lot of affection towards you, but it's all mixed up with pain and grief from thousands of years of trying to get over you and then weeks of trying to get  _ through _ to you. But no matter what, you are still my best friend, do you understand? Even if we're not intimate like before, I still care about you and respect you deeply. If nothing else, I at least want to stay close friends with you no matter what."

Sendak looked like he was deeply touched. “I’m honored,” he said in a near whisper. “I—I would have understood if you never wanted to see me again, but I’m beyond relieved that you want to stay. I’ll never stop loving you, but there are no expectations. I don’t care about any of that. I just... want you to be happy. And I want to be there for you, always.” He smiled and his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I’d love to be your best friend again.”

"I'll never stop loving you either, in one sense of the word or another," Lotor said softly. "You're my oldest and dearest friend, and I want you to be happy as well."

He took Sendak's hand between both of his own. "You didn't deserve any of what happened to you either. She hurt you, used you, took your eye and your arm..." He shook his head. "I can tell that you feel guilty, but I don't blame you at all. We were both victims of her games. And now we're both free, alive, and safe. I don't want to let her influence drive us apart."

Sendak looked at him for a long moment, scanning his face. Finally, he squeezed Lotor’s hand. “It won’t. I promise.” He looked like he was about to reach out with his other hand as well but decided not to without Lotor’s clear consent. He focused on Lotor’s plate instead. “Are you done eating?” he asked him. “Feeling alright?”

Lotor gave him a somewhat concerned look, but he decided not to press the issue. "I feel tired, but otherwise, I'm fine." He looked at the plate, considering his appetite. "I think I'll have a little bit more before I rest." He picked up another piece of meat. "While I eat, can you give me some updates on the state of the empire? I need more information for my plans."

Sendak smiled at him. “Of course. The empire is quite stable at this point. There were some minor rebellions but they didn’t last long. Most of the imperial commanders were already loyal to me because I’d been Zarkon’s right hand. Those in disagreement with Zarkon’s rule fell into line as well after... after the Kral Zera. The witch’s death has caused some unrest among her followers, but there isn’t much I can do about that. Most of them have been disappearing as well. I want to change things and I feel I have enough of a hold on the commanders for now. Our people do not like change, but they will follow their emperor.”

Lotor nodded thoughtfully. "Good. That's..." A shadow passed across his expression, but he managed a somewhat wry smile. "Very good. Better than I could have done." He nodded again, more firmly this time. "That will make it easier for me to introduce changes without inciting any rebellion."

He asked a few more specific questions about the state of certain regions and fleets as he finished up his meal. Soon enough, his plate was empty, and he started to yawn. "I'm afraid I could use some more rest," he admitted. "I'll have to ask more later."

Sendak nodded and had the remains of their dinner cleared away. He stood and walked around the bed, closer to where Lotor was sitting. “Do you want some help lying down?” he asked, gesturing at the bed. Once he would have simply picked Lotor up and held him close, but Sendak was keeping a small but careful distance.

Lotor considered it carefully. It would be easy enough to just scoot forward and lie down, wouldn’t it? He could probably manage. But he also knew that there was something more to that question, so he simply nodded and smiled. "Sure, that sounds lovely."

Sendak looked infinitely relieved and slowly, gently, moved Lotor into a resting position. He tucked the blanket around Lotor and adjusted the pillows. He carefully, giving Lotor ample time to stop him, ran his hand over Lotor’s silky hair and smiled down at him. “Good night, Starlight,” he whispered, barely audible despite his closeness, and made his way to his room.

"Good night, Sen," Lotor called softly as he left. He smiled to himself, feeling at ease in the comfort of his own room and with the knowledge that Sendak was safe and sound with just two doors between them. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

It took a few days for Lotor to be able to stand without help, but it was still a few days earlier than expected. His unique physiology meant that the medics would likely never be able to truly predict his body’s reactions. 

Lotor had asked for an audience and Sendak had made sure to provide it. There were drones everywhere, set to broadcast what was about to happen to the far reaches of the empire. Sendak looked at Lotor, asking permission to proceed. Lotor nodded back and Sendak addressed the guards at the far end of the room. “Bring in the traitor.” 

Throk looked significantly worse for wear. His prisoner jumpsuit was filthy and torn in places and he hissed in pain as the guards forced him to his knees. Sendak had had him imprisoned the day after he’d killed Haggar, leaving his fate for Lotor to decide. He looked at Lotor now, inclining his head and prompting him to speak.

Lotor stepped forward, looking serious as he addressed the camera right in front of him. "Citizens and soldiers of the Galra empire. For the time since the Kral Zera, our glorious new Emperor Sendak has, to all appearances, been keeping me as a slave. This was a ploy, meant to fool Archmage Haggar while Emperor Sendak and I worked to uproot her influence. She tried to manipulate Emperor Sendak, and she has already been put to death for her treachery. Now that she has been dealt with, we have no reason to continue this charade, and I will now take up my duties as an advisor to Emperor Sendak.

"However, it appears that there are a few loose ends to deal with. Some among you decided to use my apparent status as a means by which to slander my reputation and to try to humiliate me further. Be warned now that such lies and slander will not be tolerated." He motioned then to Throk, and a guard dragged him forward by a chain. On Lotor's orders, Throk had been put in a collar and cuffs in the same configuration as the ones that Lotor had been forced to wear during their encounter. It brought vengeful satisfaction to see Throk dragged by his neck and helpless to lash out, as humiliated and helpless now as he'd tried to make Lotor feel.

"Commander Throk spread the boldest and nastiest rumors,” Lotor continued, “claiming that he had personally inflicted humiliation upon me. Even if I really had been a slave, none may speak that way about the Emperor's property. And since I am not a slave, I cannot let such an insult to my honor stand unanswered." He held out his hand, and a guard gave him his sword. He paced forward, speaking directly to Throk. "I spared your life when you challenged me in the Arena, and you repaid me by trying to degrade me. Your life is mine, and now, it is forfeit."

Throk yanked around his chains but they wouldn’t budge. His eyes met Lotor’s and it was clear he knew he was beaten, but he was furious about it. He snarled and spat on the floor at Lotor’s feet. His voice was too low for anyone but Lotor to hear. “I hope you think of me whenever someone touches you, whore. Kill me,  _ halfbreed, _ see if it helps.” There was a certain desperation behind his words, as if he expected to manipulate Lotor into letting him live.

Lotor regarded him coldly. Throk's desperation was quite satisfying, and Lotor had to hold back a smile as he raised his blade. "I should have killed you in the Arena." That was all the response he graced Throk with, more than that worm deserved, before he brought his blade down above the collar and sliced through the flesh completely. He turned away, walking back to the throne and handing his sword to a guard to be cleaned. Then he resumed his place at Sendak's side and kept his eyes on the cameras, paying no attention to the corpse on the floor. "Think long and hard before you spread rumors and lies," he warned the population watching. "That is the price for slander."

Sendak looked over at Lotor and visibly nodded at him for the benefit of the cameras. He didn’t address his people, letting Lotor’s words speak for themselves. “End transmission,” he ordered and the camera drones darkened. He turned his attention back to Lotor. “Alright?” he asked quietly.

Lotor nodded, giving Sendak a small and slightly tired smile. "I'm just glad that's over," he admitted. "Let's go back to my suite. That took more energy out of me than I'd like to admit in front of the guards."

Sendak nodded in understanding and got up gesturing for Lotor to follow. They walked in silence until the door to Lotor’s rooms closed behind them. Sendak turned to face him immediately. “Are you sure you’re alright?” His brows were furrowed in concern.

"I'm alright, just..." Lotor yawned, and he swayed a little on his feet. "Just tired. Nothing that I can't fix by sitting down for a few moments and maybe getting a nap."

He was about to start walking towards his room, but then he had an idea. He wanted to slowly reintroduce more touches into their relationship, and he wanted to overcome the barrier of guilt that kept Sendak from initiating  _ any _ kind of touch (not that he didn't appreciate being asked, but as long as he could see it coming, he wasn't going to be set off by a simple touch to his arms or shoulders, he was sure). Reaching out towards Sendak's shoulder, he asked, "Can I lean on you?"

Sendak placed a hand on Lotor’s in answer. “Always,” he said. It was clear he meant more than just physically. “Do you want me to sit with you while you nap or do you want to sit on the couch and talk? Anything you need. I know that must’ve been hard for you.” He still didn’t touch Lotor beyond the hand gently resting over his.

"Let's go to my room." Lotor hung off his shoulder, but it still wasn't quite what he was looking for. "You can put your arm around my waist," he offered. "That should make it easier." He almost asked to be picked up, but... no, he wasn't quite there yet. It would safer to stick with the arm on his waist.

Sendak hesitantly wrapped his arm around Lotor’s waist, looking carefully for any signs of discomfort. The concern on his face eased somewhat as he saw Lotor was serious about being touched, about wanting to be touched. He let Lotor guide him into his room, the hand on his waist steady and warm.

They soon reached the room, and Lotor climbed into bed, giving Sendak a grateful if somewhat tired smile. "Thank you, both for helping me to bed and for allowing me to make that announcement. I'll feel more comfortable knowing that everyone knows that I have power and authority now. I felt too vulnerable before, wondering if someone was going to..." He shook his head. "So thank you for allowing that little demonstration."

Sendak touched Lotor’s shoulder before letting go. “Of course. You don’t have to thank me for any of that. I’m happy to help you. Honestly, I’m still relieved you let me help. And... I don’t have to  _ allow _ you to do anything. Say the word and I’ll see it done. You don’t have to thank me for it. Not after everything.”

Lotor's small smile turned into a concerned frown at Sendak's last comment, and he scooted over and patted the bed next to him. "Come here for a minute. We should talk about this. I've left the topic alone for the past few days, but I hate seeing you stewing in so much guilt."

Sendak hesitated for a moment but then did as Lotor asked, sitting down next to him, still facing him. “I’m sorry. I just...” He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them they were filled with unshed tears. “I hurt you. Horribly. And I know,  _ I know _ it wasn’t me, I never would have done that, but it doesn’t  _ feel _ that way.” His voice lowered and his words were almost impossible to make out. “The truth is... I’m terrified it’ll happen again. That I’ll lose control again and that I’ll hurt you, and I’d rather  _ die _ than let that happen.”

"Oh,  _ love..." _ Lotor took Sendak's hand in both of his own, trying to convey with a touch the empathy the words could not express. Tears welled up in his own eyes as he looked at Sendak's. He was silent for a moment, trying to find the right words to express his thoughts and ease Sendak's pain. "You already saved me. Even without fully knowing what you were doing and why, you killed the witch. She's gone forever, and you and I are safe now. I..."

He sighed deeply, running his thumbs over the back of Sendak's hand. "I would have tried to save you from her, but I was too afraid of what my father would do if I dared such a boldly rebellious move. Then, I'd hoped to do something during my brief stint as emperor pro tem, only to find out that you were missing in action. And then, well... the point is that with both my father and the witch gone, there's no one left who could separate us like that again." He tried to catch Sendak's eye as he repeated once more, "We're safe now."

Sendak touched Lotor’s forearm with his other hand and squeezed gently. It was more than he’d initiated since Lotor had woken up. He nodded and a small grateful smile spread on his lips. “Thank you. I’ll try to remember that. But it helps a lot when you say that.” Sendak stayed seated for another few moments, seemingly enjoying Lotor’s presence. “Thank you,” he repeated. “I should leave you to sleep. You need it.” His smile was soft and gentle, full of love, as he looked at Lotor.

Lotor felt relieved as he saw Sendak's smile, and he was sure it showed in his own smile. "Alright, I'll do that." Before letting go of Sendak's hand, he brought it to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of it. Then he laid down and settled into the bed. "Take care of yourself too," he said gently. "Don't overwork yourself."

Sendak smiled fondly at him as he got up. “Yes, your highness,” he said and there were hints of teasing in his voice. It was what he’d called Lotor before everything whenever he told Sendak to do something he didn’t want to. He’d always done it in the end. “Sleep well,” he whispered and left.

Lotor chuckled, relieved that Sendak was feeling well enough to tease him like that. Then, he closed his eyes, and he was soon asleep.

* * *

Lotor woke up in a panic, sitting bolt upright and flailing for a weapon only to find that none were within reach. He glanced around the room, trying to orient himself, and he realized that he was alone and everything was quiet.

He took a deep breath. He was in his own room. He was safe.

But fragments of the dream he'd just woken up from haunted him. He could no longer remember the details, but he knew it had to do with Sendak. He'd dreamed that Sendak had, like he'd admitted to being afraid of earlier that evening, somehow reverted to being that emotionless and uncaring husk again. The thought made Lotor shudder.

Though he knew logically that Sendak was fine, Lotor couldn't just lay back down to sleep without checking. He crept out of his room into the main chamber and then very slowly opened the door to the guest room. There, he could see Sendak sleeping, but instead of putting him at ease, the sight only caused Lotor more anxiety. He hovered in the doorway, trying to convince himself that Sendak was fine and that it was impossible for him to have somehow lost control of his mind again like that.

Sendak frowned and opened his eyes slightly, making a small inquisitive sound. When he saw Lotor, his eyes widened and he slowly sat up. “Hey. Are you alright?” he asked, and although he said it quietly, his voice carried in the stillness of the room.

Sendak must’ve seen the distress on Lotor’s face because he lowered his voice further. “Nightmare?” he asked. He hesitated for another moment and then shifted, carefully patting the space beside him. “Do you want to come here?”

Lotor could feel his anxiety starting to ease, but he still felt a little wary. He took a few cautious steps forward before hesitating at the foot of the bed. "Tell me something from before, something you'd only know if you remembered."

Sendak’s voice was soft as he spoke. “The first time you woke me because of a nightmare was unintentional. I’d stayed over in this room because it was past protocol. I heard you and I came to wake you. We sat on the sofa afterwards because you couldn’t go to sleep again and I tried to distract you. I’m not sure if I succeeded, in the end, but I like to think I might’ve helped.” He smiled at the memory.

A tentative smile slowly made its way onto Lotor's face. "It did. I felt safer with you." He finally walked to the side of the bed and climbed into it, settling next to Sendak. "I'm sorry I woke you. I just— I had to know. I had to check on you."

Sendak brushed his hand against Lotor’s and carefully, hesitantly, interlaced their fingers. “It’s alright. Do you want to sleep or do you want to stay up? I don’t mind either, whatever you’d want to do.”

Lotor sighed wearily and squeezed Sendak's hand. "I think I'll be tired enough to sleep again soon. I know I certainly need more rest. Maybe..." He bit his lip uncertainly, not knowing whether this was a good idea. "Maybe we could lay down together."

Sendak gently squeezed Lotor’s hand. “If you’re sure,” he said softly. “I would like that, I think, if you think it’s a good idea. I can stay on my side and just... be there so you’re not alone. Would you want that?”

Lotor pursed his lips as he considered it. Part of him wanted more, wanted to cuddle with Sendak like old times, but part of him wanted to leave the room entirely. He couldn't decide which was the better idea.

Finally, he murmured, "I want you to hold me. I just... I at least want to try."

Sendak’s lips parted and he studied Lotor carefully for a moment before nodding slowly in understanding. “Let me know if you want me to stop, Starlight.” He slowly slid a hand around Lotor’s shoulders and pulled him closer. Slowly, he guided Lotor to lay on his side, facing him. “Still alright?”

Lotor nodded slowly. Some unease churned in his gut, but he pushed it down. This was Sendak, the  _ real _ Sendak, and he was safe with him.

As he shuffled a little to get more comfortable, however, Lotor became too aware of the small space between his hips and Sendak's. He knew Sendak wouldn't do anything, but he found himself trying to find a way to get further away without disturbing the arm around him. He frowned, knowing that this wasn't working. "Do you have an extra pillow or something?"

Sendak reached up and quickly produced another pillow. These were Lotor’s chambers, after all, so it wasn’t hard to find an extra pillow. He carefully slid it between them and, ever so gently, placed his hand on Lotor’s ribs while the other cupped the back of his head, idly stroking his hair. “Better?” he asked gently. His hold was loose enough that it wouldn’t take much strength for Lotor to break out of it if he chose to.

Lotor scooted closer until he felt the pillow in front of his hips, and he felt relieved. The tiny barrier was just enough to ease his mind, and he was able to come even closer to Sendak. "Much better." He smiled a little bit. He still felt some anxiety about being in bed with Sendak, but it was getting easier and easier by the moment for him to relax.

Sendak’s hand stroked Lotor’s silky hair and gently pulled him closer. “I love you so much,” he whispered and pressed a gentle kiss to Lotor’s forehead, barely a brush of the lips. “Do you think you can sleep?”

"Mmhmm," Lotor murmured, already staring to feel sleepy again. "I love you too." Feeling warm and loved in a way he hadn't felt in a long time, he soon drifted back off to sleep.

* * *

When Lotor woke, Sendak was still holding him close and carefully playing with his hair. He seemed in no rush to get up, content to just hold Lotor close. His hand stopped moving as he noticed the shift in Lotor’s breathing. “Did I wake you, love?” he asked, continuing his idle touches. “Did you sleep well?”

Lotor blinked, confused. He tensed for a couple of ticks, looking at Sendak with wide eyes, but then he glanced around the room and recognized it as his guest room. The memories from the night before finally caught up with him, and he started to relax again. "Right, the nightmare..." He shook his head a little to clear it. "Yes, I slept very soundly. I don't think you woke me up. It's about time to get up anyways, isn't it?"

Sendak loosened his grip slightly but didn’t let go. “Only if you want it to be. We still have time, it’s early.” He continued lightly stroking Lotor’s hair. His hands were so warm and gentle in their ministrations. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For trusting me again. It means everything to me.”

Lotor's expression softened into a small smile. It was such a relief to see Sendak like this, relaxed and without guilt. "Thank  _ you _ for taking such good care of me." He stroked Sendak's face with a gentle caress. "You've been so sweet to me, such a gentleman."

His eyes wandered down to Sendak's lips, and he tried to remember the last time they'd kissed. The whole time Sendak had not been himself, he hadn't once kissed him. They hadn't shared a kiss in 9,000 years. "Do you remember the first time we kissed?" he asked softly.

Sendak’s lips curved upward as he smiled sheepishly and gently cupped Lotor’s jaw, running his thumb over his cheekbone. “How could I forget? We were running from the guards again as we had been since we were younger. I don’t even remember why it was this time but I’m sure we had our reasons.” His smile turned into a small version of the one he’d worn that day when he opened the nearest supply closet and pulled Lotor inside. “We hid and the closet was a lot smaller than I’d remembered. We tried to stifle each other’s laughter. You looked so pretty with your eyes still full of joy, breathing heavily. I suppose I couldn’t help myself upon seeing you. You were always so full of life and so smart and witty and beautiful and a prince, on top of that. I couldn’t believe you’d ever want to be with an orphaned soldier but in that moment... I didn’t care. I kissed you. And knew that it would be you because... it felt right. I love you.”

Lotor remembered that day clearly and how he'd felt, the rush of surprise and then joy as Sendak had kissed him. He wanted nothing more than to recapture that joy now. With his hand on Sendak's cheek, he leaned in closer until their lips were mere millimeters apart. "Kiss me like you did then," he breathed.

Sendak leaned in and pressed their lips together the same way he had all those centuries ago. It was desperate and sweet at once, exactly like then. Sendak’s lips were warm and they lingered on Lotor’s instead of fully pulling back, as if he didn’t want the kiss to end.

Lotor stayed there for a moment, lingering and breathing the same air as Sendak, before gently pulling back just enough to look into Sendak's eyes. "I love you too," he whispered. He moved his hand to the back of Sendak's head and ran his fingers through the fur there. "I fell for you then, and though I spent millennia trying to get over you and forget you, I never could. I still love you just as much now."

Sendak brushed his lips over the corner of Lotor’s mouth. “Nobody could ever make me stop loving you, not truly.” He pulled Lotor closer and made a sound of contentment deep in his throat, almost like a purr but different, softer. “I’m so glad I have you back.”

Then he sighed deeply. “I should go, I have matters to attend to, but I don’t want to. I want to stay here with you.”

"I wish you could," Lotor admitted. He ran his thumb over Sendak's cheekbone in a small caress. Then he lightly kissed Sendak's lips one more time before pulling his hand away. "Go, love. I'll be right here when you're done."

Sendak kissed him back. “I love you. Rest some more, I’ll be back soon.” He released Lotor reluctantly and left another kiss on his forehead. “I’ll have some food sent over for you.” He left one last touch on Lotor’s cheek and left.

Lotor smiled and rolled over into the warm spot Sendak left behind. He was surrounded by Sendak's scent, and while bad memories threatened to come back, he pushed them away. He was safe and happy now. That was the important part.  



	9. Chapter 9

Lotor climbed into Sendak’s bed again that night, but he wasn’t chased by a nightmare, just his desire to be near Sendak again. Sendak held him that night as well, and the next.

Eventually, they moved out of Sendak’s room and into Lotor’s, deciding that if they were to sleep in one bed, it might as well be the one in the larger room.

Sendak was still careful and slow with his touches, keeping them mostly to Lotor’s hands and arms and being careful to never touch him if he wasn’t aware of his presence. There was significantly less weight to the way Sendak moved to touch him now. While still somewhat filled with guilt, his touches became more frequent and casual over the weeks they spent in comfo rtable companionship, and Sendak never asked for more than Lotor was ready to give.

At the same time, Lotor started to take on more work and responsibility as his health improved. He started supervising the lab and research center from afar, reading reports and sending feedback based on their findings. He wanted them to work on the problem of sustainable Quintessence. If only they would  _ listen _ to him...

Sendak now entered the room, smiling at Lotor where he was sitting with his datapad in hand. “What are you doing?” he asked with a smile.

Lotor blinked as he looked up, then returned the smile. "Ah, just..." His smile faded as he considered the problem he was facing. "I'm reading the reports now from the lab. I think I need to go there and see for myself, and I need to show them that I'm in charge now and I know what I'm doing. They haven't disobeyed me yet, but they seem to be doubting my expertise, and it looks like they’re confused about my requests."

Sendak walked up to him and left a small kiss on his cheek. He did that a lot now, leaving more kisses than touches on his skin. “I understand, just... are you sure you want to go there?” A person who didn’t know Sendak well might’ve thought there was nothing wrong, but Lotor saw the anxiety beneath his calm mask. Nevertheless, Sendak didn’t hesitate to offer his help. “I’ll come with you so you’re not alone. I’ll let them know you’re in charge and I’ll make sure they’ll remember it, but only if you think you’re ready to go there. Otherwise, you can stay here and I’ll go, alright?”

Lotor frowned, concerned about Sendak's clear anxiety. "I should be fine there. I think I'm more worried about you." He gently took Sendak's hands, stroking the natural one with his thumb and looking at the prosthetic one. "I have a few bad memories associated with that place, but you?" He shook his head. "I don't want you to ever feel obligated to go back there."

Sendak gently leaned their foreheads together and closed his eyes. “I will never leave you to go somewhere like that alone. I’m here for you.” He opened his eyes and gave Lotor a small smile. “And I know you’re here for me as well. We’ll do this together.“

Lotor closed his eyes as well, bringing his hands up to the sides of Sendak's face and gently holding him close. "Alright. Thank you, love." He gave Sendak a soft kiss before pulling back. "Let's go. I want to speak with them sooner rather than later.

Sendak helped him stand. “Alright, love.” As they walked to the lab he turned to Lotor. “Do you want me to speak on your behalf, or do you want to address them yourself?”

"I can address them." Lotor tried to portray confidence, presenting himself as a figure of authority. "They haven't disobeyed me yet, so there's no reason to make them think they are being punished. I just want to put an end to their doubts now before things get to that point.”

Sendak nodded in agreement. “I’ll be there if you need me,” he said. They walked in companionable silence for the rest of the way.

Sendak stopped in front of the entrance of the labs and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with determination and he stepped inside.

When they reached the engineering bay, he inclined his head to Lotor and stood behind him against the wall, letting him speak.

Lotor eyed Sendak with mild concern, but when he saw that Sendak seemed fine so far, he started to relax. He turned his attention to the surprised workers, who were all looking up from their work nervously. "I've come to see your work and your projects for myself," Lotor said calmly. "The reports were useful while my other obligations kept me away, but now I intend to do more of my work here, and I want to verify the validity of the reports that I've received."

He walked around the room, examining different projects and experiments, and discussing data with individual researchers. Soon enough, the workers started to relax, and Lotor felt himself becoming more at ease too as he was absorbed into the data and research. There were so many projects going on and so much to catch up on with each of them, and he found himself enjoying the process as he learned more and guided the scientists on what to do next.

Sendak approached him after a while, pulling him aside for a moment. “You look like you have it under control. Do you think you’ll be alright? It seems that I should leave you to your work.” He smiled fondly, probably remembering the way Lotor got absorbed in his projects. “We’ll see each other later, yes?”

Lotor was mildly surprised when he checked the time and realized how long Sendak had been standing around just in case he needed him. "Right, yes, everything is going very well. Go ahead and take care of whatever you need to. I'll return to my room after I've finished here." He didn't want to show a display of affection in front of the workers, but he subtly took and squeezed Sendak's hand for a moment in reassurance and then let go again before anyone could see.

Sendak smiled and mouthed  _ thank you _ before making his way to the door. “Carry on,” he said formally, and then he was gone.

Once Sendak had left, Lotor continued going around the lab and checking in with all of the researchers on all of their various projects. By the time he was done, he knew it was probably not long until dinnertime, but he could tell that the ones who were supposed to be working on more efficient harvesting methods for Quintessence needed more guidance, so he sat them down in one of the conference rooms and began to explain to them what he had discovered so very, very long ago with his own projects on the one colony he'd been given.

When they finally asked to be dismissed for dinner, Lotor let them go. He knew that he should leave too, but he just wanted a few moments to make notes of what he'd talked about with them and what he still needed to address next time. Once he'd finished with the notes, he started to set up an experiment for slow Quintessence extraction both as a demonstration and to gather data.

Sendak returned in what seemed like no time at all, carefully knocking on the doorframe. “I thought I’d find you here. You should come to eat something, love, it’s late.”

Lotor looked up in surprise, then checked the time and realized how late it had gotten. "Ah, you're right. I just need to make sure this is stable first." He returned his attention to the project, checking the flow of Quintessence.

Sendak’s eyes found the experiment and he paused before approaching Lotor’s workspace curiously. “What’s that?” he asked, the way he always had when Lotor was working on something he wasn’t familiar with, a mixture of curiosity and awe in his voice.

"This is feeding a small stream of Quintessence to a plant and then extracting a slightly higher amount. The idea is that the inflow of Quintessence will stimulate the plant's natural growth and production of energy, which then allows us to harvest more from it while the plant ultimately ends up stronger and healthier than before." Satisfied that the device was stable for the night, he turned to Sendak to see his reaction. "If this works, we will have a process for a non-destructive and essentially infinite Quintessence supply."

Sendak smiled and pressed a kiss to Lotor’s cheek. “You’re brilliant. You always have been, and now everyone will get to see it.” He studied the experiment, but his eyes soon found their way back to Lotor. “You really do need to take a break, though. I’ll stay with you so you don’t save the universe but neglect yourself. Five more doboshes, Starlight.” His tone was teasing and the ease with which he spoke to Lotor again was genuine, but there was some residual tension, probably from being so close to the witch’s former lair.

Lotor laughed wryly. "I just need to check around the lab to make sure everything's been shut down and stored properly, and then I'll be ready to go."

Soon enough, Lotor was confident that everything was how it should be, and he looked back to Sendak. "Alright, I'm ready to go. I'll admit that I am quite hungry now."

Sendak smiled and took his hand. “It’s a good thing then that I ordered dinner to be made five doboshes ago,” he said with a smirk. His smile softened quickly. “I’m glad to see you working on things again, Lotor.”

Lotor squeezed his hand as they walked together toward their rooms. "Thank you, love." He returned his smile. "As nice as it has been to rest, I do feel happier like this, working toward the goals I laid out so long ago, and it feels nice to be accomplishing something important."

Sendak looked at him with deep adoration. “Yes, I know, but you still need to rest every once in a while.”

It didn’t take them long until they were back at Lotor’s rooms and the door closed behind them. Sendak gestured to the spread-out platters on the table that looked like they’d been placed there a second ago. It was a much larger amount than usual. “After you,” Sendak said, inclining his head.

Lotor raised his eyebrows, looking at the spread and then at Sendak curiously. "What is this?" he asked with teasing suspicion, though he could already tell that it must be a special dinner just judging from the blend of lovely scents coming from the table. He couldn't hide an amused and pleased smile.

Sendak pressed a gentle kiss to Lotor’s hand. “It’s for you, for  _ us, _ a reminder that we can do things like this now. There’s no one stopping us from having a nice dinner together. No more sneaking around and being quiet and hiding in supply closets. We can just... be. And of course, you claimed your own empire today.” He walked over to the table and pulled out Lotor’s chair. “We should celebrate.”

"We should," Lotor agreed as he took the chair. They'd shared dinner every night since Sendak had remembered, but this was different and special and ever so sweet. He gave Sendak a grateful smile. "This is absolutely charming, love. Thank you."

Sendak left a lingering kiss on Lotor’s lips and began pouring a glass of what looked like Lotor’s favorite wine. “I don’t think I’ve told you how radiant you are when you smile, at least not enough.” He uncovered all the platters, letting the scent of spices fill the air and revealing a wide variety of dishes. Finally, he poured his own glass and sat down, lifting it and looking at Lotor. “To us and to many more dinners together. To my best friend and the man I love.”

Lotor's own smile brightened at the compliment, and he felt incredibly touched. The dinner, the toast, it was all so perfect. He held his glass up as well, echoing, "To us," as he touched it to Sendak's and took a sip.

He then held his glass up towards Sendak again. "To you, my love, for making all of this possible. To the most amazing and noble man I have ever known."

Sendak looked touched as he clinked their glasses together a second time. “Thank you. It means everything to me to hear you say that, to make you happy.”

He began serving food to Lotor’s plate before taking some for himself. It was so casual, so simple and elegant and full of all the gentleness and time they’d never been able to share before. “I love you,” Sendak said softly and smiled.

"I love you too," Lotor said without hesitation. He couldn't remember ever being happier than that moment, and he marveled at the love in Sendak's gaze.

As he started to eat, Lotor turned an idea over in his head. Right in this moment, he felt safe and secure. Sendak looked so handsome with his gentle smile softening his features, and Lotor felt every bit as attracted to him as when their relationship was young. Perhaps... "I'd like to try being a little more intimate again, if you'd want that too," he suggested gently. "I can't say how I'll react, but I want to at least try."

Sendak looked up in surprise. “Are you sure?” he asked gently. “I’d love to but... we don’t have to. We never have to be intimate again, Lotor, if you don’t want to. I’m happy just  _ being _ with you.”

He reached over the table for Lotor’s hand and held it. “But if you truly want to, we can try. We‘ll go slow.”

Lotor squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I do want to try. After all, I do still feel very attracted to you in more than one way." He paused for a moment, realizing he was being unnecessarily vague, considering that they were completely alone together. "I still think you're very hot." He smirked a little, then let his smile soften again. "And you remember how I was then. I  _ enjoy _ sex. If I'd had my way back then, we would have had sex every morning and evening. Now we finally have the privacy we always wanted.

"Besides..." He felt his ears heat up a little, which was absurd since he knew he had no reason to be embarrassed in front of Sendak. "I was waiting to ask until I got to the point where I could at least touch myself again while you were away without panicking, and I managed that the other day. I thought about one of our little trysts back then." His eyes met Sendak's again, and he smiled encouragingly. "I think that's a good sign, right?"

Sendak blinked and looked away, smiling to himself before looking back at Lotor. “I suppose it is,” he said quietly. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t done the same.” He smiled sheepishly, seemingly embarrassed in his own right. “I’d love to please you again.” 

* * *

They ate their meal and finished their drinks and made conversation for a long while before Sendak finally stood and offered his hand to Lotor. “Lead the way, love,” he said softly and inclined his head.

Lotor felt his heart beat faster as he took Sendak's hand and led him into the bedroom. Whether he was more nervous or eager, he couldn't tell. He guided Sendak to the bed and stopped just in front of it as he started to take off his own armor. He left the jumpsuit underneath in place for now, still a little unsure about being naked in front of Sendak. Once all the hard armor pieces were off, he climbed into the bed and settled in the middle, looking over at his lover expectantly.

Sendak followed Lotor’s example, leaving his undersuit on but removing all the individual armor pieces carefully. When he was done he joined Lotor on the bed, sitting at the foot of it. “Tell me about what you thought of when you touched yourself,” he said softly but his voice held a promise of something more should Lotor choose to take it.

"I... remembered that time we both snuck away to Arix and found a little hotel there." Lotor smiled at the memory. "We were a little drunk, but it was mostly our eagerness to finally be somewhere private enough not to worry that made us fumble as we stripped each other's clothes off. We were so eager that we hardly took even a moment to prepare. You let me pin you down on the mattress, and I rode you until we'd both come twice." He sighed contentedly as he savored the memory. "In the morning, I woke up to the feeling of your mouth on my cock, and that was the best way I've ever woken up in my life. I was thinking about that in particular when I touched myself, remembering how your mouth felt around me." He could feel sparks of arousal already building just from talking about it. "I haven't felt that for all this time, but I still remember."

Sendak hummed. “That  _ was _ lovely. Perhaps we could try that again.” His smile was still soft, albeit a bit suggestive. He remained seated where he was but leaned forward ever so slightly. “Do you want to undress, Starlight? Should I help? Whatever you want, love.”

"I think...I think that would be good. Come here." Lotor beckoned him closer, leaning in as well. "Kiss me, love. And then... yes, help me out of the suit. We'll just take it slow."

Sendak came closer and left a kiss on Lotor’s cheek. His lips were warm. “Alright,” he said and slowly brought his hand up and helped Lotor open his suit, still leaving kisses on Lotor’s face. “Still good?” he asked when the zipper reached its end.

Lotor shivered a little, but he nodded. "Yes." He caressed Sendak's cheek and gently held him in place as he kissed him, soft but lingering, before letting him go again. He then shrugged out of the upper half of the suit, pulling it down off of his shoulders and arms. Some nervousness coiled in his gut, but he pushed it down.

Sendak kissed him again and again. He was likely trying to distract him from his lingering nerves. “I love you,” he murmured between kisses. His hand lingered on Lotor’s bare side and he pulled back slightly. “May I... do you want to pull it over your hips yourself?” Lotor had had particularly strong reactions to Sendak touching his hips.

"I..." Lotor bit his lip, considering. "I should probably do it." He laid back, and he felt very self-aware as he lifted his hips off the bed and pushed the suit down past them, exposing himself completely. Once the suit was down to his thighs, he sat back up again. He felt a bit nervous, and he caught himself still lightly chewing on his lower lip as he looked to Sendak again.

Sendak met his gaze and slowly, without breaking eye contact, brushed his lips over the center of Lotor’s chest. He inched his way down Lotor’s body, focusing on his task now but still evidently aware of Lotor’s reactions.

He pulled back once he reached his navel and looked at Lotor as if he’d personally hung all the stars in the universe. “You’re so beautiful, love,” he whispered. “Do you want me to take this the rest of the way off or do you want to keep it this way?”

Lotor started to relax again, and he couldn't help but smile at Sendak's care. He reached out and ran one hand over Sendak's head in a gentle caress, trying to show his gratitude. "You can take it off," he answered quietly.

Sendak leaned into the touch and gently pulled the suit off Lotor’s body, leaving him bare. He ran a hand down Lotor’s leg, barely touching his skin, and pressed a kiss to his knee as he slowly settled between his legs. “Should I undress or do you prefer it like this?”

"Like this," Lotor answered reluctantly. As much as Lotor liked Sendak's body, seeing him still in his jumpsuit made him... less intimidating, and it reminded him of their days sneaking around together when they often didn't risk undressing fully. "Perhaps later... but this is easier for now." He gave him an apologetic look.

Sendak planted another kiss on Lotor’s leg. “It’s alright, love, thank you for telling me.” He left a trail of kisses across the inside of Lotor’s thigh, moving upward carefully and pausing ever so often to whisper gentle heartfelt praise to Lotor. “Still good, love?” he asked finally, his face inches from Lotor’s cock.

"Yes," Lotor breathed. He shivered a little, but more from anticipation than for any other reason. He stroked Sendak's head again and tangled his fingers into the longer fur at the back of his neck, neither pulling him away nor pushing him down.

Sendak placed his hands on Lotor’s thighs and brushed his lips over the tip of Lotor’s cock before licking a long stripe up the side of it. “So beautiful. I love you,” he whispered and took Lotor’s cock in his mouth, sucking gently but apparently waiting for Lotor’s reaction before continuing.

Lotor groaned in pure pleasure. His hand tightened just a little in Sendak's fur, though he was being careful not to pull. "Good," he murmured, realizing that Sendak wasn't going to go further until he knew how Lotor was reacting. "More, please."

Sendak stroked Lotor’s thighs in appreciation and hollowed out his cheeks. He began moving, slowly, as if he was savoring it. He swallowed him down, swirling his tongue over Lotor’s cock and nearly pulling all the way off before taking Lotor fully in his mouth again.

"Ohhhhh..." Lotor moaned. The arm he was using to keep himself sitting up started to shake, and he let go of Sendak's fur with his other hand so that he could grab a pillow and then lie down. "Don't stop," he groaned.

Sendak released a sound similar to a purr and with his lips still around Lotor’s cock he felt it intimately. He sped up at the encouragement, eager in his movements but steady and gentle. He looked up to meet Lotor’s gaze and slid down again slowly. His eyes promised that he would worship Lotor in every way he wanted if he only asked for it.

"Mmm,  _ yes _ ..." Lotor could feel his pleasure building, and he was sure he wouldn't last much longer. "I'm getting close. Please..." He struggled not to thrust up into Sendak's mouth, and he was sure Sendak could feel the stuttering half-thrusts as he slowly lost control of himself.

Sendak doubled down, hollowing out his cheeks and speeding up, all while still looking at Lotor reverently as if he was telling him to  _ let go _ , the way he’d whispered in his ear so many times.

With a shameless moan and with a wash of pleasure that drove all other thoughts from his mind, Lotor finally came. He shivered from the sensation, and his hips thrust up a few times into Sendak's mouth as he released. He was breathless and panting afterward, lying back in utterly spent relaxation. He sighed in bliss.

He was slightly aware of Sendak pulling off his cock and peppering gentle kisses on his thighs before moving up to lay down beside him after pressing another kiss to his forehead. “How are you feeling, Starlight?” he asked softly as he brushed a strand of hair out of Lotor’s face. “Was that good?”

"That was perfect." Lotor rolled onto his side to face Sendak. He smiled at him gratefully and then snuggled into his chest. "Thank you, love. What about you?"

Sendak grabbed a spare pillow and placed it in front of his hips but not before Lotor saw the outline of his hard cock straining against the fabric of his undersuit. He stroked the back of Lotor’s head and kissed him sweetly. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine, Starlight. I’m so happy you enjoyed it. You’re so beautiful like this. I never want to stop looking at you.” He pulled back slightly and studied Lotor’s face, his eyes full of love and devotion.

Lotor smiled as well, grateful to his lover but still concerned about his pleasure. "Are you certain? I may be able to just... use my hand?" Since it wasn't something that the controlled version of Sendak had asked for, Lotor didn't have any direct negative memories associated with it. He hoped that meant that he could do at least this much for his caring lover. He ran one hand down Sendak's side to his hip. "I know you don't need me to or expect it from me. If I felt even a little bit obligated, I don't think I could. But because I know it's  _ my _ choice, I want to do this for you. I want you to feel good too."

Sendak looked at him for a long moment, his lips parting slightly, and then kissed him. “I’m honored,” he said and took Lotor’s hand in his, kissing the knuckles and guiding it to the zipper on his suit. “We can stop at any time,” he reminded him and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

"Thank you." Lotor tried to convey in his gaze the love and affection he didn't know how to put into words. He pulled the zipper down inch by inch, watching the suit fall open a little, and he almost laughed at how much Sendak looked in that moment like he had when he was a cadet and Lotor had done the same thing then. When his hand and the zipper disappeared behind the pillow, Lotor thought about moving it, but... well, he suspected it might be a little easier this way, still having that small barrier that reinforced in his mind that only his hand was going to touch Sendak's cock. He brought the zipper down and over the straining erection, and then he immediately brought his hand back up touching Sendak's cock gently at first before wrapping his hand all the way around it. He experimentally stroked once, running his hand down the length as he looked at Sendak's expression.

Sendak closed his eyes and opened his mouth, releasing a soft breath. When he opened his eyes again his expression was completely blissed out and he moaned softly. It was such a small sound and the way Sendak looked at him through his lashes, as if he couldn’t bear to take his eyes off him was... sweet. Sendak carefully tugged him closer. “Can I kiss you?” he asked, his voice rough with sounds of pleasure.

Lotor stroked again, moving his hand up and down Sendak's length in a slow, deliberate motion. He continued to watch Sendak's face, marveling in every tiny shift in his expression. Finally, on the third stroke, he nodded and leaned in closer, closing his eyes as their lips met. He started to stroke faster now, feeling more comfortable as he settled into the familiar motion. He also poured more enthusiasm into the kiss, pressing into it and lightly dragging his teeth across Sendak's lower lip. Memories of quick trysts in closets and supply rooms flickered through his mind, but he focused on what he could feel in the moment, not wanting to miss any of Sendak's reactions.

Sendak kissed him back like they finally had all the time in the world. There was no urgency behind the way his lips moved against Lotor’s. He moaned against Lotor’s mouth at the stimulation and then pulled back slightly, moaning louder. “I love you,” he murmured. His breathing was quickening slightly and he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Sendak released a sound between a sigh and a moan as Lotor continued stroking him. “I’m close,” he whispered after a while.

Lotor tightened his grip just a little more, stroking faster. "I want to see you cum," he murmured. He pressed a kiss to the corner of Sendak's mouth. "Let go, love. Let yourself cum."

Sendak gasped as he came and closed his eyes in bliss. His hips moved slightly against Lotor’s hand but he was keeping himself from moving much beyond that. 

He smiled as he released a shaky breath and reached out to stroke Lotor’s face, still breathing heavily. “That was...” The look on his face said more than words could ever express. He kissed Lotor gently. “I love you,” he breathed against his lips.

Lotor kissed him again. He wiped his hand off on the pillowcase and then embraced Sendak, pulling him closer. "I love you too." He pulled back just enough to smile and to look into Sendak's eyes. "I'm so glad that we were able to do this together."

Sendak’s smile widened and he looked at Lotor with deep fondness, nodding. He pressed a kiss to Lotor’s forehead. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’ll be right back. I’ll get you a washcloth, baby, and I’ll get dressed for bed. Do you want me to get your clothes?”

"That sounds lovely. Yes, please." Lotor gave him a look of gratitude, then settled into the bed, pulling a pillow closer for them. He watched Sendak as he walked away, and if he happened to be admiring the way his suit clung to his body, well, he had the right to admire his own... boyfriend? Was that what they were to each other now? The word didn't feel sufficient, didn't capture the years of history and depth of emotion between them. Even "lover," though better, didn't feel like enough.

His hand found the permanent bite on his neck. Technically, according to the old traditions of Daibazaal, they were mates. They'd said Before that they wanted to claim each other and be together as mates, as  _ husbands. _ Now, Lotor's mark had been placed without his consent and without Sendak being aware (so, really, without his consent either), and Sendak's neck still stood bare. It was a problem that Lotor hadn't been able to really think about before, shying away from the subject in his mind, but he wondered if it was the right time to talk about it now. 

When Sendak came back, Lotor was still frowning slightly in thought, absently rubbing his hand over the mark.

Sendak was still smiling softly. He had Lotor’s clothes in one hand and a washcloth in the other. “Alright,” he said, placing the soft clothes on the bed in Lotor’s reach. He looked at Lotor and his eyes caught on his hand, the smile slipping from his face. His expression was absolutely devastated and he looked away. “I wish I could take it back. All of it.” He met Lotor’s gaze again and tried to blink away the tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, the two words full of pain.

Lotor met his gaze, and he felt his own eyes start to sting with tears as well. "Love..." He sighed. "You know I've already forgiven you. I wish things hadn't gone the way they did, but..." At a loss for words, he took the washcloth and started to clean himself up, making quick work of that before tugging his sleepwear on. He set aside the cum-stained pillow and grabbed a new one, setting it in front of his hips before beckoning Sendak closer. "Come here. I want to cuddle with you while we talk, if that's alright with you."

Sendak paused but eventually climbed into bed, settling carefully before Lotor. “I’m sorry, I just... I wanted it to be special and heartfelt. We’d talked about it so much, long ago, how we couldn’t mark each other for our own safety but how we  _ would _ once we could. I wanted to ask for your claim after I’d courted you properly, openly. I wanted nothing more than to be your mate, your  _ husband, _ and for you to be mine.” He sighed softly. “I’m sorry, Starlight.”

Lotor caressed Sendak's cheek, trying to reassure him. "I still want that. Especially after tonight, I think that we're going to be okay." He gave him a small smile. "We're going to be alright." His hand moved down from Sendak's cheek to his neck, stroking over the fur there and the skin underneath. "When the time is right, I'd like to claim you, if you still want that. We can still have a ceremony and everything we hoped for." He took Sendak's hand and guided it to his own neck, to the mark there. "Then we can make this mean something. We can make it real. We... we can't take it back, but we can make it right."

Sendak let his fingers brush over the mark on Lotor’s neck, leaning into Lotor’s touch at the same time. “It would be my honor to bear your mark. Always. You’re right. We can make it right.” He didn’t look fully convinced but his thumb began tracing small circles on the back of Lotor’s neck, indicating that at least some level of comfort had returned. He began shuffling closer to Lotor. “I’ll make it right. I promise,” he said softly. “I love you. Thank you for everything. I really enjoyed tonight. Would it be alright if I held you?”

"Yes," Lotor answered without hesitation. He snuggled into Sendak's chest, feeling his muscles even though the shirt and fur. His warmth and strength felt like... like safety, and it was nice to cuddle after sex without any fear or stress. He ran his hand over Sendak's fur on the back of his neck, letting his fingers glide through the longer fluff there. As he pondered them and their future, he cracked a bit of an amused smile. "I'd ask if this makes us engaged, but knowing you, I'm guessing you'll want to ask me more traditionally before making anything official."

Sendak smiled back warmly and cradled Lotor’s face in his hands before pressing a kiss on his forehead. “You know me so well.” He pulled back slightly, looking into Lotor’s eyes. “You deserve a proper courting with gifts and such. But... it’s up to you. Whatever makes you happy. But I’d love to spoil you because I finally get to.” He sounded overjoyed at the mere idea of an engagement.

Lotor chuckled in warm amusement, endeared by Sendak's enthusiasm. "Of course, my love. I think that would be nice, and it would fit how we are making a new start together." He leaned in and brushed his lips lightly across Sendak's as he whispered, "We have the rest of our lives to be together, and nothing to worry about, no one who can stop us now. We can go as slow as we like and savor every moment along the way." Then he kissed Sendak properly, lingering just for the pleasure of Sendak's lips against his.

A tear escaped from a Sendak’s eye. “Thank you, Lotor, for staying. I would’ve understood if you’d left, even encouraged it in the beginning, but you were there. Even after everything you were there for me and... I’m eternally grateful.”

He hugged Lotor close, gently wrapping him into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered. His hand aimed to stroke Lotor’s back in a soothing motion but Sendak tensed as soon as he made contact.

Lotor stiffened, tensing completely and holding his breath. Then, after a few ticks, he let out a shaky breath, and he looked up at the ceiling to remind himself that he was in his room now and not in the throne room or the interrogation chamber or the imperial quarters... It took him a few more ticks to clear his head, and he tried to take deep breaths to control his response. "I'm alright," he said quickly, hoping Sendak wouldn't feel too guilty about it.

Sendak pulled back, horrified. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking and I— I’m sorry.” There was fear in his eyes but it was overshadowed by the guilt. “Do you want me to go?”

"No, no, don't leave, please." Lotor grabbed Sendak's natural hand with both of his own and held onto it tightly, using the point of contact as an anchor on reality. He knew, in the logical side of his mind, where he was, that Sendak was free and in his right mind, and that they were both safe, but it was still hard to calm down and to let go of that surge of panic. He continued trying to take deep breaths, but his breaths still came too fast to truly calm him.

Sendak looked into his eyes and squeezed his hands. “Starlight. Look at me. Look at me please.” He waited for Lotor to lock eyes with him before continuing. “I’m sorry. But you’re safe. I promise you’re safe.” He held Lotor’s hands and didn’t stop looking into his eyes. He seemed at a loss for what to do but then his eyes widened. “Hey. It’ll be alright, Starlight.” His voice was soft and soothing. “Remember... remember when I taught you how to dance? It was late and I was spending the night and we were both so drunk from the bottle we’d picked up at the last trading post. You told me you’d never danced before and I guided you along to a song. It was slow. Do you remember the rhythm? I need you to try to breathe in that rhythm, alright?” He held Lotor’s hand and brushed his lips against it. “In and out,” he said slowly, matching his own breathing to it.

Lotor nodded shakily as he recalled the song. At first, he struggled to make his breaths that slow, but he watched the rise and fall of Sendak's chest, and he was soon able to fall into sync with his calm, steady breaths. He focused on the memory of dancing and the song, and he shivered a little as the tension slowly melted away. "Thank you," he murmured when he finally felt calm again. He offered Sendak a weak but grateful smile. "Thank you for calming me down."

Sendak pressed his lips to Lotor’s hands again. “I’m so sorry, love. I wish I could hold you but I don’t want to...” He sighed. “Is there anything I can do? Anything to make it better? To help you be less... afraid?”

"Just..." Lotor sighed. They'd managed to cuddle before, but there was always a risk of something like this, and he knew it would be even harder right now since he was already on edge. "Try laying on your back, and then if you just put one arm around me and settled your hand on my waist instead of my back..." He wasn't sure that would do it, but he hoped so. He hated that just one touch to one of the raised scars on his back was enough that it could, but didn't always, set him off like that. It would have been easier if his reactions were always consistent, but it seemed almost random whether he reacted and by how much.

“Alright.” Sendak turned to lay on his back after another gentle kiss to Lotor’s hand. He grabbed the pillow and placed it in front of his hips again, opening his arms for Lotor. He cradled him gently to his chest and ever so slowly wrapped his arm around Lotor’s middle. His hold was loose enough that Lotor could leave it easily. “Still good, Starlight?” he asked quietly.

Lotor settled in, resting his head quite comfortably on one of Sendak's pecs. He felt a little freer this way while still being supported and held, and the balance seemed to do the trick. "This is perfect. Thank you, love." As they relaxed there, Lotor ventured softly and a little reluctantly, "I think I'd like to find a time to... to actually  _ talk _ more about what happened. You're the one I love and my best and oldest friend, and almost assuredly my future mate, and it feels strange in a way to avoid talking about something so important. When I... when my father hurt me and disciplined me unfairly, you were the only one I could talk to about it. Now, I feel like you're the only one l can talk to about this." He sighed heavily. "But this is your trauma as well. I don't want to force you to talk or to listen until  _ you _ are ready to deal with it too."

Sendak buried his face in Lotor’s hair, breathing him in. He’d always told Lotor that nothing calmed him more than Lotor’s scent. “I’m ready to talk about it, love. I just didn’t want to make you remember things you’d rather forget. But I’d like to talk about it with you. I’d like to get to the point where I can kiss every part of you without either of us flinching. The only way towards that is if we talk about it. And I want to listen. I’ll always be here for you.” He kissed the top of Lotor’s head.

Lotor was silent for a moment. Now that he had the opportunity he'd wanted, he didn't know where to start. "I pretended it was you sometimes," he finally admitted. "The real you, I mean. It was a coping mechanism that I used long ago, and it was easy to fall back into it, especially with your scent and the feeling of your body. It was easier sometimes to pretend that it was real and that I wanted it. Just like... back in my exile, it was easier to pretend some of the men I slept with were you, and when some of them got rough..." He shuddered a little, remembering the times when careless and manipulative people had callously overstepped his boundaries. "Well, sometimes I'd think of you and how rough and fast you could be with me when we snuck off together for a quick fuck before returning to duty. I'm not proud of using your memory that way, but sometimes, it was just easier."

“Oh,  _ love _ .” Sendak held him tighter for a small moment and nuzzled the top of his head. “I’m so sorry you went through that. I wish I’d been there for you.” He took a deep breath and caressed Lotor’s side gently. “I understand. I think I would’ve done the same in your situation. While I...” He trailed off, trying to find the right words. “While I wasn’t  _ myself _ I never felt like anything was wrong. All those things that happened centuries ago... for me it’s like they happened months ago at best. I’ve just begun to process most of it.” He shook his head. “I did awful things. I hurt so many innocent lives, entire  _ planets _ . I know it wasn’t me but I  _ remember _ doing it and feeling  _ justified _ .” He took a shaky breath. “I hate thinking about anything like that because the memories feel  _ right _ , even if they’re not.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “It— _ she _ —made me feel  _ right _ about the things I did to you and I don’t know how to handle that.”

Lotor pressed himself into Sendak's side and wrapped his arm across his chest to try to comfort him as much as possible. "I wish I'd been able to stop it. I wish I'd found a way to save you or rescue you." He looked up at Sendak and tried to convey empathy in his gaze, knowing that his words weren't enough.

"Love..." Lotor started, still trying to find a way to comfort his lover. "What  _ she _ did to you was awful, worse than anything I've been put through. I don't know how to... I wish I could make this better, but I can't even understand what you must be trying to process now." He took a few breaths, still struggling for the right thing to say. "Sendak, the fact that you feel guilty now proves that the feeling of justification you experienced then was only because of  _ her _ . And if... if it would help you to talk those memories out and how you felt then versus how you feel now, I'm here to listen. I'll always be here."

The tension visibly drained from Sendak’s chest, as if he’d been prepared for Lotor to recoil. “Thank you,” he breathed and held him like he was the most precious thing in the universe. He paused for a while, possibly gathering his courage. “I didn’t remember you at the Kral Zera,” he began, his voice quiet. “But you seemed familiar in a way that wasn’t just because you were the prince. She told me to keep you alive. She planted the idea in my head to... claim you but I—” he breathed deeply. “I  _ wanted _ you. I don’t think I was fully able to process it like that. I think I told myself I wanted to punish you for the things you’d done before but I didn’t care about that, not really. She wasn’t strong enough to make me stop wanting you. I couldn’t comprehend it. I didn’t know you but you had such an effect on me. It made me angry and then I took it out on you.” He sobbed but his eyes remained dry. “I hated you for thinking you knew me better than I did myself. I hated you because the things you said rang true and it scared me that everything was a lie. But I could never truly hate you, so I acted like I did because I thought it would make it easier.” He buried his face in Lotor’s hair again and held him. “I wish I hadn’t been such a coward. Maybe I would’ve believed you.”

Lotor felt tears come to his eyes as he listened to Sendak. "Love, you're not a coward. Think about it. Part of  _ her _ influence over your mind would include something to keep you from questioning the holes in your memory. What I was trying to do was coming into direct conflict with that. It isn't your fault that her power was too strong for either of us." He moved his hand up to the back of Sendak's head, gently caressing him. "To be honest, love, I'd guessed at some of this already. There were little moments, especially when you held me or when you cleaned me up, when it seemed that you really cared. I started to wonder if your possessiveness was part of that, too, if somewhere beneath the veneer of disgust and scorn, you still felt love that you didn't know how to express." He sighed, remembering the long vargas of simply wondering and trying to manage his wild hope that he could somehow break through. "But then after you went back to her, there was just... nothing. It was like she'd finally managed to strip away everything that had made you who you were before. No odd moments of caring behavior, no possessiveness, not even any hatred... it was like I was just an object at that point. That was what finally started to really crush my soul: losing the last bit of hope that I could somehow break the control and get you back."

Sendak nodded and ran his fingers through Lotor’s hair. “I didn’t feel anything at that point. It’s terrifying to look back on. I did things out of routine or because the witch told me to but I don’t remember having tangible thoughts during that time. It took a lot out of her to keep me that way, though, I had to return to her lab every day. But I felt nothing but faint righteousness and anger when I...” He shuddered visibly. “When I whipped you.” His hand shook as it caressed Lotor’s hair. “Just thinking about it makes me  _ sick.” _

"That was... one of the things that disturbed me the most," Lotor admitted. "So many of the things I feared at once, combined with having come so close to getting through to you only to have..." He realized that he was shaking, and he held Sendak tighter to stabilize himself. "Did... did she tell you directly to do that? Did she give you the idea to chain me up and then use me and then whip me like that? She must have known that the whipping, at least, would bring back very old fears."

“She...” he hugged Lotor closer instinctively. “She ordered me to punish you for your lies and interference with her plans. She  _ suggested _ the interrogation room and the whipping and she told me to make sure you learned your lesson and your place.” His hand shook but he continued stroking Lotor’s hair, probably to calm himself as well as comfort Lotor. “I hurt you terribly and it makes me spiral every time I so much as  _ think _ about it.”

Lotor wanted to push away his own pain and fear and comfort Sendak, but he suspected that just reminding Sendak that it wasn't his fault wasn't going to help much. "It was awful," he admitted. "I'd thought after being exiled that I would never be whipped like that again. And even in the past when my father sought to punish me, he never used so many deep lashes at once, and there were always medics right afterward..." He turned his head and buried his face into Sendak's chest as he tried to keep himself under some semblance of control. He didn't want to fall apart completely, not while Sendak was also in such a state of upset. A few tears slipped from his eyes and soaked into Sendak's shirt, but he tried to fight the rest back.

Sendak held him gently, stroking his hair. His chest shook with quiet sobs but didn’t let go of Lotor. Finally, his breathing evened. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you,” he said, his voice still shaky. “But I’m here now. To talk, to be there for you, anything.” There was regret and sadness in his voice but also love.

Lotor had just started to calm down, but then Sendak's quiet reassurance broke through the fragile barriers he'd put up, and he started to shake again. "I-I... I thought I'd failed to save  _ you _ ." His voice was shaky and uneven, and he started to sob. "I thought that you were... dead. Beyond saving. I thought the witch had managed to erase you completely and for good, and I—" Sobs now shook Lotor's chest, and he clung to Sendak for an anchor as he rode out the wave of emotion. "Th-that was the worst part," he managed to say past the tears and sobs. "Not the sex, not the whip, just the utter despair of— of thinking I'd never get the real you back."

Sendak held him steady and close, staying silent as Lotor broke down except for his quiet shaky breathing and his gentle strokes through his hair. Finally, he took a deep breath and blinked the tears from his own eyes as he reached out to wipe them from Lotor’s as well. “You saved me, Starlight.” He kissed Lotor’s forehead softly. “You brought me back. Even that far gone I couldn’t accept a universe without you in it.”

Lotor shook his head. "I gave up. I could have done more, could have insisted on trying to recover your memory, but I didn't." He felt sick with guilt as he finally admitted to Sendak and to himself the shame he'd buried since the attempt. "I gave up on you and on myself, and  _ you _ were the one who finally broke through and freed yourself. If you hadn't, I'd be dead, and—" His voice broke again, and he swallowed hard. "You'd still be trapped."

Sendak hushed him gently and wiped more tears from Lotor’s face before tucking his head under his chin. “Hush, Starlight. We saved each other. The fact that you kept fighting as long as you did is remarkable. I never want you to get anywhere close to feeling like that again but please don’t fault yourself for being unable to go on. We‘re alright, love, despite everything, and that’s all that matters.” His hold on Lotor tightened slightly, as if he was subconsciously reassuring himself that Lotor was here with him and safe.

Though it was hard for Lotor to accept Sendak's words past the knot of guilt in his chest, he managed to nod. He started to calm down, steadying his uneven sobs into shaky breaths. "I... you're right." He took a couple of deep breaths. "We're alright. We're safe. You're here." His voice shook a little bit, but it sounded steadier now. "You're here."

Sendak nuzzled his head and held him and although his hands shook slightly he was an anchor, a rock in the storm of emotion surrounding them. “I’m here,” he whispered and the relief in his voice was steady and calm. “I love you.”

"I love you too," Lotor answered without hesitation. That was the one thing he could always offer Sendak freely: his love. It was the one thing that would never change. Pushing himself up a little, Lotor changed position so that he could bring his head to be almost even with Sendak's. He leaned in close, stroking the side of Sendak's face. "Kiss me, love."

Sendak smoothed his hand over Lotor’s hair and cupped the back of his head. He slowly pressed his lips to Lotor’s and kissed him, holding him close. A light purr rumbled through his chest as he moved his lips.

Lotor melted into Sendak's touch and his kiss, feeling all of the tension and grief slowly melt away and be replaced by bittersweet catharsis. The events of the recent past still hurt, but it was easier now to let go of that pain. After a long moment, Lotor gently pulled back, looking down at his lover with gratefulness and relief. "Darling... thank you." He settled in again, laying his head on Sendak's shoulder. "I'm glad we talked about this, even if it was hard."

Sendak looked at him for a moment before pulling the covers up and making sure Lotor was warm. There were tears in the corners of his eyes and he blinked them away. “I’m glad as well, love. That helped a lot. Are you alright?” His voice was soft and gentle, filled with concern for Lotor’s wellbeing. “A little better?”

"Mmhmm." Lotor nodded a little. He could feel himself relaxing more and more by the moment. "I do feel better. How about you?"

Sendak smiled despite the concern in his eyes and continued to run his fingers through Lotor’s hair. “I’m alright. Thank you for everything, it... helped. I feel a lot better.” He kissed Lotor gently, his purr increasing in volume. He hadn’t purred while he’d been under the witch’s control, not while Lotor was present, at least.

Lotor matched his breaths to the gentle rhythm of Sendak's purr. He yawned a little, feeling exhaustion start to hit in the wake of such intense emotions. "That's good. I want you to... I want  _ us _ to heal. Together." His eyelids felt heavier by the moment, and Sendak's familiar purr was relaxing him better than any lullaby could. He yawned again and settled himself into a comfortable position next to Sendak again, nestled into his side and still resting his head on his shoulder. "Ready to sleep?" he asked quietly.

Sendak nodded and the strength of his purr increased slightly. “I’d love that,” he said and sighed happily.” He held Lotor close and nodded. “Good night, Starlight,” he murmured, his breathing already evening out.

"Goodnight, my love," Lotor whispered in return. He felt himself begin to purr softly in harmony with Sendak, and he smiled to himself as he gently drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Lotor generally didn't keep things from Sendak. He told him all about the various projects and experiments he was running with Quintessence, and they discussed the matters of the empire at length together. They also talked more and more about deeply personal matters, with both of them opening up bit by bit about what happened during the years that separated them. It was hard to talk about such painful memories, but they both appreciated the mutual honesty and support. The only thing that Lotor was keeping secret on purpose was a very special project: creating new, custom prosthetics for Sendak. 

He'd been working on designs even before he'd gone back to the lab, and once he'd started working there, he tested out those designs to see what worked the best. 

He stepped back from the workbench in his own private lab to admire his work. The arm was perfectly proportioned to Sendak's natural arm, such to the point that no one would be able to tell that it was a prosthetic if they only saw Sendak in silhouette. It was elegant, and the metal was smooth and dark. He was sure that Sendak would love it. 

Next to it on the table was a rather eerily realistic-looking eye. The golden orb would be capable of all of the features of the red prosthetic eye that Sendak had, but it would allow him to blink normally and show emotion. 

It would take surgery to remove the old one and replace it, and Lotor wasn't sure that Sendak would think it worthwhile, but if he wanted it, the option was there for him now. 

Lotor typed up a quick message on his datapad and sent it to Sendak, telling him to come as soon as it was convenient or whenever he had finished with his duties.

Sendak messaged back immediately, saying he’d meet him soon. Before long Lotor received a notification that there was someone at the door. 

Sendak didn’t need to notify him before entering, he had access to all the empire’s facilities, as did Lotor, but he still did it. Always.  _ I’m here, _ he wrote.

Lotor went to the door and opened it, greeting Sendak with a smile. "Hello, my love." He went up on his toes to give him a quick kiss. Everyone in the lab knew by now that Sendak's and Lotor's relationship was not strictly professional, even if the rest of the empire was still mostly in the dark about it (though a few lab assistants had relayed rumors to Lotor), so there was no use in hiding their affections. 

He took Sendak's hand and led him into the private lab room. "I've been working on a little project in secret to surprise you. I want you to know that you do not by any means have to use these, and if you're not completely satisfied with them, please let me know, and I’ll gladly redesign them." With that, he motioned to the table, drawing Sendak's gaze to the prosthetics.

The easy smile on Sendak’s face turned to awe as he took in the pieces on the table. He looked at Lotor, his mouth hanging open slightly. “You made these? For me?” He sounded shocked, as if it had been the last thing he’d expected. “They’re beautiful. Thank you, love.” He smiled at Lotor and gave him a kiss. 

His prosthetics were still the ones the witch had made and, while they  _ were _ functional, it felt good to both of them to be able to cut another part of her out of existence.

Lotor felt warm satisfaction and relief at Sendak's reaction. "Of course. I got the very best prosthetic expert that I trusted to help me design and build these — Kynata, you've met her — and we've been working on these for weeks. Between her expertise in the latest Galra innovations and my broad knowledge of foreign technology, we've managed to create some truly unique and innovative designs." 

He couldn't keep his pride out of his voice. This was the most satisfying project he'd ever finished, and the look on Sendak's face was worth all the hard work it had taken to create these. "The arm will be easy to attach," Lotor continued. "We will need to pull out your old receptor implants and replace them, but that can be done with a simple procedure with local anesthetic if you want. The eye, however, would require full surgery." He squeezed Sendak's hand and looked up at him with a serious expression. "You don't need to do this if you don't want to. It's up to you."

Sendak tensed slightly at the mention of a surgery. It was to be expected. He’d told Lotor about some of his time as the witch’s project and what it involved, how she’d taken him apart and rearranged him and put him back together again. He did a good job hiding the bulk of his alarm at the idea, but Lotor knew him too well. 

Sendak looked at him for a moment and the expression in his face changed, as if he was reminding himself where he was and who was with him. Sendak released a deep breath and raised his natural hand to his face, touching his eye. “I... I want it gone. But I’m scared of surgery.” He touched Lotor’s face, likely grounding himself. “I was alone for a very long time and went through...  _ a lot _ of procedures, and although it didn’t truly bother me at the time, it does now.” He paused, studying Lotor’s face and locking eyes again. “But… I’m not alone anymore. I can do it, I think, if you’re there.”

Lotor rested his hands on Sendak's shoulders, keeping him close and reassuring him. "I'll personally oversee the procedure, and I'll be right here when you wake up," he promised. "I'll gather a team of medics that I've personally spoken to, that I’ve run background checks on, and that Kynata also approves of. No one will do anything to you that I have not explicitly given permission for, and I'll have the surgeons walk you through the whole procedure beforehand so you know what will happen and you can object if you want to."

Sendak nodded, looking increasingly more relaxed with each word from Lotor’s mouth, although there was some residual tension in his shoulders. “That sounds good,” he said finally. He turned back to the table after giving Lotor a chaste kiss, marveling at the prosthetics. “They look amazing.” Sendak had always been good at distracting them both from things that bothered them if they didn’t want to think about them too much. “You’re incredible.”

Lotor's couldn't help but smile with pride. "Only the best for you. Consider these my own courtship gift to you, love." He picked up the arm with only a little effort. "It should be perfectly weighted to balance your natural arm, but if we need to add or remove weight, that’ll just be a simple adjustment. It can do a standard Quintessence attack, but there are also separate heating elements if you simply want it warm instead of glowing with Quintessence, and it can also cool itself if necessary." He continued on to explain its other features, and then he showed Sendak the schematics of the prosthetic eye and went over its features as well. "...and infrared vision, just in case. I know that's unlikely to be useful, but it was easy enough to add in." He looked over at Sendak to make sure he'd caught all that. "Any questions?"

Sendak returned his gaze with a bright gaze. “Just the one,” he said and pulled Lotor close, planting a kiss on his cheek. “What did I do to deserve to be with the most talented person in the universe?” His eye twinkled with mischief, but he cupped Lotor’s face and said, very seriously: “Thank you, Starlight.”

Lotor pulled Sendak down for a proper kiss, long and lingering and full of affection. He smiled as he let him go. "You befriended me so long ago when everyone else either despised or feared me. You earned my trust, and later, my love." He brushed his fingertips over Sendak's cheekbone. "You're welcome."

Sendak leaned in to the touch and smiled. “Let’s do this, then. As soon as possible. I trust you. Thank you for giving that back to me. The ability to trust.” He kissed the palm of Lotor’s hand. “I want this thing gone and I want yours in its place, so you can always be by my side, even if you’re not.”

Lotor chuckled. "You're so sentimental." It wasn't a complaint. He liked how sweet and sentimental his lover could be, and he cherished moments like these. He could tell from Sendak's smile that he did too. "Well, I'll start gathering a team of doctors," Lotor said as he gently stepped back, taking Sendak's hand and leading him towards the door. "In the meantime, I'd like to celebrate by ending the workday a little early and spending the rest of the afternoon and evening together. How does that sound? Do you have anything else you need to do today?"

Sendak squeezed Lotor’s hand and let him lead him. “That sounds lovely. I happen to be free for the rest of the day. I’ll have a nice bottle of wine brought up and we can sit together after dinner, like old times.” He brought Lotor’s hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. “Lead the way, love.”

* * *

It didn't take long at all for everything to be prepared for Sendak's prosthetic replacement surgery. Kynata, being the foremost engineer of prosthetics, was well-acquainted with the best surgeons for the job, and she gave Lotor a list of recommendations. He looked into and interviewed each, and within a week, he had two main surgeons and a small team of other doctors selected. 

For the eye replacement, Lotor selected a very experienced surgeon who had once worked in Haggar's lab operating on her test subjects until he requested reassignment to work as a field medic because he couldn't tolerate harming people and wanted to help instead. Between his experience in the lab and on the field, he had the combination of prosthetic expertise and experience with facial reconstruction to be able to remove the damagingly overlarge old prosthetic and make the new one look completely natural. 

Lotor figured that Sendak would better trust someone who had outright and rather boldly rejected Haggar's methods, and, sure enough, Sendak got along with him quite well when they discussed the procedure ahead of time.

Although replacing the receptors for the arm prosthetic was a much simpler procedure with very little risk, Lotor still wanted to choose the best person for the job. He settled on a younger surgeon who had invested a rather obsessive amount of time into simulations specifically of this type of procedure, removing and implanting tiny devices. Their hard work had clearly paid off, because their accuracy and efficiency were phenomenal. It was for this reason that Lotor trusted they could remove the old receptors without any damage to Sendak's nerves.

When the day of the surgery came, Lotor could tell that Sendak was nervous, but he managed his anxiety well. He kept his eyes on Lotor and held his hand as the anesthesia took effect, and Lotor could see the absolute trust in his gaze until his natural eye closed and his prosthetic one went dark. Then he stepped back to allow the surgeons to do their job, though, as promised, he watched the entire procedure closely to ensure that there were no surprises.

Everything went very well, and soon enough, Sendak was wheeled into the recovery room and Lotor waited there with him. He marveled at the sight of Sendak's face with two closed eyelids now. 

He knew that it would take Sendak time to adjust — he'd have to relearn how to blink properly now that he could finally move his right eyelid again, and it would be a couple of days before he could attach the new prosthetic arm without over-irritating the skin where the receptors had been put in — but he knew that it would all be worthwhile.

Sendak stirred finally and opened his eye, the prosthetic following closely as it adjusted to the input. Both of Sendak’s eyes stared back at Lotor and his natural hand reached toward him. “Lotor? Is everything alright? Did it work out well?” He was still groggy from the painkillers but he was absolutely focused on Lotor.

Lotor took his hand and gently squeezed it, careful not to disturb any of the monitoring equipment attached to it. "Everything went exactly to plan," he assured him. "The doctors did their jobs very well, and they expect you to make a quick recovery." He reached out with his other hand and gently stroked the top of Sendak's head. "Can you see with the prosthetic eye?"

Sendak blinked again and this time there was no delay between his natural eye and his prosthetic. He looked at Lotor for a moment before answering. “I think so.” He closed his natural eye but left the prosthetic open. “Yes. It feels... strange. But nice. Much more natural.”

"That's good." Lotor smiled with relief. "I'm so glad it's working properly." He looked into the golden eye, and if he hadn't built it himself and watched it be placed into Sendak's eye socket, he wouldn't have known it wasn't real. If he looked very closely, he could see that light reflected off of the materials it was made from a little less than the organic material and natural moisture of a real eye, but that was the only indication. "Forgive me for being proud of myself, but it looks perfect. If it wasn't for the fact that everyone's seen your old prosthetic in broadcasts, no one would know you were missing an eye." 

Seeing Sendak with normal-looking eyes again stirred feelings of nostalgia in Lotor's chest, along with a sense of relief and rightness. It wasn't at all that he was bothered by Sendak's disability, but it was... well, the red eye had been Haggar's doing, and it was something that Lotor associated with the mind controlled version of him. If Sendak  _ wanted _ an unnaturally colored eye, Lotor would gladly make him one, just... not a red one. Never again. He was glad to be able to set that aside in his memory and see again the face of the man he'd fallen in love with — older now, and scarred, but still so wonderfully familiar.

Sendak watched Lotor examine his work and smiled fondly. “You  _ should _ be proud of yourself. It feels nearly organic. I feel like... myself. Not that I didn’t before, but this makes me feel like before  _ everything. _ Thank you.” He tugged Lotor closer slightly. “Come here, I want to kiss you.” He smiled, and the joy registered in both of his eyes.

Lotor caressed Sendak's cheek, gently cupping the side of his face as he bent down and kissed him sweetly. Even when the kiss ended, he didn't pull away. "I did it gladly, and I'll do it again if it ever needs to be replaced. Doing this for you? It felt like no effort at all." He kissed him again and for longer this time. "I love you so much. I would go to any amount of effort for your wellbeing."

Sendak kissed him back just as softly and smiled as he pulled back. “And you say  _ I’m _ the hopeless romantic.” He leaned into Lotor’s hand, making a sound between a pleased sigh and a light purr. “I love you too, Starlight, but I don’t want you to neglect yourself.” 

They stayed close for a while, enjoying each other’s presence until Sendak began shifting slightly. He’d always been restless, and an order to stay put and heal was one of the most difficult things to follow. They were both very similar in that way. “How long do I have to... stay here?” He asked, the impatience poorly masked.

Lotor tried to suppress an amused smile at Sendak's impatience. "Not for much longer. The nurses can come up to our rooms when they need to check on you." A joking lilt came into his voice as he added, "They don't do that for just anyone, you know, but I told them that  _ I _ was the emperor's right hand man and insisted that they make an exception. You should be grateful that I pulled rank to get you special treatment." This sort of thing was an old joke between them, rendered all the more absurd now that Sendak was royalty and Lotor technically was not.

Sendak released a surprised chuckle. “I’m lucky that I’m involved with such a powerful man. How did a lowly soldier such as I attract the attention of the empire’s  _ prince? I _ am honored, your highness.” He was smiling brightly. “Thank you.” His voice still held a teasing lilt but there was honesty beneath it. He deeply appreciated everything Lotor had done.

Lotor bent down again and gave Sendak another kiss. "Just don't tell the emperor that I'm bending the rules for you," he teased. "He might think I like you, and that might make him jealous." His voice dropped into a conspiratorial whisper. "I think he's been getting ideas about making me his consort..." He gave Sendak another kiss. "But I'll have to tell him I already have a very sweet soldier who takes good care of me, hmm?" His eyes sparkled with mischief, but there was warmth and love in his smile. At the end of the day, he didn't care what titles Sendak had. All that mattered was that he was the man whom Lotor had fallen in love with.

Sendak gave Lotor the softest possible smile and squeezed his hand. He’d understood Lotor’s other meaning. Leaning up he kissed him again. “I promise I’ll keep it quiet, my prince.” Looking deep into Lotor’s eyes he added: “And I promise to be worthy of your favor.” There was still a teasing undertone in both of their voices, but they each made real promises as a part of their game.

"I know you will," Lotor said more softly and with complete sincerity. He'd said earlier that he would lack no effort when it came to helping Sendak, and he knew Sendak felt the same way. Then he chuckled and squeezed Sendak's hand before letting it go. "Let's get you up to our room now."

He called over a nurse to detach all the monitoring tabs that were no longer necessary. The nurses offered to roll the bed there, but Lotor dismissed them, insistent on doing it himself. Soon enough, they were in their room again. Lotor aligned the medical bed with their own bed. "Can you get over yourself, or do you want me to try to help?"

Sendak sat up carefully and smiled at Lotor. “I’m sure I can manage,” he said. He held on to the bed and stood, managing to turn around and sit down rather easily considering he’d just had a major surgery. He was breathing heavily by the time he was sitting on the bed but still smiled when he looked at Lotor. Lying down, he gently patted the mattress next to him in invitation.

Lotor was a little concerned, but at least Sendak was resting again now. He climbed into the bed and nestled himself into Sendak's side. "How are you feeling? Are you in any pain? Are you hungry? Tired?"

Sendak wrapped his arm around Lotor and kissed the top of his head. “Just tired, really. I’m not sure if I could eat anything right now. Maybe I should just sleep. Do you have anything else to do today?”

"My job today is to monitor you and ensure the full success of my project," Lotor told him with mock seriousness. Then he chuckled a little. "To be honest, I'm quite tired as well. I'll gladly take a nap with you."

Sendak smiled in satisfaction, his ears flicking slightly as he pulled Lotor closer and kissed him. “I suppose you could monitor your subject closely, then,” he said and immediately began purring. “I love you.”

"I love you too." Lotor sighed in contentment, listening to Sendak's purr for a few moments before matching it with his own. He often found it hard to purr on purpose, but whenever he could hear and feel Sendak's, it was easy to purr with him. Perhaps that was because Sendak's purr always made him feel safe and content.

They drifted off together in their quiet corner of the universe, safe in each other’s arms.

* * *

It took Sendak a little over two days to recover enough to try the new arm prosthetic. Lotor suspected Sendak liked spending more time with him and that he would otherwise already be refusing his bed rest out of boredom. But as it stood, he’d dutifully recovered, seeking only a few kisses as encouragement. Now he was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at Lotor with anticipation and excitement.

Lotor took a deep breath before picking up the prosthetic and bringing it over to Sendak. He gave him a nervous smile. "Alright, I suppose this is the moment of truth for the question of whether my design works. Are you ready, love?"

Sendak smiled at him calmly. “Of course. I know I’m in the best hands. It’ll work, love.” There was no room for argument in his expression. He had complete trust in Lotor’s abilities.

"Alright." Lotor carefully aligned the arm in place and activated it. The prosthetic fit itself snugly around Sendak's shoulder — it was designed to fit over the top of the shoulder a little to make its weight easier to bear — and connected to the receptors under his skin. Lotor watched carefully as it powered up. "How does that feel?"

Sendak flexed the fingers in his hand experimentally, watching them in awe. He closed his hand and opened it again. “It’s incredible,” he said breathlessly. “I can  _ feel _ everything.” He looked back at Lotor, smiling, and reaching up with his prosthetic to gingerly touch Lotor’s hand. He gasped softly. “You’re warm,” he whispered and pulled Lotor’s hand to his lips, leaving a kiss on his knuckles.

A rush of relief and satisfaction filled Lotor as he saw that it was working correctly. "Yes," he murmured. "So are you." The prosthetic was already warming itself up to match Sendak's skin temperature. It felt so much nicer than the old prosthetic, so much closer to Sendak's natural hand on the other side. "I'm so glad that it's working well and that you like it."

Sendak traced idle circles on the back of Lotor’s hand with his prosthetic, still watching it in awe. “I love it.” He met Lotor’s gaze, his eyes full of gratefulness and devotion. “Thank you, love, for giving me this incredible gift,” he said softly and left another kiss on Lotor’s hand.

“I have something for you,” he said after a short pause. “I wanted to give it to you earlier but then you told me about the prosthetic and I thought it would be... better to give it to you now. It’s symbolic, more than anything. A fresh start.” He gestured over to his bedside table. “There’s a box in there. Would you bring it out for me, please?”

"Oh, really?" Lotor was pleasantly surprised. He knew that Sendak would start giving him gifts soon, since they'd talked about going through a proper courtship, but he hadn't expected him to have something ready right this moment. He opened up the little cabinet door and pulled out the gift box he found inside and brought it back to Sendak.

Sendak took the gift and his expression turned wistful. “The first gift I ever gave you was a knife. It was unremarkable. It was decently made and could hold an edge but there was nothing special about it other than that it had been mine and I gave it to you. I couldn’t give you anything else at the time because it would’ve drawn attention to us, so I gave you something you might’ve gotten for yourself, something that you could use.” He paused for a brief moment, gathering his thoughts. “I thought about giving you something pretty now but this seemed... more appropriate.”

He handed Lotor the box and nodded for him to open it. Inside was a dagger with a plain dark handle, the metal expertly forged and sharpened. There was a holster as well, plain but for a small engraving of Lotor’s sigil in dark leather with bright silver. Sendak had told him when he’d given him the first knife that the true beauty of a knife was not determined by the decoration on the handle but the strength of the blade.

“This one is... personal and I understand if that means you don’t want it but... I had them forge it from the knife you  _ used _ , and reinforce it with luxite. A symbol of how unbreakable you are. How we were both left stronger in the end. How we  _ won _ and we can take what hurt us in the past and make it our own.”

Lotor's heartbeat quickened as he held and examined the knife. It looked similar to how it was before, but the luxite alloy made it darker in color, and the shape of it was a little different. The feel of it in his hand was so similar to before, though, and he could almost feel again the cuts on his arms and legs. There was an ache in his chest, and it wasn't entirely from the memory of where he had last left this knife. But... the pain was distant now, the memory of something that he had already come to terms with. Looking at the knife reminded him of the despair he'd felt when he selected it, but it also reminded him of the powerful feeling of relief and rightness he'd felt after waking up and finding out that Sendak had broken the control and was himself again.

He slipped it into its sheath and set it aside. Then, he gave Sendak a long, lingering kiss, trying to express his love and gratitude in a way that words could not. "It's perfect. I think it's a beautiful symbol, and it's the perfect way to begin this courtship. I cannot undo the experiments that took away your arm and your eye, and you cannot wipe away the scars etched into my skin, but I've given you something to help you move forward, and now you've done the same for me."

Sendak’s eyes filled with tears, not of sadness but relief. He kissed Lotor again and squeezed his hand with his new prosthetic. “I love you,” he whispered and brought Lotor’s hand up to his lips, turning it around and placing a breath of a kiss on the deepest scar on Lotor’s arm. It was little more than a slightly raised line now because of the healing pod. “Never forget how strong you are. Your scars are those of an unbreakable warrior and this,” he motioned towards the blade, “will serve as a reminder of that.” The seriousness ebbed away from his face as he smiled at Lotor again. “I promise I’ll also give you something pretty this time, Starlight, but I thought this was more important for now.”

"I don't need jewelry," Lotor said, his voice a little strangled as his eyes teared up as well. "I'll love anything you give me." He kissed Sendak's forehead. "I love you too, more than anyone or anything else in the universe, more than everyone else in my life combined." He motioned for Sendak to move back. "I want to sit in your lap." He knew it could bring back bad memories, but in this moment, he felt confident, and he wanted Sendak's touch.

Sendak’s eyes widened and he squeezed Lotor’s hand. He looked like he was about to protest but thought better of it at the last moment, nodding instead. He moved back and opened his arms. “Tell me if you want to stop. Any time.”

"I will." Lotor climbed up into his lap facing sideways, a position all too familiar, but now... now they were safe in their room, and there was nothing to worry about. He looked up into Sendak's eyes and felt his anxiety ease.

Sendak carefully wrapped an arm around Lotor and stroked his cheek with his natural hand before kissing him sweetly, gently. “Still alright?” he whispered, keeping his eyes focused on Lotor.

"I am now," Lotor answered just as softly before kissing Sendak again. "I am now."

Sendak tucked a strand of Lotor’s hair behind his ear, looking at him with absolute love and devotion. “I don’t think I tell you enough how beautiful you are, especially now. You’ve always been beautiful but somehow you manage to be even more stunning when you’re wrapped up in one of your projects or addressing a crowd. You’re so regal. I love the way you look when you’re put together and powerful. But you know what the most beautiful thing about you is? It’s when you smile. I feel like a young love-struck fool again every time you do. It makes my heart beat faster and my breath hitch and I want to kiss you every time you do.” He guided Lotor’s hand up to his chest. “Feel it,” he said, smiling sheepishly.

Lotor smiled warmly and brightly at Sendak's words, and he smiled even more brightly when he felt Sendak's heartbeat flutter. "You're such a sappy romantic," he teased before drawing Sendak into a passionate kiss just to feel his heart beat faster. When he finally pulled away, breathless, he murmured, "That's part of why I love you. You're so sweet and kind and gentle with me, yet firm and commanding with everyone else. I know you would do nearly anything for me, that you always put me above yourself, and it almost scares me for your sake. I love you, and I wish I could protect you in the same way you protect me. That's why I worked so hard on these prosthetics. I may not be able to protect you very effectively myself, but I can give you the means to protect yourself."

Sendak cupped Lotor’s jaw and kissed his cheek. “You protect me, love, there are many ways to protect a person besides physically. Your research is much more important than any of that, for the safety of the entire universe.” He flexed his prosthetic fingers. “And these will serve me well. You protect me in so many ways, even from my own thoughts, sometimes. The fact that you’re here is enough to keep me safe because... when I look at you I know everything will be alright.”

"Sap," Lotor accused, knowing full well his own expression was just as lovestruck as Sendak's. He laid his head on Sendak's shoulder. "I feel the same way. When I have you near, I feel as though nothing could ever hurt me again. Even my memories are easier to face when you are here to support me."

Sendak rubbed his cheek against Lotor’s head and released a pleased sigh. “I’m glad to hear that, love. I promise I’ll always be here for you. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lotor said, a soft smile on his face.


	11. Chapter 11

Sendak did, as promised, also give Lotor some pretty things, though most of them had their functions. Beautiful yet functional clasps for his hair that allowed him to pin it in place when he was working were left on his bedside table. Sendak gave him sketchbooks as well, asking hesitantly if he still enjoyed using them. Lotor only smiled warmly and nodded, thanking him.

Sendak seemed to enjoy leaving little things for Lotor to find just as much as he enjoyed giving them to him directly. Sometimes he woke up to find a pile of books from across the known universe waiting for him on the table, sometimes there were ancient star charts or a new cloak. Sometimes Sendak just left a note, saying to meet him on the observation deck later and they’d sit together watching the stars. It was peaceful and nice and so much more than either of them had dared hope for.

Sendak continued to send soldiers to Haggar’s secret facilities that were still being discovered in the records, if records of such places even existed. They hadn’t discovered much of interest, but they’d kept looking, and soon the last part of the witch would be gone from existence.

It was early in the evening when Sendak returned to their rooms, pushing a shipping crate in front of him that was making an ungodly amount of noise and smiling as he saw Lotor was already there. “How was your day?” he asked and the contents of the box began hissing. Upon closer inspection there were hastily drilled holes on the sides of the crate.

Lotor eyed the crate with suspicion and gave Sendak a look of confusion. "Not as eventful as yours, it seems." He bent down, trying to peer through one of the holes without getting too close. "Is that an animal of some kind? Darling, why have you brought this to our quarters? You know you could have asked me to come anywhere else or you could have brought it to the lab if you really wanted me to look at whatever this is."

Sendak’s ears flicked forward slightly, the way they did when he was nervous. “I don’t think that would be wise. They found him in a lab, abandoned. I doubt he’d ever want to see one again.” The contents of the shipping crate hissed again. “In all honesty, I believe you should open it. Anyone else would be in danger of immediate mauling but I promise nothing will happen to you.” He smiled again a little sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. “I think he’ll be happy to see you... anyway you should see for yourself. You’ll like it, I promise.” He stepped aside, inclining his head to Lotor.

Lotor felt even more confused and suspicious, but he had no reason not to trust Sendak's judgment. He very carefully lifted the lid and looked inside.

Familiar eyes peered up at him, and the hissing stopped as the small creature sniffed the air. Lotor was too shocked and in disbelief to say anything, but he cautiously reached toward the cat, allowing him to sniff his hand. When the cat started rubbing his head against Lotor's hand, all doubt vanished.

With tears in his eyes, Lotor reached into the crate and pulled out Kova, holding him to his chest. He purred for his cat to soothe him, and he couldn't help but smile as he heard Kova's small purr join his. "I thought you were dead," he murmured. "I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to leave you. I never meant to..." He squeezed Kova a little before relaxing his hold on him and allowing the cat to climb onto his shoulder.

As he wiped away his tears, Lotor looked to Sendak. "How...?"

“You know how we’ve been finding the witch’s secret labs all across the empire? Some of them were on record, those we did away with easily, as you know, and some were well-kept secrets.” He tried to take Lotor’s hand but Kova glared at him so he decided against it. “The witch found the remains of your battle cruiser and decided to have them brought to one of her labs. Kova was still on it, according to the records, and he’s been caged there ever since. The soldiers said that he was rather... wild and that they didn’t want to move him out of his confinement, but I told them that I needed that cat here. So...” He gestured to the shipping container with the hastily drilled holes. “I don’t know how he survived, but he’s feisty. I don’t remember him like this but I suppose I’ve never seen him without you around before.” He smiled to himself. “I believe it’s safest for the universe at large if you keep him close from now on, just so he doesn’t...” he trailed off but gave Lotor a look.

Lotor reached up and scratched Kova's chin comfortingly. "My poor little boy, you must have been so alone and confused. It's okay, you're safe now."

He then gave Sendak a grateful smile. "Thank you so much for bringing him back to me. I never thought I'd see him again." He walked over to Sendak and slowly leaned in to give him a hug, allowing Kova a chance to see what was happening and adjust to the idea. Thankfully, Kova seemed fine and simply sniffed Sendak a little.

Sendak embraced Lotor gently and kissed him when he pulled back. He carefully extended his natural hand towards Kova. “Hey, remember me?” Kova looked at his hand skeptically for a few ticks before finally leaning his head towards it and rubbing it against Sendak’s palm. Sendak met Lotor’s eyes again and smirked. “This is probably just because I smell like you. He accepts me as long as I’m yours, I believe.” Sendak’s smile betrayed that he didn’t have an issue with the arrangement.

Lotor chuckled. "Well, he might remember you from before. But yes, that probably helps." He walked over to the couch and sat down, and it took only a moment for Kova to curl up in his lap. Lotor smiled as he gently stroked his long fur. Then he motioned for Sendak to join him. "Come here. I want to cuddle with my boys."

Sendak smiled fondly at him and sat down next to Lotor, draping his arm around his back. He hummed pleasantly and planted a kiss on Lotor’s cheek. “Alright, love,” he said and pressed against Lotor’s side. “I’m happy they found him.” He began stoking Kova’s fur as well. “They also found parts of your cruiser in the lab. I had them bring them to your hangar in case you wanted to take a look at them.”

"Ah, yes, thank you. I would like to take a look at those." Lotor looked thoughtful as he continued to pet Kova. "I don't exactly have the access to all of my old files anymore, so it would help to look at the pieces and make notes about them to try to replicate the old design and improve on it."

“I thought so.” Sendak took Lotor’s free hand and began playing with it absentmindedly, occasionally kissing him on the cheek. “Is there anything you’re working on right now that I can help with?” He smiled sheepishly. “Not that I’d be of much actual help... I suppose I just want to spend more time with you and that I need a break from trying to destroy all of the witch’s secrets.”

"Darling..." Lotor shook his head, smiling fondly. "You don't need an excuse to come to the lab. As far as I can tell, most of the researchers like when you come around and show some interest in our work. You could simply come by and watch and listen for a while. And, since I now have those ship pieces, perhaps it would be a good time to think about improvements for our fleets.

"Or..." He tilted his head up and kissed Sendak's jawline, since it was too hard to stretch up and kiss his cheek from this angle. "We could always spend some more time talking about the state of the empire. I trust you to manage our territory on your own, and I know that you'll ask anytime you're unsure what you want to do. I also try to skim over the report summaries to keep up-to-date. But it would be nice to take a day or two to discuss everything in depth."

Sendak held him closer, his smile widening. “That can be arranged. I know you’re better at the big picture stuff than I am. I’ve gotten good at it in the past months, but I still prefer talking to the soldiers directly rather than having people for that now. I know you don’t need me at the lab and I’m managing well on my own as well but... I suppose I  _ want _ you by my side more often. I’d like you to attend council meetings, if you have time. You’re my best advisor and the only one I truly trust, and now that the empire is stable after multiple shifts in power, we can begin changing things. I want you there for it because these are your ideas, love.” He kissed the side of his face again, almost instinctively. “If you think you’d want to do it, we can discuss your plans and the state of the empire in depth, and then you can begin making those plans a reality. If you don’t want to come, you can just tell me what to do and I’ll make sure it gets done.”

"Of course I'll come." Lotor gave him a somewhat sheepish smile. "I swear I've meant to attend meetings for a while now, but, well... you know how I can get with projects. I get caught up in them and then end up completely missing the meetings." He turned his hand over in Sendak's to squeeze it reassuringly. "You may need to send me a message or something to get my attention and remind me, but yes, I will gladly come attend your council meetings."

Sendak cuddled further against Lotor’s side and rubbed his cheek against his head in a very gentle and protective gesture. “Alright, love, I’ll come get you when it’s time. Maybe I’ll come earlier and we can talk about the specifics of your plans. In the meantime...” he began kissing Lotor more and pulling him closer. “I believe his royal highness demanded cuddles and cuddles he shall receive.”

As Sendak pulled Lotor closer, the angle of Lotor's legs changed ever-so-slightly, and Kova lifted his head to glare at Sendak. Lotor snickered. "Only if you can manage to do so without disturbing  _ his _ royal highness," he teased, but he cuddled in closer all the same and soothed Kova with some light scratches behind his ears.

Sendak kissed him softly. “I suppose I can share your attention. That cat is more royal than the both of us combined, or at least he acts like it.” He smiled at Kova and scratched him under the chin. “I missed him too, now that I think about it. It was a bit... quiet. And he was usually always  _ there. _ He was a sign that you were there as well and it’s nice to have that back now.”

Lotor laid his head on Sendak's shoulder and started to relax into him more. "He always seemed to like you, as much as he liked anyone who wasn't me or..." He fell silent, tensing up a little before shaking his head. "Well, regardless, it's a relief that he gets along well with you. It would have broken my heart if I had gotten him back but couldn't keep him in our rooms."

Sendak stroked Lotor’s hair and held him. “I don’t think either of us would willingly cause you any pain, so even if we hated each other we’d learn to live with the other. But yes, I’m glad as well.” He continued to scratch Kova’s little chin while caressing Lotor’s hair with his other hand. “And while I do know you are incredibly capable of defending yourself, I’ll be happy to know that you have your little guardian back.”

"Mmhmm." Lotor relaxed again and smiled. "Now I have my two oldest and truest friends back."

After a moment, Lotor frowned a little as a thought occurred to him. "What about you? I know you had a few friends before everything. Have you talked to any of them?"

Sendak quieted and looked away. After a moment he released a shaky breath, shaking his head. “She killed them,” he whispered. “She suspected that most of my close friends, the ones that you knew as well, knew about  _ us. _ They were accused of treason and executed. The others... most of them died on the field in  _ accidents.” _ His tone made it clear that he doubted it. “I believe it was because she wanted to take away as many of my ties as possible. The only one she couldn’t dispose of was you.” He pressed closer against Lotor, if such a thing was even possible. “I have been befriending a few of the commanders, though, if one can call it that.”

"Oh... oh, love..." Lotor turned his head toward Sendak and nuzzled his neck in a comforting gesture. "I hadn't realized. I admit I didn't make an effort to keep track of them or contact them." He took Sendak's hand and squeezed it. "Well, if you want me to meet any of those commanders, I would be open to that. I could help you determine their motives, if you wish. You could also spend more time in the lab and get to know some of the researchers better. There are a few that I am starting to consider as friends."

Sendak leaned into the touch and squeezed Lotor’s hand back. “Thank you, Starlight, I’ll keep it in mind. You’ll meet the commanders soon enough, they’re a part of the council.” He ran his fingers through Lotor’s soft hair, seemingly just enjoying his presence. “I also meant to ask you how your research is going. I keep forgetting to because all I want to do when I see you is kiss you.” He gave Lotor a soft kiss to the top of his head in demonstration.

Lotor couldn't help but laugh lightly at Sendak's sappiness, and he gave him another kiss in return. "It's going very well, though it's a bit slower than I'd like. I suppose that's just a natural part of studying the long-term effects of something. Still, early results are very promising, and I think we are nearly ready to start implementing some of these methods of Quintessence harvesting." He didn't bother to stifle his satisfied smile.

"Once we've begun that process of implementation, I intend to shift my focus to creating better ships that require less Quintessence to run and can run on other fuel sources if necessary. No other fuel is as efficient as Quintessence, true, but we need some sort of backup. I've read reports in the past of ships found dead in empty space due to running out of Quintessence when other, though incompatible, energy sources were within range. If our ships had an alternate fuel source they could switch to in the case of an emergency, that wouldn't be as likely to happen again in the future, and our troops will be less likely to be concerned when we begin to lower Quintessence allotments."

Sendak kissed him again and smiled brightly. “You’re brilliant. It’ll take an adjustment period but this could significantly ease the entire process.” Sendak cupped Lotor’s jaw and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. “Thank you. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

Kova looked a little put out by the shift in attention but Sendak seemed to notice and scratched him behind the ears, but he didn’t take his eyes off of Lotor. “You can tell my commanders about your plans tomorrow if you wish. It’s time we changed the ways of the empire into something worthy of our people and it’s only fitting that you’d be at the head of that change.” His smile widened and he kissed Lotor again.

Lotor leaned into the kiss, and when they pulled apart again, he smiled with satisfaction and anticipation. "That sounds perfect, love." He rested his head on Sendak's shoulder again as he thought about his plans. Everything was coming together. Finally, centuries upon centuries of work were coming to fruition. And Sendak was by his side now to help him. They'd discussed other friends, but honestly, Lotor would have been content with only Sendak (and Kova). They were all they needed.

Sendak’s gauntlet suddenly beeped loudly, displaying an urgent communication. He frowned at it. “It’s the soldiers that stayed behind to search the lab.” It was terribly unusual for Sendak to receive communications like this. He gave Lotor an apologetic kiss and then stood and tapped the notification, answering the call. He always gave Lotor the option to stay out of any imperial affairs, letting him confront them at his own leisure. It was clear that Lotor could join in if he wanted to but didn’t have to.

A fairly young-looking commander was at the other end of it, looking at Sendak intently. He seemed to be mildly distressed but not in any sort of danger. “Commander Lahn,” Sendak said. His voice was so different from what it had been moments ago. Not cruel or cold but certainly firm and commanding instead of the warmth and love that was in his voice when he spoke to Lotor. “What seems to be the problem?”

Lahn straightened his shoulders. “We found something, sir. I thought it might be in your interest to be aware of this sooner rather than later.”

Lotor looked at the screen, then at Sendak. Whatever this was, it was probably not good, and he was sure that Sendak was thinking the same thing. He eased Kova off of his lap and stood, joining Sendak and leaning over so that Lahn could see him too. "Can you identify what it is without disturbing the experiment? I am sure I do not have to remind you that the witch's experiments could be extremely dangerous."

Lahn’s eyes widened in surprise for a heartbeat but then he addressed Lotor directly, meeting his eyes. “No, sir, we are well aware of the risks. However...” He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. “I believe it would be best to show you.”

The direction of the camera turned and Lahn walked through a series of corridors to a room that seemed to be a modern laboratory. There was a stasis pod in a corner of the room, lit up and functioning and inside... It was impossible and yet right before his eyes. Floating in the pod, tubes attached to her body was  _ Narti. _

Lotor felt absolute shock, and he had to hold onto Sendak's arm to stay upright. He was completely speechless, and for a moment, he couldn't even breathe. He just stared at the image of the friend he'd been forced to kill somehow alive and... and... oh gods of Daibazaal, now that Haggar was gone, she was free, right? He could get her back like he'd gotten Sendak back.

He forced himself to mutter something like "excuse me" as he sat back down on the couch and picked up Kova again. "Narti's alive," he whispered, not sure whether Kova would really understand but needing to tell him anyways. "She's coming back to us." He hugged Kova to his chest, and as the cat began to purr again, Lotor suspected that maybe he did understand.

Sendak placed a comforting hand on Lotor’s shoulder and addressed Lahn again. “See to it that she’s brought back to Central Command. Don’t wake her yet. My... advisor and head of engineering and research will take care of the rest. Don’t harm her, she’s an ally.”

Lahn nodded. “Understood, sir,” he said and saluted as the communication ended.

Sendak immediately sat down next to Lotor again and wrapped his arms around him. “Are you alright?”

Lotor nodded. "I—" He was surprised to hear his voice crack, and he had to clear his throat as he fought back tears. "I'd never wanted to kill her, but when I realized that the witch had gotten into her mind, I... I couldn't let what had happened to you happen to her, and I couldn't let the witch probe her mind further and discover more of my secrets. I had no other choice that I could see in the moment."

The emotions were starting to really hit him as the shock faded, and he held Kova a little tighter as he leaned into Sendak. "I'm just so relieved that she's alive," he said just above a whisper. "With the witch gone, I can get her back just like I got you back. I just hope she'll understand and won't hold a grudge against me about… my attempt on her life. I couldn't blame her if she did, but I want her to understand why I did it and that I had no choice." He sighed heavily.

Sendak kissed him, held him, steadied him. “Love, she will understand. I would have understood if you’d killed me, or tried to. I’m glad it didn’t come to that but I would’ve understood.” He nuzzled Lotor’s cheek affectionately. “The best you can do for her now is help her wake up and recover. The rest is up to her.”

"I thought about it," Lotor admitted quietly. "I just couldn't go through with it." He shifted Kova to one arm so that he could hold onto Sendak with his other hand. Taking a deep breath, Lotor steadied himself. "You're right. I'll try to explain, and then I'll just have to wait and see how she reacts." He stared off at the opposite wall.

"She's bound to ask about... the other three,” Lotor continued. “I don't even know what to tell her." Even in all the weeks since Haggar's death, Lotor hadn't wanted to speak about the friends who had betrayed him, so he and Sendak hadn't talked about them. "I found the records saying that they were supposed to be arrested for disobedience and managed to escape, but the record was painfully vague, and I really don't know where they might be now."

Sendak frowned, considering it. “They were with the witch, backing me at the Kral Zera. I can’t imagine what they might’ve done to warrant an arrest but I wasn’t made aware of any transgressions. Your safe houses were empty, right? No chance they might’ve gone there?” He began stroking Lotor’s hair soothingly again.

"Perhaps," Lotor admitted, though it was clear from his tone of voice that he seriously doubted that. "I had multiple, though. Besides, the last time they saw me, they betrayed me. I think they would avoid my safe houses just in case I wanted revenge.”

Sendak pressed a soft kiss to Lotor's forehead. "We'll figure something out, love. Let's focus on one of them first. Do you want me to be there when you wake her or would you prefer it if I wasn't?" He knew that Sendak would support any decision he might make. "I think it would also be best if you did it tomorrow instead of later tonight. I know you probably want to do this as soon as possible but you need to rest." Sendak's voice was full of loving concern.

Lotor shook his head. "I owe it to her to wake her as soon as possible. Who knows what kind of state the witch has left her in, and then transporting the cryotube... I'd have to take it into the lab and examine it before I could decide whether she was stable enough to leave frozen anyways, so I might as well wake her unless I find some reason not to." He squeezed Sendak's hand again. "Perhaps it would be better to have you with me. If she doesn't want to talk to me, you could explain the situation. Do you remember how to read Galra standard sign?"

Sendak nodded. “Yes, I do. I’ll be there with you. I wouldn’t want you to have to face this alone.” He didn’t protest Lotor’s decision, just squeezed his hand. “Do you want to go down now or would you prefer to stay here? Maybe it could be good to get your mind off of things? Clear your head and work on something small and manageable as we wait? I can keep you company, if you want.“

"I should go on ahead to the lab and set it up for this. I'll have to call in a few people, especially a couple of doctors just in case." Lotor sighed, feeling weary already as he thought about what he had to do. "I'd appreciate the company if you don't mind. The scientists and doctors I call in will be less likely to complain about the late hour if you're there."

“Of course, love.” Sendak kissed him again and stood, holding his hand out for Lotor to take. “You don’t need to convince me to spend time with you, I was just asking because I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be alone for a moment. I’ll be there for you. Always.”

Lotor shifted Kova's position so that he could carry him, then accepted Sendak's hand and stood. "Thank you. I understand if you may still feel uncomfortable in the lab, so I don't want you to feel obligated to stay there with me, but I'd appreciate your support."

Sendak cupped Lotor’s jaw. “It’s  _ your _ lab now. I have... bad memories of that place. Sometimes I have bad dreams, but every time they threaten to overwhelm me I look at you, and when I see you it’s like I know I don’t have to be afraid anymore.” He leaned in and left a whisper of a kiss on Lotor’s lips. “I’ll be fine as long as I know you’re there.”

Lotor squeezed Sendak's hand. "I'm glad of that. I'm glad that you feel safe with me."

They made their way down to the lab. Once there, Lotor put Kova into a large and open cage (lined well with soft things) where he could see Lotor at all times but couldn't get into any of the dangerous materials lying around. He also pulled in a chair for Sendak with orders to "just sit and keep Kova company." With both cat and boyfriend taken care of, he turned his attention to contacting those who needed to be aware of the situation, and, soon enough, a small team of researchers and doctors assembled. Most looked slightly annoyed at the late hour, but they were quickly appeased with coffee and promises that they could have a free extra vacation day for their trouble.

All these arrangements were sorted out not a moment too soon as a group of soldiers wheeled in a very large container. They carefully unpacked the cryotube from inside, and soon enough, Lotor found himself face-to-face with the unconscious and suspended form of his friend. A surge of emotion filled him, stronger than he had expected, and he had to clear his throat before ordering the scientists to get to work examining and hopefully unfreezing her. Lotor was too overwhelmed to do much himself in that moment, so he stepped aside and stood next to Sendak.

Sendak removed his hand from Kova’s enclosure as he saw Lotor approaching, much to Kova’s dismay, who meowed loudly in protest, prompting Sendak to return his hand to petting him. His other hand squeezed Lotor’s gently and he looked at him attentively. “It must be hard to see her like this. How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.

Lotor exhaled heavily. "I'm not sure, to be honest. I'm relieved that she's here and alive, but I simply don't know yet what the witch might have done to her. I can only hope that she'll be healthy and her mind will be intact, but until she wakes..." He shook his head. "I just have to wait."

Sendak squeezed Lotor’s hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “She’ll be alright, Lotor. The witch was not in the business of making her experiments unusable, as horrible as that sounds. I know you’re anxious but I survived. I’m sure your friend can too.”

He stood, and Kova made another dissatisfied sound. “In the meantime, I think that Kova already missed you in those brief few moments you were gone. Do you want to sit down?” he asked with a fond smile.

Lotor was making some attempt to keep an eye on the team freeing Narti, but it looked like they had this under control, so he nodded. He pulled over another chair and set it right next to Sendak's before opening the cage to pick up Kova. He then sat down and leaned against Sendak with Kova on his lap as he rather passively watched the doctors and researchers work. A couple of the doctors gave him sideways glances, but all the researchers were unfazed, and at this point, hiding their relationship seemed rather trivial.

Sendak wrapped an arm around Lotor’s shoulders and held him. He didn’t say anything, likely knowing that nothing would help Lotor right now except for his presence.

After a while, he looked at Lotor again and held him slightly closer. “Do you want to tell me about her?” he asked quietly.

Lotor was surprised for a moment, but then it occurred to him that Sendak really had no way to know anything about her or the other girls beyond the surface-level descriptions Lotor had given him when explaining some of what he'd been up to for the past several thousand years. He hadn't wanted to go in depth at the time, still too grieved about losing her in such a sudden and horrible way.

Now... "She's very clever," he started slowly, letting the memories he'd pushed aside come back to him. "She's quiet, not only in the literal sense but also in the sense of not even signing very often in conversation, but she misses nothing and has a very sharp wit. When she does comment or add to the conversation, it's always something worth listening to. She's very good at listening and really making you feel heard. I used to go to her quite often when I was frustrated and couldn't figure out my next move, and I would just tell her everything that was on my mind. So often, she would sign back just a few words that would set me on the right path, and I'd walk away with a clearer head and the beginnings of a plan. She's incredibly loyal and absolutely trustworthy." He fell into silence, reflecting on his memories of her.

Sendak gently stroked his arm, still holding him. “She sounds exactly like the kind of person you’d have a good relationship with,” he said with a smile. “I’m glad you had someone to talk to, even if it wasn’t long enough. I’d hate to learn you were alone all those years.” He looked at Lotor seriously. “We’ll get her back. I’m sure of it.”

"Of course." Lotor didn't sound particularly convinced even to his own ears, but he tried to believe she'd be alright. The finest experts in the empire were treating her now, and they'd find a way to bring her back. They had to.


	12. Chapter 12

After a few more tense moments of waiting, the sound of a cryotube opening caught Lotor’s attention, and he sat up and watched as the doctors eased Narti's limp form out of the tube and onto a medical bed. Lotor felt anxiety churning in his gut, but he noticed that she seemed to be stirring a little, limbs and tail twitching in little movements. The doctors hooked up several monitoring devices to her, all the while speaking to her gently and explaining what was happening in case she was aware enough to understand.

Finally, one of the doctors motioned Lotor over. "She appears to be awake and at least physically stable. You can come talk to her now if you want."

"Thank you." Lotor watched the doctor go and looked over at Narti, but he didn't move to get up just yet. He was anxious, and he was sure Sendak could tell.

Sendak stood after another few ticks and gave Kova, who was still sitting in Lotor’s lap, a look. Kova stared back at him and then climbed onto Lotor’s shoulders gracefully.

Sendak extended his hand toward Lotor after smiling at Kova’s antics. “Together,” he said softly, the same way he used to whenever there was something Lotor didn’t want to admit he was nervous about facing alone. “We can do this together.”

Lotor gave Sendak a small but grateful smile as he accepted his hand. They walked over to the bed, and Lotor felt Kova's weight shift on his shoulder as the cat leaned forward and made an inquisitive little sound. Lotor bent down, and Kova hopped off of his shoulder onto the bed, pausing only for a moment to sniff Narti's hand before settling by her side as if he'd never left.

The sight brought a wave of mixed emotion to Lotor as he wondered whether he'd see his cat again if Narti decided she wanted nothing to do with him and Kova chose her over him, but he pushed it aside. "Narti," Lotor said softly, trying not to alarm her. "You're... you're safe now. You've been asleep for a little less than a decaphoeb." He wanted to say more, but the words wouldn't come to him.

Narti’s tail twitched and her muscles tensed significantly at Lotor’s words. Sendak took a small step forward, placing himself in a position where he would be able to defend Lotor if the need arose.

Another twitch of Narti’s tail was the only warning before she lashed out, locking her hand around Lotor’s wrist in a tight grip, her chest heaving. Images flashed through his mind. Thoughts, feelings, memories. All swirling together. He saw himself running towards his viewpoint — the memory Narti held from seeing through Kova’s eyes, he realized — with a blade in hand, poised to strike, and intense fear flooded his senses. He couldn’t move. She was holding him still, frantically searching through his mind for answers.

Her icy terror shattered when she found the reason for Lotor’s decision and her fear became pain and regret, only increasing when she saw Acxa shoot Lotor in the back, and anger once she saw images of the Kral Zera and what followed.

Lotor was yanked suddenly out of his own mind as Sendak pulled them apart, desperately trying to break the connection. A mere tick passed as Narti seemed to also be trying to come back to her own senses, and with the connection to Lotor broken, she now dug her claws into Sendak’s natural arm as he screamed, his eyes glowing.

For a moment, Lotor stood there, stunned and unable to react. When he realized what was happening though, he quickly pulled Narti's hand away from Sendak's arm and took it between both his own. "Narti, wait, let me—" He knew he needed to explain what had happened, but words seemed insufficient to sum up everything she needed to know, so he focused on the memory of waking up in the hospital after his suicide attempt. He knew that with him focusing on this memory so hard, it would be the first thing that she saw if she looked into his mind again.

He felt Narti’s presence again, full of simmering rage directed at Sendak for a moment that subsided into confusion and then realization as she rifled through his memories of the time after, how Sendak had returned to him and helped him heal just as Lotor did the same for him.

Finally her breathing normalized and she released Lotor’s hand, collapsing back onto the bed.  _ “Sorry,” _ she signed weakly. Her assault must’ve taken a lot out of her.

Sendak was standing a few feet back, his gaze haunted and far away as he clutched his arm to his chest.

Lotor felt torn between wanting to reassure Narti and wanting to soothe Sendak. But Sendak's clear distress tugged at Lotor's heart in a way that nothing else ever could. "I'll be back in a moment," he told Narti softly. "The doctors here all work for me. They won't hurt you."

He then turned to Sendak and gently touched his arm, moving his hand slowly enough that Sendak could pull away. "Love?" he asked just above a whisper. He pulled just enough to guide Sendak to turn away from Narti.

Sendak released a shaky breath but his eyes seemed focused on something far away. He looked shaken but made no move towards Lotor, the way he usually did now when he was upset. He didn’t pull back either, just looking at Lotor with pain in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I hurt you. I’m so  _ sorry.” _

Lotor realized that Narti must’ve thought Sendak was a threat based on what she’d seen in Lotor’s own memories. He felt his heart crumple like someone closed a fist around it and squeezed until it collapsed. A wave of anger rose up unbidden. It seemed that Narti had undone phoebs of healing in just a couple of ticks, and Lotor felt frustration and despair urging him to lash out.

He forced back his emotional response. It seemed that she was only trying to protect Lotor, and she must still be disoriented from nearly dying and then waking up without any sense of the passage of time.

Besides, Sendak was the higher priority. Lotor tugged at his arm a little more, trying to guide him away to somewhere a little more private. Trusted though these doctors and scientists were, Lotor doubted Sendak wanted them to see him break down. He was beyond caring in this state, but Lotor was sure that he would be upset about it later, and besides, no one else besides now Narti knew that their little “ploy” of Lotor’s captivity hadn't been as fake as they'd claimed. He couldn't exactly talk Sendak through this where others could overhear.

Sendak finally focused on Lotor and let himself be led away to Lotor’s private lab room, the door closing behind him. He closed his eyes and a tear slipped down his cheek. His grip tightened on Lotor’s hand, as if he wanted him closer but was afraid to approach himself.

He looked at Lotor for another few ticks and seemed to calm ever so slightly but still didn’t approach him further.

Lotor waited for just a moment longer, not wanting to upset Sendak by invading his personal space while he was still trying to process, but when it became clear that Sendak wouldn't close the distance himself, Lotor took a step forward and wrapped his arms around him. "Darling..." He struggled for words, knowing that nothing could simply fix this.

Sendak stood frozen for another moment before he seemed to come to himself and wrapping his arms around Lotor in turn, pulling him closer and pressing his forehead to the top of his head.

His chest shook with a quiet sob but his muscles lost some of their tension. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’m alright, I just... it felt so real. I thought I was back and I...” He held Lotor tighter, as if he was afraid he would disappear if he didn’t.

"I love you too," Lotor whispered. There was no hesitation, no reservation, and he hoped Sendak understood that. He ran his hands up and down Sendak's back soothingly. "Do you think it would help if you talked me through it?"

Sendak hesitated but loosened his hold on Lotor enough to sit down and pull Lotor close again, pressing the side of his face against his chest. “She was trying to protect you, I think. I couldn’t move and she was slicing through my mind, making me  _ look _ at everything I was forced to do, but she thought I’d done it on my own. It felt horrible. I was trapped in my mind, watching myself do everything I’d wanted to prevent.” Sendak rubbed his cheek against Lotor. “I thought it was all a dream, that I was still under  _ her _ control, except it was worse this time because I was conscious.”

Lotor settled into Sendak's lap, and his heart ached at the pain in Sendak's voice. "I'm so sorry, love. I should have..." He shook his head. "Even if Narti was trying to protect me, she's a mind reader. She could have taken a few ticks to confirm her suspicions before lashing out. She has no excuse." He sighed heavily. "I'll talk to her about it later."

Sendak looked into his eyes and shook his head slightly. “It’s not her fault. She just woke up from being in that  _ thing.” _ His voice quieted. “I know what that feels like. It’s not her fault.”

Sendak clung to him for another moment before pulling him closer for a kiss. “I think I’m alright. It helps that you’re here. We can go back out if you want to.” His hold on Lotor was still firm, but his breathing had calmed.

Lotor hummed a little in dubious acknowledgment. "Only if you're absolutely sure." He looked into Sendak's eyes for any sign that he wasn't okay yet. "I don't want you to push yourself."

Sendak took Lotor’s hand and rubbed his cheek against it affectionately. “I promise that I’m fine. I was... shaken because I wasn’t prepared to see that but you’re still here and... and this is real.” There was doubt at the edges of his voice and he looked at Lotor again. “Tell me something from before,” he whispered finally. “Something only you would know.”

Tears started to prickle Lotor's eyes, and he gave Sendak a wavering smile. "The first time I finally told you I loved you was right before you were sent out on your first long campaign. We knew we wouldn't see each other for a decaphoeb, and I knew I'd regret every single day of it if I didn't tell you first." He put his hands on both sides of Sendak's head and cradled it gently. "So I drew you closer just like this..." He guided Sendak's head down. "... and kissed you softly..." Their lips met for one moment, soft and sweet. "...and then I whispered, 'I love you.'"

Sendak stroked Lotor’s hair and kissed him back, just as sweetly as he had all those centuries ago. “I love you too,” he said and a small relieved smile curled his lips. He hugged Lotor tightly. “Thank you. For helping me make sure and for saying that so long ago. It meant—and still means—a lot to me. I wanted you to say it, of course, but I didn’t expect it. I thought about you every day when I was gone, how I’d kiss you and make love to you when I got back. You make me so happy, love. Thank you, for everything.”

"Thank  _ you." _ Lotor carded his fingers soothingly through the longer fur on the top of Sendak's head. He couldn't help but smile at the love in Sendak's eyes. "I am so incredibly grateful for where we are now. There are no secrets anymore, and we no need to hide beyond simply maintaining some privacy for our own comfort. We no longer have to fear the witch or my father." He pressed a kiss to Sendak's cheek. "I did not walk through your hell, so I cannot speak for you, but for my part, I believe this peace we have now is worth all of the pain it took me to get here."

Sendak kept his eyes fixed on Lotor, the sheer love in his eyes only deepening. He nodded. “Yes. Yes it is. I would go through it again if I had to for this.” He gently touched his forehead to Lotor’s and closed his eyes. “I’m alright. Thank you, my love, for catching me.” He smiled softly. “We can go back out,” he said and pressed a loving kiss to Lotor’s forehead.

"Alright." To Lotor's ears, Sendak sounded more sure now, so he was satisfied that they really could go out now. He eased himself off of Sendak's lap and offered him a hand to help him up. "Then let's talk to Narti again, and hopefully this time we can get everyone on the same page without another incident."

Sendak took his hand and stood, kissing him again and smiling at Lotor. “I’m sure we can manage that,” he said and began following him back out.

It seemed their absence hadn’t been taken much notice of. The medics continued their monitoring and Narti remained on her bed, though she lifted her head at their approach after Kova perked up when he saw Lotor.

She moved her hands, addressing Sendak.  _ “I’m sorry. I was scared. No excuse.” _ Her hand movements were brief and sluggish but the gist of what she was saying carried over.

Sendak stayed far enough that she wouldn’t be able to reach for him again, just in case. “It’s alright. I understand.”

Lotor still felt rather frustrated, but the rest of his anger faded away as he saw her apology. He let out a long exhale. "I suppose this means that you don't hate  _ me?" _ he asked carefully. "When I tried— I was only doing what I had to. I'd seen how the witch had taken over Sendak, so when I realized the same was happening to you... If I only had myself to worry about, perhaps I would have still tried something, but I had to protect the other three, and as long as you could watch us, they were in danger." He brushed his fingertips over the back of Narti's hand in an invitation for her to take it if she wanted to see the sincerity of his words. "Even so, I sincerely wish there had been another choice. I am so sorry that I couldn't find a way to save you."

She took his hand and squeezed it but didn’t enter his mind, taking him at his word.  _ “It’s alright. You saved me now. That’s all that matters. Thank you.” _

She looked almost ready to pass out again but seemed to be forcing herself to stay awake.  _ “Where are the others?” _ she asked.

"They..." Lotor swallowed hard, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news. "They were, ah, deeply upset after we were forced to leave. I dealt with my grief as I usually do, by pressing forward and distracting myself with work, but I fear that I may have given them the impression that I didn't care, although nothing could be farther from the truth. We attempted to enter the rift, and when that didn't work..." He sighed heavily. "They turned on me and attempted to deliver me back to my father to try to buy their way back into favor with the empire. I managed to escape, and I have not spoken to them since. For a while, they were working under the witch, but they committed some sort of act of treason and were forced to run. I don't even know where they are now. They must be hiding somewhere, assuming they are even alive."

She squeezed his hand again and nodded.  _ “I’m sorry, Lotor.” _ She ran her thumb over the back of his hand.  _ “I think I might have a few ideas. We had places that we would go to if things went south for you. We didn’t share it because they could’ve found us if they’d taken it from your mind. I think we might find them there if they’re still alive.” _ She paused, as if collecting her thoughts.  _ “I’m sorry they did that to you. Do you want to find them?” _

Lotor took a deep breath as he considered how to answer. He looked to Sendak for support. "I think... I want to talk to them. I won't punish them for what they've done. I just want to explain myself and tell them — with your permission, of course — that you're alive. From there, I don't know what I'll do, but I at least want closure."

Sendak placed his hand on Lotor’s shoulder, reacting to Lotor’s silent request.

Narti nodded.  _ “I will help you find them.” _

Sendak hummed thoughtfully. “Perhaps it would be best if Narti joined us when we try to find the others to avoid a confrontation. It might take longer but it’s safer to wait for her to recover.”

"Yes, that may be best." Lotor nodded to Sendak with a small smile. Then he looked back to Narti and lightly squeezed her hand. "If you could give me some coordinates, I can at least make preparations and also start looking for signs that they're in the area. After all, they would need to get food and supplies, so someone in whichever area they're in should have seen them."

Narti squeezed back and then let go of his hands to describe the base and its location, quickly relaying the coordinates. It wasn’t too far from the heart of the empire but far enough away that they wouldn’t run into any patrols if they were there.

Narti’s movements became less pronounced after a while and she sank back against the pillows, running a hand over Kova’s fur. She stayed silent for a long moment before taking Lotor’s hand in hers again and he felt her reach out with her abilities, sending warmth and love to his mind but also regret.  _ I’m glad to be back. We’ll fix this together, _ she said directly into his mind.

"We will," Lotor replied softly. "Now, get some rest. I'll have the medical staff monitor you just in case." He squeezed Narti's hand before letting go, and then he gave Kova a gentle scratch before stepping away.

_ “Thank you,” _ she signed and practically sank into the pillows, Kova curling up next to her.

Sendak carefully wrapped his arm around Lotor’s shoulders. “You should rest as well, love, it’s late.” He pressed a kiss to Lotor’s temple. “You need your sleep.”

Lotor nodded and leaned into Sendak. "Let's get back to our quarters. It's been a very long day." Now that he was thinking about their bed, he realized how tired he really was, and he started to yawn.

Sendak took Lotor’s hand in his, pressing a kiss to it before leading him out of the lab once he’d given the instructions to monitor Narti for any strange readings. When the door to Lotor’s old rooms,  _ their _ rooms now, closed behind them Sendak ran the backs of his fingers gently over Lotor’s cheek, looking at him with concern. “Are you alright?” he asked quietly.

Lotor sighed and tilted his head towards Sendak's hand. "I will be. It's just a lot to think about. Those three... did they ever even consider trying to rescue me? They must really hate me if they just left me to my fate."

Sendak’s face fell. “Oh,  _ love.” _ He gently wrapped his arms around Lotor, giving him enough time to pull back if he wanted to. “I don’t think they hate you, darling. I think they were scared, more than anything. I wish... I wish they’d come for you and helped you. I’d give anything to undo what happened to you, but I can’t.” He pulled back slightly, taking Lotor’s hands in his. “But I’m glad we get to heal from this together.” He pressed a kiss to Lotor’s cheek. “I love you. Let’s go to bed and I can hold you if you’d like.”

"I love you too." Lotor gave him a weak smile. "After all this, yes, I just want to be with you. I don't want to think about all this right now. I just want to sleep." He kept holding one of Sendak's hands as he led him towards their bedroom.

Sendak gently coaxed Lotor to sit on the bed and left a kiss on his forehead before kneeling and beginning to take off his boots. He kissed Lotor’s knees as he pulled them off and then sat beside him on the bed, taking his hand.

Sendak released a long breath and leaned against him. “They don’t hate you, love,” he repeated, likely seeing how Lotor was still upset.

Lotor put his arm around Sendak's waist and leaned in closer. "I... I don't see how they couldn't. They shot me, they planned to hand me over to my father, they supported Haggar, and they left without me. Considering all that, it just seems like the simplest answer is that they hate me now for what I did to Narti."

Sendak began stroking his hair in gentle and soothing motions. “If they hate you for what you did, then I suppose they never knew you enough to realize that what you did pained you as much as them, if not more. And if they still hate you after you explain yourself to them then they do not deserve your sorrow. You did the best you could’ve done in that situation and you don’t deserve their anger for doing your best to protect them.”

"I suppose you're right." Lotor felt tears sting his eyes, and he tried to blink them away. "You really are the only one who ever understood me, aren't you? After I lost you, I was so alone for so long—" His voice cracked as he started to cry. He bit his lip, feeling frustrated with himself for breaking down like this when his life now was nearly perfect and all of that was in the past, but the tears wouldn't stop.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry.” He delicately wiped Lotor’s tears from his face. “Come here,” he whispered and pulled Lotor closer, carefully tucking his head under his chin and holding him in a gentle embrace. “I’m so sorry that you were alone, that I wasn’t there with you. I’m here now and I’ll never leave you, I promise, as long as you’ll have me.” He pulled back just enough to kiss the tears from Lotor’s cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again.

Lotor shook his head and swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump in his throat. "It's not your fault. It was never your fault. You're the one person—" His voice broke again and he gritted his teeth. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you suffered so much more than I did, and I shouldn't... I was  _ free _ and mostly happy for a long time, so..." He tried to suppress his sobs and only succeeded in making himself tremble as shame and guilt mingled with self-pity.

“Lotor...” Sendak pulled him close again, into the warmth and comfort of his embrace. He began stroking Lotor’s hair again. Sendak had always liked playing with it, touching it, and he did so often, not just to soothe Lotor but also himself. “Do you remember how you used to feel after visiting a colony? You’d always end up just like this. You felt terrible about the people on those planets and then you’d beat yourself up over being unable to help them... My point is that you never let yourself feel bad if you believe other people have it worse.” He tucked a strand of Lotor’s hair behind his ear. “You’re allowed to cry about what happened to you. You’re allowed to want comfort, even if someone else might’ve had it worse. Please don’t ever stop yourself from reaching out just because you think I suffered more than you.”

"But..." Lotor held onto Sendak tightly, burying his face into his chest as he sobbed harder. "Y-you don't have anyone else anymore. If I'm not strong enough to help you, who can?" He inhaled shakily, and his whole body was still trembling. "I should be better by now. It's been longer now that things have been fine than  _ that _ time took in the first place. I have more happy memories now than bad ones, so shouldn't I be better already? Shouldn't I be over this?"

“Breathe, love.” Sendak’s arms were solid around him but Lotor knew that he’d pull back as soon as he asked. “You don’t get to decide when you’re supposed to feel better. Recovery isn’t linear and you’ll have good days and bad days, we both will and we both already have. That doesn’t mean that you’re not healing. I can touch you now without either of us flinching most of the time and... that makes me very happy. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to touch you again but now I am. You’ve been so strong for me and for yourself, Lotor, you’re allowed to let me carry you every so often.”

Lotor tried to take a deep breath, but he only ended up sobbing harder. He hadn't broken down like this in... too long, apparently. He cried and cried, sobbing into Sendak's chest. He finally allowed himself, for the first time, to actually feel  _ sorry _ for himself in the sense that he acknowledged that what had happened was genuinely terrible, and he let himself feel just how deeply it had hurt him.

Finally, after what felt like a very long time, he felt himself starting to settle, having cried out most of the turbulent emotions. He felt like a gross mess with tears covering his cheeks and mucus below his nose and on his lips, but at least he was a calmer mess. "Can I have a tissue?" he asked very quietly, still not quite meeting Sendak's eyes.

Sendak ran his hand over Lotor’s hair one more time before leaving a soft and lingering kiss on his cheek. “Of course,” he said, his voice low and warm. “I’ll be right back.”

Sendak got up and returned a moment later with a box of tissues and a damp cloth in his hands. He sat back down and offered Lotor what he’d brought after brushing his lips over his forehead.

With a wet sniffle, Lotor started mopping up the mess on his face, first with the tissues, then using the cloth to get off the sticky residue. He had to blow his nose a few times before he could finally breathe through it again, and then he just set everything aside and turned right back to Sendak, hugging him again. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm sorry I held this back and pretended I was more fine than I actually was. I suppose it's just that... I still feel guilty — and ashamed. I hate feeling so weak."

“My love,” Sendak wrapped his arms back around him. “You don’t have anything to feel sorry for and you certainly have nothing to be ashamed of. Needing support doesn’t make you weak but you have to let yourself be weak sometimes. Just... please tell me when you feel this way. I promise I’ll do the same from now on as well. It’s pointless if we hide our pain from each other when we’re the only ones alive that know what happened. We can be strong for each other but we have to be weak for each other as well, alright?” He hugged Lotor tighter for a moment, nuzzling the top of his head.

Doubt and fear still coursed through Lotor's mind, but he tried to focus on Sendak's words instead. He took a shaky breath, then nodded a little. "Thank you. I know you're right. It might just... take me a little while to believe it." Again, he breathed in deeply, and this time, it was a little easier, a little steadier. "And please do keep that promise to come to me. I think I'll feel a little less guilty for leaning on you if you lean on me too."

He felt Sendak breathe in deeply and nod. “I will. It’s just... I feel like I’ve already hurt you so much. I  _ know _ it wasn’t me but still...” He cupped Lotor’s jaw and ran his thumb over his cheekbone. “I don’t want to burden you. I’ll try to be better about it.”

He paused for a moment before speaking again. “I have... nightmares sometimes. They’re more like memories, really. They’re not enough to wake me most of the time but they feel real. When I wake up from them it’s... hard to touch you because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Lotor squeezed Sendak a little tighter in an attempt to reassure him. "You can wake me up to talk to me in the moment. Then I can comfort you when you need it most." He pulled back just enough to look up into Sendak's eyes. "Until it finally sinks in, I'll remind you over and over again that it's not your fault, that I forgive you, and that I trust you. Even if it takes the rest of our lives, I'll keep telling you, because it's the truth. I love you."

Sendak exhaled a shaky breath and closed the distance between them, wrapping Lotor in his arms again. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I love you too.”

Then, after a moment, he added, “If I wake up, could you... could you touch me first? I always get scared of hurting you during those moments, like I’m trapped in my mind again, and it might be easier if you reached out and showed me it was fine.”

"Of course." Lotor nuzzled Sendak's neck soothingly. "Just wake me up somehow, and I'll be happy to reassure you. I'll take your hands in mine, and I'll tell you something only we know."

He kissed his neck, and the long fur tickled his lips and brought back one such memory. "Remember the first time I felt your fur? I blurted out that it was the softest thing I'd ever felt, and then I became so embarrassed that I immediately left the room." He chuckled. "It's still true. Your fur is so wonderfully soft even in spite of your lack of a proper fur care routine. I'd be jealous, but I so greatly enjoy feeling it against my skin."

Sendak smiled and released a breath that Lotor recognized as a small burst of laughter. He rested his cheek on Lotor’s head and sighed happily. “I do remember that. You were very sweet, always so proper and princely but that was  _ you _ peeking out from underneath all the expectations and rules. I remember thinking about how cute you were, how pretty, and at the same time you were regal and strong. I was completely taken by you.” He paused and leaned in closer. “I had a bit of a crush on you,” he whispered conspiratorially.

Lotor couldn't help but laugh. "Oh really? I never could have guessed," he teased. Then he conceded, "Well, back then, I really  _ didn't _ guess. I wasn't even aware of my own feelings, much less yours. I'm just glad that we worked it out eventually." He turned his head to press another kiss into Sendak's fur, and this time when he took a deep breath, he felt completely calm and stable. "How do you feel now, love?"

Sendak took a breath of his own and kissed Lotor’s head, nuzzling it affectionately and making a sound somewhere between a pleased sigh and a purr. “Better,” he said quietly and hugged Lotor tightly. “Thank you.” He pulled back slightly to meet Lotor’s gaze. “You?”

Lotor smiled contentedly and nodded. "I'm feeling  _ much _ better, thank you." He still felt a pang in his heart when he remembered his former generals, but it felt less important now, especially compared to Sendak's love.

Sendak brushed his lips over Lotor’s cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling back. “Let’s get ready for bed. We really should sleep,” he said softly. “Can I braid your hair for you? I know you always liked it when I did it before and I also find it relaxing.”

"I'd like that. Just let me get ready for bed first." Lotor stretched and yawned as he stood up, and then he started removing his armor and undersuit. It had taken a while for him to be comfortable changing in front of Sendak, but it was becoming easier for him now.

Sendak stood as well, taking off his own clothing. Before long they were both in soft and comfortable sleepwear. Sendak went to the bathroom for a moment and returned with Lotor’s hairbrush and a hair tie. He kissed him and took his hand, leading him to bed and telling him to sit. He climbed in behind him and began brushing Lotor’s hair.

Lotor settled in, comfortably sitting cross-legged in front of Sendak. He enjoyed the feeling of the hairbrush running over his scalp and through his hair, and before long, he closed his eyes and started to purr.

Sendak set the hairbrush aside and divided Lotor’s hair into three sections. His hands moved carefully but quickly, as if his hands remembered how to do this even after so long, delicately weaving Lotor’s hair into a long braid. When he finished he tied it off and then moved it aside, brushing his lips over the back of Lotor’s neck and answering the sound of his purr with one of his own. “All done,” he whispered and nuzzled the side of Lotor’s neck.

"Mmm, thank you." Lotor lightly bit his lip, feeling something other than contentment stirring in his gut at Sendak's gentle touches. He leaned back until his back was completely pressed up against Sendak's chest. Even a few weeks before, the pressure on his back might have killed his stirring arousal, but now he'd finally gotten to the point where he could simply enjoy the feeling of the broad expanse of Sendak's muscled chest.

Taking one of Sendak's hands in his own, Lotor started to trace sensual little circles on the back of it. "Love, how are you feeling? Do you think we could delay sleeping just a little longer?"

Sendak leaned against him and left a little trail of kisses up his neck to his jaw. “Whatever you want, Starlight. I’m feeling good. What did you have in mind?” He interlaced their fingers, squeezing Lotor’s hand gently.

Lotor continued to run his thumb over the back of Sendak's hand while his other hand drifted down between his legs. "I want to relax and get my mind off of everything. Are you in the mood to help me with that? If not, I have two hands of my own." He lowered his voice into a sensual purr as he added,  _ "Though I enjoy the feeling of yours much more..." _

Sendak’s lips hovered over the side of Lotor’s neck, barely touching his skin, as his hand slowly moved to the inside of his thigh. “I’d love to touch you,” he whispered. “I’d love to feel you against me as I please you if you’d like.” His hand stroked the inside of Lotor’s thigh and he kissed Lotor’s cheek softly. “Just like this.”

"Then touch me." Lotor rolled his hips up towards Sendak's teasing hand, where only a thin layer of fabric separated it from Lotor's sensitive skin. "Don't tease me too long. Please."

Sendak pressed closer against him and he could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. “I’m not going to tease you. Not tonight.” He gently slid his hand into Lotor’s pants and gave his hardening cock a few gentle strokes as he mouthed at his neck. “Like that?” he whispered a little breathlessly.

"Oh,  _ mmm..." _ Lotor rolled his hips again, pushing into Sendak's touch and seeking more. He also tilted his head to the side, giving Sendak better access to his neck. "Keep going."

Sendak tightened his grip and sped up, pressing open-mouthed kisses to Lotor’s neck. “I love you,” he whispered against his skin between kisses. “I love everything about you. I love how you say my name. I love the way you smile. I love the way you look at me and the way you talk and think.  _ I love you. _ I love making you feel good.” He breathed against Lotor’s skin. “Does that feel good, baby?”

Blood rushed to Lotor's face as he became increasingly flustered with every sentence. He shivered as Sendak's affirmations swept through him.  _ "Yes," _ he breathed, so soft he could barely even hear himself.  _ "Stars, _ Sendak..."

Sendak kept stroking Lotor’s cock, his intensity increasing, and yet there was no urgency behind it, like he was savoring every moment of this. His lips were permanently on Lotor’s skin, lovingly kissing every inch of him he could reach. “Let go for me, baby,” he whispered between kisses.

Lotor's breath caught, and his body tensed up with the expectation of climax. He was so close, so close... and then his release came, gentle and powerful all at once. He relaxed back against Sendak's chest again with a contented sigh. "Thank you, love."

Sendak pulled him closer against his chest and began purring as he nuzzled the top of Lotor’s head. “My pleasure,” he said softly and kissed the top of Lotor’s head. “I love you.”

"I love you too." Lotor purred in harmony with him for a few moments as he came down from his high. "How are you feeling? Could I return the favor, perhaps?"

Sendak wrapped his arms around him for a moment, squeezing gently in a brief hug. “You don’t have to, darling, I can take care of this myself. You must be exhausted.”

Lotor turned to look over his shoulder and into Sendak's golden eyes. "I'm feeling great right now, and I like making you feel good. In fact..." He lowered his voice. "I was thinking it's about time I tried giving you oral again..."

Sendak’s eyes widened in surprise. “Are you sure you want to...” He looked a little nervous. “You really don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything.”

"I want to." Lotor smiled with only mildly exaggerated confidence. "Besides, do you remember the last time I did that for you? It was in the dirty cockpit of a stolen fighter ship, and I promised you that the next time would be more romantic." He gently caressed Sendak's face the way he liked to, running his fingers over Sendak's cheekbones. "I think this is the perfect romantic moment."

Sendak cupped Lotor’s jaw and leaned down to kiss him. “I thought last time was nice. Everything is romantic when it’s with you.” He kissed him again, his lips lingering for a long moment before pulling back. “But you’re right, this  _ is _ nicer.” His smile was fond.

"I thought so too." Lotor nuzzled his neck for a moment and then pulled away, climbing out of Sendak's lap and turning to face him. He lightly pushed Sendak's chest. "Just lay back and relax. I'll set the pace."

Sendak nodded and settled back against the cushions with an easy smile, all his attention focused on Lotor. “Alright, love.”

Lotor settled himself down so that he was lying between Sendak's legs. He started slow and easy, slipping his hands under the waistband of Sendak's pants and rubbing teasing little circles into his hip bones. Then, he moved his hands slowly inwards, dragging out the process and leaving Sendak in anticipation until he finally wrapped his fingers around his cock and drew it out from his pants.

Looking at it, really  _ looking _ at it again for the first time in a very long time, brought back a mix of feelings. There was a not-insignificant part of Lotor that was still very scared, but there was also a large part of him that was very interested indeed in Sendak's cock. He felt himself starting to salivate, and he figured that was as good of a sign as any that he'd subconsciously made his mind up. As he started to stroke it with his hands, he also lowered his head just enough to lick the very tip of it.

Sendak’s hands fisted in the sheets when Lotor’s tongue made contact and he exhaled shakily. His hips remained perfectly still.  _ “Lotor,” _ he said, and it sounded like a soft moan.

Hearing Sendak's moan was all the encouragement Lotor needed. He took the tip of his cock past his lips and started to suck on it, quickly falling back into familiar patterns as his hands and tongue worked in tandem in short little strokes. After a few moments of that, he started to bob his head up and down the length of it, taking in just a little more each time he lowered his head.

He felt Sendak tremble beneath him and he watched as he closed his eyes and cried out wordlessly. His chest rose and fell quickly and his hands remained tightly pressed against the sheets.  _ “Fuck,” _ he whispered and moaned breathlessly, opening his eyes again to look at Lotor.

Lotor would have smiled if he could have. He loved watching Sendak fall apart in such a good way, and this was something he'd missed so much. He put a little more enthusiasm into his efforts, taking even more of Sendak's cock into his mouth until he could only really use one hand for the rest.

Sendak threw his head back. His hips twitched upwards slightly but he managed to maintain control on them, breathing heavily. “Fuck, baby, I’m close,” he said, his voice strained.

Lotor hummed in acknowledgement and redoubled his efforts, determined to make Sendak cum. He took in as much as he could, bringing the tip nearly to the back of his throat, and he sucked and swallowed hard around it.

Sendak came with a cry, throwing his head back and closing his eyes as Lotor swallowed him down. He looked completely blissed out, beyond words at this point.

Lotor tried to swallow what he could of Sendak's cum, and he felt proud of himself for getting at least half of it. He continued to stroke Sendak's cock lightly through the aftershocks of orgasm. Then, he crawled up to snuggle up to Sendak's chest.

Sendak took a moment to catch his breath before wrapping his arms around Lotor and nuzzling the top of his head, purring like an engine.

The purring soothed away the last little remnants of Lotor's fears, and he happily settled into Sendak's embrace. "I take it you enjoyed that," he teased lightheartedly.

Sendak nodded and then cleared his throat. “I—yes, I did. Immensely. Thank you, Starlight, that was... very nice.” He ran his hand over Lotor’s hair. “I love you.”

"Good." Lotor relaxed even more. "I love you too. I'm glad I was able to do that." It felt like a victory, being able to look past the remnants of his fear and focus instead on his lover's pleasure. He wondered if there were more things he would be able to do now as well, but he decided to think about that later.

Sendak cupped his jaw and kissed him sweetly, lovingly. “Thank you,” he repeated. “I’m glad too. It feels nice, to heal. Are you... alright?” There was pure love and support in Sendak’s expression. Lotor knew he would comfort him if anything was wrong.

Lotor smiled and tilted his head into Sendak's hand. "More than alright. Every little step we take together puts the unpleasant parts of our past farther behind us."

Sendak smiled at him fondly and hugged him closer. “I love you so much. I’m happy to take these steps with you. That we can help each other through everything. It hasn’t been easy, but it helps so much that you’re here and you’re alright.”

Lotor smiled back at him. "I love you too. You're everything to me. As long as I have you, I know I'll be alright." He kissed Sendak softly, then laid his head on his chest and snuggled in close. The excitement of sex was wearing off into sleepy contentment now, and he was just about ready to go to sleep.

He held him tighter and slowly, tentatively, stroked his back. “Do you want me to get a cloth and new pants and then we can go to sleep?”

"Mmm..." Lotor yawned. "We do need to clean up. I can do it..." But he could already feel sleep pulling at him, and he wasn't sure he'd want to get up.

Sendak kissed him again. “It’s alright, baby, I can do it,” he said and gathered Lotor up into his arms, setting him down on the cushions. He squeezed his hand and was gone, returning a few moments later with a damp cloth and a new pair of soft pants for Lotor, having already changed his own. “May I?” he asked, carefully crawling back into bed and presenting the washcloth to Lotor.

"Let me get the pants myself," Lotor said sleepily. There was something about the idea of Sendak being the one to remove the clothing that still bothered Lotor a little. He pushed the pants down and kicked them off, leaving himself bare from the waist down, but that thankfully didn't bother him. "Alright, now you can. Thank you, love."

Sendak planted a kiss on his forehead and gently wiped the sweat from Lotor’s face before cleaning his groin, mindful of any possible discomforting overstimulation. When he finished he disposed of the cloth and handed Lotor a fresh pair of soft pants.

Lotor nodded and took the pants. After he'd slipped them on, he rolled onto his side toward Sendak and smiled at him. "Again, thank you. Bedtime?"

Sendak settled down next to him and gathered him into his arms. “Bedtime,” he agreed and began purring again. “I love you, baby.”

"I love you too." Lotor snuggled up as close as possible, and he started to purr as well. It wasn't long until he fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Lotor drummed his fingers nervously on the dashboard of the cockpit. He was flying himself, Sendak, and Narti in a mid-sized fighter out to a hidden base. Narti had identified this one as the most likely one for the other three to be hiding in.

As they drew closer, Lotor's anxiety grew. Dozens of potential outcomes raced through his mind, and none of them were good. He closed his hands into fists, and he was tempted to turn off the autopilot just to have something to do instead of simply sitting back and wondering.

He felt Sendak’s hand on his shoulder, bringing him back to the present. When he turned to look, Sendak was watching him, his brow furrowed in concern. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.

Lotor sighed. "It's nothing new. I'm just nervous about how this might go." He continued to drum his fingers on the console. "If we can't work things out with them, I don't know what I'll do. I don't particularly want to arrest them again."

Sendak sat down in the copilot’s seat and took one of Lotor’s hands in both of his own. “We’ll figure it out together. Whatever may come you won’t have to face it alone. I’ll be with you and so will Narti.”

Lotor managed a small smile. "I know. With you and Narti watching my back, I'm quite certain we could take them in a fight. I just really do  _ not _ want it to come to that."

Sendak brought Lotor’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. “It won’t. We’ll try our best to solve this any other way. But if it comes to it, I’ll protect you,” he said with a teasing smile. Lotor didn’t need to be protected and Sendak knew it, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. It never had, and there was something reassuring about that.

"I know you will." Lotor squeezed Sendak's hand, holding onto it as they drew nearer. He could see the system that the base was hidden in now, and he knew he really would have to switch out of autopilot to land the ship.

Sendak pressed another kiss to his hand. “I love you,” he said softly and drew back, letting Lotor’s hand go so he could pilot but staying seated beside him.

"I love you too." Lotor looked over his shoulder and gave Sendak a small smile before returning his attention to the controls. He switched out of autopilot and directed the ship down to the little moon that Narti's coordinates indicated.

Within moments, they'd landed, and Lotor gingerly shut off the engines. He stood and walked around the pilot chair to Sendak. "Are you ready?"

Sendak stood and took Lotor’s hand and squeezed it gently as Kova poked his head through the cockpit door and chirped, quickly followed by Narti.

“We’re both here for you,” Sendak said. “It’ll be alright.”

Narti nodded.  _ “Let’s go,” _ she signed and then picked up Kova.

Lotor followed Narti with Sendak at his side. She led them out of the ship into the moon's atmosphere (which was breathable, though not comfortable) and to a door in the side of the structure that loomed before them. The building permitted entry after she put in a password, and Narti led them inside.

A set of footsteps echoed in front of them, and Lotor squeezed Sendak's hand as a counter to his own apprehension. Before he could say anything though, Acxa appeared at the end of the hall, looking pale and holding a blaster.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice trembled and she looked as if she’d seen a ghost. The hand holding her blaster shook slightly, visible even at this distance. Her eyes darted between them all, as if she was unsure who to point her blaster at.

Lotor felt the urge to duck away or to hide behind Sendak, but he forced himself to let go of Sendak's hand and step forward. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, only just loud enough to be sure that she would hear. "I had to come and get answers and some closure. I never had the chance to explain myself after my father found our secret base and I was forced to take drastic measures to ensure our escape. Then..."

“Don’t move.” She glared at Lotor, her eyes wide. Acxa raised the blaster further, aiming at Sendak’s chest. “How did she find us? Did she somehow take it from Narti’s memories when she made that  _ thing?” _ She glanced at Narti and her lip trembled slightly.

Narti took a step forward.  _ “It’s me,” _ she signed.

A tear rolled down Acxa’s cheek.  _ “Stop. _ No you’re not. You’re  _ dead _ . _ ” _

She focused back on Lotor, her eyes filled with devastation. “We tried. We tried... but we couldn’t. He kept you so close and...” She shook her head. “Why did she have him take you here?”

"You tried...?" Lotor could only assume she meant that they'd tried to help him, but he couldn't believe it. "I thought you'd just left me. I thought you must have hated me to leave me to that fate." He shook his head. "In any case, it's over now. The witch is dead."

She drew a sharp breath. “I don’t believe you,” she whispered, but her blaster lowered ever so slightly.

Sendak raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I killed her. She’d been... in my mind for a very long time. I managed to break free because of Lotor. We found Narti not long ago and she told us you might be here.”

_ “It’s true,” _ Narti signed.  _ “Please…” _

Acxa met Lotor’s gaze, looking lost but still not lowering her weapon.

Lotor met her gaze as steadily as he could. "I never told you four about Sendak and my history with him because it was too painful to talk about. He was my lover, long ago. Then the witch took over his mind and turned him into a puppet."

He glanced over at Narti, then let his gaze fall to the floor in shame as he continued, "That was what was happening to Narti when the base was discovered. I realized that the witch had gotten into her mind. She was compromised, and there was nothing I could do to free her from that control. I couldn't watch someone else I cared about be turned into a puppet, not again. I thought it would be better for her to— to not be able to be controlled."

Her eyes darted between them. She sobbed quietly and tears began flowing freely from her eyes. She looked at Lotor for a long moment and then lowered her weapon, placing it back in her holster before cautiously walking forward. She stopped inches from Lotor, looking deep into his eyes for a moment before surging forward and crushing him against her, sobbing quietly into the crook of his neck.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for what we did to you and I’m sorry for what we couldn’t stop from happening afterwards. We didn’t want to leave you. We didn’t have a choice after she found out that we were planning to flee.”

Lotor broke down as well, holding Acxa tightly as the weight of her words hit him. "You were trying to help me? Even after everything?" Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he was too choked up to even speak. "Th-thank you... for trying."

She pulled back slightly and looked him in the eyes. “We were... angry. We thought you’d betrayed us. But then we found files on all of us. Yours was a lot longer than ours, but there was one on Narti as well, detailing what she’d done to her.” She placed her hands on his shoulders, probably trying to ground herself. “You were under heavy guard after the Kral Zera, before you woke up, and it only got worse from then on. By the time we found out it was too late, you were already...” She looked away and then pulled him close again. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, her voice cracking.

Lotor could feel himself shaking as he remembered that dark time, wondering if anyone would come to help, knowing that it was unlikely. He squeezed Acxa in a rib-crushingly tight grip for a moment before loosening his hold again into a more comforting embrace, as much for his own sake as for hers. "I forgive you. You didn't know, and... I should have explained. I should have told you what I knew about the witch's capabilities, no matter how painful it was to talk about. So for that, I'm sorry too."

He sniffled as he pulled away just enough to catch her gaze again. "I'm so relieved that you're alive and well. Even when I thought you still hated me, I couldn't bring myself to wish for anything bad to happen to you. My only hope was that you and Ezor and Zethrid would be able to make new lives for yourselves away from the Empire."

She wiped the tears from her face but more came pouring out as she did. Suddenly Narti was standing beside Lotor and placed her hand on Acxa’s shoulder, drawing her close. She sobbed once more, letting herself be pulled into Narti’s arms and still clinging to Lotor like a lifeline.

Lotor gently rubbed her back to calm her even as he himself couldn't quite stop crying. This was a level of vulnerability they'd rarely had with each other before, but it felt right to finally be open like this.

After a few moments, Lotor finally pulled away. "I want to see Ezor and Zethrid as well," he said gently.

Acxa nodded. “Yes I’ll—we’ll go to them. I told them to prepare a ship for evacuation when we heard you come in. I’ll let them know it’s safe.” She cast a nervous glance towards Sendak, still a little mistrustful of him. Her grip on Lotor and Narti tightened slightly before she let go. “Follow me,” she said.

Acxa lead them through the corridors of the base, stopping before a reinforced metal door. She pressed a small button to the side of it, opening the comms. It was evident that the base had limited resources since she didn’t seem to have personal comms. “It’s me,” she said clearly. “It’s alright, we’re safe. I need you guys to stay calm. I... found someone.” She met Lotor’s gaze again, as if she still couldn’t quite believe it.

Lotor offered Acxa a small smile. He still felt nervous about what Ezor and Zethrid's reactions might be, but he knew that they would trust Acxa's judgement.

The door opened after a moment to reveal Ezor and Zethrid, both looking very tense. Then, so quick she could hardly be seen, Ezor darted forward and tackled Narti in a hug. "Narti! I don't— How?!" She turned her head to stare open-mouthed at Lotor as well. "Lo, wha..." Her voice broke off into incredulous laughter.

Zethrid was more reserved, and she looked past Lotor at Sendak with no small amount of wariness. "I don't get it. How are you here? Acxa, what's going on?"

Acxa released a long breath. “She’s dead, Zethrid. They killed the witch. She was keeping Narti somewhere and they found her.”

Narti was busy hugging Ezor but she likely would’ve confirmed Acxa’s words to be true if her hands were free.

Sendak cleared his throat gently. “Lotor was... my fiancé a long time ago, before the witch took my mind. She made a mistake and her control slipped. Lotor got badly hurt and she thought her control over me was stronger, so she wasn’t expecting it when I killed her. We’ve been rebuilding now, mostly.”

Lotor took a step back and looped his arm around Sendak's waist. "Since the witch's death, Sendak and I have been working together to reform the Empire. We're sharing power — unofficially for now, until we marry and I can officially become his consort."

Zethrid seemed to relax a little, though she still looked a little suspicious. "You're okay now?"

"I am." Lotor tightened his hold on Sendak's waist a little to hug him closer, and he smiled to reassure Zethrid and the others. "Trust me. I'm right where I want to be."

Sendak draped his arm around him and gently kissed the top of his head. “I love you,” he whispered, so that only Lotor could hear him.

He looked at them all in turn, lingering on Acxa. “We want to offer you a place in the new empire if you chose to take it. If you wish to leave it behind we will send you off with our blessing, but we could use people like you. People who try to do the right thing.”

Acxa still eyed him a little suspiciously but nodded slightly, looking to the others for guidance and glancing at Lotor as well.

Ezor finally let go of Narti and seemed to gravitate back to Zethrid's side. They shared a look with each other and with Acxa, and they were both clearly hesitating.

Lotor smiled a little more in an effort to put them at ease. "Either way, consider yourselves pardoned on the charges of treason. If you go, I promise we will leave you alone. I've put you through more than enough already, and you deserve a chance to build your own lives. If you stay, I will give you the best our newly reforged Empire has to offer. I chose you four long ago, and I don't regret that choice. I would very much like to have you by my side again."

There were a few ticks of quiet, but then Ezor spoke up first. "If Narti trusts you, I do too. As long as Zethrid is okay with it..."

"Sure." Zethrid lightly nuzzled the top of Ezor's head. "If you want to go back, I'm fine with that. I'll stay with you."

Acxa nodded as well. “I trust you,” she said decisively. “I made the decision to follow you a long time ago. We all made mistakes but this is a chance to make it right. For me, at least. I want to be by your side again. I want to make the universe  _ better, _ just like we intended. For everyone.” She stood a little straighter and placed her arm across her chest, a tentative smile on her face.

Zethrid and Ezor followed her lead, also saluting to Lotor and Sendak.

Lotor felt like a weight was lifted off his chest, and he sighed in relief. "Thank you. I cannot even begin to express how happy I am to hear that."

"Yeah, well, we all know you'd starve without at least one of us there to remind you to eat," Ezor teased. She detached herself from Zethrid's side to pull Lotor into a hug. "We missed you."

Acxa crossed her arms and smiled. “Yeah, it got lonely without you tinkering in the dead of night. Especially since I didn’t have to come and drag you to your bed. I never thought I’d miss it but I did.” She joined the hug as well. “You’re stuck with us telling you to take care of yourself. And now you also have a partner for that. Your sleeping habits are about to become almost normal with all of us working together,” she teased as she embraced him.

Lotor chuckled. "Sendak already does a fairly good job of that. I'm not sure I'm looking forward to seeing how you could help him in that regard." He squeezed a little tighter and then let go, returning to Sendak's side.

Sendak placed his arm back around Lotor’s shoulders as easily as breathing. “We should go,” he said, looking at the rest of them.

Narti nodded and Acxa made eye contact with him, looking a little less weary than she had before. “Yes,” she said. “Follow me, I know the quickest way out from here.”

She led them through a series of labyrinthine corridors and before they knew it they were back outside the base, the fighter standing close by.

Lotor led everyone into the ship and went up to the cockpit, and Sendak followed him up while the girls settled into the passenger area. He waited a moment for everyone to settle in, and then he eased the ship up out of the atmosphere and into open space. It was a simple matter to direct it towards Central Command and turn autopilot back on, and then he was able to simply relax, coming down off of the stress he'd been feeling the whole way there.

Turning around in his chair, Lotor gave Sendak a small smile. "Thank you. I don't know if I could have done this without you."

Sendak leaned down and gave him a soft kiss. “You could have, you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. But you’ll never have to. I’ll always be there for you.”

Lotor reached for his hand and squeezed it, more to ground himself than for any other reason. "It's hard to be strong all the time. It's nice to know that I can... be vulnerable sometimes, that you're here to catch me and support me. I  _ can _ keep going on my own strength for a long time, but I don't want to have to."

“I know, love,” he said and squeezed back. “You won’t have to.” He kissed him again.

In that moment the door hissed open and he saw Acxa step in. She looked between them before focusing on Lotor. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked and glanced at Sendak. “Alone?”

Lotor blinked a few times, but he otherwise tried to suppress his surprise. "Of course. Do you want me to step into the passenger compartment with you, or do you want Sendak to step out so we can speak here in the cockpit?"

She looked between them again but before she could open her mouth Sendak squeezed Lotor’s hand again. “I’ll be outside,” he said and left after giving Lotor a reassuring smile.

Once the door hissed shut behind him, Acxa approached Lotor and placed a hand on his shoulder. She sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, just... I wanted to ask you while there wasn’t a way for someone to listen in. Are you alright? We’ve heard rumors and just... if there’s something wrong,  _ anything, _ I want you to tell me.”

Lotor smiled — perhaps a little sadly, but certainly sincere. He felt touched by her concern. It was reassuring to know that she still cared about him after everything. He placed his hand over hers as he looked up to meet her gaze. "Thank you. I appreciate the concern. If you could have gotten me out when you were trying to, that would have been appreciated, but I'm fine now.  _ Sendak, _ the real Sendak, would never hurt me, and he's been nothing but kind and gentle and respectful since..."

He looked away as he thought about how to explain. "When the witch was controlling Sendak, he... no,  _ she _ did terrible things to me through him. He didn't know any better, and the one time I did start to get through to him, she doubled down on her control and stripped away every last remnant of his will until he was completely soulless."

He sighed as he thought back on those painful memories. "I honestly thought there was no hope of ever breaking her control on him. That was the worst part. Not what he did to me, though that was bad enough, but knowing that it wasn't really  _ him _ and that the real Sendak was out of reach..." He shook his head and swallowed hard as his throat started to tighten.

"I broke my promise to you. I promised you when you found me that night  _ centuries _ ago with the pills... but I couldn't see another way out." Removing his arm guard, he pulled his sleeve away from his glove to show the still-raised scars on his arm. "I'm sorry. I cut as deeply as I could and then drove the knife through my own chest. It was the only thing I could think to do. I'm sorry. If Sendak hadn't found me and if the shock hadn't been enough to shake him free from  _ her _ control…”

_ “Lotor,” _ she whispered, her voice breaking as she smoothed a hand over his hair, drawing him close. A few tears slipped from her eyes. “I’m so sorry it came to that point. I am  _ so _ sorry.” She drew back and cradled his hand to her chest, her eyes full of sorrow. “I should’ve been there. I promised I’d be there.”

Though he tried to hold back, Lotor felt tears of his own fall onto his cheeks. "There were so many things that you couldn't control. Just knowing that you didn't leave me by choice, that you were planning to come back for me, is enough." He rested his free hand on her upper arm reassuringly. "I honestly thought you hated me. I thought that I was completely alone and unloved. How lucky I am that I lived to see how wrong I really was."

Acxa embraced him again and lingered for a moment, simply stroking his hair and letting her tears fall silently. “Yes,” she said eventually. “I’m glad you made it. Now I just need to give your boyfriend the shovel talk.” She made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

Lotor hugged her tightly, squeezing her a little. "Be gentle with him. He feels guilty enough already, blaming himself for things he had no choice in. He'd sooner turn that knife on himself than do anything to hurt me or retraumatize me." He felt a pang of fear as he finally acknowledged something he'd known all this time but hadn't been able to say aloud to anyone else. "I think if I told him to space himself, he would. He thinks he deserves it, or at least, there's a part of him that still does no matter how many times I try to tell him that it was that damn witch's fault. I see him as my hero, you know? He was the one who finally managed to kill her and free us both. But I don't think he sees it that way."

Acxa’s brows furrowed but she nodded. “I understand,” she said quietly. “It must be difficult.” She traced of Lotor’s hands carefully. “I don’t really know him yet but I know I’ll like him. I trust your judgement.” She paused for a moment and the smiled a little sadly. “So you were engaged a long time ago? How come?”

Lotor thought about the question and the way she'd asked it. It was strange, in a way, and not easy to answer straightforwardly. "Do you mean... why did we end up being engaged, or why did that end? The answer to the latter question is simple: my father discovered our secret relationship, and he immediately put an end to it. He handed Sendak over to the witch for experimentation. As for me, I endured... a harsh sentence, comprised of both corporeal punishment and of taking away nearly all of my privileges and liberties for a time. Finally, he told me he was giving me one last chance to prove myself, and he gave me that colony." Lotor shook his head ruefully. "I've already told you how  _ that _ went."

“Oh, Lotor, I’m so sorry.” She took his hand in both of hers and traced circles on the back with her thumbs. “I never thought you’d been engaged,” she said with a small smile. “I think I always thought that you wouldn’t trust anyone enough to be in any relationship with them. I’m glad you had someone before, I mean, that you weren’t all alone. He seems to care about you a lot.”

"He does." Lotor thought back with nostalgia to their younger days. "Aside from Kova, Sendak was my first friend and really my only friend until I went into exile. We trained together throughout adolescence. He looked out for me even when I didn't like or trust him in the least, and he gained my trust slowly, bit by bit. Eventually, we became friends and then lovers."

Her smile widened and she squeezed his hand. “That sounds very nice,” she said. “Alright, I’ll leave you two, I just wanted to make sure you were alright and that you could talk to me.” She squeezed his hand again before letting go. “I’ll go get him.”

"Thank you, Acxa." Lotor gave her one more smile. "You've always looked out for me, and I will always be thankful for that."

She smiled back warmly. “I’ll always be thankful that you took me in. You gave me a chance when nobody else ever had, and I’ll always be thankful for it,” she said, looking into Lotor’s eyes.

The door opened when she placed her hand on the panel, revealing Sendak on the other side, as if he’d been about to return. He looked at her a little startled but then she placed a hand on his arm for a moment, saying something that Lotor couldn’t quite make out. Sendak nodded and she brushed past him, seemingly satisfied.

Sendak sat back down in the copilot’s seat, turning it to face Lotor. He smiled at him and placed a hand on his knee. “What did she want to say to you? Is everything alright?”

Lotor placed his hand over Sendak's. "She just wanted to check on me and make sure I'm okay with you. I told her what happened, and I reassured her that everything is alright now."

Sendak smiled and there was a hint of sadness in his features but it dissipated when he met Lotor’s gaze. “Do you want to...?” He opened his arms, silently asking Lotor to come to him. “I’d like to hold you. Just for a tick. But only if you want me to.”

Lotor returned his smile and, instead of answering in words, simply got up and climbed into Sendak's lap. He positioned himself facing Sendak, with his legs around Sendak's hips, and he laid his head on his shoulder. There was a little tension in his body at first, but after a few breaths, he was able to relax.

Sendak nuzzled the side of Lotor’s head and carefully wrapped his arms around him, releasing a relieved breath. He held on to him in silence for a moment before he pulled back enough to look at Lotor. “I’m so happy that we can do this again,” he said softly and planted a kiss on Lotor’s cheek. “I want to make you feel safe and loved, even if it’s hard sometimes.”

He smoothed a hand over Lotor’s hair. “Acxa said that I should take care of you but to let you do the same to me as well.” He smiled a little sheepishly. “You have wise friends, it seems.”

Lotor chuckled. "Acxa is very wise, yes, and so is Narti. They're necessary pillars of our little group. I'm afraid that between me, Ezor, and Zethrid,  _ I'm _ the one who has to be the impulse control. That's why I like surrounding myself with wise people." He gave Sendak a kiss on the cheek. "Like you."

Sendak’s ears twitched a little, the way they did when he was flustered and then he smiled. Cupping Lotor’s jaw he leaned in closer. “If I recall correctly we were both always equally terrible at impulse control.” He kissed Lotor sweetly.

Lotor laughed into the kiss and then kissed him again. "That's true, but we're terrible in different areas. I'm a better long-term planner, but I need you to help me control the impulse to, say, stay up all night pursuing those goals. You tend to be better at focusing on the here and now, which is your strength but also your weakness. That's why we complete each other."

Sendak’s smile turned thoughtful and he ran his thumb over Lotor’s cheekbone. “You’re right. We’re a good team. Besides, stopping you from staying up all night is one of the best parts of my day. I like sleeping beside you, it... calms me.” He brushed his lips over Lotor’s again.

"It calms me as well." Lotor lightly nuzzled Sendak's neck just below his jawline, breathing in his scent. "I think soon I might be able to sleep without a pillow between us. I don't want to push myself too much, but it's easier and easier to stay calm with you now."

“Don’t push yourself, love, we can take this slowly.” He pulled Lotor closer. “We have all the time we need. Honestly, just being next to you helps. Seeing you safe and happy helps more than I can say.”

"I feel the same way." Lotor pressed a kiss into Sendak's fur. "But that's why I want to try. I feel happier the closer I am to you. I want to sleep together the way we did before, limbs tangled together in the sheets during stolen nights where you'd come in long after curfew and leave before first shift. I want to feel your body against mine, and one day, I hope to be able to sleep with your soft fur against my skin all night long."

Sendak pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his hair, breathing him in. “One day,” he whispered. “Those are some of my fondest memories. I knew I had to leave early and that I wasn’t going to be there for long but none of that mattered because I got to hold you all night. You were always still half asleep when I left so I don’t know if you remember but I always kissed you right here.” He brushed his thumb over the corner of Lotor’s mouth. “And then I’d tell you I loved you and that I’d be back.”

Lotor could almost feel his heart melt at Sendak's words. "I have only vague memories of that. Sometimes when I woke up, I was surprised to see that you weren't there." He looked into Sendak's eyes, seeing the depth of emotion there. "I knew it, though. I knew you would always come back to me, and I was right."

Sendak smiled and brushed his thumb over Lotor’s lips. “You’re usually right, love,” he said with a smirk and leaned in, placing a whisper of a kiss on Lotor’s lips. “I promise I’ll always leave you a kiss before I go and I’ll always come back. The rest of it... we’ll figure it out. Look how far we’ve already come together.” He gestured vaguely at their current position.

"We  _ have _ come a long way," Lotor agreed. "And I promise I'll always be waiting for you."

He leaned in to kiss Sendak's cheek again, but a soft beep from the ship's computer alerted them that they would soon be approaching Central Command. "I almost regret making these ships so fast," he said wryly as he sat up, though he didn't get off Sendak's lap just yet.

Sendak laughed and peppered some more kisses all over Lotor’s face. “That’s what you get for being brilliant, love,” he said, smiling brightly. His smile softened a little as he ran his fingers through Lotor’s hair. “I’ll carry you over to your seat, if you’ll allow me to. I could... if you’d like to I could hold you, just like we used to do? Only if you’re comfortable, of course.”

Lotor felt a little rush of... of something at that idea, something that made his heartbeat quicken a little. But as he thought about having Sendak holding him and supporting him, he decided that he wanted it, and he realized that maybe all he'd really felt at the suggestion was surprise. He still had so much work to do to overcome his initial apprehension to any new development, but seeing Sendak's loving smile always helped to put him at ease. Taking a deep breath, he smiled back and nodded. "That sounds lovely."

Sendak kissed him again, softer this time, and then he wrapped his arms more firmly around him and stood. He carefully sat down on Lotor’s pilot seat and studied him closely. “Still alright?” he asked quietly.

Lotor nodded and then kissed him one last time before turning around in his lap to face the console. He had to lean down more now to reach the panel, and the minor inconvenience amused him enough to put him at ease. He sighed dramatically. "Alas, the buttons are just..." he reached down without leaning forward, letting his fingers wiggle uselessly in the air mere inches from the controls. "...too... far... You must... lower the chair..." He tried to suppress his laughter and only partially succeeded.

He felt, more than heard, Sendak laugh. “Certainly, your highness,” he said with an amused tone. A moment later the chair lowered enough for Lotor to reach the controls without issue and he felt Sendak affectionately nuzzle the top of his head. “Will that be all, my prince?” he asked and Lotor could hear the smile in his voice.

"Mmm." Lotor reached out and found that the controls were just the right height now. "Excellent. Yes, that will do." He let a little chuckle slip before he switched off autopilot and started to direct the ship down to the hangar to land it.

Once they had touched down Sendak’s arms remained around him, his chin resting on Lotor’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he said softly after a moment. “Being with you makes this... almost easy. It’s... reassuring, in a way, when I hold you. It reminds me that this is real.”

"I think I should be the one thanking you," Lotor said sincerely. "I'm glad you suggested this. It feels nice to reclaim this for us." He nuzzled his cheek against Sendak's.

Sendak leaned into it and made a small sound somewhere between a content sigh and a purr. “I love you,“ he said softly. “I want to be by your side. I always have and I always will, if you’ll let me.”

"I love you too." Lotor turned sideways on Sendak's lap and kissed him, softly and sweetly. Then, he stood up and offered Sendak his hand. "Come on, let's go. We need to help the girls get settled in."

Sendak smiled and took his hand. “It would be my pleasure, your highness,” he said with a smirk and stood as well, interlacing their fingers as they exited the cockpit.


	14. Chapter 14

Lotor was, for once, drawing purely for pleasure. Usually when he pulled up the sketch feature on his datapad, he started working on designs for new technology or experiments, but this time, he was just making a sketch of Kova napping at his feet. He was sitting against one of the arms of the couch with his legs across Sendak's lap, and he was close enough for Sendak to be able to play absently with his hair as he read — again, for once, just for pleasure. They'd each decided that the other needed a break tonight and had made a deal not to even touch imperial affairs until morning.

He felt Sendak shift a little and then he was putting his datapad down, turning all of his attention to Lotor. “What are you drawing?” he asked with an easy smile, still stroking Lotor’s hair.

Lotor smiled and held his datapad to his chest, hiding it. "Nothing new. I'll give you two guesses." He knew that Sendak knew he drew Kova a lot, so it would be an easy guess. The only other one he drew nearly as often as Kova was Sendak.

Sendak smiled, his eyes narrowing as he considered it. “Nothing new? Hmmm...” He glanced over at Kova, sitting curled up by Lotor’s feet. “It’s obviously a self portrait,” he said instead of the answer he likely knew was correct. “You’ve finally realized that you’re the most beautiful sight in the universe and are attempting to recreate it,” he continued with a smirk.

Lotor laughed. "Of course I am," he joked, but then he shook his head. "No, but you still have one more guess. Would you like to try again?"

Sendak smiled and cupped Lotor’s jaw. “Well I think that would have been a lovely subject,” he said, softer this time. He threw one more glance in Kova’s direction, still unmoving and almost perfectly positioned for Lotor to draw him. “Kova?” he asked, still smiling.

"You know me so well." Lotor turned the datapad around to show Sendak the half-finished sketch. "What do you think so far?"

Sendak’s eyes widened and then narrowed as he studied the drawing. “That’s very good,” he said and looked back at Kova again. “That’s exactly what he looks like. I’ve always found it very impressive how you can just look at something and then draw it.”

"Thank you." Lotor put the datapad down on his lap. "I've had a very long time to practice, though I suppose I always had the knack for it." He looked at Sendak's datapad, though he couldn't see the screen at all from his angle. "What are you reading?"

Sendak smiled a little sheepishly. “Oh, it’s a collection of myths that survived from the time of clans, long before the empire. You probably know most of them. I do too but I like reading them again sometimes. I read them as well when I was younger. They remind me of that time when I was just beginning to know you.” He smiled and caressed Lotor’s cheek with the back of his fingers.

Lotor smiled fondly. "I probably do know them all, but they never get old for me. It's been too long since I've read them. I should read them again sometime." He caught Sendak's hand and kissed his knuckles. "Or maybe you could read some aloud to me."

Sendak smiled warmly and cupped Lotor’s jaw, gently caressing his cheek. “I will, I promise. But right now... I have something I wanted to ask you.” Sendak seemed almost nervous, his ears twitching slightly.

Lotor nuzzled lightly into the touch, not unlike how Kova would often react to petting when he really liked it. He put his hand over Sendak's and gently held it there. "Whatever you want to ask, go ahead. Nothing is off-limits."

Some of the tension drained from Sendak’s shoulders and he leaned in a little towards Lotor. “I keep thinking...” He trailed off, sighing. “Lotor... I’ve been thinking about this for a while and the truth is that I wasn’t quite sure how to ask. I’ve wanted to marry you for a very long time, but at this point I don’t think that asking is something I can just  _ do. _ I feel like it would be better to discuss this together and if we’d want this, if  _ you’d _ want this, before rushing in. And if you’re not ready then I will wait, no questions asked. If you think you’ll never be ready then that’s alright. I’ll stay by your side for as long as you’ll have me and that is more than enough.”

Warmth filled Lotor as he realized what Sendak was saying, and he quickly sat up and wrapped his arms around him. "Yes. Yes, I want to marry you." There was no hesitation, not anymore. "We've come so far together, and I know we're both still healing, but I want to keep going on this journey with you." He touched Sendak's neck, where the fur was undisturbed by any mark, and he was very aware in that moment of the scar still visible on his own neck. "I want to mark you too, if you want that as well."

Sendak looked at him for a moment, a soft smile on his lips and adoration in his eyes, and nodded. “There’s nothing I want more.”

His hand trailed to Lotor’s scar, visible because of the loose shirt he was wearing. “I’d like to mark you as well,” he whispered. “Properly this time.  _ I _ want to do it, if you want me to. I’d do it in the same spot. Even if we can’t wipe away the past we can build something better on top of it. But only if you’d like that, I would never ask it of you.” He leaned in and gave Lotor a gentle kiss.

Lotor's eyes stung a little, and he nodded. "Yes," he answered softly, a little afraid his voice would break if he spoke too loudly. "I want that experience with you. I want to feel what it's like to be marked in a moment of love and trust, and I want to carry the mark  _ you _ made."

Sendak looked at him and cradled his jaw again, leaning their foreheads together and closing his eyes. “You will. I promise. And I’ll carry yours. There’s nothing I want more than to be your husband and for you to be mine. I just wanted to talk to you about it instead of springing it on you.”

He pulled back and ran his fingers through Lotor’s hair. “Speaking of all the things we need to figure out... how do you want to do this from a public perspective? I’ll follow your lead,” he said with a smile. “You’re much better at politics.”

Lotor had his hand on Sendak's shoulder, and he idly stroked his thumb over the fabric of Sendak's shirt and hummed a little as he considered their options. "The potential outcome that worries me the most would be for people to mistrust our intent with this marriage and accuse us of arranging this for political purposes. I think you should propose to me somewhere just public enough to have a few witnesses but private enough to seem like we would rather keep it quiet. That might be better than just an announcement. Letting a few people see and spread the news for a day or so before an official statement will make it less likely that people would doubt our sincerity or accuse us of only doing this as a political stunt." He allowed himself a knowing smile. "People like having their rumors confirmed, after all. If we allow them to think they came to this conclusion on their own and then tell them that they're right, they'll latch onto that confirmation."

Sendak left tender touches on his face and took one of Lotor’s hands, brushing his lips over the back of it. “I think we could make that work. I have a nice place I’ve been considering for a while. You’re sure you want this?” he asked again, looking at Lotor. “Or would you prefer to wait?”

"I want this." Lotor gave Sendak a gentle caress as well, running the backs of his fingers over Sendak's cheek. "I love you. I always have, and I always will. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Sendak took a deep breath. “Alright.” He wrapped his arms around Lotor again and hugged him close. “I love you,” he whispered and gently picked Lotor up, placing him where he’d been sitting before as he knelt before him, taking his hands. “Lotor,” he said, looking up at him. “Before you stop me I just wanted to say that... this is for us. I love you. Every day I love you more than I did before. I wanted to ask you if you’ll join me on a walk towards the observation deck so I may do this properly.”

Lotor felt like his heart was melting as he looked into Sendak's eyes. "That sounds perfect. Of course I'll come with you." He bent down and kissed the top of Sendak's head. Then he smiled a little apologetically. "Just let me put on some shoes before we leave the suite. It won't be romantic if I end up stepping on something sharp." He huffed a little laugh.

Sendak kissed both of his hands. “Wait here, I’ll be right back,” he said and stood.

While he was out of sight, Lotor pulled a little item out of the drawer in the side table and slipped it into his pocket. It had been there for a couple of weeks as Lotor waited for the right moment, and now was the time.

Sendak returned a few moments later with his own shoes on his feet and Lotor’s in his hand. He knelt down again and took Lotor’s leg in his hands, looking up at him. “May I?” he asked.

Lotor nodded. "Thank you." He almost told Sendak that he didn't need to do that, but he knew that Sendak would insist regardless. "You're so considerate."

Sendak kissed Lotor’s knees as he slid on his boots and zipped them up before standing and offering Lotor his hand. He inclined his head and smiled. “My prince, if you’ll allow me the honor.”

"You are so very gracious, my noble emperor." Lotor took his hand and stood, then laced their fingers together so that they could walk hand-in-hand. He smirked as he inclined his head in a little bow and motioned towards the door. "Lead the way, sir."

Sendak smiled brightly and brushed his lips over Lotor’s forehead. “As you wish, your highness,” he said and began leading Lotor towards the closest observation deck.

The lights were dim, leaving a perfect view of the universe beyond the glass dome, countless stars glimmered in the distance and they took a moment to simply watch the colors.

Sendak’s hand squeezed his and he leaned in closer. “Do you know why I call you Starlight?” he asked quietly but Lotor could hear the smile in his voice.

Lotor thought about it, and it occurred to him that he actually didn't know. "I always assumed it was a reference to the color of my hair and the way it likes to catch bright light." He tilted his head to rest it on Sendak's shoulder. "What's the real reason?"

“That’s part of the reason,” Sendak said and nuzzled the side of Lotor’s head. “You’re always a bright spot in the room because of it, but it’s not the full reason. I came up with that when I first saw you look out at the stars the way you are now. Your eyes light up and you look like you’d like nothing more than to jump into a tiny ship and just  _ go. _ I love it. It’s like all the light in the universe is in your eyes.”

"I would like that, but only with you by my side." Lotor lightly pushed his cheek into Sendak's to nuzzle him back a little. "I want to be with you forever. I never want to lose you again." He turned his head to give Sendak a quick kiss. "I want to show you the universe the way I leaned to see it during my exile, seeing every place as unique and interesting and precious. I know we both have a lot to do here, but I hope we can take time off to explore together."

Sendak smiled softly and took both of Lotor’s hands in his. “I will always be by your side, I promise. In fact...” He got down on one knee in front of Lotor and reached into a pocket, pulling out a delicate necklace with a radiant blue teardrop pendant and holding it up to Lotor. “Will you do me the honor of showing me the universe as my husband?” he asked quietly.

Even though Lotor knew exactly what was going to happen, he couldn't help but tear up as Sendak proposed. "Yes, of course I will." He bent down to kiss Sendak, tangling his fingers onto the fur on the back of his head to pull him closer for a long and passionate kiss. He hardly noticed when he dropped to his knees to be even closer.

Sendak kissed him back and wrapped his arms around him, releasing a content sigh against Lotor’s lips and smiling. He pulled back just enough to meet Lotor’s gaze and there were tears in the corners of his eyes. He looked at Lotor with pure love and adoration and gently stroked his cheek. “May I?” he asked softly, holding up the necklace, the deep blue stone pendant catching the light.

Lotor smiled brightly and nodded, too choked up to trust himself to speak. He bent his head a little to make it easier for Sendak to slip the necklace over his head. As he closed his eyes, two little tears escaped from the corners of his eyes, but for once, he didn't feel ashamed at all of crying.

Sendak gently pulled Lotor’s hair out of the way before tugging the jewelry into place. He kissed away Lotor’s tears and nuzzled his cheek. “I thought the color matched your eyes. Of course, nothing could ever be as lovely as them but I thought this came closer than other things. I love you.” He whispered the last words like he did that first time, like it was a secret that only they would ever know.

"It's perfect." Lotor placed his hand over the pendant, feeling it against his chest. "I love you too." He kissed Sendak again and then reached into his own pocket. "Now, I want you to stand up for me."

Sendak’s eyes widened. “You...” He smiled and left another peck on Lotor’s cheek. “You are full of surprises,” he said and stood.

Lotor shifted up onto one knee and held his hands out, still closed at the moment. "I know that according to tradition, the proposal should just be from you to me, since you were the one who took the leading role in this courtship. Still... we started this with gifts to each other, and I thought it would be fitting to bring our courtship to a close with gifts to each other as well." He opened his hand to reveal a ring made of dark metal that matched his prosthetic. Softly glowing purple lines spoke of Quintessence within the tiny band. "It's meant to go on your right hand, on your middle finger if I sized it right."

Sendak’s lips parted and then he smiled a little disbelievingly. He helped Lotor up and kissed him again, sweeter this time than before, softer. “I love you,” he whispered against Lotor’s skin.

He pulled back and smiled again. “Did you make it?” he asked and then with a little smirk he added: “Does it do something dangerous?”

"Yes, and of course." Lotor chuckled as he slipped the ring onto Sendak's finger, where it fit perfectly, just as he'd planned from the measurements he still had in the system from designing the prosthetic. "All you have to do is squeeze the band here and turn clockwise..." Two curved strips of metal popped out and covered the backs of Sendak's index and ring fingers, creating a sort of guard over those fingers much like brass knuckles. "Now, all you have to do is activate the standard Quintessence attack on your prosthetic, and this will activate at the same time. It'll create a little energy field over your knuckles that can serve both as offense and defense."

He did so, making sure that Lotor wouldn’t be harmed, and watched with awe as the area above his knuckles shimmered. He deactivated it again and turned the ring back to its original position, making the strips of metal disappear. “Thank you,” he said with an amazed smile.

He pulled Lotor close again and kissed him. “Have I ever told you that you’re the most romantic person I know? Always thinking of my safety and getting me something for our engagement just because you wanted to? You’re incredible.” He gave him another soft kiss.

Lotor wrapped his arms around Sendak and melted into the kiss, content and satisfied. "I want you to be safe and happy and healthy. I know how crucial it is for us to be able to watch each other's backs, so I've been working on this ring since I finished the prosthetics. I wanted to make sure you're always as safe as I can make you." He squeezed Sendak a little tighter. "And I know you'll keep me safe too."

Sendak looked at Lotor and his eyes were filled with determination and love. He tucked a strand of hair behind Lotor’s ear. “I will,” he said and kissed him again. “I love you. Thank you for... being you. Now...” he smiled and leaned in to whisper into Lotor’s ear. “Do you want to go back to our rooms? I think I’d like to hold you and kiss you properly.”

"Yes, please." Lotor kissed his cheek and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "I want you to carry me there. I don't care right now if anyone sees. I just don't want to let you go."

Sendak smiled and nuzzled Lotor’s cheek. “It would be my honor and pleasure,” he said and picked Lotor up effortlessly, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips as he began walking back toward their rooms.

Lotor gladly settled into Sendak's arms, feeling warm and giddy and relaxed all at once. He was being carried by his  _ fiancé, _ his husband-to-be, back to  _ their _ suite to spend the night in  _ their _ bed. He knew that nothing had really changed, and yet feeling the subtle weight of the pendant around his neck and knowing that Sendak was wearing the ring he'd poured so much time and effort into now made such a simple thing as going to their room feel grand and significant and wondrous and romantic—

He blushed a little, realizing that perhaps he was getting a little carried away. Even so, he just couldn't stop smiling.

Sendak’s warm arms held him securely and he smiled fondly when he looked at Lotor, as if he was overwhelmed with happiness as well. Sendak carried him all the way back to their suite and when the door closed behind them he walked straight to the bedroom where he gently sat Lotor down on the bed. He pulled back and held Lotor’s face with both his hands, smiling like he couldn’t stop. “We’re getting married,” he whispered, his voice full of awe.

"We  _ are." _ Lotor leaned forward and kissed Sendak, just because he could, just because they were safe and happy and together and... He felt a couple more tears starting to well up in the corners of his eyes, and when he tried to blink them away, one fell onto his cheek. He laughed a little at himself. "I don't think I've ever been so happy before," he whispered. "I hardly know what to do with myself."

Sendak wiped the tears from Lotor’s cheeks, even as his own fell on his face. “Neither have I. You don’t have to do anything, baby, just let me look at you. Let me hold you and kiss you and  _ love _ you.” He kissed Lotor passionately and lingered, running his hands through his hair. He nuzzled the side of Lotor’s face affectionately. “I love you,” he whispered again.

"I love you too." Lotor pulled Sendak closer until they were cuddled up as much as possible, bodies pressed together until there was no space between them. "I will always love you."

He could feel Sendak’s chest move as he breathed him in and ran his hands over his shoulders and sides. One of his hands accidentally touched Lotor’s back and he froze, waiting for Lotor’s reaction.

Lotor stiffened a little bit, but he quickly relaxed again. It was becoming easier and easier every time to let go of the fear and accept Sendak's touch. "It's okay," he said quietly. "I'm okay."

Sendak kissed him softly and pulled him even closer. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, but there wasn’t as much guilt or urgency behind it as usual. “One day I’ll be able to kiss each of your scars and neither of us will flinch. I promise.” He kissed him again, leaving a trail down his jawline and the side of his neck.

Lotor smiled and tilted his head to bare more of his skin to Sendak. "One day," he echoed in agreement. He ran his fingers through the crest of fur on the back of Sendak's head, and he felt more at peace than he had ever been.

* * *

Lotor was shaken awake by gentle and hesitant touches from beside him. “Lotor,” he heard Sendak’s voice whisper, his breathing shaky. “Are you awake?” There was a pause and another gentle shake of his shoulder.

"Mm?" Lotor rolled to face Sendak and blinked at him. He could just make out Sendak's face in the darkness. "I'm here." He took Sendak's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "What's wrong? Nightmare?"

Sendak nodded and squeezed back hesitantly. His hand was shaking. “Yes,” he whispered. “A bad one.” Sendak looked away but didn’t let go of Lotor’s hand. “I’m sorry for waking you, I just...” his breathing shook.

"It's okay." Lotor moved a little closer. "I'm here for you.  _ Thank you _ for waking me up." He used his free hand to rub Sendak's shoulder soothingly. "Let me hold you, love."

Sendak wiped his face with the back of his hand and shifted slightly, opening his arms for Lotor. He didn’t say anything else, just inched closer and buried his face in Lotor’s chest, sobbing quietly.

Lotor started stroking the back of Sendak's head soothingly, running his hand down the crest of longer fur over and over again. "It's alright," he soothed. "You're safe. I'm safe." He pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Let it out. You'll feel better afterwards."

Sendak clung to him, his body shaking with quiet sobs. Eventually his shaking calmed and he was breathing normally again but he still held on to Lotor as if he was afraid he’d disappear if he let go. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Lotor assured him, still stroking his head. "It's alright. Do you want to talk about it?"

Sendak looked up at Lotor with some hint of relief in his eyes. He began shaking his head but then nodded instead. “I—she used me to kill a lot of people,” he said quietly, not meeting Lotor’s gaze. “I will never forget their faces but this time... it was you. I couldn’t stop her and I couldn’t stop myself, I just had to watch it happen. I watched you  _ begging _ me to stop and I didn’t. I  _ couldn’t.” _ He placed a hand on Lotor’s chest, over his heart, and breathed out a shaky sigh.

Lotor held Sendak tighter in the hope that he could give comfort through his touch. He knew no words would be enough in this moment. Still, he said softly, "It wasn't your fault. None of it was. And she's gone now because of you. Think of the thousands more people she would have gone on to hurt if you hadn't stopped her. You've saved people who will never even know that they were in danger." He pressed a kiss to Sendak's forehead. "And you saved me, and I will  _ always _ be grateful to you for that."

Sendak took Lotor’s hand and squeezed gently. “I love you,” he said softly and pressed his ear to Lotor’s chest. He was quiet for a long moment before he spoke again. “It helps right now. To hear your heartbeat,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to Lotor’s chest, a few tears falling from his eyes.

Lotor's chest felt tight with mixed emotions, and his own eyes stung with unshed tears. "You can listen as long as you like. I'm not going anywhere." He resumed stroking Sendak's head. "I love you too, Sendak. I love you more than words can say, and I will  _ always _ be right here for you. That's why I agreed to marry you. I want to be by your side forever."

Sendak smiled at him tentatively and reached up to stroke Lotor’s cheek. “Your love means everything to me. Your love and your happiness and your safety. I want to be by your side as well. For as long as we both live and after.” He kissed him gently and then smiled, more steady than he’d been before. “Thank you,” he said quietly and put his against Lotor’s chest again. “Can we... sleep like this tonight?”

Lotor nearly said yes without even thinking about it, but then he paused to think. The pillow they always kept between their hips had gotten lost somewhere in the giant bed or on the floor during the night, and Lotor usually needed that to keep his anxiety at bay. But now... he found that he didn't feel worried at all. He trusted Sendak. He knew that these touches were nonsexual and wouldn't turn sexual without asking first. In this moment, all he wanted was to have Sendak as close as possible.

"Yes," Lotor said, and he settled his hands on the back of Sendak's head and on his upper back to hold him close. "I want you right here with me." He pressed a kiss to the top of Sendak's head. "Sleep well, my love."

Sendak cuddled closer to him and released a relieved sigh. “You too,” he said softly. “I love you.” His breathing became more steady until he drifted off, holding on to Lotor.

Lotor stayed awake until he was sure that Sendak was safely asleep, and then he too closed his eyes and relaxed. It didn't take long for him to drift peacefully back to sleep.

* * *

Lotor was in the main room of his suite, doing some stretches. He'd been doing stretches every morning and evening for a while now, trying to regain his flexibility, and he felt almost back to normal in that regard now. He knew that it was about time to brush up on his fighting skills and regain his old strength and agility.

He looked over at Sendak, who was sitting on the couch nearby going over a small flood of reports from an incident involving pirates. Lotor chewed his lower lip as he hesitated to interrupt, but from the somewhat pained look on Sendak's face, he guessed he could use the distraction. "Love? Do you have a moment?"

Sendak looked up at him and made a small inquisitive sound. He seemed to process the question a tick later and smiled, putting the reports aside and patting the space next to him. “For you? Always,” he said. “What is it?”

Lotor sat down, casually picking up Sendak's tea off of the low table in front of the couch and taking a sip. He couldn't help but smirk a little as he put it down again. "I was thinking it's about time I start sparring and training again. I need to be able to defend myself in case of an attempted coup or something of the like."

Sendak nodded. “That’s a good idea. As much as I’d like to always be there to keep you safe, something might happen and it’s always good to be prepared.” He looked at Lotor with a hint of concern. “Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked quietly.

"I think so." Lotor took Sendak's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "At the very least, I could try simple forms and training exercises, but I think I should try sparring to see how much I still remember. It hasn't been all that long, really — still a little less than a decaphoeb. I'll still have the muscle memory, if not the muscle tone I used to." He let his expression soften a little. "I’ll be alright. And if you want to spar with me, well,” he shrugged, “the fighting wasn't... it's not what truly hurt me, so I doubt it would be a problem. Certainly, there are memories that could come up, but I think it's as likely or more that I'd remember battles from much longer ago rather than our one ill-fated duel."

Sendak looked away and then took Lotor’s hands, pulling him closer. “Lotor I—“ he sighed and looked up at him, regret in his eyes. “I want to help you. I want you to be able to defend yourself again but...” He shook his head. “I don’t think I can spar with you. Maybe some day I’ll be able to again but right now... the thought of lifting a hand against you, even if it would be a controlled fight, makes me physically ill. Too many of my nightmares are about that.” He kissed the backs of Lotor’s hands. “I’m sorry, love.”

"It's alright." Lotor squeezed his hands. "I wanted to offer, but I didn't expect you to take me up on it. Besides... I'm not yet in a state where I'd enjoy the way our midnight sparring sessions  _ usually _ went." He gave Sendak a meaningful look. "If someday I feel up for  _ that, _ we could talk about it again then, but otherwise, we don't have to worry about it. We don't ever have to it if we don't want to."

Sendak nodded and gave Lotor a relieved smile. “Thank you.” He pulled him into a kiss and gently tucked his hair behind his ear before pulling back. “Perhaps... the girls could help you. There quite capable fighters and you know the way they move as well. It should allow you to train with little risk of breaking something.”

Lotor nodded. "I was thinking the same thing. Zethrid and Ezor can both be a little overenthusiastic when it comes to sparring, but either Acxa or Narti would be able to give me a good warmup fight." He caressed Sendak's cheek, running his thumb over the soft fur. "I'll start tomorrow. It won't hurt for me to be a little late to the lab."

Sendak smiled warmly and slowly, giving Lotor enough time to sit somewhere else, pulled Lotor into his lap. “Is that so?” he whispered and nuzzled the side of his face, a low purr coming from his chest. “Is that also true for today, or are you afraid you’ll get in trouble?”

Lotor chuckled. "Oh,  _ terribly _ afraid," he teased. "I may be in charge of the lab, but that means that my direct boss is the emperor himself." He put on an expression of mock seriousness and concern. "I would hate for him to think I wasn't diligent."

Sendak chuckled and pressed a kiss to Lotor’s cheek. “I’m sure the emperor can be lenient with his most talented scientist. Besides, I doubt he can do anything without you,” he teased. Lowering his voice, he continued. “And if he gives you trouble, I’ll teach him a lesson.”

"Oh really?" Lotor raised an eyebrow. "And how exactly do you plan to do that? I almost want to cause trouble just to see this."

Sendak smiled mischievously. “What? You think I couldn’t take him in a fight?” He kissed Lotor again. “I thought you had a little more faith in me,” he said with mock-offense.

"A fight?" Lotor snickered.  _ "That's _ how you plan to teach the emperor a lesson, hmm?" He shook his head, still grinning in amusement. "Well, I'm sure you  _ could _ take him, but I don't want you to get hurt." He kissed the tip of Sendak's nose. "Don't worry, I can handle him."

Sendak’s smile widened and he leaned in to brush his lips over the shell of Lotor’s ear. “And how do you plan to do that?” he asked and Lotor could hear the smile in his voice before he pressed a soft kiss directly under his ear.

"I'll tell him that it isn't  _ my _ fault a very dashingly handsome man distracted me." Lotor tilted his head to give Sendak access to his neck. "Handsome, gentlemanly, loyal, brave... and hot as hell. How could a mere man like myself be expected to resist, hmm? I'm sure he'll understand, won't he?"

Sendak hummed and mouthed at Lotor’s bared neck. “He might. I’ll confess that it’s my fault for being unable to resist you. How could I? You’re the most beautiful person in the universe.” He stroked Lotor’s hair and pressed a kiss to his lips. “And you’re my fiancé.” He smiled lovingly. “I should be allowed to be infatuated.”

"Indeed you should." Lotor felt such warmth in his chest, and he simply couldn't help but give Sendak another kiss. "I'm in love with you too. You're my favourite person in the universe."

Sendak looked at him with complete love and devotion before bringing both of his hands up to hold Lotor’s face, tenderly caressing his cheekbones with his thumbs. “I love you,” he said softly and kissed him again. He smiled when he pulled back. “I can’t possibly send you off to the lab  _ now, _ I want to keep holding you.”

Lotor laughed. "I'll stay here for just five more decaphoebs," he promised. Then he realized what he said and shook his head.  _ "Doboshes, _ I meant doboshes." He laughed at his slip of the tongue.

Sendak’s smile widened. “I think I quite like that first idea,” he said and set about leaving a trail of kisses on Lotor’s jawline. “I could just hold you and kiss you and braid your hair and listen to your beautiful voice instead of looking at those reports.” He playfully nuzzled Lotor’s neck.

"Oh, that  _ does _ sound nice..." Lotor leaned onto every touch, enjoying the feeling of Sendak's lips and fur against his skin. "We should plan everything out for our wedding so that we can take a nice, long honeymoon afterwards. Leave someone else as a temporary manager for a little while. We could go to a nice, quiet planet and just have some time to ourselves."

“That sounds lovely. We  _ could _ leave the girls in charge for a little while. They’re apt leaders and they’re trustworthy.” He gently tucked a strand of Lotor’s hair behind his ear. “And then we could just be together for a while without anyone bothering us. As  _ husbands.” _ Sendak’s smile was bright and hopeful.

"Husbands." Lotor grinned right back, feeling so completely happy and so focused on their bright future together that, in that moment, the past didn't matter at all. They were together now, and they'd be together forever.

Remembering that Sendak had suggested the girls, Lotor nodded. "Right, I'll bring that up to Acxa later. I'm sure she won't mind if I actually  _ ask _ to relax for once."

Sendak laughed. “That’s very true. She’ll probably encourage you. You  _ are _ exceptionally bad at taking time for yourself. Perhaps I’ll reassure her that I don’t intend to let you walk anywhere during our honeymoon, I’ll carry you everywhere.” His smile widened into a teasing grin.

Lotor snickered at that suggestion. "Now come on, I still need exercise. Maybe I should try carrying you for a change."

Sendak laughed and kissed the tip of Lotor’s nose. “You’re very strong, I have no doubt you could, but you fit so perfectly into my arms. It would be a shame not to carry you.”

Lotor nuzzled his neck, snuggling up even closer into his arms. "That is true. Your arms are my favorite place to be."

Sendak nuzzled the top of Lotor’s head and hugged him closer. After a while he interlaced their fingers and hummed thoughtfully. “What do you want our wedding to be like?” he asked.

Lotor shifted and turned around in Sendak's lap so that he could lay back against him with his head on his shoulder. He settled in and relaxed, then finally answered, "The wedding itself needs to be a public event, and it'll have to be very formal and ceremonial, so I think we should have a pre-ceremony reception or party or the like on the day before for just a handful of people we actually care about, the people we actually want to hear congratulations from. I'll invite the girls, Kynata, probably all of the full-time researchers in my lab — that would make about twenty people, and we can add anyone you'd like. We could just have some drinks and some food and share stories."

Sendak kissed the side of Lotor’s face, probably unable to resist since it was right next to him. “That sounds like a lovely idea. I honestly quite like the ceremonial traditions as well because I find them quite romantic, but I also wanted to reassure you that we don’t have to be bound by tradition. This is a new era, and if you want to do something completely different, I will follow you to the end of the universe.”

Lotor hummed. "I might have a few suggestions for minor variations to the traditional ceremony for a wedding between warriors, but otherwise yes, I like tradition as well. We can just update and modernize it a little." He took Sendak's prosthetic hand and idly examined it, running his fingers over the little joins that were invisible to the eye and which he only knew about because he had designed it. "The reception will be the most tedious and exhausting part. I suggest we leave as early as we reasonably can."

Sendak brought a hand up to idly stroke his hair. “Well... we’re supposed to leave early, are we not? It would even speak of greater passion if we did, which is what we want, so I don’t think it will be an issue.” He wrapped his arm around Lotor’s middle, keeping his safely tucked against him. “It’s customary, after all,” he said with a teasing lilt.

"Oh, of course." Lotor laughed lightly. "Perhaps we should serve the desserts first so that we can share our desserts and hear the toasts, and then we can let everyone else eat the meal while we fly off."

He could feel Sendak’s laughter more than hear it. “Sounds like a plan. If we’re still hungry we can just have them send some of the feast to our rooms and eat in private.”

"Exactly." Lotor closed his eyes as he imagined what it would be like. He mentally played through the day, right up to tumbling into bed together... "On that night, for our wedding night, I want to try penetrative sex again," he said with confidence. He'd been thinking about it for a while and had even brought it up as a possibility before, but now he was sure. "I don't know for sure whether I'm ready, but I want to try it."

Sendak’s hand in his hair stilled but then he nodded carefully and resumed his ministrations. “Alright. If you want to try it again we can. I trust you with my entire heart and I know that you know your limits. We’ll try, and if we don’t want to continue we’ll do something else.” He kissed Lotor’s temple, almost a reaction at this point. “I want you to enjoy that night. All of it.”

"I'm sure I will, with you taking care of me." Lotor turned his head to nuzzle Sendak's neck. "Either way, I look forward to marking you. I want the whole universe to know you're mine."

Sendak purred as Lotor nuzzled his neck and tilted his head to the side, allowing him better access. “I’m yours,” he whispered. “I’ve always been yours, my love, and I’m ready for everyone to finally see what I’ve known since I met you so long ago.”

Lotor pressed a lingering kiss to his neck, already imagining what it would be like to bite down and leave his mark. "We were so young when we met, when we trained together and caused mischief together. I never dared hope back then that you would stay by me, that you would choose over and over again to be mine. I almost wish I could send a letter back in time to my younger self and tell him that he can trust you and depend on you, that even when things seem dark, they will turn out alright. But I think if I'd read that letter, I would've done things differently, and I would never risk the chance that we might not end up where we are now."

Sendak held him closer and rubbed his cheek against Lotor’s hair, his purr growing louder. “I think we were always meant to be together. Besides, you’re the most stubborn person in the universe. Do you really think a letter would have changed your mind?” He teased. “We’re both stubborn as all hell, that’s why we love each other. Not even the threat of the empire itself was able to keep us from getting engaged the first time.” He laughed quietly. “I’m glad we ended up like this. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

"You make a good point," Lotor admitted, and his voice carried his amusement. "But my point still stands that I wouldn't change the past, any of it, even if I had a chance. I'm so wonderfully content with where I am now. This has made everything worthwhile."

Sendak’s arms gently squeezed him and he breathed in his scent. “I agree. I love you. I’m so happy with you. I never thought I’d be allowed to be this happy and yet here you are.” He kissed him again.

Lotor turned his head to catch Sendak's lips with his own. "I love you too."  



	15. Chapter 15

Lotor's and Sendak's wedding was now only a day away, but for them and for their friends, the celebration started tonight. Since the afternoon, Lotor had not ever been much more than arm's length away from Sendak, which was exactly how he liked it. Now, as he sat comfortably perched on Sendak's lap, he looked around the modest gathering. His former generals, now in varying command and advising roles to suit their individual talents, were mingling with Sendak's guests, the commanders who were closest to and most trusted by him — Bogh, Gnov, Lahn, and newly-promoted Hepta. Also present were all of Lotor's permanent staff in his primary lab on Central Command, and despite their group promise to not obsess over work while they were supposed to be partying, Lotor could hear snippets of conversation about a few particularly exciting experiments going on.

He sighed a little as he took another sip of his drink, but it was all in good fun. At least they weren't mentioning work to _him._ He'd promised Sendak that he wouldn't touch anything even remotely related to work from this day until they got back from their honeymoon.

Sendak interlaced their fingers and squeezed Lotor’s hand. “You look beautiful today, love,” he said quietly so that only Lotor would hear him. “I can’t wait to see the way you look tomorrow. I’m lucky to have the most amazing fiancé in the universe.” He left a peck on his cheek. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

"Mmhmm." Lotor nodded, turning his head so that Sendak could see his smile. "Yes. Thank you for agreeing to the plan of having this little party." He squeezed Sendak's hand in return.

“I think this was a wonderful idea,” he said and rubbed the back of Lotor’s hand with his thumb. “We’re getting married tomorrow,” he said quietly, his voice full of love and excitement.

Lotor laughed a little out of pure delight. "We are. I simply can't wait." He pressed a kiss to Sendak's cheek.

Sendak leaned into it, smiling softly and bringing Lotor’s hand up to kiss it. “I can’t either. It’ll be the happiest day of my life.” He leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice. “Do you think it bothers anyone that we’re barely paying attention to them?” he asked with a mischievous smile.

Lotor looked around at the partygoers again and chuckled. "It seems not. I think they're all used to the way we are with each other by now."

Sendak’s chest shook with silent laughter. “It seems like it. But how could I not focus all my attention on my incredible fiancé?“ He pulled him closer. “It would be like asking me not to breathe.”

"Are you calling me the air you breathe? I see..." Lotor allowed a mischievous grin to slowly spread across his face. "So _that's_ why you take my breath away, is it?" Even as he said it, he was fully aware of how corny it was, but he smiled at Sendak all the same.

Sendak’s own smile widened. “And you say _I’m_ the one with the bad lines.” He leaned in and took a deep breath of Lotor’s scent. “I fear that if you were truly the air I breathed I would never get any work done,” he said and squeezed Lotor’s hand again.

Lotor's grin softened into a sappy smile. "I feel the same way. As much as I enjoy work, you can be terribly distracting, and I do so love spending time with you."

Sendak smiled back and cupped his jaw as he kissed him softly. “Says the most distracting person in the universe,” he teased.

Before Lotor could say something just as sappy and heartfelt back, he spotted Ezor coming over, trailed by a reluctant Acxa, who seemed to be arguing with her a little. Lotor detached himself a little from Sendak's embrace and sat up more, though he didn't leave Sendak's lap.

"Hey lovebirds!" Ezor grinned, and Lotor knew her well enough to tell that she was a little tipsy.

Acxa put her hand on Ezor’s shoulder and gave her a meaningful look but it didn’t seem to have any effect on her.

Sendak sat up and smiled at them. “Enjoying yourselves?” he asked with a teasing smile at Acxa who seemed to relax minutely.

Ezor giggled. "Yeah! Good party. Lotor's friends are all nerds, but they're chill." She waved a hand vaguely at Lotor's coworkers.

Lotor felt his ears droop from mild embarrassment. "You're my friends too, and you're not nerds," he grumbled, but there wasn't any spite behind it.

Sendak laughed and kissed the top of Lotor’s head.

Acxa crossed her arms, but a small smile spread across her face. “Congratulations to you two,” she said. “You deserve each other.”

"Thank you," Lotor said sincerely. "It warms my heart to see that you approve."

Ezor's grin turned into something softer. "Honestly you two have been through so much shit. A couple that can survive all that can probably survive everything." She glanced back at Zethrid with affection in her eyes, then brought her attention back to Lotor and Sendak. "I hope you two are happy together forever."

Sendak’s smile turned into something equally soft and he absently stroked Lotor’s hair. “We will be,” he said quietly. “Thank you, Ezor.”

He returned his gaze to Acxa. “So what do you plan on doing while we’re... unavailable?”

She smiled back. “You aren’t meant to worry about that. I promise you won’t return to find the place on fire and that is all you need to know.”

Lotor raised an eyebrow at her. "I suppose, but promise you'll contact us if a metaphorical fire _does_ start, alright? I think I'll worry more if I have to wonder whether something might be happening that you are not telling us about."

She smiled but rolled her eyes a little. “Yes, Lotor, I will make sure to contact you if something happens that we can’t solve. But we all want you to relax for a while, so don’t even think of calling. You deserve a break. Both of you.”

"Alright, alright." Lotor chuckled lightly. "I can recognize when I am defeated. Have it your way." Despite his dramatic words, he was smiling, grateful to have such a trustworthy friend. "Thank you, Acxa."

Her smile brightened and she began to slowly pull Ezor away. “Thank _you,_ Lotor.” She looked at Sendak. “Make sure he doesn’t touch work. If anyone can, it’s you.”

Sendak laughed and then nodded with mock-seriousness. “Yes, General,” he said, unable to quite keep himself from smiling.

Ezor giggled and waved to them both. "Have a good time on your honeymoon!"

"I'm sure we will." Lotor nodded and waved to them both. As they returned to mingle with the rest of the crowd, Lotor relaxed back into Sendak's embrace.

Sendak kissed him again. “I really like them. I can see why you picked them to be your generals.” He paused for a moment, his thumb still slowly stroking the back of Lotor’s hand. “We’re getting married tomorrow,” he repeated, as if he still couldn’t believe it.

Lotor smiled and nuzzled him lightly. "Yes, we are. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it, too. I've wanted this for so long."

Sendak’s embrace tightened around him. “If I’m completely honest, I’m a bit... nervous. We’ve discussed this so much and we’ve made plans, but I still feel myself growing nervous when I think about it. I want to do right by you and I love you so much. Still, I know that tomorrow will be the best day of my life.”

"I feel nervous as well," Lotor confessed quietly. "I keep wondering if something might go wrong or if someone might try to stop us. After such a long time of being kept apart, I can't help but fear that this peace isn't truly permanent." He shook his head and forced a smile. "I know that's just paranoia, though. Even if someone does try to separate us, who could? We can take on anyone who dares to interfere."

Sendak tilted his head and kissed Lotor’s cheek. “That’s true, though I’d rather not get blood on our clothes on our wedding. Besides, Acxa will likely shoot anyone who objects before we can get to them.” He chuckled softly.

"You're right about that." Lotor laughed lightly. "I know we have nothing to fear." He tilted his head up and kissed Sendak on the lips, savoring the moment. Then, he hopped off of Sendak's lap and took his hand, tugging at it to encourage him to get up. "Come on, let's get another drink and mingle with our friends some more."

Sendak rose from his seat and kissed Lotor again, lingering with his hand cupping his jaw. He smiled as he pulled away. “Sounds like a plan,” he said.

* * *

In the old traditions of their home planet, each clan had its own traditional wedding ceremony. Modern ceremonies tended to be a blend of multiple ancient ceremonies, but Lotor and Sendak agreed on one of the more traditional ceremonies that they both felt fit their relationship. In the ancient version of the Galra language, it was called the _kozmizi,_ the entrusting. During the ceremony, they had laid aside their armor to symbolize their trust and openness with each other, and they had given each other swords to symbolize their confidence in the other's ability to protect them.

Now, dressed in their unarmored ceremonial robes and with their new swords belted to their waists, Lotor and Sendak slipped away from the reception, hand-in-hand. Tomorrow, they would go to their honeymoon destination, but for tonight, they wanted to be in the comfort of their own rooms. As they approached the door to the suite, Lotor smiled up at his husband. "This is the first time we're entering these rooms as a married couple," he said in a hushed, reverent tone of voice.

The smile Sendak has been wearing all night brightened and he looked at Lotor with complete love in his eyes. He pulled him into a soft kiss. “May I carry you, my husband?” he asked, tucking a strand of hair behind Lotor’s ear.

Lotor felt such warm love and affection, just looking into Sendak's eyes and hearing those words. He looped his arms around Sendak's shoulders and nodded. "Please do."

Sendak picked him up and spun him around once before kissing him again and carrying him into their suite. He walked over to the couch and set Lotor down gently. There was a sizable spread from the feast that had been brought to their rooms. Sendak sat down next to him and put his arm around him, still smiling. “I can’t believe this is real,” he said after a pause. “I love you so much.”

"I love you too, Sendak." Lotor leaned into him while dishing up some food for them both. He picked up a bite and turned to feed it to Sendak. "You want to try it first?"

Sendak took the bite and did the same for Lotor. “It’s delicious. This is much nicer than doing this with everyone’s eyes on us,” he said with a smile.

Lotor savored the bite Sendak offered. "Mmm... I must agree. It's so nice to have some privacy and to be together like this." He took a bite of another dish, sampling the wide variety the caterers had come up with for the momentous occasion.

Sendak inched closer to Lotor and kissed his cheek. “They can’t fault us for wanting to spend time as _husbands.”_ He said the word reverently. His smile became small and soft. “You look so beautiful today,” he said quietly and there was so much love in his eyes. “I couldn’t stop looking at you the entire evening.”

"I couldn't take my eyes off of you either." Lotor turned more towards Sendak and rested one hand gently on Sendak's chest. He could feel his muscles through the silken fabric of his robes. "You look dashingly handsome in these robes. We should dress up more often, I think." He kissed Sendak's neck just under his jaw, letting his lips linger there for a short but sensual moment. "Every day with you is wonderful, yet even so, today has been exceptional. I know I'll remember this for the rest of my life."

Sendak pulled back enough to look at Lotor and then gently traced his lips with his thumb before leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “We’re married,” he said. “I don’t remember ever being this happy and I know that I’ll always remember this day, but the best part is just being here with you.”

Lotor gave Sendak another kiss in return. "You are completely right. Being here with you is the best part ever." He took Sendak's hand and squeezed it lightly. "Though I must admit, I do also consider food important. We should eat before it becomes cold." He drew back just enough to pick up another bite and offer it to Sendak.

Sendak took the offered piece without breaking eye contact. “As my husband wishes,” he said softly.

They ate the rest of their meal, spending most of the time smiling at each other in a mix of disbelief and joy. Neither of them had dared hope for such an evening when they’d first gotten together.

When the platters were mostly picked clean and they both couldn’t eat anymore, Sendak took his glass and raised it slightly, looking at Lotor with complete love and devotion. “To us,” he said and smiled.

Lotor picked up his own glass and tapped it lightly against Sendak's. "To us." He took a long sip before setting his glass down again and smiling at his husband. A little feeling that could have been either nervousness or excitement fluttered in his chest as he thought about what came next. "Should we go to the bedroom now? What do you want?"

Sendak placed his own glass on the table and took both of Lotor’s hands in his, looking into his eyes and smiling softly. “Whatever you want, love. I could sit here all night and just look at you.”

"Love..." Lotor smiled softly and leaned in to kiss him. When he pulled back again, he looked at Sendak's neck. "I want to mark you, and to do that properly, I need to also bring you to pleasure. With your permission, I'd like to at least do that, but..." He took a deep breath and squeezed Sendak's hands. "Please, I want to _try_ penetrative sex. Is that alright?"

Sendak squeezed back and leaned in to press a soft kiss to Lotor’s forehead. “Of course, love, we can try. But it’s alright if you’re not ready yet. You don’t have to be, we have all the time in the universe.” He tucked a strand of Lotor’s hair behind his ear. “I love you. I want to make you feel good.”

"I know. I love you too, more than anything in the universe." Lotor squeezed Sendak's other hand in both of his own. "I promise that I'll tell you if I can't handle it. Promise me that you'll do the same? If anything brings back bad memories for you, even if I'm feeling alright, I still want to stop. I don't want you to try to push through or soldier on for my sake. This is about both of us feeling good."

Sendak smiled and kissed him again. “I promise,” he said. “May I have the honor of carrying you to our bed, my love?” he asked with a grin that quickly softened into a loving gaze.

Lotor climbed into Sendak's lap and wrapped his arms around Sendak's neck. By now, he was used to it enough that he felt comfortable with being in his lap and arms. "Yes, please."

Sendak smiled and held Lotor close, rising from his seat with Lotor in his arms. He carried him over into their bedroom and set him down on the edge of the bed, kissing him again as he did so. “I love you,” he said, stroking Lotor’s cheek. “My sword is yours, just as yours is mine.”

"Yes." Lotor put his hand over Sendak's on his cheek and smiled. "My sword, my heart, my life... I'm yours, Sendak, for as long as you are also mine. For as long as you live." He took Sendak's hand in his. "And we should both live a very long time. I look forward to every moment of it that I spend with you."

Sendak leaned in to capture his lips with his own. “I’m yours, Lotor. I have always been yours and I always will be.” He looked at Lotor with complete love in his eyes. “May I begin undressing you, my husband?” he asked with a soft smile. “Or do you wish to do the honors?”

Lotor nodded and guided Sendak's hands to the cords tying his robe together. "You may. I'd like to undress you afterwards."

Sendak began carefully untying the cords and kissed the tip of Lotor’s nose. “I would like that,” he said. He turned his attention to Lotor’s clothes, taking his time to slowly unfasten the cords. He began pressing soft and playful kisses on Lotor’s exposed skin as he undressed him. He reached the scar over Lotor’s heart and hesitated for a moment before leaving a lingering kiss on it. “Let me know if you’d like to slow down,” he said softly, looking up at Lotor.

Lotor took a deep breath as he assessed his feelings. He still felt that fluttering nervous-excitement in his gut, but Sendak's unhurried pace helped to manage that. He ran his fingers through Sendak's longer fur on the back of his head. "This is slow enough," he said honestly. "I like this pace." He bent down and kissed Sendak's forehead, then reached down further to start untying Sendak's robe with slow, deliberate, and lightly sensual motions.

Sendak looked at him with relief and love and smiled softly, pressing another kiss to the scar on his chest. “I’ve married the most wonderful man in the universe and the most beautiful one at that.” He continued slowly untying Lotor’s robe and soon he was pushing it off his shoulders with gentle touches.

Lotor leaned forward, letting Sendak's hands push the robe back. "I may be the most beautiful, but _you,_ my darling, are certainly the most handsome." He finished untying Sendak's robe and peeled it open, admiring Sendak's chest.

Sendak kissed Lotor and smiled at him fondly. “It seems we were meant for each other,” he said with a teasing tone.

The robes were meant to be easily removed, and before long Lotor was nude, and Sendak reverently took his hand, kissing the back of it softly and then holding still to let Lotor fully undress him as well.

Lotor pushed away Sendak's clothes and then immediately had his hands wandering over his chest. "I can certainly agree that you were made for _me,"_ he teased back.

Sendak laughed lightly and then held still, letting Lotor do as he wanted and smiling at him softly. “I was. I’m certain of it. I’ve been yours from the moment I first saw you, I just didn’t know it yet.” He gently brushed some of Lotor’s hair back from his face. “And now the prince has married a lowly soldier. What will the imperial elite make of this?” He wasn’t able to keep the smile off his face despite the otherwise convincing scandalized tone.

Lotor smirked. "Come now, I'm sure they're talking about how our glorious young emperor is sullying himself with a disgraced traitor." He kissed Sendak's forehead, cheek, neck... "I'm sure they're talking all about how much I corrupted you, turned you against the ideals you grew up with." He laughed into the fur of Sendak's neck and smiled, baring his teeth enough for him to feel a hint of them. "If only they knew you were always the more rebellious one."

Sendak ran his fingers through Lotor’s hair and bared his neck, giving him better access. “If only,” he said with a chuckle. “If only they had realized that the loyalty they commended me for was never to the empire but to my prince.”

Lotor nipped his skin, more of a warning bite than anything else. "They never deserved your loyalty. You're the strongest and bravest person I've ever known. You're too good to follow anyone blindly." He pressed an apologetic kiss to the spot before leaning back and cupping Sendak's cheeks in his hands. "Even me. You don't follow me blindly; you consider what I say and challenge me when I deserve it, and I'll always be grateful for that. It's the reason why I can trust you even more than I trust myself."

Sendak tenderly cupped Lotor’s jaw and drew him in, kissing him again. “That means everything to me,” he whispered as he pulled back. “Your trust is something I’ve always cherished and I know you’re aware I feel the same way about you. I promise that I’ll continue to challenge you if I believe it to be necessary but I will always trust you and I never want you to doubt that.” He kissed him again. “I love you.”

Lotor felt like his heart was melting as he was caught between the sensual moment and Sendak's sappy words. "I love you too, more than anything." He pressed his lips to Sendak's hard in a long and passionate kiss, only pulling away after several ticks. _"I want you,"_ he murmured. "Touch me, please."

Sendak smiled and kissed him again, letting his hand trail down Lotor’s side. He broke the kiss, nuzzling Lotor’s cheek affectionately, and then gently drew up one of Lotor’s hands, interlacing their fingers. Gently, slowly, he pressed his lips against each of the scars on Lotor’s arm. He did the same with the other arm. “I love you,” he whispered. His voice cracked slightly but he was smiling at Lotor and there was such honest and true love in his eyes. “How do you want to be touched, my love?”

"Anywhere. Everywhere." Lotor felt impatient for something, some kind of sexual touch, and yet he also felt like staying in this moment forever. Sendak's gentleness made him feel like he could fall apart at any second, but even so, it was a wonderful feeling of safety and security, as he knew that Sendak would continue to hold him even if he fell apart. With these conflicting thoughts in his mind, he guided Sendak's hands to his waist. "I want to feel pleasure, please."

Sendak hesitated for a heartbeat before carefully placing his hands on Lotor’s waist and tracing idle circles with his thumbs, watching attentively for any hint of discomfort. “I will make sure of it, love,” he whispered. “Just let me know how you feel,” he said, gripping him more firmly. “Is this alright?”

Lotor nodded and pulled Sendak closer. "It's perfect," he promised. "Keep going." He smiled a little as he felt Sendak's thumbs stroking his skin, and he let out a little hum of pleasure.

Sendak smiled and his hands moved a little more freely, gently stroking Lotor’s sides. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, leaving another kiss on Lotor’s cheek. “I want to kiss every inch of you. I want to hold you. I want to feel you against me and I want to listen to the little sounds you make.” His hand trailed down to Lotor’s ass and squeezed ever so slightly as he kissed him again. “Would you allow me this pleasure?”

"Please," Lotor breathed, just barely a whisper. He leaned back only to pull Sendak closer. "I want... I want to lie down." He felt his heart flutter in his chest as the implications of his own request caught up to him, but he found that he still wanted it. "I want to lie down and relax and let you touch me."

Sendak smiled and gave Lotor a chaste kiss. “Then lie down for me, love. Relax. I’ll take care of you, I promise. Tonight is about what we want, after all.”

Lotor moved back and laid down on top of the sheets, resting his head on the pillows. He looked up into Sendak's eyes, looked at his handsome and familiar face, and with a deep breath, he was able to mostly relax. He reached out and took Sendak's hand and squeezed it. "I trust you."

Sendak squeezed back and then brushed his lips over the back of Lotor’s hand. “That means more to me than I could ever put into words,” he said softly before releasing Lotor’s hand and gently stroking his side with the back of his fingers. As his hand trailed down Lotor’s side he brought their lips together again. “Would you like me to open you up, darling?” he asked, his voice loving and patient.

Lotor nodded and reached up to gently stroke the fur on Sendak's head. "Yes, I want that." He spread his legs, and although nervousness fluttered in his chest, it was still manageable.

Sendak gently nuzzled his cheek and left a trail of kisses along his jawline. “Alright,” he said with a smile. “Then I will do my best to give you what you want, my love,” he said in a near whisper. His hand trailed down to Lotor’s waist again. “Relax, Starlight. Let me take care of you.”

A little shiver ran through Lotor's body as he tried to let go of the rest of the tension he was carrying. He closed his eyes and took one deep breath, two... and he felt his legs relax onto the bed. With conscious effort, he also banished the tension he still held in his back and neck, and even his expression changed to be softer and more open as he felt his facial muscles relax as well. Another deep breath in... and out... and then he opened his eyes again and looked to Sendak, giving him a confident nod. "I'm ready, love."

Sendak pressed a kiss to Lotor’s cheek and leaned over to retrieve the small bottle of lube on the nightstand, slicking up his fingers and waiting for it to warm before leaning back down to capture Lotor’s lips in his as he gently teased his rim. “Does that feel good?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Lotor smiled and kissed Sendak again, just letting his lips linger against his husband's. "So far, yes," he answered honestly. "Keep going." He brought his own hands up to Sendak's back and ran them up and down the hard muscles under soft fur, relishing the familiar feeling.

Sendak made a satisfied noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between a pleased sigh and a purr. “I love you,” he whispered against Lotor’s skin, leaving kisses in his wake. Slowly, gently, he began sliding his finger into Lotor as he kissed him.

"Mmm... I love you too." Lotor reciprocated the kiss with the same level of tenderness and passion. The slight stretch was so far easy to accept, aided by the gentleness that was familiar only in a good way.

Sendak moved slowly, stretching Lotor open carefully as he kissed him further. After a while he added a second finger, gently curling them the way he knew Lotor liked. He brushed his lips over the shell of Lotor’s ear. “How does that feel?” he whispered as he continued to slowly move his fingers.

Lotor exhaled shakily as Sendak's fingers stroked right across his sensitive spots, and he felt his arousal building up. "Very good," he breathed. He rocked his hips a little, just feeling Sendak's fingers inside him.

Sendak affectionately nuzzled the side of Lotor’s face, continuing his ministrations before finally adding a third finger. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “It’s a privilege to see you like this, my love, it always has been.” Sendak’s lips brushed over his jawline. “What would you like me to do?” he asked softly.

"I want more," Lotor said honestly and without hesitation. "This feels..." he sighed contentedly, "very good." He ran his fingers through Sendak's fur. "I think I'm ready for your cock."

Sendak kissed him and stroked his side with his free hand. “Would you like to be on top so you can set the pace?” He pressed another few kisses along his jaw. “Or would you prefer it like this?”

Lotor kissed Sendak's cheek and hummed as he considered his question. "I think this is good," he said slowly, a little uncertain at first but gaining confidence as he continued. "I'm already very relaxed, and I trust you to take it slow." He gave Sendak another kiss. "I know you'll take care of me."

Sendak kissed him back and smiled softly. “I will,” he said, his voice a low rumble. He curled his fingers inside Lotor a few more times and then removed them to slick up his cock. When he was done he pressed another gentle kiss to Lotor’s cheek and his hand ghosted over the inside of his thigh. “Ready, my love?”

"Yes." Lotor's breathing and heartbeat quickened, but it was in excitement more than anything. He looked up into Sendak's eyes and smiled. "I love you."

Sendak seemed unable to resist brushing his lips over Lotor’s. “I love you too,” he answered and kissed him as he gently entered him in a smooth motion. “You’re incredible,” he said. “Does that feel good?” he asked a little breathlessly as he nuzzled into the crook of Lotor’s neck and shoulder.

Lotor's breath caught, and he shuddered a little, both in a good way and not. He held on tightly to Sendak's back, anchoring himself in the present moment as he tried to adjust. His heart pounded in his chest, but no flashbacks overwhelmed him, at least not yet. "I-I think so?" he answered breathily. He kissed the side of Sendak's head softly. "I'm— I'm a bit afraid, but... I think I'm still alright?" He concentrated on trying to slow down his breathing a little, breathing in steadily and holding his breath for a couple of ticks before he breathed out. It was hard to hold each breath, but at least he managed not to spiral.

Sendak pulled back enough to look into Lotor’s eyes, concern written over his face. “Lotor...” he gently cupped his jaw and stroked his cheek. “It’s alright if you’re not ready. We can stop. I can kiss you and use my hands, if you’d like, or we can just hold each other. Whatever you want. Whatever you _need,_ my love.”

Lotor bit his lip, a little frustrated with himself. "I _want_ to do this, but..." He could already tell that his arousal was fading. He could keep the panic at bay, but it still wasn't enjoyable. "I think I need to stop for a minute and think," he confessed, lightly pushing on Sendak's hips to get the message across that he needed Sendak _out_ right now.

At the first push of Lotor’s hand Sendak pulled out and backed away, positioning himself on the bed next to Lotor without touching him. His lips parted slightly as he scanned Lotor’s face. “Do you want me to go? Should I get you something? Do you... want to be alone?”

Lotor felt his eyes tear up from sheer frustration at himself. He hesitated for just a moment before he turned towards Sendak and cuddled up with him, seeking comfort. "I'm alright, I promise. I didn't panic. But… I couldn't enjoy it, either."

Sendak carefully wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. He kissed Lotor’s forehead, his lips lingering for a moment. “It’s alright. We don’t have to do that now or ever. There’s no rush. Do you want to walk me through it? Maybe it’ll be easier for you to understand what you need if you say it out loud.” Sendak’s hand smoothed over his hair, cradling his head and gently playing with the strands. “We could just stay like this, if you wish. I enjoy holding you. I always have and I always will.”

The tears he was trying to fight down slipped out, and Lotor buried his face in Sendak's chest to hide them. "I... I want to mark you tonight," he said, though his voice was still a little muffled by Sendak's fur. "Everything else can wait, but I've wanted to mark you for so long, and I especially want to make _my_ mark mutual..."

Sendak ran his fingers through Lotor’s hair in soothing motions as he held him close. “You can mark me tonight, I’d love nothing more, and you _will_ if you want to, but we have time. We have all night, there’s no need to rush.” He kissed the top of Lotor’s head. “I want to please you, my love, if you’d like me to. What do you think you would like? We said we’d _try_ this and it didn’t work out and that’s completely alright. We can try something else now if we want to.”

Lotor sighed as he thought about it. "Well, I can't bite you without bringing you to orgasm; that would just be painful and cruel. I can't use my mouth for two things at once, so I suppose I could just use my hand." Another idea popped into his mind, and he felt his cheeks darken at the idea. "Or we—" He cut himself off, biting his lip, and shook his head. They'd never tried his new idea before, and he felt embarrassed to admit to thinking of it. Besides, it would perhaps be too much to suggest something so new at the moment...

Sendak pulled back enough to look at Lotor and a small mischievous smile came onto his lips before he kissed Lotor’s darkened cheeks. “What are you thinking of?” he asked softly. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you blush, it must be something exciting.” Sendak affectionately nuzzled his cheek.

"I, ah..." He felt even _more_ embarrassed at Sendak's interest, but he knew that even if Sendak didn't like the idea, he would be gentle about turning him down. "I simply... had the idea cross my mind that perhaps I could... be the one to top you?" He looked up hesitantly to see Sendak's reaction.

Sendak’s ears perked up a little with what Lotor could tell was interest. “I believe I would enjoy that. Judging by your expression you would as well. Do you want to try it?” He kissed Lotor’s heated cheeks again.

Lotor was surprised at how easily Sendak took to the idea. "Are you sure? We've never— I assumed you didn't enjoy being on the receiving side." He brought a hand up to caress Sendak's face, gently tracing over his lips. "I don't want you to agree to this just to suit my needs."

Sendak kissed his fingers. “I’m not. It’s _you,_ Lotor, I love you and I trust you and I don’t think there’s anything you could suggest that I would find objectionable, but if you did I’d tell you. This is new, yes, but I believe I’d enjoy it. We never did it before because you’re smaller than me and I enjoy holding you, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy the other option.” He cupped Lotor’s cheek. “How would you have me, love?”

Lotor looked into Sendak's eyes, making sure that he was being totally honest. Finally, he nodded. "Alright. On your front, then? This'll be easier for us both if I top you from behind, I think. It should be easier to mark you that way."

Sendak captured his lips one more time before leaning in to whisper in his ear. “As you wish,” he said and turned to do as Lotor asked, looking back at him over his shoulder and smiling faintly.

"Thank you." Lotor pressed a kiss to Sendak's cheek, then his neck. He then sat up and took some of the lube from the bottle on the nightstand, the same lube Sendak had used for him just previously, and slicked up his own fingers. He felt nervousness of a different kind than before as he traced his slick fingertips around Sendak's rim. "Have you ever tried this before at all?" He knew he would need to be careful, especially if Sendak had no experience with this.

Sendak spread his legs so Lotor had more space to settle. He pushed back slightly against Lotor’s fingers. “No. I’ve only ever truly _been_ with you, love, but I’m sure I’ll like it.” He pushed back against Lotor’s fingers again with a smile.

Carefully keeping his claws retracted, Lotor gently eased just his fingertip into Sendak. He moved it in small, slow movements. "Darling? How is this?"

Sendak let out a breath and then looked over his shoulder at Lotor, a slightly hungry look in his eyes. “Good,” he said softly and smiled. “Go on.” He rocked back minutely against Lotor.

Lotor pushed his finger in further, and the slender digit slipped in rather easily. He added a second one, gently stretching him in the way Sendak had stretched Lotor earlier. "What about this? Is this still alright?"

Sendak hummed in pleasure. “Yes, love,” he said a little breathlessly. “You can go a little faster if you’d like.” The request would’ve sounded impartial if not for the slight strain in Sendak’s voice. “I’d like to feel you more.”

"Alright." Lotor pressed in a little harder and deeper, bending his fingers and spreading them to stretch Sendak further. He added a third finger before long. "You're taking this so well," he praised. "I can't believe you're relaxing so easily your first time. Do you remember how hard it was for us the first time you did this for me? Then again, we were in a hurry then, trying not to get caught. Now we have all the time in the universe."

Sendak released an appreciative sound from the back of his throat and lips curved into a wistful smile. “That was a very long time ago. We were clumsy and eager and you looked so perfect. We had to be quiet but I remember the way you said my name. It was the most beautiful sound. This is... different but perfect as well.” He moaned quietly as Lotor curled his fingers. “Especially since you’re my husband now,” he said with a small smile. “And I’m yours.”

Lotor smiled at the memory, and he pressed a soft kiss to Sendak's back. He slipped in his fourth finger, thrusting more shallowly now but ensuring that his rim would be more than stretched enough. "You're mine," he affirmed. "And I'm yours." He slipped his fingers out and took more lube, now slicking up his cock. "Are you ready, love?"

Sendak’s smile turned into a smirk. “Yes, your highness,” he said with a teasing lilt to his words. His expression softened and he reached out for Lotor’s hand. “I love you.”

Lotor took Sendak's hand and squeezed it as he lined himself up. "I love you too." He took a deep breath, then slowly eased himself in, sliding into Sendak's warmth. A low groan escaped him. "Ah..."

Sendak gasped and squeezed Lotor’s hand, a moan slipping from his lips. _“Fuck,_ baby,” he whispered and moved back against Lotor.

Lotor's breath stuttered in little gasps and pants as he pressed in further. He'd been with others, but it had never felt this good, this _intimate_ before. Once his cock was fully inside Sendak, he laid down on top of Sendak’s back, pressed together skin-to-fur so that he could feel every line of Sendak's muscles under him. "Sen, love," he panted, lightly rolling his hips but keeping his movements light while Sendak adjusted, "tell me how you feel."

Sendak moved back against Lotor, matching the movement of his hips. He moaned and brought Lotor’s hand to his lips, kissing it. “You feel so good, love, so perfect. Keep going.” He was breathing quickly, releasing little gasps. He bared his neck for Lotor, tilting his head to one side to give him easier access.

Lotor kissed Sendak's neck and teased the skin there with his teeth as he started to thrust in earnest. Each motion of his hips against Sendak's brought a wave of pleasure, and he groaned into Sendak's fur. "Sendak..." He couldn't find the words to say, but he squeezed Sendak's hand and pressed another kiss to his neck.

Sendak squeezed back as he moaned loudly and bared his neck even further. He met Lotor’s thrusts with his own and reached back to squeeze the side of Lotor’s thigh, urging him on. “You feel so good, love,” he whispered breathlessly between sounds of pleasure.

"Mmm, Sen-!" Lotor moaned, partly from how good it felt to have Sendak's tight warmth around his cock, but also from how arousing it was to him that Sendak was so eager and so clearly enjoying this. He thrusted deeper and harder, focusing on bringing Sendak as much pleasure as possible and listening closely to his reactions.

Sendak gasped at each of Lotor’s thrusts as he deepened them. He met each of them in turn and his pleasure only seemed to grow. “Love,” he whispered and brought his hand up to the back of Lotor’s head to stroke his hair. He drew him slightly closer to his neck. “I’m close.”

"So am I," Lotor gasped. He kissed Sendak's neck, teasing the skin there with his teeth. Pleasure built up within him, and he knew he was just a few thrusts away. _"Cum for me, love,"_ he murmured, and then he bit down and sunk his teeth into Sendak's neck until he tasted blood.

Sendak cried out as Lotor’s teeth sank into his flesh, his muscles tightening as he found his release. His breathing was heavy as he absently caressed Lotor’s hair and simultaneously squeezed his hand as he moved back against him, helping him find his own climax.

Between the absolute pleasure of Sendak clenching around him and how instinctively _right_ it felt to mark him as Lotor's mate, Lotor was pushed over the edge of bliss. He groaned into Sendak's fur as he started to empty into him. The sensation was so new, and yet it felt so _right_ to him, filling and claiming his mate.

He released Sendak's neck before pulling out of him and then essentially collapsing on top of him, too contented and sleepy to want to move after such a powerful orgasm. He licked away the blood that beaded up from the bite mark before kissing the aggravated flesh apologetically.

Sendak made a sound between a hum and a purr and brought Lotor’s hand up to his lips to kiss it, simultaneously leaning in to the brush of Lotor’s lips on his own skin. “That was...” he trailed off, nuzzling against Lotor’s hand. Turning slightly he whispered in Lotor’s direction. “Can I hold you, my love?”

Lotor smiled and pressed another kiss to his fur. "Of course, love." He shifted off of him and onto the bed next to him, cuddling up close and looking into his eyes. "You liked that?"

Sendak caressed Lotor’s hair and leaned in to capture his lips. “I did,” he whispered as he pulled back. “You were incredible. You felt so good inside me, baby. And _this,”_ he ran a finger over his new mark and smiled. “I’m so happy,” he whispered and kissed Lotor again. “I’m your mate.”

"You're my mate." Lotor felt a rush of satisfaction and joy at that. He reached up to touch his own mark, and in that moment, he didn't feel afraid or ashamed of it. He smiled. "And I'm your mate. We'll be together for the rest of our lives."

Sendak brushed his fingers over Lotor’s mark and smiled softly before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the scar. “We will be,” he whispered against Lotor’s skin “I love you.”

Gently, nearly without making contact, he ran his palm over Lotor’s back and held him close.

"I love you too." Lotor hugged Sendak close and cuddled up to him, enjoying the feeling of his soft fur against Lotor's own skin. The warmth and gentle intimacy and his complete satisfaction were adding up to make him feel pleasantly sleepy. For once, he wasn't thinking of either the past or the future. He just felt calm and content and safe.

Sendak left a few more kisses in his wake before affectionately nuzzling the top of Lotor’s head. The palm on Lotor’s back moved over his skin gently, stopping for a moment but then continuing to move in soothing circles. “Love,” Sendak whispered. “Is this... alright?”

Lotor was confused for a brief moment before he remembered the newer scars on his back. "Oh, I..." He hesitated as he tried to assess how he felt, but he honestly felt no more than the smallest flicker of fear at the reminder of his scars. "It's perfectly alright," he answered honestly. "I wasn't even thinking about it. I was just thinking about how happy I am right now with you."

Sendak pulled back enough to look into Lotor’s eyes and give him a grateful smile before kissing him sweetly. “Lotor...” he looked nervous about what he was about to say but released a deep breath and seemed to steady himself. “Would it be alright if I kissed your back? I think I’m ready.” He cupped Lotor’s jaw with his prosthetic and smoothed his thumb over Lotor’s cheekbone. “Only if you’d like me to.”

Lotor nodded and returned his smile. "I think I would like that. Do you want me to roll over, or should I sit up?"

“I’d like you to relax, if you’d like. Lay on your front.” He kissed Lotor again before removing his arm from around him. “Thank you,” he added quietly.

Lotor rolled onto his front and stretched out, folding his arms under his head in a lounging position. "Thank _you,_ love." He looked back at Sendak and smiled before laying his head down on his arms and relaxing.

Sendak looked at him for a moment, smiling softly, and then reached out. He gently touched Lotor’s arm, trailing his fingers towards his shoulder and carefully pushed Lotor’s hair away from his back.

Sendak gasped softly before placing his palm between Lotor’s shoulder blades and exhaling a little shakily. “Is this still alright?” he asked.

The skin on Lotor's back tingled from the touch, but it felt... good. Comforting. The man in his bed was _not,_ in his mind, the same as the man who had hurt him. He knew his lover was no threat, and he persuaded himself to relax. "Yes," he answered. "It's alright. I feel alright."

Sendak’s weight on the bed shifted as he came closer and leaned over Lotor’s back, his hand gently stroking the spot between his shoulder blades. “I love you so much,” he whispered and removed his hand.

Lotor could feel his breath on the back of his neck as he leaned in and placed a whisper of a kiss in the spot his hand had just vacated, directly on one of the lines on his skin. His lips lingered for a moment before he drew back slightly. “Still alright, my love?”

Memories hovered at the back of Lotor's mind, but he pushed them down. Time had... lessened their potency a little, at least in this respect. He knew that he was still easy to startle, but this slow, gentle approach was manageable and even enjoyable.

Still, as he reflected on some of what had happened, tears welled up in his eyes. He'd been so terrified, and he finally felt safe enough now to acknowledge that. "It's alright," he said softly, though his voice was tight. "It's... cathartic. Thank you."

Sendak paused for a moment and Lotor felt the mattress move as he shifted, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I love you,” he repeated.

He returned to his previous position and carefully placed another kiss to Lotor’s back and another. He brushed his lips over the scars and the skin in between, whispering soft praise and grateful words against Lotor’s skin. He left a kiss at the center of Lotor’s back, where the deepest lines ran across his skin. “I married the strongest, most beautiful, and most incredible person in the universe,” he said softly.

Lotor's breath hitched on little sobs as he started to cry in earnest. He felt like Sendak was unraveling the knot of pain a thread at a time, gently pulling free the negative emotions and kissing them away. There was still so much left, but it felt... it felt easier to acknowledge now. "Thank you, my love." He took in a shaky breath. "I count myself lucky to have you. I don't think anyone else could care for me and understand me as much as you do." Fresh tears fell from his eyes, but he was smiling now. "I never blamed you for any of it; you know that. But even so, I'll give you my forgiveness over and over, as often as you need to hear it. I forgive you. I love you."

Sendak pressed his cheek against Lotor’s back and he could feel the dampness on his face. “Thank you. It helps. To hear you say it. I know that but sometimes I need to hear it. I love you too, I always have and I always will.”

Sendak pressed gentle kisses on every inch of his back, his touch soft and sweet. When he was done he settled beside Lotor again and stroked his hair, letting him process his emotions. “Would you like me to braid your hair?” he whispered after a while, his voice steady and soft and gentle.

Lotor lifted his head from his arms, not caring in that moment that his face was still tear-streaked. He gave Sendak a gentle smile. "Yes please." He reached out one hand to stroke Sendak's cheek, running his thumb over the damp fur under his eye. "You're so good to me."

Sendak closed his eyes and nuzzled against Lotor’s hand. A soft purr started in his chest as he kissed Lotor’s palm, then his wrist, working his way up his arm and finally reaching his neck, his jaw, his lips. “Do you want to sit up for me, love? Or would you prefer I try it like this?”

Lotor hummed indecisively. "Either way..." he murmured, but then he buried his head in his arms again and made no move to get up. He was just too warm and comfortable like this right now.

Sendak released a soft chuckle and his rumbling purr increased as he nuzzled the back of Lotor’s neck and breathed him in. He pulled back slightly and began combing out Lotor’s hair with his claws before reaching over to take Lotor’s hairbrush from his bedside table and gently untangling the strands.

“I love you,” he whispered as he worked, his claws gently caressing Lotor’s scalp as he divided his hair into sections and began braiding it. He tied it off with one of the bands that Lotor kept on the brush for this exact purpose and pressed a kiss to the back of Lotor’s head. “All done.”

"Thank you," Lotor murmured sleepily. He rolled over onto his back and smiled up at Sendak. "Hi..." He reached out and tugged Sendak down for a kiss. "Ready for bed?"

Sendak kissed him sweetly, lingering and slowly running his hand down Lotor’s side. His purr was rumbling through his chest in a soothing tone. When he pulled back enough to look at Lotor he was smiling softly. “I think I am,” he said as he stretched out next to Lotor and opened his arms. “I’d like to hold you, my love.”

Lotor chuckled as he snuggled up and settled into Sendak's arms. "Yes, darling. I'd love that." Sendak's warm and soft fur felt delightful against Lotor's skin, and being in Sendak's strong arms just made him feel safe. He could remember their past, of course, but he felt relaxed and at-ease enough for now that he felt comfortable being with his husband like this. Perhaps on other days, he might need more space, but not tonight. For tonight, he was content to be held tightly by Sendak with nothing between them.

Sendak wrapped Lotor in his arms, the sound of his purr increasing as he nuzzled the side of Lotor’s neck, leaving kisses on the mark there and working his way up Lotor’s jawline to his lips. “I never want to stop kissing you,” he whispered as he brushed his lips over Lotor’s.

The words brought a touched smile to Lotor's lips, and he gave Sendak another kiss. "I could stay here like this forever," Lotor whispered back. "I want to spend every night with you for the rest of our lives."

Sendak closed his eyes and leaned their foreheads together and Lotor could feel his purr more than hear it. “You can,” he whispered, his voice soft and hopeful. “There’s nothing I would like more than that. I love you, Lotor, you make me so happy.” His strong arms hugged him closer as he brushed his lips over Lotor’s cheekbone.

"I love you too, Sendak." Lotor turned his head to meet Sendak's lips with his own in a soft kiss. He couldn't remember a time when he felt happier or safer than right then, warm and content in his husband's arms.

Sendak hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t want to sleep yet because I don’t want this night to end. I just want to hold you close and stay like this forever.”

Lotor felt like his heart was melting in the best possible way, and he chuckled lightly before kissing Sendak again. "Love, I'm right here. I'm going to be here all night, and I'll still be here in the morning when you wake up. We _do_ have forever to stay like this, and we can savor every night for the rest of our lives." He stroked the fur on Sendak's head soothingly. "Rest, darling."

Sendak hummed again but this time it sounded more pleased and content. “Alright,” he said softly and drew Lotor in closer, tucking his head under his chin and stroking his hair. “I love you.”

Lotor settled in, keeping his arm draped over Sendak's side to hold him close. "You just said that," he teased. He pressed a kiss to Sendak's chest between his collarbones. "I love you too."

Sendak’s laugh was warm and soft. “I don’t think I can ever stop saying it. Not for long.” He pressed another lingering kiss on Lotor’s forehead. “You hold my heart,” he whispered softly and made sure Lotor was wrapped gently in his arms. “Sleep well, love.”


	16. Epilogue

Lotor paced around the table a third time, looking over every little detail to make sure it was all perfect. The food was all set out in stasis-dishes, where it would remain fresh for up to several vargas. The little dining table, big enough for six, had been set with two places side-by-side on one long edge with the food laid out across the rest of the table. The design was completed by a few artful flower vases and half a dozen genuine candles — an unusual treat, though Lotor was starting to regret not opting for Quintessence "candles" to give the illusion of candlelight without actually consuming the decorations, as Sendak's late arrival meant that the candles had already lost a quarter of their height.

He understood why Sendak was taking so long, of course. The diplomatic negotiations were extremely important, important enough even to postpone their 100th anniversary dinner if necessary. The situation was delicate. This was a planet that had been under Galra control for millennia, and there were many Galra who had settled there permanently. Before Sendak took the throne, the Galra and native people had been confined to strictly delineated castes, but since Sendak had declared intermarriage completely legal and legally recognized (as it had been in the old days, before the Conquest), many relationships that had been going on for years in secret were suddenly ratified and children passed off as being one race or the other revealed as half-breed hybrids. The planet, once marked on a list Lotor and Sendak had compiled of colonies that would be relatively easy to disentangle from Imperial control, was suddenly a more complex situation, as the Galra citizens didn't want to leave their homes, friends, and even families, and the locals were divided into two strict factions of "the Galra stay" and "the Galra leave." A process that should have taken a decade or two had been postponed and delayed and dragged out for a literal century.

Lotor was just glad that Sendak was willing to cut him a break and let him stay home this time. He'd tried his hand at making peace there on more than one occasion and had failed, largely because his status as a half-breed himself put him clearly on the side of the "Galra stay" faction in the locals' eyes. They assumed he would be opposed to breaking up Galra-native families and therefore didn't trust him to be objective. They were right, of course, but it was still frustrating. Better to let Sendak handle it. Lotor had enough work to do without wasting his efforts where they weren't appreciated.

His efforts, such as they were, had already brought about the dream he had pursued for millennia: sustainable Quintessence and other power sources for the Galra, and without even having to reopen the Rift, at that. He'd always kept that in the back of his mind as a possibility, but his early experiments on his first colony so, so long ago had proven to be the better route all along. Plant life made for a better solar energy converter than any mechanical or chemical panel ever constructed, and the damage done by Quintessence harvesting could be more than offset by feeding the plants a smaller amount of Quintessence and by giving them good care and ample water and fertilizer. It wasn't the massive stores of Quintessence that the Empire had known, but the other half of Lotor's efforts had gone into converting technology back to running on simpler energy sources where possible, and the Galra Kingdom needed only a fraction of the Quintessence that the Empire had consumed every day-cycle.

Yes, everything was going very well. They'd run into their fair share of mishaps and resistance, but on the whole, Sendak's and Lotor's changes had been welcomed by the universe as a whole. Gone were the days of the Imperial Conquest. The Galra, with King Sendak as their head, were known now for trade and peaceful technological advancement, not warmongering.

Perhaps it was all for the best that Lotor's work in the lab kept him from politics most of the time anyways. Sendak had taken to his role quite well, with the assistance of a few other trusted advisors. Lotor was perfectly content as his Prince Consort and Administrative Minister of Science and Technology, as they'd decided his title would be. He rather enjoyed the lack of direct responsibility for the daily minutiae of ruling.

He was shaken from his musings as Astel jumped up on a chair, and Lotor quickly scooped her up into his arms before she could get up onto the table. "Oh, no you don't," he scolded the cat as he held her like a baby and lightly booped her little nose. "Don't you dare mess up my hard work."

She blinked blue eyes at him innocently and gave a little _mrr_ as if she were merely curious and not a deliberate mischief maker.

"Yes, you." Lotor let annoyance creep into his tone, but he still scratched her under her chin. Her pale grey fur was just too fluffy to resist. "You're not as innocent as you pretend to be. Even Kova was never this mischievous."

Astel started to purr, and Lotor made his way to the couch and sat down, leaning back and settling her on his chest. She was still basically a kitten, and Lotor knew it. She'd more than tripled in size since the day Sendak had carried her to the suite, cupping her delicately in his relatively-gigantic hands and holding her out to Lotor with a half-hopeful, half-scared look on his face. She'd looked so _tiny_ back then, even after Lotor picked her up in his much smaller hands and held her up to look into her blue, blue eyes. She'd gained size and weight and grace since then, but she'd lost none of her kittenish mischief yet.

She started to knead his chest, and Lotor once again had to scramble to keep her from ruining his carefully-laid anniversary plans as her sharp little claws caught on his _very_ expensive lace robe. He carefully removed her claws from the delicate fabric and pulled a blanket off the back of the couch to put between those little murder knives and the defenseless, delicate lace. This robe was brand new, ordered specifically for today, and Lotor didn't want it ruined before Sendak ever saw it.

Only _Sendak's_ claws were meant to shred this one, after all.

It was light and low-cut in the front — leaving plenty of room for Lotor to wear his engagement necklace without worrying about it catching on the lace — and scandalously sheer. It hugged his waist and hips and flowed over his legs until the very end pooled around his feet and trailed over the floor. He'd found some scandalous lingerie to wear for Sendak before, of course, but this had to be the most scandalous yet. See-through black material was only sparsely decorated with little black embroidered lace. From a distance, the pattern looked like leaves with the occasional lace flower, but up close, the "flowers" proved to actually be little crowns, and the leaves and vines were interspersed with swords. A large crown perfectly matching the one Sendak wore to formal court was embroidered into the back along with the innocent little phrase, _"Property of the King."_ It was going to make Sendak blush, Lotor was sure. He couldn't wait to see it and to give Sendak the matching short robe made of the same lace, only with the consort's circlet instead of the king's crown worked into the pattern and on the back, along with the words, _"Property of the Prince."_

He heard the door open with a soft click and a moment later, Sendak walked into the room, his hand behind his back. He was wearing his armor, complete with his crown and a flowing cape, making him cut a striking figure.

He was smiling softly to himself as he walked into their quarters. “I apologize for the delay, my love, I—“ He cut himself off as his eyes landed on Lotor, his lips parting in surprise. He released a soft breath and gave Lotor a smile. “You look beautiful,” he said softly, his eyes locked on Lotor with nothing but pure love in them.

Lotor sat up, and Astel jumped off of his chest. He set the blanket aside and stood up, showing off the lacy robe before he crossed the distance between them. "Welcome home, dearest," he murmured. He rose up on his toes and drew Sendak down into a kiss.

Sendak kissed him sweetly and gently cupped his jaw. He pulled back after a few moments and smiled at him, bringing his left hand out from behind his back. He was holding a bottle of Lotor’s favorite wine and a small box about the size of Lotor’s palm. “Happy anniversary, my love,” he whispered.

Lotor's eyes widened. "Oh! Love, you shouldn't have." He laughed as he took the wine and set it on the table right next to a bottle of Sendak's favorite wine. "We know each other too well, don't we?" He ducked under the table and picked up a wide, flat box he'd hidden underneath and held it out to Sendak as he accepted the little box from his hand. "Happy anniversary, Sendak."

Sendak smiled sheepishly and chuckled softly. “I had thought we’d agreed not to get each other anything. Now I’m just disappointed in both of us.” He smiled brightly at Lotor, nodding to his little box. “Go ahead,” he said.

Lotor laughed. "Well, I didn't get _you_ any presents. I got myself a present for you to wear." He winked at his beloved. "So, let's see what you did, you naughty promise-breaker."

He opened up the little box, and his mirth was replaced with soft awe as he took in the sight of the pretty little earrings inside. They glittered a bright and beautiful blue, the most dazzlingly rich blue sapphires he'd ever seen aside from his engagement necklace, neither too light nor too dark. In fact, as Lotor held out the pendant towards the box to compare the color, he found that they matched the necklace perfectly. "Gods, Sendak, they're beautiful." He plucked the stud earrings out of the velvet padding in the box and quickly put them on. "How do I look?"

Sendak smiled and stroked his cheek. “Stunning. You’re the most perfect person in the universe. They suit you.” He stroked Lotor’s cheek lovingly with the back of his hand. “I wanted you to have something pretty but also something you could actually wear. I know your lab is no place for any jewelry that’s too long or big so I went with something simpler. And… I thought it would be nice to have them match your engagement necklace.”

"You know me so well." Lotor tilted his head into Sendak's touch. "Thank you, love. These are perfect." He set the box aside and stepped in closer to give Sendak a kiss on the cheek. "Now, open up yours! I want to see what you think of it."

Sendak smiled at him and opened the package, revealing the matching robe Lotor had picked out for him. He smirked at him and let his gaze wander over his body. “It appears my husband has impeccable taste,” he said running his fingers over the smooth and sheer fabric. “A matching set?” He set the box down and pulled the robe out, holding it up to get a better look at it. Lotor watched as he found the short line of script on the back, his eyes widening slightly before glancing back at Lotor and smirking. “You’re a menace,” he whispered and leaned in to steal another kiss from Lotor’s lips. “Did you have these made?”

"Of course I did. It's our 100th anniversary. I couldn't resist the excuse to indulge in a little extravagance." Lotor gave a nonchalant little half-shrug, but he was smirking. "As I said, that's my gift to myself, seeing you in such a lovely state. _Your_ gift..." He turned around and pulled his hair aside to show off the script on the back of his own robe. "...is me, but I'm afraid you're going to have to wait until after after dinner to unwrap this one." He glanced over his shoulder and winked playfully.

Sendak gave him a look of anticipation and released a shaky breath as he read the words embroidered on Lotor’s back. “Gods, Lotor, are you trying to kill me?” he asked softly and stepped closer to place his hand on Lotor’s hip, leaning in to kiss him again. “You’re unbelievably beautiful and sexy, my love. Would you like me to change now so you can indulge as much as you’ve allowed me to?”

Lotor turned back around to loop his arms around Sendak's waist and look up at him sensually. _"Please_ do," he purred. "I want to see how it looks on you."

Sendak cupped his jaw and smiled at him. “Alright my love.” He pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’ll be right back,” he said softly and then disappeared into their bedroom.

He returned shortly, wearing nothing but the robe, just as Lotor was. It made him look just as appealing as Lotor had predicted; it hugged his waist and ass, ended at mid-thigh to show off his muscled legs, and was cut low to frame his toned chest exquisitely. Sendak seemed to know it as well, smirking at Lotor. “Am I to your liking?” he asked softly.

"You look lovely." Lotor ran his hands over Sendak's chest and gave him a kiss. "Did you know that you're _very_ sexy? I mean, you're always sexy, and now..."

Sendak smirked at him and playfully squeezed his ass. “How could I ever even think about myself when you’re right in front of me? Besides, this is all thanks to you, my love, and your excellent taste in clothing.”

Lotor smirked right back at him. "I _do_ have excellent taste, don't I? After all, I picked you." He kissed Sendak's exposed collarbone. "Now, darling, I have dinner all laid out. It would be a shame to let it go to waste, and I'm sure you must be hungry after such a long day."

Sendak’s smile softened and he took Lotor’s hand, squeezing gently. “I am. Thank you,” he said and brought Lotor’s hand to his lips, kissing it. “Lead the way, my love.”

Lotor chuckled and guided him to the chair on the right, and Lotor sat down to his left. The chairs were almost touching, and Lotor easily leaned over and nudged Sendak's arm with his shoulder.

Sendak looked at him and then at the spread before them. “This is perfect, my love. Thank you.” He wrapped his arm around Lotor’s shoulders and drew him closer, giving him a kiss. “Did you do this yourself?”

"Well..." Lotor shrugged. "It was my artistic vision, but I had all of the dishes delivered and placed where I wanted them. It seemed wiser than trying to arrange it all myself." He let his hand rest lightly on Sendak's bare knee in a gesture that wasn't quite sensual but wasn't _not_ sensual either. "I'm glad you like it."

Sendak kissed him again. “I love it. It’s very romantic. I especially enjoy your idea of the seating arrangements.” He ran his hand over Lotor’s thigh and smirked at him. “You knew we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other and you embraced it. You’re an absolute menace and I love you.”

Lotor laughed. "Of course I am. You're too much of an enabler for me to _not_ be a menace." He nuzzled his cheek against Sendak's shoulder. "I love you too."

Then he sat up more and leaned forward to pull the covers off of the dishes. There were a couple of varieties of meat, such as some seared _koztoz_ and a dish of breaded _ezca_ served with sauce. The dishes that contained fruits and more grains were set on the left side of the table to be within easier reach for Lotor, since he would eat more of those than Sendak could. There were only five dishes in all, but they were some of their favorites, and it was more than enough food for them both.

Sendak smiled as he took in the different dishes and aromas and pressed a kiss to the side of Lotor’s face. “This is incredible,” he said softly and began piling things on both of their plates before quickly opening the wine and pouring a glass for each of them.

He raised his glass and took Lotor’s hand in his, meeting his gaze. “To us, my love,” he said softly.

Lotor smiled and lightly touched his glass to Sendak's. "To us, dearest." He looked into Sendak's eyes while he brought his glass to his lips, but then his eyes slipped shut as he sipped at the wine slowly, savoring the taste. It was almost mellow at first, but there was a richness to the flavor that became apparent to his senses a heartbeat later, and that rich flavor lingered on his tongue in a pleasant aftertaste. It was no surprise that this was one of their favorites.

He leaned over and drew Sendak's face down to his for a kiss. He could taste the wine on Sendak's lips, and he let out a contented hum before he pulled back.

Sendak smiled at him and gently cupped his cheek. “You’re so beautiful. I still can’t believe you’re my husband. It’s been a hundred years and I still can’t believe it. I feel like I fall in love with you again every time I see you or hear you or touch you. You’re incredible, my love.”

Lotor blushed and went quiet for a moment, too flustered to respond. He took Sendak's hand and squeezed it. "Love," he said at last, "I don't know what to say except that I love you the same way. And if anything, I can't believe it's _only_ been a hundred years. It feels like a whole new lifetime, like everything before we woke up and started courting properly is just the half-remembered dreams of a past life. I'm finally happy here with you."

Sendak brought Lotor’s hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “I love you,” he whispered. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the universe, Lotor, and it means everything to me to hear you are as happy as I am.” He squeezed Lotor’s hand and met his eyes. “I never dared hope we’d get to have something like this, but here we are.” His smile was soft. “Here _you_ are.”

Lotor felt his eyes threaten to tear up. It wasn't that any of this was new — Sendak never missed a chance to tell him how much he loved him, and Lotor must have heard these words a thousand times in the past hundred years — but the sincerity in Sendak's eyes and the tenderness in his voice never faded, even after all this time. And with tonight being so special, such an important milestone... Lotor blinked as his eyes really did start to water, and he buried his face in Sendak's shoulder to hide the tears. "You are the most ridiculously romantic person in the universe, dearest," he accused with a smile. "And I love you all the more for it."

Sendak’s hand found the back of his head and stroked his hair. “My ridiculously romantic streak is entirely due to the fact that you’re so wonderful, so this is your fault, my love.” He gently combed his fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead and then hummed thoughtfully. “We should eat, and since we evidently can’t keep our hands off each other for more than a few seconds, perhaps you’d like to sit on my lap.”

"I think that's a marvelous idea." Lotor moved over to Sendak's lap and settled comfortably on one thigh. He leaned back against his husband's chest with a contented sigh. "Ah, perfect. Are you comfortable too?"

Sendak wrapped his arm around Lotor to steady him and kissed the top of his head. “With you on my lap? Always.” He moved a little closer to the table, so that they could both eat comfortably.

His hand traced idle circles on Lotor’s hip as he tasted the food. “This is lovely. Thank you for putting this together, my love. Everything is perfect,” he said softly.

Lotor let out a little hum of contentment and nuzzled Sendak's cheek. "I am so glad you appreciate it. I wanted to have a nice evening with you. We have a lot to celebrate tonight." He gave him a kiss and then returned his attention to his food, savoring the good meal almost as much as he savored Sendak's warmth around him.

Sendak chuckled softly and held him closer. “I don’t think I ever could have pictured something like this when I kissed you for the first time. This is certainly a long way from that supply closet, wouldn’t you say?”

Lotor laughed. "It most certainly is. Only in my very wildest dreams did I picture us in a position like this, ruling the empire together. Although... back then, all of those dreams featured _me_ as the emperor." He shook his head and smirked up at Sendak. "I like it better this way, with you handling all the responsibility while I traipse around doing science all day," he teased.

Sendak returned his smirk. “Is that so?” he asked and playfully squeezed Lotor’s waist as he leaned in further. “I suppose someone has to make sure you have everything you need. How else are you supposed to continue to be the universe’s most brilliant engineer? Though I also remember you being quite talented with courtly matters, despite the fact that they bore you on occasion.”

"On occasion?" Lotor let out a snort. "Way back then, the only time they were interesting was when someone was trying to assassinate me. Your courts are both safer and generally more interesting, but... no one can fix the inevitable problem of commanders rambling on and on about their accomplishments instead of just saying what they want."

Sendak laughed softly and kissed the top of Lotor’s head again. “Very true. Some things cannot be changed. Though I do enjoy it when you visit. Most commanders straighten their backs when you walk in. They know you by your technology, the defenses and weapons on their ships are all yours so they respect you quite a bit. And it helps that you don’t visit constantly. It makes you quite _mysterious.”_

"Mysterious?" Lotor grinned and took a small bite of his meal while he thought about that. "I suppose. Meanwhile, my lab assistants hardly remember I'm in charge. They treat me just like any other there until I have to pull rank on them to get them to focus on a particular project. Maybe I'm not mysterious _enough_ to them anymore." He chuckled at that. "But it's nice, being able to just work and not be the prince all the time. And if my time there makes me more mysterious to your court, then that's a bonus." He picked up another bite and offered this one to Sendak as he added, "But if you want me to come by more often, I'll make time for that. I do want to help you if I can. I know you have a lot on your plate."

Sendak smiled and took the offered food, looking at Lotor mischievously. “I always love it when you visit, but I must admit that I enjoy the sight of my commanders standing at attention every time they see you. And...” He gave Lotor’s waist a gentle squeeze. “I’m more than content getting to hold you every night, and I also get to visit you sometimes. So I think the current amount of visits are perfect.”

Lotor leaned into Sendak's embrace and kissed his cheek again. "I agree. I'm just glad we _do_ have privacy together almost every night. I always miss you when you have to go on a trip without me."

Sendak looked at him for a moment and then kissed him softly. “I know. I’ve gotten so used to having you next to me that I have trouble sleeping without you there.” He picked up a small bite and offered it to Lotor. “You’re the perfect size for me to hold.”

Lotor accepted the bite delicately. The food really was lovely, and it was all the better for being shared. "And you're the perfect size to hold me, love." He took another bite for himself, and while he ate it, he picked up a bite for Sendak again.

Sendak took the offered piece and released a sound somewhere between a pleased hum and a purr. He held Lotor gently and kissed his cheek. “I love you,” he whispered.

Lotor nuzzled him affectionately. "I love you too." He kissed Sendak's cheek in return, soft and sweet and lingering for just a moment.

As he turned his attention back to finishing up his meal, Lotor's thoughts wandered a little. A hundred years. It felt like both a lifetime and no time at all. They'd come a long way. Casually sitting in Sendak's lap for a long period of time like this used to be out of the question, since it was so anxiety-inducing for him. Even just twenty years ago, he'd still felt a faint twinge of fear. Now... when he _thought_ about it, he could remember the echoes of that fear, but it didn't seize his chest and speed up his heart anymore. It was something of the past, and long, hard work alone and with a counselor and with Sendak had slowly helped him to disentangle himself from that fear. Older fears — involving the witch, mainly, though his father still featured in his nightmares from time to time — still lingered from where they'd been etched into his mind as a child, but he'd been able to face and work through most of his adult traumas to varying degrees of success. He'd worked the hardest on the ones with Sendak, determined to relearn how to trust his mate completely, and some combination of work and patience and love had finally prevailed.

By the same token, Sendak had worked just as diligently on moving on from the burden of guilt that had suddenly fallen on his shoulders the moment he came back to himself after the witch's death. It used to be that Lotor would always hesitate before bringing up any reminders of the past, knowing that Sendak could spiral again into guilt at a mere mention, but he was getting better about it now. Now, Lotor could bring up their past whenever he thought it was appropriate, as he decided to now.

"I'm glad I _can_ relax in your lap like this again," he said softly. "It was hard when I _wanted_ to be close to you but also feared that touch. Now... this is perfect."

Sendak held him a little closer and left another kiss on his cheek. “I’m glad we can do this. It was always most important to me that you felt safe with me and... I’m glad to hear that it’s the case again. I agree, this is perfect. I like being able to hold you and not feeling that constant guilt. It’s still there, distantly, but I can separate myself from it.”

Lotor turned sideways on Sendak's lap to be able to cuddle up closer and wrap his arm across Sendak's chest in a reassuring hug. "It helps that we have so many good memories now to balance out the bad ones," he mused. "That time after the Kral Zera lasted several weeks but no longer. Now we've had a century of mostly happy memories together, and the problems we _have_ faced were largely external."

Sendak’s hand found the back of his head and he stroked his hair softly. “And those have largely served to unite us further,” he said with a mischievous smile. Sendak's expression turned more serious, though there was still a gentle smile on his face. “I love the memories we’ve made, the trust we’ve rebuilt. I love that I get to hold you like this again.”

Lotor captured Sendak's lips in a gentle kiss, and he smiled as he pulled back enough to look into his eyes. "I love that I feel safe with you now. I love seeing you gain more confidence in yourself and in our relationship." He reached up and cupped Sendak's cheek in his palm. "It's been worth it, all the work it took to get here. At this point, I wouldn't change any part of our past even if I could. Our life together now more than makes up for it."

Sendak leaned into his touch and gently stroked his hair. “I’m incredibly happy with you,” he said after a moment. “I didn’t think I could ever be this happy. I would not give this up for anything, my love,” he said and gave Lotor a lingering kiss.

Lotor stroked Sendak's cheekbone with his thumb as he accepted the long, gentle kiss. He loved the feeling of warmth and affection, and when he finally did let up from the kiss, he didn't draw back. He wasn't sure how to reply to Sendak in words, but he didn't think he needed to. Instead, he pressed a little kiss to the corner of Sendak's lips, and then another just a little further away, and then another to his jaw, and another to his neck. He knew Sendak would understand the affection behind every little peck.

He then brought his other hand to the back of Sendak's neck and felt the spot where his bite mark used to be. The skin was now completely smooth, since the scar had finally faded out completely just a few years ago. "I can hardly wait to mark you again," he murmured, allowing some suggestiveness to edge into his voice. "It's been hard to keep to the tradition and wait until our hundredth anniversary."

Sendak smiled softly and traced Lotor’s neck with his finger, circling the spot where his mark used to be. “It _has_ been very difficult. I want you to claim me again and I want to claim you in turn. Your neck is so perfect and I can hardly resist the temptation.”

He cupped Lotor’s cheek and ran his thumb over his lips. “I want to please you tonight, my love. I want to watch you as you come undone so perfectly and I want to mark you and I want for you to mark me.”

Lotor kissed his thumb. "And this time it'll be perfect. A fresh mark." Sendak _had_ re-marked him over the old mark a few years after they'd gotten married, covering the mark bearing bad memories with one made in love once Lotor was sure he could take it without spiraling into a flashback, but it had always been obviously a double mark, with the echo of the old one underneath. Now, his skin was smooth and clear, a fresh canvas for Sendak to mark properly. Even the deeper scars on his back had faded away into nothing (these had required some lotions and ointments to help them heal faster, and good riddance), leaving no physical marks at all leftover from their time of trouble. It certainly made intimacy easier, now that they'd both had time to heal in all respects.

He tilted his head into Sendak's hand, enjoying the touch. "I can't wait to wear your mark proudly for everyone to see, love. You had better believe I will be wearing my hair up at every occasion for at least the next decade to show it off." He smirked and parted his lips to skim the edges of his teeth over the pad of Sendak's thumb.

Sendak smiled at the suggestion and tilted Lotor’s head to capture his lips with his own. “You’re a menace,” he said softly. “And I love it. I love picturing you with your hair up, wearing something beautiful, and looking over your shoulder at me with the mark visible on your perfect skin. I love everything about it. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself if you did it.”

Lotor threaded his fingers into Sendak's crest of fur and kissed him again. "You say that like you somehow don't know that is _precisely_ my plan, love. I _always_ want your eyes and hands on me."

Sendak smirked at him and ran his hands down Lotor’s sides slowly, suggestively. “Is that so?” he asked innocently, letting his gaze move over Lotor’s body like a physical touch.

"Almost as often as I want to have my own eyes and hands on you," Lotor confirmed. He traced the lines of Sendak's cheekbone and neck and chest with his eyes. "You look _very_ good in lace, love. I think I was quite clever to order this for you." He traced his fingers over the sexy robe.

Sendak smirked and gently squeezed Lotor’s hips. “Of course it was. My genius husband had the idea, and he is the most brilliant person in the universe.”

Lotor laughed and rolled his eyes. "This again?" he chided, but there was only fondness in his tone. The familiar joke was as comfortable as a well-worn sweater. "If you keep bringing up this genius husband of yours, I might get jealous, you know."

Sendak laughed and gave Lotor a kiss. “How could I not speak of him? He’s the most incredible person in the universe. Every time I think of him I can’t believe my luck. He’s so lovely and beautiful and I absolutely adore him.”

Lotor pretended to scoff. "Ludicrous, outlandish falsehoods. Either you're trying to trick me or he has you fooled. Nobody could be _that_ incredible." He squeezed Sendak a little tighter. "Except for _my_ husband, of course. He's a dork, but he's absolutely the most lovable person in the universe."

Sendak laughed and kissed Lotor’s forehead. “Perhaps we should come to the agreement that both our husbands are equally amazing,” he said, smiling, and then playfully poked Lotor’s sides. “But _my_ husband is certainly cuter.”

"I'll agree to that one," Lotor said with a laugh. "But you're more handsome."

Sendak hummed thoughtfully and narrowed his eyes, still smiling. “That depends entirely on taste, I believe. I’d certainly disagree with that assessment.”

Lotor put a finger over Sendak's lips. "Shush. You're more handsome. It's hardly my fault I'm tragically pretty with barely a speck of masculine handsomeness to be seen," he said melodramatically, letting amusement show in his face and voice. _Hardly his fault_ indeed — he put a lot of work into his smooth complexion, trim figure, and glossy hair, and he knew that Sendak both knew it and appreciated it.

Sendak smiled and combed his fingers through Lotor’s hair before guiding him into a kiss. “Ah, yes, so terribly tragic,” he said as he studied Lotor’s face. “Especially when I get to look at your beautiful face and touch your soft hair.” He smiled at Lotor. “I think I’ll manage, though, considering you _are_ the most beautiful creature in the universe.”

Lotor glowed with pride. "I am, am I not?" He preened, tucking his hair back behind his ear and giving his husband a "sultry" smirk that was all tease and melodrama and playfulness. Then he let his smile soften, and he gave Sendak a quick kiss. "You know, I think I'm done with dinner. How about you? Ready for _dessert?"_

Sendak gave him a small suggestive smile and kissed him as he placed one arm under Lotor’s legs and the other around his shoulders. He stood and walked towards the bedroom. “I think I’d like to unwrap my present,” he said, giving Lotor a smirk.

Lotor settled easily into Sendak's arms and kissed his neck. "I think I'd like that too," he said in a lower, seductive tone.

Sendak held him close to his chest as he walked to their bedroom and set him down on their bed, pulling back to run his gaze over Lotor’s body. “It’s almost a shame to unwrap such a lovely present, especially one looking like this.” He tilted Lotor’s chin up with his finger and smirked at him. “I could just look at you all night. You really do have excellent taste in clothes. You look absolutely ravishing.”

Lotor reached up to pull Sendak closer. "I really outdid myself this time, didn't I? If I look even just half as good in this lace as you do..." He smirked, and then he pulled Sendak down into a kiss.

Sendak deepened the kiss and placed his hands on Lotor’s waist, tugging lightly at the sash keeping Lotor’s robe in place. “You always outdo yourself, my love,” he said softly and let his eyes wander over Lotor’s body again, as if savoring the sight.

Lotor stretched his arms above his head to show off his body more for Sendak. "Thank you, my darling husband." He arched his back invitingly. "Tell me, love, how do you want to do this? I'm sure we both want to mark each other tonight, so that would have to be one at a time. It would be reasonable for one of us to top the other and then to switch, wouldn't you think?"

Sendak smiled and kissed him again. “You know I enjoy everything you might want to do with me,” he said and smirked suggestively. “I can wait to open my beautiful present if you’d like to open yours first.”

Lotor's hands met Sendak's and slipped under the decorative tie at the front of the robe to undo the little clasp that actually held it together. "I think I _would_ like that, but you can have a sneak peek now, if you want. Then I'll slip that skimpy little thing off of you, love." He eyed Sendak hungrily with a playful smile.

Sendak’s smirk widened and, with Lotor’s guidance, carefully opened the clasp on Lotor’s robe. He ran his fingers over the exposed skin but kept his eyes on Lotor’s face. “In all honesty, I’d like you to keep it on for a little longer. I think you’d look rather beautiful with it slipping from your shoulders when you lose yourself.” He guided Lotor’s hands to the opening of his own robe. “Go ahead, my love,” he said softly.

Lotor sat up and leaned in as he untied and unclasped Sendak's robe. The lace parted to reveal more of Sendak's skin, and Lotor slowly pushed it off of Sendak's shoulders to watch it flow and drape over his body and the bed. "Lovely," he said softly as he ran his gaze over Sendak's form. "I want to savor you like this." He looked up to meet Sendak's eyes and smirk. "I want to lay you back and rig up those swings for your legs to hold you open for me. How does that sound, love?"

Sendak hummed and kissed him again. “As long as I get to touch you, I believe it’s a lovely idea. You always take such good care of me.” He gave him another peck on the cheek and stood, taking off his robe entirely and setting it aside. He gave Lotor a smile and began stretching out next to him. “Like this, my love?” he asked with a smirk.

"Perfect. You look so very sexy." Lotor gave him a quick kiss and then got up to get the equipment. He set it up with the ease of practice, hanging the swings from a frame above the bed and helping Sendak to lift his legs into them. The swings held Sendak's legs up and apart at just the right angle, and Lotor sat back to admire the view of Sendak's ass and thighs like this. "Mmm, lovely. Does that feel comfortable? Do you need me to adjust anything?"

Sendak looked at him for a moment. “I just need you closer, baby, I want to touch you.” He gave him a soft smile as he said it.

Lotor chuckled and obliged his lover, lying down on top of him and peppering little kisses across his chest and neck. "You're too sweet," he said softly between kisses. "I'm trying to be sexy over here, you know." He ended his trail of kisses with a lingering one on Sendak's lips. "I'm here, darling. I'll get you all prepared, and then I'll make you feel so good, I promise."

Sendak stroked his cheek and smiled at him. “You always do, my love, and you’re always very sexy.” He gave him a kiss and smirked at him. “I am yours,” he said softly.

Lotor gave him a warm smile. "Thank you, love." He kissed Sendak again, lingering as he deepened the kiss a little with slow, exploratory intent. He took Sendak's lower lip between both of his own and sucked it a little, teasing him, before he pulled back with one last little peck and moved his attention downwards. His lips lingered over Sendak's jawline and neck, unhurried, as he looked for the spot where he would bite Sendak soon. Once he found just the right spot over the cords of muscle at the base of Sendak's neck and shoulder, he sucked a mark into the skin as a promise of what was to come. Sendak's fur tickled his lips, but it was a familiar feeling, more soothing than annoying or anything else.

With slow, casual movements, he trailed his kisses down Sendak's arm, ending with a lingering kiss to his palm. He then turned his attention to the prosthetic on the other side, kissing down the smooth but warmed surface and knowing that Sendak would feel it almost as well as he felt the kisses to his natural arm. Lotor started at the shoulder and moved down in a mirror motion to the trail of kisses on his lover's natural arm, ending again with a kiss to his palm.

Sendak looked touched at the gesture and he brought his natural hand up to cup Lotor’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered softly. “This is... very nice.” His smile was sweet and gentle.

"I love you too," Lotor said, just as softly. He kissed Sendak's chest next between the collarbones, and he worked his way down slowly. He traced over the lines of muscle in Sendak's body with his fingertips, savoring every little detail. "You're so handsome. You deserve to be appreciated, love."

Sendak smiled and stroked Lotor’s hair. “I’m lucky that I have such a lovely husband who takes care of me and always makes me feel wonderful.”

Lotor moved his hands down to Sendak's hips, rubbing circles in the area just inwards from his hipbones. He knew from long practice that this spot was rather erogenous for him, more so than for Lotor himself, and he took full advantage of that. "You always take such good care of me," he said sincerely. "I want to return the favor. And..." His voice lowered just a bit. "I like seeing you overwhelmed with pleasure."

Sendak released a soft breath and met Lotor’s gaze. “You’re going to kill me, my love,” he said quietly and smiled. “And I know I’ll die happy.”

Lotor gave him a smile that was somewhere between a smirk and a soft look of affection. "Now, love, I have no intention of killing you. Just overwhelming you for a little while." He pressed a kiss to the inside of Sendak's thigh. "I want you to be intact to turn the tables on me later, after all."

Sendak released another breath as he leaned into Lotor’s touch. “I intend to, my love. I want to claim you just as I want you to claim me, and I love to please you. Though for now... what do you want me to do, my love? I am yours to command.”

"Just relax for me, love." Lotor stroked Sendak's thighs and then leaned forward, giving Sendak a little kiss as he reached for the oil on the nightstand. He sat back on his heels and poured a little into his hand to warm it. "It's been a few days since we've been together. Did you fuck yourself while you were gone, or do I need to open you up again for me?"

Sendak smirked at him. “You might not have to spend as much time on it as usual. I believe we both get lonely when we’re apart. I’d love to hear what you’ve done while I was away.”

Lotor chuckled as he spread the oil over his fingers. "I see. Well, rest assured, while I _do_ always enjoy your fingers, I think I am quite open enough if you want to skip that step with me. I kept myself company with that model of your cock. It's not as good as the real thing, mind you, but it is as _large_ as this lovely shaft here." He teasingly ran a fingertip up the underside of Sendak's cock.

Sendak squirmed under his touch but smiled at him. “You’re an absolute menace, my love, and I still can’t believe you had that thing made... though I am flattered, of course.” He moved his hips slightly, trying to get more contact.

"Well, it's useful, especially for times when you're away. No other cock is quite as satisfying." Lotor smirked and traced his finger down Sendak's cock without any more pressure than before, but when he reached the base, he continued down until his fingertip found the puckered skin around Sendak's hole. He traced the rim once, twice, and then sank his fingertip inside. "Tell me how you feel, love."

Sendak gasped softly and pushed against Lotor by rolling his hips. “Very nice,” he said softly, trying to catch his breath. “You always affect me so much.”

Lotor smirked and pressed his finger in a little deeper. With the ease of long practice, he curled his finger as he withdrew it in a way that Sendak always liked. He gave a few more strokes before easing a second finger in, which was not particularly hard, considering that his fingers were fairly slim. He stretched carefully but quickly as his own arousal made it difficult to wait.

Sendak sighed softly and moved against him. “Love, _please,”_ he whispered. “I need you. You can’t just sit there looking the way you do and not expect me to want closer.”

"Just be patient, dearest," Lotor told him as he slipped a third in. "I'm going as quickly as I dare. I want this to be easy and comfortable for you." With a few more thrusts of his fingers, Lotor opened him up, and he finally determined that Sendak could probably take him. "Are you ready?"

Sendak looked at him with soft affection and pushed back against him. “Yes. Yes I’m ready. I want you, baby. I _need_ you.”

Lotor pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of his thigh. "Alright, love. I've got you." He spread more oil over his own cock and aligned it carefully. He pressed in slowly, letting Sendak feel every bit of it as it entered him in a smooth glide. "Mmm, Sendak, you feel... wonderful."

Sendak gasped as Lotor bottomed out and clenched around him. He moaned softly. “You feel incredible as well, my love,” he whispered. “Let me touch you, please.”

Lotor leaned forward, lowering his body until he was lying lightly on Sendak's chest with part of his weight still propped up on his elbows at Sendak's sides. Like this, his head was at Sendak's neck, but he knew if Sendak hadn't been held up and a little bit folded at the waist by the swings, the top of his head would barely reach Sendak's chin. He took advantage of the position to press a kiss to Sendak's neck. "Yes, love. You can touch me. Tell me when you're ready for me to move."

Sendak brought his hands to rest on Lotor’s back, gently caressing his skin. He rolled his hips slowly and pressed a kiss to the top of Lotor’s head. “I’m ready for you, my love,” he said softly.

Lotor let out a little pleased hum. "Good. I've got you, love." He pulled back a little and then rolled his hips forward in a slow, smooth motion. He buried his cock deep within Sendak's body, and then he withdrew with the same grace before rolling his hips forward with just a little more force.

Sendak released a soft moan. His hands were on Lotor’s waist and he squeezed slightly, as if urging Lotor on. “You feel wonderful, Lotor,” he said softly, his voice already a little breathless. “I love you.”

Lotor let out a little groan of his own. "I love you too," he murmured. He rolled his hips back and in again, and he soon settled into a rhythm that was deep and sensual.

Sendak moaned under him, his hands wandering across Lotor’s body. He rolled his hips to meet Lotor’s thrusts, his breathing quickening with each movement. “Fuck, Lotor,” he whispered breathlessly.

Lotor kept his movements slower and deliberate, making sure he thrusted in a way that brought Sendak pleasure every single time. There was power behind each motion, enough to make Sendak's legs sway a little in the swings holding them up and open for him. "That's right, love," he said in a lower tone. "Let me take care of you."

Sendak moaned softly with each thrust and his hands ran gently over Lotor’s back, as if he needed the motion to ground himself. “You feel so good,” he whispered between moans. “You’re incredible.”

"Dearest..." Lotor's voice sounded wrecked even to his own ears. He smiled and kissed the little hollow between Sendak's collarbones. _"You_ feel incredible. So warm under me, so strong and yet willingly _mine,_ my love..." He snapped his hips forward a little harder, and they both moaned together. _"Yes,_ Sendak, oh," he groaned, "you feel just _perfect."_

Sendak moaned softly in utter bliss and looked at Lotor with nothing but pure love in his eyes. He moved against him in gentle motions, meeting Lotor’s thrusts, but he seemed content to let Lotor take care of him.

Lotor pressed more kisses to Sendak's chest and neck. "You like that, love? You like being told how precious you are to me? You deserve to hear it." He subtly increased the pace of his thrusts, trying to draw Sendak closer to orgasm, and he brought one hand down to lightly stroke his cock in time with each thrust. His voice became increasingly breathless as he tried to speak while thrusting. "You're so handsome. So sexy. Look at those big muscles, broad shoulders, defined abs..." He pulled his head up to give Sendak a smirk. "Gorgeous. And such a loving gentleman too."

Sendak moaned and met Lotor’s thrusts. “Thank you,“ he said, smiling at him. “You’re always so soft with me, my love. I’ve never felt more loved than with you.”

Lotor's own smile softened. "Love, if the universe made a partner specifically to suit me, it couldn't create a better one than you." He kissed Sendak's neck again and let his lips brush against the fur and skin there as he murmured, "You're perfect, my darling husband. So perfect." He kept up the pace and stroked Sendak's cock more firmly, drawing him closer to the edge.

Sendak’s lips parted and he moaned loudly. His hand found the back of Lotor’s head and he stroked his hair gently, expressing all that softness he wasn’t currently able to put into words. “Love,” he managed to whisper breathlessly. “I’m close.”

"So am I," Lotor admitted, panting. He thrust a little faster, trying to bring them both to pleasure. "My darling. My husband. _Let go for me."_ With that, he sank his teeth into the base of Sendak's neck and tasted the warm and metallic flavor of his blood.

Sendak cried out and pulled Lotor even closer, keeping his arms wrapped around him as he was thrown over the edge by Lotor’s bite. He clenched down on him as he came, his muscles tensing with pleasure before releasing all at once.

Lotor followed him right over the brink, rolling his hips into Sendak's as he worked them both through climax. He carefully withdrew his teeth from Sendak's neck and licked at the little puncture wounds to help them close up properly before pressing a kiss to the center of the ring-shaped mark. With equal care, he withdrew his cock from Sendak's body before laying down on top of him again to cuddle. "How was that, my darling?"

Sendak was breathing heavily but her stroked Lotor’s hair and pulled him closer to leave a kiss on his forehead. “That was incredible, my love,” he said softly, looking at Lotor as if he’d personally hung all the stars in the universe. “You’re perfect.” He brought a hand up to his new mark and traced it with his finger. _“This_ is perfect. I love it. I love being _yours.”_

Lotor laughed breathlessly in pure and contented joy. "You've always been mine, even before I realized it, so long ago." He kissed Sendak's cheek. "It's an honor to be trusted with your heart and your life, dearest. I promise I will always cherish you."

Sendak nuzzled the top of his head affectionately and began purring. “I love you. My heart has always been yours, even before I realized it myself.” He kissed Lotor’s cheek. “You’re so pretty like this. I could look at you all night,” he said softly.

Lotor pressed a soft kiss to Sendak's lips. "I love you too." He then eased himself out of Sendak's embrace with no small measure of reluctance. "I _do_ want to cuddle, but before we get too settled in, darling, we _should_ get your legs out of the swing before they fall asleep," he said, half teasing.

Sendak released a short breath of laughter and allowed Lotor to extract himself from his embrace. “Alright. You’re right, as always, my love.”

"As always?" Lotor smiled with mischief as he carefully eased Sendak's legs out of the slings holding them. "I'll be sure to remind you of what you just said next time you try to tell me that I'm overworking and I'm too close to my projects to see them objectively." He winked at his husband while he took the swing down and set it aside to be put away later. "After all, if I'm _always_ right..."

Sendak gave him a look somewhere between exasperation and affection. “You’re always right unless you’re determining an appropriate amount of work to take on, in which case you’re always wrong. But don’t worry, I promise to keep your sleep schedule intact by carrying you to bed once you need it. It’s a good thing you’re so small, you little menace.” He smirked at him playfully.

Lotor's laugh was somewhere between a chuckle and a giggle as he settled back down next to Sendak and cuddled up to him. "I suppose I deserve that. I _do_ get rather caught up in things. It's all just so exciting. Even after all this time, we're _still_ discovering new things about self-sustaining energy systems. Being able to use biochemical Quintessence integrated panels to convert light into bio-Quintessence in mere _ticks_ would be absolutely revolutionary, and we are _so_ close to cracking the—" He cut himself off as he realized he'd brought work into bed again, and on their anniversary, no less. "Sorry, love," he said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to get carried away again."

Sendak smiled at him and wrapped his arm around his shoulders to pull him closer. “I don’t mind. I’ve always loved listening to you talk about your passions. Your eyes light up in the most beautiful way.” He kissed him sweetly. “I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished, my love.”

Lotor hummed with contentment and cuddled up closer. "I'm proud of _our_ accomplishments. Our people are prospering, we're peacefully neutral in relation to nearly all other systems, and our trade in goods and technology is allowing for quick advancement in technological growth. Civil rights among our people are better than they've ever been in the past. Our civilian population has grown, and the smaller military we still have has been streamlined into a primarily defensive force. Comparing the Galra now to the way we were just over a hundred years ago? We've come so far."

Sendak looked at him for a moment and smiled softly. “We have,” he said, and it was clear he wasn’t just talking about how they’d changed the empire into something different. “We’ve come very far, indeed.”

Lotor mirrored that soft smile. "That's true. And we've taken each step together." He gave Sendak a lingering kiss.

Sendak drew him closer and deepened the kiss, tangling his hand in Lotor’s hair. “I love you,” he whispered as he pulled back. “I love being your husband and I love that you’re mine.”

"I love you too." Lotor cupped Sendak's cheek with one hand and lightly caressed him. "These last hundred years have been the happiest of all my life. Thank you."

Sendak smiled at him and wrapped his arms around him. “Thank _you,_ my love. I’ve never been happier than when I am with you, and these past decades have been bliss. I look forward to many more like them.”

Lotor nodded and hummed a little sound of contentment as he cuddled up closer. It felt wonderful to be safe and secure in his husband's arms, and in the sleepy haze that followed after pleasure, he wanted nothing more than to indulge in this feeling of safety and warmth for a little while. He found himself yawning a little as he started to relax, and he buried the yawn in the fur of Sendak's chest.

Sendak gently caressed Lotor’s hair and placed a kiss to the top of his head. “You’re adorable, my love,” he whispered and stroked Lotor’s back. “I love holding you.”

Lotor smiled, and although Sendak couldn't see his face, he was sure Sendak could tell somehow. For a few drowsy moments, Lotor stayed right there, content to half-doze for a little while. He was warm and safe, and they had the whole night ahead of them.

When he felt relaxed enough he almost drifted fully off to sleep, Lotor roused himself back to full wakefulness with another yawn. He pulled back just enough to look up into Sendak's eyes and smile. "You're very comfortable. You make me feel safe."

Sendak’s arms tightened slightly around him and he returned Lotor’s smile. “That means everything to me,” he said softly. “I love that I can do that. I love holding you. It always feels right, like it was meant to be.” He pressed a kiss to Lotor’s cheek. “You make me feel loved, baby.”

Lotor tried to find the words to say for a moment as his expression shifted to one that was touched and vulnerable and open, but then he pulled Sendak into a heartfelt kiss. The way he cupped Sendak's cheek in his hand and caressed him said as much as words could, and the way he subtly pressed his body closer to Sendak's said the rest.

Sendak pulled him even closer and gently stroked his back. “I love you,” he said softly. “I love how sweet you are like this, how I could hold you forever and not get tired of watching your face.” He gave Lotor a small smirk. “And I love how sexy you are, my love,” he added.

Lotor felt the tips of his ears grow warm, and he couldn't quite hold back a flustered smile. He couldn't possibly outdo Sendak's compliments, and he wasn't sure he wanted to try. After showering affection on his beloved earlier in the night, it felt nice to have the tables turned like this. "You do?" he asked, his tone somewhere between touched and coy. "You think I'm sexy?"

Sendak chuckled and cupped Lotor’s cheek. “Of course. I think you’re incredibly sexy,” he said with a smirk of his own, bringing his hand down to squeeze Lotor’s ass. “I could never resist you, my love.”

"Is that so?" Lotor turned his head to kiss the palm of Sendak's hand. Slow, gently building heat started to warm him from the inside, and he rocked his hips back against Sendak's other hand to encourage him more. "Then maybe you should show me how much you want me."

Sendak brushed his thumb over Lotor’s lips. “You’re so beautiful,” he said softly. “I always want you. I want all of you, anything you’d give me.” He brought his hand to the inside of Lotor’s robe and caressed his side. “I want to touch you all over and feel your smooth skin and leave kisses where my hands touched.” He pressed a kiss to Lotor’s lips. “Would you like that?”

Lotor nodded and gave Sendak another soft kiss. "I would. I want you, my love," he said with equal softness. "I want to feel your hands against my skin." He ran his own hand down Sendak's back, tracing the lines of his muscles. "I want you to hold me and make love to me." He brought his hand up to Sendak's mark and traced over it with a feather-light touch. "And I want you to mark me as your mate."

Sendak smiled at him and ran his hand up Lotor’s back under the sheer fabric. “I’d be honored to,” he said softly. “I’ll have to get you out of this exquisite robe first, though. After all, I want to see all of you,” he added, his smile turning into more of a smirk. “May I?” he asked, tugging lightly on the fabric.

"Please do." Lotor shrugged the robe off of his shoulder to make it easier for Sendak to pull it away. His skin tingled with pleasant anticipation from Sendak's touch.

Sendak kissed him as he undressed him slowly, leaving lingering touches on his skin. “You’re exquisite,” he whispered, pulling away to look into Lotor’s eyes. “I love you. I never want to stop looking at you and touching you and holding you.” He gently removed Lotor’s arm from the robe and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. “I love you.”

"I love you too." Lotor sighed softly, contented. He rolled over the fabric where it had fallen behind him and settled on his back to let Sendak pull the robe off of his other arm. "Sometimes, it feels like we've been married forever. Like... like we really did get married when we were first talking about it so long ago, and we've been together ever since. It's almost surprising to think that this is only our hundredth anniversary. It feels like it should be at least our thousandth."

Sendak smiled softly as he gently coaxed Lotor’s other arm out of the robe and pressed a kiss to it as well. “It feels like it’s always been like this and simultaneously like no time has passed at all.” He let his hand wander down Lotor’s front, his fingers brushing over his skin. “All I know is that I still love you as much as I did when I first told you so. More, even.”

Lotor reached up and brushed his fingers over Sendak's cheek in a gentle caress. "I love you too, and it feels like I love you more every day. You mean the world to me, Sendak."

Sendak leaned into the touch and wrapped his arm around Lotor to pull him closer. “You mean the world to me as well, my love,” he whispered and kissed him softly. His hand found the small of Lotor’s back and he traced idle circles on the skin. “I want to worship you tonight, like you deserve,” Sendak whispered and kissed him again.

Lotor smiled, partially flustered and very pleased with that idea. Sendak always took such good care of him on the occasions when they were both relaxed enough to enjoy this. "Alright. I'd like that." He gave Sendak another kiss. "What would you like me to do? Just lay back and relax for you?"

Sendak left another kiss on Lotor’s cheek. “Please do, baby,” he said softly and moved to lean over Lotor, pressing a kiss to the center of his chest. “Relax and let me take care of you.”

Lotor did exactly that, letting himself feel like he was sinking into their ever so soft mattress. Even completely naked and stretched out like this, he felt warm, though perhaps that was because of how Sendak's eyes traced over his form and made a flush of arousal rise to his skin.

Sendak gave him a soft smile and stroked Lotor’s side with his natural hand. “You’re so pretty,” he whispered. “All spread out like this for me, awaiting your pleasure. I could look at you all night.”

Lotor hummed a little in soft agreement as he looked up. "You look good like this too," he said, looking at Sendak's body so close to his own. The muscles in his chest and his arm were softened but still distinct in this gentle, romantic light, and his dark grey prosthetic picked up the gentle light on its matte surface and almost seemed to glow in the spots where the lamplight reflected off of it. The sight made Lotor smile with a bit of self-satisfaction, knowing that he was the one who had made that handsome prosthetic for his even more handsome husband. "The light suits you," he said simply, letting his smile and his eyes say the rest.

Sendak looked flustered at Lotor’s comment and leaned in to kiss him again. “Thank you, darling,” he whispered and kissed him. He used his prosthetic to stroke Lotor’s cheek. He chuckled softly. “My husband knows how to accessorize,” he said and heated his prosthetic to a pleasant warmth before placing it on the back of Lotor’s neck.

_"Ohhhh..."_ Lotor moaned shamelessly as the heat set into his neck. It wasn't a sexual pleasure in the least, but no outside listener would know that from the sounds Lotor was making. Hours spent bent over a tablet or a lab workstation made tense muscles a fact of life and a massage a more hedonistic luxury than sex. "Stars... if I weren't so worked up already, I'd say you'd have all night to keep your hand right there if you wanted," he bemoaned, only half kidding.

Sendak hummed and smirked at him. “Is that a challenge, your highness?” he asked, his voice playful. “I’m certain I can please you and keep my hand doing exactly this.” The temperature increased slightly and Sendak began rubbing gentle circles on the back of Lotor’s neck.

Lotor laughed breathlessly and reached up to Sendak's chest and shoulder. "If you want. I trust you'll find a way to satisfy me. You always do." He ran a thumb over Sendak's nipple, teasing him back just a bit.

Sendak smiled at him and gently massaged the base of his skull, his warm hand drawing the tension from Lotor’s muscles. His other hand stroked Lotor’s flank and he bent down to press a kiss to his cheek. “My love,” he whispered, his breath ghosting over Lotor’s skin. “Where shall I mark you?” he asked and brought his lips to Lotor’s jaw, moving down over his neck before settling at the base of it, mirroring where Lotor had marked him earlier. “Here?” he asked, his voice barely audible.

Lotor tilted his head to give Sendak better access. "Perfect," he answered just as softly. He could already imagine how wonderful it would feel.

Sendak pressed a gentle kiss on Lotor’s skin. His warm thumb massaged his spine as he did, his other hand finding its way to Lotor’s ass and squeezing playfully. “Spread your legs for me, baby,” he said softly.

Lotor did easily, spreading his legs open and relaxing like that. His hips weren't quite at the best angle like this, but that would be easy to fix. "Should I get a pillow, or do you want me to wrap my legs around your waist?"

Sendak affectionately nuzzled the side of his neck and left another kiss on the spot he intended to mark. “I do like it when you wrap your legs around my waist but I want you to relax tonight, my love.” He grabbed a pillow next to Lotor and gently lifted his hips, sliding it under him. “Does that feel good?” he asked softly.

Lotor wiggled his hips a little to make sure it felt right, and then he nodded. "Thank you, darling." With the pillow in place, he settled in further, and his flexibility helped him to be able to relax completely even with his legs spread so far apart. He smirked a little to himself, certain that he must look attractive to Sendak like this.

Sendak let his eyes wander over Lotor’s form. He massaged more gentle circles on the back of Lotor’s neck before moving down to his shoulder, the warmth of his prosthetic soothing his muscles. Sendak smiled and kissed him softly. “You’re so beautiful,” he said and let his hand continue to wander down Lotor’s side to his hip and finally dipped under to his ass, squeezing playfully. “So sexy.”

A warm flush spread over Lotor's skin, and he felt like he must be glowing with pleasure and contentment. "So are you," he said softly.

Sendak gave him a soft smile and left a peck on his cheek. “I aim to please you, my prince,” he said with a smirk. His warm prosthetic wandered over his ass and finally to his rim, circling it slowly with his finger.

"By teasing me?" Lotor taunted playfully just before a moan slipped past his lips. "Mmm, well... you're right, of course."

Sendak smirked and slipped his fingers inside Lotor’s entrance, the heat so much more intense this way. “I know you very well, my love,” he whispered and let his finger slip in deeper.

Lotor exhaled in a soft moan. This felt divine, and he couldn't help but let his eyelids flutter shut as he focused on it. "Ahh... Sendak..."

“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly and stroked Lotor’s hair with his free hand. “I never want to stop looking at you.” He curled his finger inside Lotor and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.

Lotor let out another little moan and clenched down around Sendak's finger. He wanted more, but he was content for now. "Mm... I feel the same... when I'm taking care of you, love," he murmured.

Sendak pressed a soft kiss to his jaw and added a second finger, the pleasant warmth stretching him open gently. “I love seeing you this relaxed for me, baby, you’re so lovely and sweet and you look so content. It makes me happy.”

Lotor hummed in agreement. He felt relaxed enough he was almost drifting, but not towards sleep. He was drifting a little towards that almost meditative state he so rarely got to enjoy where his mind finally quieted and his only thoughts were about the pleasure he was currently feeling. It occurred to him, with delayed realization through a mind that felt like it was made of molasses, that this might be why Sendak was taking so much time to prepare him and relax him. If so, his plan was working, and Lotor embraced it easily and happily, letting out another little moan to shamelessly show his approval.

Sendak nuzzled his neck affectionately. “My husband,” he whispered. “My love.” He pressed another kiss to the spot he intended to mark. “My mate.” He added a third finger, curling them inside Lotor and making his nerves light up with pleasure. “Ready for me?” he asked, his voice soft and sweet.

"Mate," Lotor echoed with a pleased chuckle (almost a giggle, but he'd never admit that). "I like that." He turned his head just enough to press a kiss to the soft fur on top of Sendak's head. "Yes love, I'm ready."

Sendak smiled and withdrew his fingers from Lotor’s entrance before lining himself up. He looked at Lotor for a moment, pure love in his eyes, before leaning down to kiss him and pushing in slowly.

Lotor would have melted into the kiss if he wasn't already completely relaxed. As it was, he pressed into it and welcomed the gentle affection. It felt good alongside the equally gentle stretch as Sendak pressed into him. He thought of nothing beyond what he could feel — pleasure, warmth, and love.

Sendak released a pleased sigh against his lips and ran his fingers through his hair as he set a slow but steady pace. His lips wandered to Lotor’s jaw and then to his neck as he gradually sped up.

Lotor's breath came with groans and little whines of need. With anyone else, he would've been ashamed of this display, but he didn't hold back with Sendak. Instead, he moaned louder as a well-aimed thrust sent a little jolt of pleasure through him. _"Yes,"_ he moaned, "yes, yes, _yes."_

Sendak stroked his hair gently and nuzzled the side of his neck. “That’s it, baby,” he said, running his other hand over his side. “You’re so beautiful like this.” He moved his hips in the same way again, deeper this time.

Lotor moaned in easy and helpless pleasure. His hands wandered aimlessly over the plush fur on Sendak's back. It was soft, so soft, softer than even the sheets beneath and Sendak's lips against his neck. "So are you," he murmured. He felt wonderful like this, drifting in pleasure, safe.

Sendak set a steady and deep pace, leaving kisses on Lotor’s neck and jaw. “I love you,” he whispered, tangling his hand in Lotor’s hair and gently guiding him into exposing more of his neck. He moaned softly against Lotor’s skin. _“Fuck,_ you feel so good.”

Those words were fuel for Lotor's arousal, and he moaned as he pressed his fingers into Sendak's back, pulling him closer. If he could have, he would've rolled his hips up to meet Sendak's thrusts, but with his hips propped up, he could barely move with him. He found that being at his husband's loving mercy was arousing in its own right. Sendak was so big and strong, and he could do just about _anything_ to Lotor, and yet he only ever brought him pleasure.

Sendak lovingly kissed his cheek and continued to move at a sensual pace as he ran his fingers over Lotor’s skin. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love that I can do this. I want to please you and draw all those lovely sounds from your lips as I worship you.” He drew back just enough to meet Lotor’s eyes. “Pleasure suits you quite well, my love,” he said with a smirk.

Lotor smiled. "You know me so well. I was thinking almost the same thing," he whispered. "You— _mmm_ —take such good care of me."

Sendak’s smile turned soft and he pressed a kiss to the side of Lotor’s mouth. “I’m glad. I quite enjoy pleasing you.” He rolled his hips and a slightly different angle, thrusting deeper into him.

Lotor moaned and held onto Sendak just a little tighter. It was good, so good. Sendak's cock filled him up in just the right way, and the force behind each thrust made Lotor melt with pleasure.

Sendak kissed him deeply as he continued to move inside him. He gently stroked Lotor’s hair and further closed the distance between them, moaning against Lotor’s lips and he steadily rolled his hips.

Lotor brought one hand up to the back of Sendak's head, gently pulling him deeper into the kiss. Everything felt so nice. The pleasure built up between them, not as a rush towards completion, but just as a tide slowly coming in to the shore. Lotor felt like he could stay exactly in this moment forever, blissful and complete.

Sendak deepened the kiss, moving against Lotor with practiced ease that could only be achieved after a hundred years of exploring each other’s bodies. He stroked Lotor’s side gently as he moved inside him and ran his fingers through his hair as he began leaving kisses and gentle bites on Lotor’s jaw. “I love you,” he whispered breathlessly.

"I love you too," Lotor answered without hesitation. He tilted his head to give his husband better access to his neck. "Now and forever." He stroked Sendak's crest in a way he knew he liked.

He felt Sendak smile against his skin before leaving a kiss in the same spot. “Now and forever,” he echoed and rolled his hips in a deep motion, releasing a soft breath of pleasure as he did. “Are you getting close, my love?” he asked, leaving another kiss on Lotor’s neck.

"Closer, yes." Lotor let out a little sound between a whimper and a moan. His breaths were heavier now but still slow and relaxed. Pleasure seemed to fill him, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could bask in it until he reached completion, but he knew it would be soon. "You take such... _ah,_ good care of me."

Sendak nuzzled the side of his neck affectionately and pulled Lotor even closer, slightly increasing the pace of his thrusts. “Pleasing you is an honor and a privilege, my love,” he said and moaned softly. “You feel incredible.”

Lotor moved his hands to Sendak's back and held on a little tighter, an anchor in a wave of sensation. His breaths came in soft sighs and panting. He felt close, closer, as familiar heat concentrated within him. "Please, love," he murmured breathlessly. "Mark me."

Sendak’s rhythm faltered for a moment but he caught himself quickly deepening his thrusts as his lips ghosted over the side of Lotor’s neck to the spot he’d kissed before. “I love you,” he whispered softly and sank his fangs into the soft skin.

Sharp pinpricks sank into Lotor's neck, and the pain felt as sweet as pleasure to him as his instincts welcomed the mark of his beloved. His back arched in a slow body roll, and the heat within him released in that same slow roll like a wave washing over him. "Ahh, Sen— _Sendak,"_ he sighed in bliss, and he felt his body tense and shiver and relax again in reaction to the deeply satisfying climax.

Sendak tensed for a moment and then sighed in bliss as he followed him over the edge, gently rocking his hips through the aftershocks. He gently pulled back from the mark he’d made and began licking the blood away, careful not to irritate the spot. His chest shook with a soft sob and when he looked at Lotor there were tears in his eyes but he was smiling.

As if the sight of his beloved's tears had opened up a dam within him, Lotor felt tears spring to his own eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but a shaky little sob of his own came out instead. He traced his fingers ever so lightly over the mark and sobbed more, overwhelmed with the powerful sensation of relief and joy and the healing of an old hurt deep in his soul.

Sendak’s smile brightened as his tears began to fall. He sobbed and pressed a kiss to Lotor’s forehead, cradling his face in his hands as if he was the most precious thing in the universe.

Lotor smiled and sobbed and pulled Sendak closer. He clung to him tightly, holding onto the one he'd loved for so, so very long. Millennia apart, weeks of pain, months of cautious and slow healing, and now... now a hundred years of bliss and this perfect moment to celebrate it, with another hundred years and more ahead of them. The fresh mark was finally everything he'd dreamed of all those many years ago when they'd stolen secret moments in the night. The way his skin tingled from the bite finally overwrote the feeling of the old bite in his mind. He felt pride and satisfaction and relief so powerful it brought fresh tears to his eyes, knowing that he could wear this mark openly without any shame.

Sendak hugged him tightly until his sobs eased up slightly. He gently smoothed his hand over Lotor’s hair and brushed away the tears on his face. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For everything.” Another tear escaped his eye as he said it.

Lotor smiled, a little beyond words and still choked up. He softly smoothed away the single tear, and then he gently tipped them both over onto their sides so that he could snuggle up close and entwine their legs together. He brushed his fingertips over Sendak's mark, the mirror image of his own now. "Thank you too, my love," he whispered in return, not trusting his voice not to break. "I'm so glad we made it here." A couple of fresh tears slipped from his eyes.

Sendak smiled at him and wiped away the fresh tears, nodding in agreement. “You make me so happy,” he said, his voice breaking and more tears falling from his eye. “It... everything... you’re worth it, Lotor. What we have... it’s worth it.” He pulled him into a sweet kiss.

Lotor pressed into the kiss as he pressed himself closer to Sendak. The love and warmth he felt was just... perfect. "I'd do it all again for you," he murmured. "My husband. My love. I love you more than anything else in the universe."

Sendak wrapped his arms around him and held him close. “I love you too,” he whispered. “You mean everything to me and I’m so glad we have this. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. _You’re_ everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Lotor let out a very soft laugh of delight as his overwhelming and tearful joy and relief resolved into a simpler but no less passionate happiness. "I couldn't agree more. You make me so very happy." He tucked his head under Sendak's chin and pressed a kiss to his chest between his collarbones. "Happy anniversary, Sendak."

Sendak kissed the top of his head and held him closer. “Happy anniversary, Lotor,” he whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and thank you to everyone who commented! This was such an emotional ride, and we're glad to have you all along with us for it.


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